britisharmylimostwanted

W&W! (Entries closed)

THE WISE & WICKED BLOG PAGE IS NOW CLOSED TO FURTHER ENTRIES but remains published for archival access and replies (in ROR) to conversational threads
Almost 2,000 blog entries since inception from just under 12 months ago has resulted in a blog platform that presents a loading challenge for many browsers; there seems little point in having to scroll through 11 months of blog remarks to register a fresh comment. The W&W page remains open however, to browse and read past comments and conversational threads that might be of interest. We have today launched Rhyme or Reason (ROR) as an alternative – where you can display your wit again without editorial sanction to let those who care read your valued opinion. So cheps – continue to stick it up the establishment in whichever manner you choose.

Those of us who relish the order and common sense of decent living in the autumn of our years as citizens of different communities and countries across the planet, regularly view with cynicism the direction in which the 21st century is heading. Political correctness has introduced abject craziness – uninvited – into our lives – with punitive penalties if we speak our minds in public. We often seek the opportunity to register an unedited opinion in print without fear or suspicion of carping criticism by others.

Here is such a platform to do just that. Our past military experience and our maturity I feel, entitles us to express wonderment, dissent, humour or incredulity at the joy or pathos or seeming stupidity of events and practices today, across a wide spectrum of reported happenings. Additionally, from the beginning of the launch of this sub page we have re-discovered the popularity of those memorable songs of the ’50’s and have accordingly linked to You Tube to bring selections to you. CHANGE BLOG PAGE TO “NOSTALGIA 1DCLI OLD TOONS “1953-1957″

Hotlinked headings (tune references) are underlined and bolded – just hover your mouse to preview or click to open.

Similarly, an original suggestion by John Tenniswood has given rise to the formation of “The Troopship Empire Clyde Association 1954″ – which has now been given another sub page to keep you abreast of progress. Check out the Titles on the header above and open accordingly. So get to it Cheps! – use your wicked wit and turn of phrase within the bounds of printable text and GOYA and give it a go! Perhaps we should also mention that neither the grammar or the (deliberate) misspelling of words, nor the opinions expressed are reflective of the Editor’s editorship or views.

The Editor in OZ and his staff of hand picked enthusiastic assistants (pictured left, on Light Infantry training exercises) are awaiting your blog comments with interest. I seem to recall that they are watching a Vickers live firing demonstration. Don’t think that its Cpl Jack Madron at the trigger though – 1914 a little before his time!!

1,982 responses so far ↓

  • limostwanted // December 21, 2007 at 11:03 pm

    STANDING GUARD last 2 verses

    Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
    ‘Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
    To fight for our rights back home while we’re gone,
    To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

    For when we come home, either standing or dead,
    To know you remember we fought and we bled.
    Is payment enough and with that we will trust,
    That it mattered to you as you mattered to us.’

    by: Michael Marks
    December 7th, 2000

    Full Poem: Standing Guard

  • Derek Lovemore #22935157 // December 22, 2007 at 7:41 am

    THE LURE OF THE LOONY LIMERICK

    Old Soldiers we know,
    Hot and cold sometimes blow,
    When summat does sound not just tight.
    Gut feelings aside, on White Chargers we ride
    Giving vent to our feelings – too right!
    There’s Swanny and Corny and Johnny T. too
    With Bill Griffiths, Dick Lovemore – to just name a few
    When combined with ‘Ole Ted Bear – in the Sudan
    The Pollies get roasted on Afghanistan.

    Well John – 2nd verse?

    1st prize: 1 week on Ports Island.
    2nd prize: 3 weeks in Khartoum

  • John Tenniswood // December 23, 2007 at 6:27 pm

    Re: Lure of the Loony Limerick

    I’ll have to think about that one as I h’aint no powit.

    Ports Island is a very scary 1st Prize. Think I would take the other in preference.

    Some might remember returning from their weeks “leave” on Charley Seabourne’s holiday camp. Nowadays it would be a human rights violation. Thats how the Yanks got the idea of Guantamano.

    I wonder what happened to the ration allowance they were entitled to??? Tee Hee

    ” I loved New York in June” (1955)

  • John Tenniswood // December 23, 2007 at 6:42 pm

    As the Ed has mentioned L/Cpl Bear on more than one occasion it seems pertinent to remind everyone that he is still held in Sudan with no evidence of any attempts by our Government to repatriate him.. I sincerely hope we are not going to get a disgraceful repeat of the treatment handed out by Fuzzy Wuzzies to poor General Gordon (Charlton Heston I think).

    A timely reminder Ed, that our National Tabloids should already be on the case. Thank you. I shall attempt to excite my MP Mr Khan in this matter. (I think he may be of a certain religion allegedly involved).

    ED: John kindly mentioned in a later posting that he had misspelled Mr Khan’s surname (now corrected).

    John! If I correctly remember General Gordon’s final appearance in that film – shouldn’t we be mentioning the words to “Roll out the barrel”?

  • John Tenniswood aka Mr Grumps // December 23, 2007 at 9:27 pm

    On an entirely different matter and linked to the recent debate on passport controls allegedly to reduce illegal immigrants and wannabe suicide bombers. I would like to elicit support from old comrades to petition the government to withdraw passports from the following:
    English Teams or Individuals representing England for
    Cricket
    Football
    Rugby
    Ice hockey
    Darts
    Ludo
    etc etc

    And Tennis!

    This ban on travel to be say for the next 50 years when Global warming may intervene and increase our chances.

  • Bill Griffiths // December 23, 2007 at 10:33 pm

    Hi everybody,
    Remember me?
    4042838 W.D. ( Bill ) Griffiths ex WO2 KSLI, RAPC, 1946 till 1970, then TA 1970 to 1984. DOB 5.10.1930. DOD not planned for quite a while yet, got too much to do looking for old comrades, and helping them wherever possible.

    We know you are out there somewhere, so come on, Derek has given you the opportunity to have your say and contribute to a much more sensible platform where your views will be aired and not swept under the carpet by useless uninterested other parties. Come on lads, up and at ‘em – I look forward to the development of this site.

    Great to be able to say a few words again…I was beginning to think the end was nigh…but no…well done Derek, keep up the good work..where would we be without you.

    Bill (The Poison Dwarf) Griffiths

    ED: Thanks Bill, for your timely comments. Between the core few of us we’ll jerk our Old Mates into action in 2008. Getaroundtuit cheps!

    Tempus Fugit!

  • John T // December 24, 2007 at 6:46 am

    Nice to hear from you Bill. What’s up ? I reckon with your army number you just about missed Omdurman didn’t you ?

    L/Cpl Edward (Jesus ana M******d) Bear:
    Advance Scout, Kitchener’s Dirty Dozen, writes in reply to John.

    Thanks John, thought I’d never get a chance for a breath of fresh air underneath these burkhas all day – but as I said at Omdurman at the time, to my ‘ole mate Winston – “I’ll let you write this one up Winnie ‘Ole Mate

    PS: Don’t remember a lad named Bill though, but he might have blown the bugles at the Dervishes!!

  • John T // December 24, 2007 at 9:50 am

    Cpl (Jesus) Bear, enough!

    This Burkha fetish of yours is undoubtedly Conduct Prejudicial to Good Order and Military Discipline and on repatriation might get you on a 252 charge.

    Stop it immediately dirty little bugger. One of these days you’ll get under one and find a hairy big suicide bomber (male).

  • Bill Griffiths // December 24, 2007 at 10:53 am

    Thoughts of our lost ones at Christmas

    Well Christmas here, how long will it last
    Just a few short hours and no more
    But what about memories, of those times long gone by
    They are the ones to adore

    Our comrades who left us, still in their prime
    Gave up their lives so that we,
    Could enjoy our Christmases, for many years more
    Whilst they up above oversee

    We open our presents, we enjoy having fun
    We forget for a time years gone by
    When we ought to be thinking of those up above
    Whose courage led them to die

    So in to the future, we travel our way
    Another Christmas, in just twelve months time
    Let’s please remember, our pals up above
    Before the same hill we will climb

    And when our time comes to join them
    Up there in the heavens above
    We then will be able to repay what they gave
    And repay what they gave up, with our love.

    By Bill Griffiths in memory of old comrades.

  • John T // December 24, 2007 at 5:47 pm

    Excellent. This (You belong to me) was a favorite of the lads particularly those who connected it with service at that time in the Suez Canal Zone and overseas postings generally.

    ED: Thanks for prompt feedback John. I shall add new requests to NOSTALGIA 1DCLI OLD TOONS 1953-1957 (new blog page).

  • Rudyard // December 25, 2007 at 12:44 pm

    The ‘eathen in ‘is blindness
    Bows down to wood and stone
    ‘e don’t obey no orders
    Unless they be ‘is own
    The ‘eathen in ‘is blindness
    Must end as ‘e began
    But the backbone of the Army
    is the Non Commissioned Man

  • Rudyard // December 25, 2007 at 6:12 pm

    Bless all the corporals and WO1’s
    Bless all the Sergeants and their blessed sons
    But we’re sayin goodbye to them all
    The long and the short and the tall

  • John Tenniswood // December 25, 2007 at 6:18 pm

    Derek

    That U tube link with the golden oldies is absolutely brilliant.

    Thank you.

    ED: Thank YOU in turn John for the suggestion, I had a lot of fun finding and posting the links, we’ll keep building on ‘em. For you lads who have not yet cottoned on to this repartee – refer to new Blog page NOSTALGIA 1DCLI OLD TOONS 1953-1957 that contains a list of bolded and underlined links to You Tube songs and lyrics of the 1950’s. Real Memorabilia!!

  • JT Super Trooper // December 25, 2007 at 6:43 pm

    Dedicated to all my Armoured Corps mates who were posted to the Canal Zone from 68th Training Regiment RAC. If any happen to read this sentimental song it will bring nostalgic tears to their eyes.

    Note, ideally it would be sung from the back of a 3 Tonner to a grateful crowd of locals who would apparently, wave their arms a lot in gratitude and admiration. Here we go (with feeling)

    King Farouk King Farouk
    Hang your bollocks on a hook
    Stan ish wa
    Pull your wire
    Shufti Kush
    Bar din

    Queen Farina’s gone away
    Coz` she’s in the family way
    Stanish wa Pull your wire
    Shufti kush Bar Din Bar Din

    Chorus
    Queen Farina Queen of all the Wogs
    Queen Farina shagged by all the dogs
    QueenFarina’s gone away coz she’s in the family way
    Stanish wa
    Pull your wire
    Shufti Kush Bar din

    (A note from the archives suggests that sten guns should have one up the spout in case over excited locals (fans) attempted to board at road junctions. Apologies for any spelling errors in the Arabic bits).

  • JT Super Trooper // December 25, 2007 at 7:11 pm

    Canal Zone?

    I awoke from an afternoon snooze (drop of Ossie red at lunch) remembering that I was once posted to Tel el Kebir in Egypt (a sort of hot gulag) a huge base in the desert guarding huge amounts of materiel, ammo, stores of every kind, mostly been there since WW11. I reckon some WW11 soldiers were still there in 1954 wandering about with clip boards talking about demob.

    Anyway having been on embarkation leave for 6 weeks I received a War Office telegram telling me that draft to TEK cancelled “remain on leave another 4 weeks then JOIN DRAFT DKEBD” (I remember even the bloody draft number) to BERMUDA.

    “Dad where’s Bermuda ?” “Don’t know Son, sounds nice though”. I still have nightmares that another telegram came later. (scream)

  • John Tenniswood // December 26, 2007 at 9:27 am

    Anyone out there ?
    Don’t be shy you silly old buggers.

    ED: John T has expressed the view that frequent and high commentary by one of us (the regulars) might inhibit contribution by others (the many). I for one value the current level of input and hope that it continues and in fact increases. On balance there are 5 regulars – JT, BG, NS, BC, DKL, – sufficient (IMHO) to produce a core energy to encourage others. Many of the individual Regimental Blog Pages are well over 1 year old now and from time to time attract random comments from ‘visitors’ with a specific Light Infantry requirement to publish. Their return visits to observe both the frequency, content and topical content width of our sites will – hopefully – encourage ‘em to “getaroundtuit”.

    John’s recent suggestion to link to You Tube for Pop Songs of the 1950’s – which in turn gave birth to Wise & Wicked as a ‘general’ blog page – was a brilliant suggestion and will, no doubt trigger many more comments, with opportunities to make unfettered comment across a wide bandwidth of topics – be they controversial, stupid, humourous, argumentative, tragic or just plain bloody daft.

    Time will tell.

    A contributor may – at any time – opt to have his/her posted comment extinguished.

    NB: A new blog page NOSTALGIA 1DCLI OLD TOONS 1953-1957 has been launched – see Header banner above.

  • John Tenniswood // December 27, 2007 at 12:57 pm

    In case any of you are startled by apparently unconnected entries. Don’t worry, it could be the medication or electrical impulses in the brain caused by alcoholic excess in this festive season. (Or at any time if we are seekers of the truth.)

  • John Tenniswood // December 28, 2007 at 10:57 pm

    I am going too introduce members to serious topics which will require your close attention and consideration.

    This may be time consuming so please pay attention for a week or so. I hope this will stimulate an intelligent and impartial debate into which your views will be welcome. Please do not discontinue any medication in order to concentrate.

    Basically this follows my firm belief that:-

    1) Arabs are nutters. (Or are just some Arabs nutters e.g all Arabs under say 30 years old)?

    2) There are some important issues stemming from the way certain foreign military personnel wear their berets in the Middle East.

    3) Testosterone is the common denominator in both the above observations. True or false – discuss

    My own conclusion is a result of observing over a number of years TV news of many dramatic events the behaviour of Arabs in an excited state. viz

    Waving their arms in a crowded situations
    Beating their chests and heads ditto sometimes with chains etc

    STOP PRESS
    Recent footage from Pakistan might suggest that the above extreme behaviours may not be an ethnic phenomenon.

    For example at least 300 or so men trying to carry Mrs Bhutto’s coffin down some steps and about 1,000 trying to cling onto the hearse at her funeral while dense crowd of thousands of clearly demented men (no women in sight) waved their arms frantically.

    Much much worse than Chelsea fans!

  • Bill Griffiths // December 29, 2007 at 9:06 am

    John,

    Your last comments about Pakistan – forgive me if I am wrong, but I see the same sort of goings on almost every week at football matches around the country in England.

    I live in Hereford, a quiet country town, that is, quiet until there is a football match being played, when I would not dare to go in to town without an armed guard of at least a Battalion of SAS to look after me. And can you imagine the carnage if the barriers were lifted at any big match in England, and the home team managed to get on to the pitch – any goal scorer from the opposition would be torn limb from limb.

    Especially if he scored AGAINST Chelsea.

  • John Tenniswood // December 29, 2007 at 11:35 am

    Thank you William. Point taken. Yes there are some similarities. But there are I think, considerable differences:

    1) That of scale in terms of numbers involved (unless as you suggest barriers were taken down during a match following say an incorrect offside decision)

    2) Subtle differences in style: I have not even seen Liverpool supporters actually foaming at the mouth and beating their own heads and chests with chains. Admittedly, they may foam when beating the opposing teams fans with chains, but I think this maybe an inherited trait from their mad Irish ancestors.

    3) Male football fans seldom if ever wear white ladies nighties.

    Thank you again for your contribution. In my next post I want to introduce the other elements I mentioned such as testosterone and the styles of beret worn by the military in certain areas of the world.

    My researches will show that these elements combine in a most sinister way and are the main cause of suicide bombers.

    PS: Did you see the film of those foamers trying to get onto the ambulance and the precarious situation when about 300 loonies were trying to carry the coffin down stairs. ?

  • John Tenniswood // December 29, 2007 at 4:46 pm

    Interjection

    For the scientifically challenged ex soldiers we should point out that testosterone was not available during the early 50’s. Rationing was still in place for many footstuffs and other articles until 1954.

  • John T // December 30, 2007 at 2:24 pm

    The evidence grows: Nutters etc

    Sunday Times:
    Her (Bhutto’s) supporters crowded into the hospital and tried to break the windows of the operating theatre and get into the operating theatre where surgeons were trying to save her life…” er Supporters ?

    Other reports that “her supporters” in many towns in Pakistan ran riot burning premises and (get this) looting banks. (Not you may notice looting public libraries, curiously only banks). Seems that some of the foamers are not as daft as they look.

  • John T // December 30, 2007 at 4:14 pm

    Might we begin to draw an impression that the common factor in these behaviours might be religion?

    Mentioning religion brings to mind that we recently have another case of a woman having given birth to twins needing a life saving blood transfusion. She refused as she was a Jehovah’s Witness and died. Her husband was also of the faith and also backed her refusal. The proud father of 2 kids without a mother. Needless to say the children had no say in the matter. LUCKY FOR THEM THEY DID NOT NEED A BLOOD TRANSFUSION. GOOD JEHOVAH YOU’RE A STAR

  • John T // December 30, 2007 at 4:26 pm

    The best thing about this blog is that nobody argues. When I rant about these things to the wife and naturally wins the argument, how is it that I end up doing extra dog walks and punitive hoovering?

    Do you have the same Swanney Meldrew?

  • Arthur Cann MP // December 31, 2007 at 12:26 pm

    Houses of Parliament

    Dear Mr Tenniswood

    Once again you have misspelt my name which is CANN and not Khan. (For the umpteenth time I might add)

    Frankly I cannot get excited about this L/Cpl Bear you keep on about.

    You should know by now that we MP’s have enough problems justifying our expenses and also in my own case – refuting that scurrilous accusation of my groping that awful woman at the Labour Conference.

    I suggest to refer this matter to the MOD or the Foreign Office, (Good luck with that lot). In the meantime hope you have a Happy New Year.

    Regards to those whingeing bloody old comrades of yours.

    Your obedient servant (tee hee)

    Arthur Cann MP

  • Ex Soldier x // December 31, 2007 at 3:22 pm

    Dear Mr Can

    The letter you sent to Mr Tenniswood has made me mad.

    Now then, it’s allright you young shavers calling us old comrade whingers but to a lot of us who defended the West in the Cold War – IF it wasn’t for us the Russians would have put nuclear missiles in Bermuda. What then?

    I got an injury in Bermuda of a groinal nature on Elbow Beach one night and could have made a complaint about the American girl and caused an incident – but I didn’t.

    I have trouble with my internal plumbing because of that which gets worse – can I still get compensation the wife says?

    Yours
    an Ex Soldier

    PS: That fat bird at the Labour Conference was quite shaggable I thought.

  • Arthur Cann MP // December 31, 2007 at 5:14 pm

    House of Parliament

    Dear Sir

    Thank you for your letter.

    Whilst I appreciate your valued military service your comments regarding Russian missiles in Bermuda is patently absurd.

    As for your injuries “of a Groinal Nature” I suggest the less said about this incident the better. Frankly it’s about time you old people stopped thinking that we MP’S are supposed to help you at all. We are very very busy people. We have enough trouble not helping the current crop of injured soldiers who will also be whingeing I suppose.

    Yours sincerely

    Arthur Cann

    PS: The lady in question do you really think so?

  • John T // January 1, 2008 at 1:05 am

    Happy new year everyone. Lets keep going hey ?

  • Bill Griffiths // January 4, 2008 at 9:08 am

    Hi everyone, all five of you?

    Happy New Year to you all, and may we be able to reach some more Old Un’s.

    J.T. Your earlier comment about my army number…yes, it was one of the last Regimental numbers ever issued in the KSLI..and I kept it until 1984. This was the last KSLI Regimental number in existence – a little bit of KSLI History eh? Everybody else who had one had either died or left the army. Nice to swing the lamp a bit.

    Once again Happy New Year, and keep your comments coming in, it helps pass the time of day, whilst we are still able to enjoy each others company.

    Bill

  • John T // January 4, 2008 at 3:59 pm

    Happy New Year Bill.

    Keep the lamp swinging that’s what I say. Following your excellent example I am writing my Memoirs and hope that Derek will edit.

    It’s a hard act to follow.

    ED: Looking forward to ‘em John – any blackmail potential? Let’s have a competition for the Title – cheps! I’ll kick it off – “Pay Sergeant on Parade”. “Nossir – chit disallowed Sah”. “French letter costs are not allowable Sah”

    ED: Bill’s Memoirs are deserving of more comment “Long Service & Good Conduct”

  • John Tenniswood // January 4, 2008 at 4:35 pm

    Which year did side map pockets come in for BD? Was this at the same as the dark blue beret was introduced. (Black being Tank Reg’t only). (Those khaki berets in WW11 and after were so crappy.)

    You should know Billy boy….

    Crikey the beret was the only reason I enlisted and after basic training got to wear COLLAR DOGS. Guaranteed to get a shag ?…er no. Perhaps it was the acne. Or the BO? “no thanks I’m waiting for my friend”. The standard reply from that ugly bird at the Palais de Dance when you have clumped across in your boots and gaiters accompanied by the loud jeers of your drunken so called friends to say, “would you like to dance?”

    The long way back was the longest in human experience.

  • John Tenniswood // January 4, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    Note
    “Getting a shag” was the real Holy Grail of the early 50’s. Rarely achieved by young servicemen without consequences involving the Medical Officer and antibiotics. Indeed many thought the act only involved the middle finger and understandably could never grasp the connection with that and procreation.

    School sex education at that time involved complicated drawings in text books of a rabbits sexual organs. The remainder was hearsay.

  • Bill Griffiths // January 4, 2008 at 9:10 pm

    John, don’t know about map pockets – but I changed to a green beret in 1948 – Light Infantry Green that is. Map pockets? – now there’s a thing!!! – no wonder I never knew where I was going.

    And being quite innocent…wasn’t ‘Shag’ a kind of tobacco?????

    And rabbits…hell, I used to eat those…now you tell me what they were made of…ughhhhhh

  • John Tenniswood // January 5, 2008 at 8:31 am

    Bill, no one used the “Map Pocket” for maps. It had no more use really than a sporrran (3rd R deliberate)

  • John Tenniswood // January 5, 2008 at 8:29 am

    Now then Bill.

    When you joined was there a large pocket on front of your BD trousers (left leg) and was there a small field dressing pocket on front right leg? Did you wear a large floppy khaki beret BEFORE YOUR GREEN ONE?

    I can sense a reluctance to disclose this information.

    It’s all right you can tell us – this is a confidential survey and we are not going to enquire about the underpants. (drawers cellular)

    You are of course perfectly correct, shag was a tobacco. We youngsters used the word for something else. Don’t worry.

    PS: How much were you paying for 5 Woodbines in the Boer war ?

    And finally do you think it was true that the rumoured little room by the guardroom contained a certain instrument and ointment ?

    Many thanks for your contribution to this survey.

  • Michael Puttee // January 5, 2008 at 8:50 am

    Dear Blog

    I note that your contributor Mr Griffiths had the good sense not to mention BLACK shag which of course is now quite rightly considered politically incorrrect (3rd r deliberate)

  • JT // January 5, 2008 at 10:18 am

    Bill, sorry to trouble you again.

    Were Players Weights the same price please and did they come in paper packets of 5?

  • JT // January 5, 2008 at 11:37 am

    Packets of 5 should not be confused with
    Packets of 3 offered by barbers of times gone by
    “A little something for the weekend Sir?”

  • JT // January 5, 2008 at 11:39 am

    Just taken the medication and calming down a bit

  • Bill Griffiths // January 5, 2008 at 7:55 pm

    Hi JT

    Woodbines definitely came in little open ended packets of 5 – cost 2d I think. Didn’t know about packets of 3 – never knew about those until it was too late. As proof. My kids were born in 1956, 1957, 1958, then my wife bought me a TV. It broke down in 1961, next child born 1962, wife had it repaired, broke down again in 1963, last child born 1964.

    THEN..I found out about packets of 3. And one thing is certain, I ain’t having any more kids!

    And, floppy Khaki Berets YES. I have a picture of me wearing one – like a bloody big pancake. Now, about the trousers. Don’t forget I am so short, I have to have quite a lot cut off the bottoms of my trousers so that they fit, probably the pockets were in the bits that were cut off.

    Ed..I have sent a pic to you of me with the Beret.

    Bill G

  • JT // January 6, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    Thanks Bill

    Er sorry to hear you are vertically challenged as they say nowadays rather that a shortarse.

    Your legs: If your description is true then in KD your shorts would be lower than your hosetops and nearly down to the puttees. SO – when you went on parade (shortest on the right?) which rank were you in when you (formed threes) front, centre or rear?

    Also sorry to hear about your lack of education in respect of birth control. I guess when you found those little white bags of stuff in the park shelters you must have wondered. Did you throw them at the girls ?

    We look forward to seeing your picture in the big hat. It will tie in nicely with my extensive research on military berets due to be published shortly (oops sorry) It’s that word again.

  • Worried pensioner // January 6, 2008 at 5:22 pm

    Dear Bishop

    If we go for this multiculturism my neighbour says the wife will have to be covered up. Blimey he should talk his missis is so ugly she makes my pigins fly off.

    I dont mind but the wife will struggel like anything. Anyway she doesnt like black she says it makes her look like an Itie

    The neighbour says with your name it looks like we’ve got it already.

    Your obedient servant

    xxxxxx

    PS: I am an ex Chunky. Royal Pioneer Corps

  • Canon R Buttonstick // January 6, 2008 at 9:51 pm

    Dear Chunky, (if I may address you as such as you have withheld your name).

    On behalf of the Bishop I assure you that he is most distressed the you are confused following his article and wish to assure you of the following.

    That multiculturalism does not require your wife to take up religious dress of any kind. (Although from the snap shot you kindly enclosed it might be kinder to keep her in during the daytime, God knows what the neighbour’s wife looks like).

    (Secretary delete the above before sending to the old fool)

    The Bishop was only stating that some areas were not safe to enter because of religious intolerance. Rather like your own Council Estate if truth be known. (2 stabbings last week).

    The Bishop trusts that you are comforted.

    God Bless You

  • Henry Smart PH d // January 7, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    Dear Blog

    I was touched to see an ex Pioneer Corps contributor and was reminded of the seemingly random selection in the placement of National Servicemen.

    Having been deferred because I was at university (got a First in Quantum Physics and Russian). I was bemused to be put into the Pioneer Corps.

    However I enjoyed my time as a “Chunky” private and became if I say so myself a dab hand with a shovel. Also I learned quite a lot of swear words. Apart from an element of crudity I think the blog is very interesting.

  • WW1 Poet // January 7, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    Good Morning, Good MORNING the General said
    As the men passed by on their way up the line
    But the men who passed by are mostly all dead
    Or cursing his staff for incompetent swine.

    He’s a jolly old chap said Harry to Jack
    As they marched up to Arras with rifle and pack

    But he did for them both with his plan of attack

  • Mr Dhobi Walla // January 7, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    Dear Sirs

    I think the Oz cricket team are bloody rude calling an Indian cricketer a monkey.

    How would they re- act if they were called duck – billed platipusses .

    Yours sincerely

    ED: Should that be platipi John? Given that you have it the right way round (?) I should think that they’d be flattered. In Indian accent it would probably sound like “You Aussie boys can really play cricket”!

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 7, 2008 at 7:23 pm

    When in Bermuda serving as a pioneer I used to work on all areas of Camp? Lots of times I would bunk off to go on the piss lots of times with Roy Westbrook. On one occasion we both were walking back to camp with two black birds on each of our arms and we were well pissed! We met CSM (Jan) Passmore and his wife Gwenn out for a walk.

    Jan in his broad Cornish accent said Swanson report to me in the morning! I reported as ordered and his first remark was, “Not only pissed, a let down to me and the Regt, you two broke all the rules! Not satisfied with fratting with coloured girls, you were improperly dressed, you know that after 6pm you wear KD trousers and not shorts and hosetops a very serious offence, also out in town without permission. I should take this further and throw the book at you, but seeing you are like Gwennie from Penzance I will not take this further. By the way don’t be late for your pasty tomorrow or you will really be in trouble with Gwen. Right turn smartly and quick march, l,r,l,r,l and put that beret on properly!”

    Young and naive? THOSE WERE THE DAYS.

  • John Tenniswood // January 7, 2008 at 7:13 pm

    I have to admit that I am getting in trouble over this arms waving business. Recently I saw a Spice Girls concert at the Dome on TV and saw several thousand (mostly girls) waving their arms above their heads. (They might have been getting quite moist as they do at pop concerts) and Bill was quite right in his mention of football matches. Soccer fans do not I think, get moist though.

    However all is not lost because I still have bring in the testosterone factor, sexual frustration, and religious excitement demonstrated by lets not beat about the bush…M lems

    And today (sod it) they are doing it in Kenya

    I might have to go back to the drawing board on this one but watch this space.

  • "Swanny" Swanson // January 7, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    Another caption from Bermuda, while carrying out my duties as Camp Pioneer I was doing some work on the cookhouse building and came out to go and get some materials for the work to be carried out. I heard a voice shouting at me, “You get over here”, it was my first meeting with Sgt.Tug Wilson. He said something to me in broad Yorkshire accent and I didn’t understand a word he said!!!

    Next thing he marched me right in the guardroom l,r,l,r,left. The Guard Comm. got the Orderly Cpl, and I was marched into Coy Office. Maj. Williams came into the office and asked me what it was all about, I replied I didn’t understand what Sgt, Wilson had said because of his broad Yorkshire accent?? When Maj. Williams asked Sgt. Wilson what he had asked me, he said that I was being insubordinate, I said again I could not understand a word he said, he was so broad Yorkshire, and I was broad Cornish.

    Case dismissed was Maj. Williams reply? and we were both supposed to be speaking English!!! The Duke’s a cosmopolitan Regiment!!

  • John Tenniswood // January 7, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    Swanny

    Where did you meet those Bermudian gals? Anything you tell us will be our secret. And what’s this about being late for a pasty?

    Is that a Cornish code for muster parade? Do tell us.

  • John Tenniswood // January 7, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    Swanny

    2 black birds on each of your arms – is that 4 in total – wow! Tell us more. and was this the first time you took them back to camp?

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 8, 2008 at 10:25 am

    John,

    One night Roy Westbrook and myself took a couple of black girls back to camp! As I said, I as a Pioneer knew most of camp area. We went to coal ration store down at the bottom of the training area and had the night down there. While in there we heard voices shouting for us – Ivor Barrett and Co? – but they didn’t guess we were in there. They were hoping to fill their boots with our girls, but they dipped out!

    Swanny

  • "Swanny" Swanson // January 8, 2008 at 10:08 am

    John,

    You stripies never frequented the places we young squaddies went. The Canadian Club Reid Street, all out of bounds areas?, I can just imagine if we saw you and Charlie Seaborne etc in Reid St? – if seen you would have both been busted!!! Derek could also tell you some stories about Rosie in the Canadian Club getting her TITS out for a shilling a look!!!

    Swanny

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 8, 2008 at 10:17 am

    John,

    I was like the son Jan and Gwen Passmore never had. I used to go to their Quarters twice a week for Oggies!!!. Before Jan and Gwen, CSM Jock Massie and his wife were also very good to me – reason I think was my father was a Scot??

    In hindsight these were the best days of our lives, Bermuda, sun, and the best overseas allowance in the British Army plus rum issued in the mess at a shilling a pint and bonus of lovely coloured girls!!!

    Swanny.

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 8, 2008 at 10:33 am

    Another story!! Cardy ‘the queer tailor’ was caught on the hop one day. Tony Willis the Cpl medical orderly got Cardy to go round to the back of his premises, while he kept him talking. Waster Greenslade and Co. went in his shop and helped themselves to all sorts or goodies – Hershy Bars etc. He was not at all amused at being duped; there was hell up in the Barracks about this incident?

    Swanny

  • John Tenniswood // January 8, 2008 at 12:29 pm

    Swanny. Thanks for the info. Yes there was something very special about those days for us. Nowadays so many people travel the world but for us it was pure magic. I was aged 19 when posted to Bermuda (far too young for my rank I suppose) I had been a lance corporal still in the RAC a few months before that lucky break.

    No I can’t remember going to the Canadian Club. Went a few times to some dive along the North Shore Road. Charlie although single so far as I remember never came out with us. Us being Barry Nichols RAMC national serviceman, Nobby Clark RASC.

    We mostly went to the night clubs such as Elbow Beach or hotels to try and pick up American girls. In fact some of the managers would occasionally phone the mess and offer no cover charge if we went in uniform. The other and married Sgts were of course much older than us and were mostly confined in irons to the married quarters. They might as well have been in Aldershot

    As you state the Local Overseas Allowance was high and allowed us to do things and go places which would be impossible in UK. We single Sgts lived in rooms above Cardy’s shop and I remember that Pedlar Palmer the DCLI Colour Sgt was always banging on about suspicious goings on in the shop.

    I think the lads just took the piss basically. We (Me, Barry and Charlie) used to tell Pedlar he was just jealous and should be content with his storemen. You had to be careful with dear old Pedlar though – when pissed he was a bit unstable. Do you remember him ? Funny he was not in any of the group pictures.

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 8, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    I remember “Pedler” very well! He was bit AC- DC – so we young soldiers were told, but he was a hard case – very good Army boxer. When fitting us out when we first got to Bermuda with KD he was in our barrack room measuring your KD sizes etc I remember stooping down and his retort was don’t do that you will get me court martialled! But I always found him a genuine bloke. Also Sgt. John Allsop he was supposed to be AC-DC but but he was always genuine to me.

  • John Tenniswood // January 8, 2008 at 1:33 pm

    Swanny

    Was there a special reason to take the black girls to the coal store ?

    Some kind of fetish like trying to find them in the dark ?

  • John Tenniswood // January 8, 2008 at 2:00 pm

    Swanny

    Pedlar was a hard man no doubt of that. I don’t remember an Allsop, which platoon was his ?

    Anyway the coal shed was not very romantic was it? Do you remember a DCLI Cpl or lance jack being hurredly sent to Jamaica early on when he asked permission to get engaged to a black girl?

  • Dhobi Walla // January 8, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    OK clever Dick

    How would the Ozzie team like to be called an Omithorhynchus anatinus?

    ED: Well maybe if the Aussies took on the Italian Cricket Test Team – there might be a few who understood Latin! But then – on second thoughts – the game would never start ‘cos the Ities would argue over the selection of captain! But the Aussies would take it as a compliment thinking that they were being invited for a glass or two of red Chianti plonk and a spaghetti after (inevitably) winning the match.

  • Bill Griffiths // January 8, 2008 at 8:54 pm

    Hi J T,

    Now, about these shorts. Yes, they came well below the tops of my puttees, I even had to have my shorts shortened. I will send Ed a picture of me as evidence of that.

    And, these little packets you talk about in the park shelters -never saw them, they must have been on a shelf too high for me to see. And on parade, I was never really sure exactly where I was because everyone was taller than me.

    A funny story, when I was a Sgn’t Major on parade, with a Col inspecting my men on parade – looked up at the men, then down at me, up at the men again, then down at me -said, “Sgn’t Major, you must have the biggest PRIVATES in the army.”

    Well, I’m not sending Ed any evidence on that one.

  • Little Folks Theatrical Agency // January 9, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    Dear Bill Griffiths

    We are constantly looking for candidates to audition for Panto next season and your blog entry has been spotted by one of our talent spotters

    The Pier Theatre at Southend are putting on the ever popular Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and require a Grumpy and a Sneezy. Would you like an audition ?

    Sven Ghallie

    PS: We also want a Peter Pan for Brighton

  • John T // January 9, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    Bill

    Looks like you’re heading for the big time. Watch that Sven though he got Pinochio into trouble. Get a lawyer to look at the contract.

    Lets face, it the King’s Shilling was a bit of a con.

  • John Madron // January 9, 2008 at 4:01 pm

    John Allsop had a brother George who was Provo. Sgt in Jamaica during my time at Up Park Camp. I often see Gwen Passmore, we live quite close to each other here in Penzance.

    Isn’t Sven Watsisname manager of some football team? I’m new to this modern technology as you can guess. Give me a Vickers to strip down any day!

    ED: Welcome Jack – join the merry band of shitstirring LI squaddies and former NCO’s. Good to see your photos too on 1DCLI Memorabilia

    This is the page for ongoing education on current affairs and the more important stuff of life.

    PS: Just click on the bolded hotlink to browse and ignore the thumbnail snapshot when doing mouseover.

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 9, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    John Allsop was 2 Plt. Sgt. in Bermuda, smart as a carrot always immaculate whether BD, KD, or Denims. I remember he came on Adjutants Parade and in BD he had bulled up his belt and gaiters with his gun metal fastenings and they shone like Silver.

    When Sgt, Allsop marched on to the square Lt George Kent shouted at him get off this Bloody Square you are improperly dressed! With that he promptly about turned and left the square. What a brilliant Soldier for immaculate dress, sadly John died a couple of years ago and I see his widow and daughter at our branch dinners, again to me a Brilliant Soldier RIP,

    Swanny

  • John T // January 9, 2008 at 6:17 pm

    Swanny

    This Camp Pioneer business…does this actually mean you were almost permanently on jankers? Or was this a special trade? (crossed pickaxes on your sleeve). Do we owe you any back pay ? I must confess that once I fell in Lurve (see pix of me at the dance with Margie on my right) I couldn’t give a stuff about pay adjustment slips.

    Probably half of you were under or over paid. So sue me….tee hee

    Jock Massie put me on a charge once for not amending a “voluntary” allotment to someone. (blackmail ? was it a CHILD SOMEWHERE) Joke Jock.

    Bill I would have been useless in your team.

  • A Well Wisher // January 9, 2008 at 7:17 pm

    Hello John Madron

    Welcome John, thanks for contributing. Slight prob though. As you will have seen one of our contributors has had an unpleasant correspondence with the Bishop of Rochester.

    I am not sure that this is the right moment for talking about stripping vicars. None of us I am sure objects in the slightest to your hobby – we are a very broadminded lot.

    Just look at Swanny with his black girls in the coal shed, I mean how weird is that?

    ED: Mmmm. “On the bridge stood the Bishop of Bucking-ham” -?

  • John T // January 9, 2008 at 6:21 pm

    I agree Teddy seems to be abandoned. Let’s get a petition going.

    By the way that fat teacher who took him there has another Bear and is apparently looking for a similar position in China for God’s sake.

  • John T // January 9, 2008 at 6:24 pm

    She’ll probably call the bear Mao and they’ll lock her up there.

  • John T // January 9, 2008 at 6:27 pm

    Swanny

    Given your cozy activities with the coal store your badge was probably crossed shovels white on a black background. GEDDIT ?

  • Rev Borodin Maltravers (Fluffy) // January 10, 2008 at 12:36 am

    Dear Blog

    I note that one of your members has a preference for stripping vicars. I have no fundamental objection to this provided of course that it is consensual.

    PS: Does the contributor enjoy a stroll on Hampstead Heath on warm summer evenings?

  • Editor // January 10, 2008 at 2:04 am

    TAKE A BREAK FOR 10 MINUTES & REFLECT ON SOME SERIOUS STUFF

    Hotlinked bolded title – just mouseover and click for a 10 minute You Tube clip that needs to be seen to remind us all of what being part of Britain’s Armed Forces is really about! Many more ‘Related Videos’ on the same page to bring into sharp focus the Darkest Hour for some of our Soldier Mates.

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 10, 2008 at 10:37 am

    Hi JT, you got it nearly right?? We as tradesmen wore cross hatchets on our sleeve. After service in the DCLI I was in the RE,s TA and our trade flash was crossed hammer and tongs, the REME also wore same insignia. Now you Pay Corps learn something everday!!!

    Swanny

  • JT // January 10, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    Crikey Swanny

    Did I not pay you that trade pay? Must have been at least 3 bob a week and that was a lot of rum or 3 lots of tit flashing by Rosie on Reid Street

  • JT // January 10, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    Thanks Derek

    Looked at that and it reminded me to go visit my Grandfathers grave in France. Killed 1918

  • "Swanny" Swanson // January 10, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    My song in the mess-

    One night in Gay Parie,
    I paid 5 francs to see
    A great big fat ladie
    Tattood from head to knee,
    And on her big fat jaw
    Stood a british man of war
    And on her back was a union jack
    So I paid 5 francs more,
    And up and down her spine
    Was the DCLI in line,
    And upon her bum
    Was a picture of the rising sun,
    And on her fanny
    Was a picture of her grannie,
    How I love her
    How I love her
    Like I love my mother in law,
    I hopes she breaks her back
    Cause I love wearing black etc, etc etc, not bad from memory??

  • Jack Madron // January 10, 2008 at 4:58 pm

    What have I let myself into. With talk of AC-DC. (CAMP) Pioneers, stripping vicars and coal holes (looking for some nutty slack?). No wonder we were known as the “DIRTY DUKES”.

    Tell me Swanny- when wandering around the camp, pretending to work (we all did that), did you carry your paintbrush at the trail or at the shoulder? I carried a clip board but made sure it was seen. Ha Ha.

    Have enjoyed all the banter, should have got into this lark a long time ago.

    Jack.

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 10, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    Hi Jack,

    Nice to have you on board. You have now joined a company of sinners!! Especially JT and DL. Bill Griffiths and I are saints compared to those two!! Still lovely to have so much camaraderie at our times of life and romancing about the good old days? And this new section that Derek has set up is brilliant.

    Thanks Jack for mentioning George Allsop the Provost Sgt, I had a bit of run in with him in Plymouth before we joined the ship to the W. Indies. His L/Cpl Dave Allen went on the piss with me and a couple of others, He joined up with Derek and I in 16th intake, but I was in before them and Senior Soldier?? So George Allsop gave me a bollocking for me leading his staff astray. Derek would I know would never do such a thing!!!! – only in Bermuda?

    I was telling Derek that there was 6 in DCLI from a small village Mousehole at the same time must be a record number from such a small village per. population.

  • Jack Madron // January 10, 2008 at 6:26 pm

    Hi Swanny.

    Nice to have a chat about old times. My memory isn’t as good as it used to be, old age I think, but I can’t remember the six from Mousehole who were in the Dukes at the same time. Malvin Cobb, Terry Hocking, Tony Downing & me were in Germany together & Sid Pender was in Bermuda. I know that Jack Pender was a Sgt in Greece at the end of the war & Trevelyan Richards was in Cyprus . My brother David was in Osnabruck

    I’ll leave you to remind me.

    All The Best.

    Jack

  • Derek Lovemore #22935157 // January 10, 2008 at 6:53 pm

    John Rutter RIP

    I have sad news from Canada. John died unexpectedly in his sleep yesterday. I had been in contact with him only recently to join us in reminiscing over Bermuda times and sharing some photos.

    I shall pass on our condolences to John’s business associates who informed me.

  • John Tenniswood // January 10, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    Young Mr Rutter

    Still think of him in that manner. So sad.

  • Jack Madron // January 10, 2008 at 7:06 pm

    Swanny, You mention Company of sinners. Well I was in the M.M.G’s and when it came to sinners we made the rest of you look like Saints. If it was known what we got up to in Germany, well, enough said.

    How many platoons returned 85% of compo rations to stores after manoeuvrers? Even Co. Com. Major Tyak (yes, Brig. Gen now) queried it at one time.

  • Jack Madron // January 11, 2008 at 10:46 am

    Hi Well Wisher and FLUFFY,

    Sorry I’ve taken so long to answer your queries, but the old grey matter, like everything else, has slowed down a lot. When it comes to stripping I make one proviso. Must have three legs, is water cooled and when the right button is pushed must go off at 500 rounds a minute.

    P.S. Is Hampstead any relation to Ted?

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 11, 2008 at 11:52 am

    Hi Jack,

    I was thinking that your brother David was in Jamaica and Malvin Maclary also who I thought went to Mousehole school when we were kids. In A Coy we had so many locals from Newlyn, Terry Simons, Ron Winterbottom, Freddy Matthews, Jack Eddy, John Wardle, Gerald Thomas, Tony Willis, Billy Matthews, so with Mousehole boys we were some collection!! Ivor Barrett came to Bermuda and later went to Jamaica and talking one day after we were home would say going into the Bamboo Club in Kingston was like going down Hayle for the night there were so many locals in there.

    Again Jack nice to have you on board.

  • John T // January 11, 2008 at 9:24 pm

    Jack

    Not sure you should be getting too close to this Vicar. Nickname Fluffy sounds a bit camp don’t you think. Might be a bit of a bandit after a young machine gunner and lets face it you ain’t all that young are you?

  • Editor // January 11, 2008 at 10:37 pm

    TROOPSHIP MEMOIRS REQUIRED

    Gidday – Cheps!

    Seeing as now we are expanding our little group of ‘regulars’ – most of the 1DCLI content having been on that “Old Tub – the Empire Clyde”, maybe we can expand the reminiscences and comments a bit further. I’ve hotlinked the title above to a ‘mouseover’ option for you to view the site.

    As an example of HMT site comment – see where Bill Griffiths, in early 2007, referred to the sinking of the HMT Windrush, which is mentioned on this (HMT) site. I have now today, published a short Memoir from Capt RN (retd) Michael Page, who was a passenger and a witness to the sinking and rescue – who has also ‘discovered’ the HMT site.

    Maybe some of you have stories of when you chased the married birds around the decks of the Clyde – but not me – I was too busy helping t’other poor sods who were vomiting their hearts out!

  • Jack Madron // January 11, 2008 at 10:12 pm

    John T.

    Thanks for the advice, but I bet he doesn’t have three legs and isn’t water cooled. With a name like Fluffy, must think he’s a rabbit. I’ll stay well clear, don’t want to catch Mixi—– at my time of life.

  • John T // January 12, 2008 at 3:01 am

    Dear Diary (confidential)

    damnandblastdamnandblast

    That spaniel Minnie has taken my lower dentures again. Last time she buried them in the garden. Bugger. Only 2 teeth but they are at the front. “Won’t you ever learn “says the wife.

  • Editor // January 13, 2008 at 10:13 am

    EPILOGUE

    CAMPANOLOGY

    BOMB DISPOSAL

    SERMON

    IRISH OLYMPICS

    Different tack -

    ALBERT AND THE LION Stanley Holloway

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 14, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    Hi JT, You must remember in Bermuda when Sticky Hill one of our buglers got married to a coloured. It was in the early days of us being stationed there, it was quite an event I think the band and bugles were in Bermuda at that time and if I can recall they went back to Jamaica As you know changed to 3 new detatchment buglers as was the norm after their allocated time was up. It was not normal as we all thought at the time? Non fratt and all that?

  • John T // January 14, 2008 at 5:57 pm

    Swanny

    Is that the case I am thinking about? I thought someone was shipped off to Jamaica for just asking leaving the gal behind. If so I hope you and your pioneers did not involve her in your disgusting coal hole parties.

  • John Tenniswood // January 14, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    Swanny

    Well OK not disgusting and I guess Elbow Beach Surf Club was not the place to do it. Sounds rather exciting really.

    Was your little nest candle lit ?

  • Derek Lovemore #22935157 // January 15, 2008 at 9:12 am

    SUPPORT FOR BILL GRIFFITHS

    OK – cheps – this is not a drill! – but a test for using this blog platform for ‘member’ benefits.

    Bill’s wife Nancy is extremely unwell and in Hospital and failing. Bill is beside himself for the welfare and wellbeing of his life long partner; they married in Hong Kong in 1952.

    Let’s give Nancy a Light Infantry burst of support, love, prayers, kind wishes and hopes for a quick and wholesome recovery.

    Use Bill’s email address to contact him.

    One and All for Nancy

    This principle where’er we go,
    Will meet respect from friend or foe,
    Then let the world our maxim know,

    ‘Tis ‘One and All’.

  • John Tenniswood // January 15, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    Dear Bill

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Nancy. God give her strength. Good luck soldier boy

    John and Annie Tenniswood

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 16, 2008 at 2:43 pm

    Since getting to know Bill Griffiths in the last few months on the internet we have got up a really good friendship, and hearing from Derek about Bill’s wife Nancy’s illness, just shows the relationships we have together being ex Light Infantrymen and attached Corps to DCLI etc.

    We all wish Nancy a recovery to good health and our thoughts and prayers are with them both at this time.

    Neil and Doris Swanson.

    ED: Email in from Bill indicates that Nancy is responding to care and nurturing, with her doctors confident that she can return home soon. Bill is highly appreciative of the combined efforts, prayers and thoughtfulness of all Old Mates in contact either directly or via this Blog.

  • Jack Madron // January 17, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    Bill Griffiths.

    We’ve never met but I seem to have known you for quite a while. Delighted to hear that your wife Nancy is making good progress. Thinking of you both.

    Best wishes.

    Jack Madron

  • Jack Madron // January 18, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Do R.S.M’s have a sense of humour?

    I think they do. A little incident I recall. I was Guard Commander at Up Park Camp, when approximately 0200 hrs the guardroom phone rang. Answering it, I said, “Guard Room, Guard Commander speaking”. A voice bellowed into my ear, “Corporal, there’s a donkey in my garden, send some one to get it out of here, at once”

    “Yes Sir”. I replied. It was Harold Royffe. Couldn’t mistake that voice. I sent the I/C Relief and one of the guard, off to the married quarters to investigate. Some time later, they returned and reported “Nothing Found, everywhere in darkness, no donkey, nothing”. Reason I remember this incident! The date. 1st April.1955.

    ED: Not only did the RSM from Hell have a sense of humour, he was also an understanding soldier (on at least one occasion). We Rookies from Bodmin in early February 1954 were standing Picket Guard for the 1st time ever at Crownhill Barracks and had not allowed for the fact that a blancoed belt needed to be extended to fit around our greatcoat clad torsos. We all had disgusting brasso marks on the blanco where we’d let out the brasses. Inspecting Officer’s remarks! – just a quiet word of admonition – no charges laid! Wasn’t I also lucky to not be found asleep in the Billet – sorry Cpl – I got lost being a new lad!

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 20, 2008 at 4:50 pm

    Hi Derek, made my day yesterday – India beat Australia in Perth, I watched it on Sky. I must have put a voodoo sign in Perth when I stayed there in 1995, after the Aussies have beat us so often over the years. Another omen – the Aussie Captain took Somerset to 3 titles last year as Captain of Somerset, so perhaps we will be lucky when we next play them???

  • John Tenniswood // January 20, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    I hope you people are backing my pressure on the Government to confiscate passports from ALL English sports teams. We simply don’t want our guys to go abroad any more to get trashed. They get pissed most of the time anyway.

    Come guys enough is enough.

    PS: Found the dentures in the dogs toy box you’ll be pleased to know

  • John T // January 21, 2008 at 2:30 am

    You OK Bill?

    ED: Bill has just managed to get his main PC back on line John, the laptop that he was using should be “BER’d” or “RTS’d” a while ago from what he has said. On the other hand he has been beset with Eardisley flooding problems that have made visiting Nancy in Hereford hospital very arduous – so naturally he is a little occupied with health and safety issues with Nancy at this time. I can report however that Nancy continues to progress well, has recovered her spirits and appetite, and hopefully will be at home now – or very soon. Bill has expressed to me his thanks and appreciation for the support, prayers and get well wishes that he has received from all his LI Mates and has said that without the friendship he would not have managed.

    Carpe Diem!

  • Bill Griffiths // January 21, 2008 at 8:33 pm

    Hi Guys,

    Sorry have been out of touch – but good news – Nancy has been discharged from hospital this afternoon at 3.30 pm. She is still far from fighting fit, and after a bite to eat, I put her to bed at about 7pm. But, fingers crossed that all your good wishes for her, and the support you have all given me, things will improve day by day.

    Thanks chaps, you are a great bunch of good old soldiers. Ed, nice to see the family growing a little, how many have we got now?

    Bill

  • Bill Griffiths // January 21, 2008 at 8:42 pm

    Hey Chaps,

    PS: To earlier entry, have just opened a bottle of fine Cognac, and decided to drink to your health. A tot to each of you. How many again ED? Somehow I have managed to lose count..
    I wonder why Hic….Hic….Hic…..

    Biiilllllyyy…Hic…

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // January 22, 2008 at 10:39 am

    Hi Bill,

    So good to hear that Nancy is now back at home. It just goes to show that with love and prayers etc. and mainly good friends that anything can happen. One thing though Bill, take it easy on the old cognac? One can get a real taste for it? Give her our love.

    Neil and Doris.

    PS: I got a real taste for rum in Bermuda, especially at a shilling a pint in the Mess! JT would have enjoyed our mess – mixing with the peasants?

  • Jack Madron // January 22, 2008 at 11:44 am

    Derek,
    The English cricket team don’t need practice. They need a bloody MIRACLE.
    Jack Madron.

    ED: Let us pray!

  • John T // January 22, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    Good to have you back Bill and in good spirits. Fine cognac indeed…

    I just stick to that Oz Red wine – Jacobs Screech (dyed antifreeze)! Have to watch me health.

    Did you have any thoughts about the Panto offer?

  • John T // January 22, 2008 at 9:58 pm

    Jack
    Never mind a f…. g miracle. No No No they have to be stopped from travelling and wearing silly kit.

    THEY MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS!

    ED: Any truth in the rumour that Ozzie Bin Laden will coach ‘em?

  • Jack Madron // January 22, 2008 at 11:31 pm

    John T,
    Couldn’t agree more. If they must go to New Zealand next month, I think the E.C.B could save a few bob by sending them by PEDALO, some have had practice at using those things.

  • Derek Lovemore #22935157 // January 23, 2008 at 6:13 am

    UPDATE – READ ALL ABOUT IT!

    GO TO: NORMANDY 1944 Blog page. Exciting fresh developments – maybe Tommy was KSLI!! Or was he a Para?

    FURTHER UPDATE 26th Jan: It is now fairly conclusive that Tommy was an airborne trooper – para or glider – yet to be determined. A narrowed time frame from Jochen (14th Sept – 29th Sept) plus the 2 injuries seem to rule out all other ID possibilities. The Tommy website contains considerable data covering the Allied push into German territory from 15th onwards, and our search I believe needs to focus on airborne troops dropped off course en route to Arnhem in Operation Market Garden.

    ADDENDUM: 31st January 2008 I’m pretty confident that the search to ID Tommy is practically over. I have 4 names of the 2 Glider Pilots each from 2 gliders that were forced down near Antwerp on 17th September 1944. Steve Marshall, webmaster of the Market Garden website has access to War Diaries that record these two crashes and we are currently running an ID check through “Find a Soldier” courtesy of the Light Infantry webmaster. Some mystery remains, i.e. did the crash occur in Merxem and why no insignia or evident glider crew uniform and why no physical evidence of a glider crash nearby where Tommy was discovered. Given a positive on any of these 4 glider warriors, it will remain to locate Tommy, hopefully in his grand retirement now, somewhere in England still blowing his flute!

  • Jack Madron // January 26, 2008 at 11:43 pm

    Modern Technology. I find it harder to keep abreast of it all the time. If you have two screens, will this work on the
    udder one as well?

    PS: It’s nice to share this with bosom pals.

    ED: The Comment that Jack alludes to has been removed. It was a link to a video of a beautiful full breast that was ‘linked’ to your cursor that you wiped over the monitor screen. Quite tasteful I thought – BUT – the Blog Management (Owners) decided that we were violating protocol. So much for freedom of the press!!

  • Bill Griffiths // January 28, 2008 at 6:04 pm

    Hi Guys,

    I am still pretty busy looking after my little Nancy who is still far from well, but Dr Bill is still dishing out the medicine and praying for better days.

    I have not been able to get this screen cleaner to work. My computer must already be very clean as it forbids me to open this item, which leads me to believe that it must be a bit naughty, especially as Jack refers to ‘abreast’ ‘udder’ and ‘bosom’ and.

    If my memory serves me right they are things you don’t put in your mouth after someone who smokes has had a go at them.

    Pity though, I might just have enjoyed seeing screen wipers in action. Keep it up guys, great stuff, even if I have to use my imagination.

    Bill

  • MOZAMBIQUE FISHERIES & WILDLIFE // January 30, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    PRICELESS!! – Received from Swanny

    WARNING NOTICE!!

    Due to the rising frequency of human/lion encounters, the Fisheries & Wildlife Inhambane Branch, Mozambique is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and motor cyclists who use the outdoors as a recreational or work related function to take extra precautions while in the bush.

    We advise the outdoorsman to wear little noisy bells on clothing so as to give advanced warning to any lions that might be close by so that you don’t take them by surprise. We also advise anyone using the outdoors to carry a Pepper Spray in case of an encounter with a lion.

    Outdoorsmen should also be on the watch for fresh lion activity and be able to tell the difference between lion cub shit and adult lion shit. Lion cub shit is smaller and contains lots of berries and dassie fur. Big lion shit has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

    Enjoy your stay in Mozambique:))

  • John T (Grumpy) // January 31, 2008 at 6:53 pm

    In several London Boroughs 2007 – 1 Baby in 4 was by immigrant mother. In Slough last year 1 baby in 2 was by an immigrant mother. In 2007, £260 million was the child benefit to Polish (only) immigrant women giving birth in UK.

    Guess how many refugees from Kenya will soon be arriving?

    ED: GBP2,000,000 worth annually? Cheaper by the dozen John. Want a few Somalis? Maybe send ‘em lion hunting in Mozambique!

  • Bill Griffiths // February 1, 2008 at 10:43 am

    With all these babies being born to immigrant families – they must spend most of their life in bed – Sh…ing! When do they get time to go and collect their benefits? Or do we stupidly deliver those, as well as the babies?

    Make ya think don’t it ?

  • Bill Griffiths // February 1, 2008 at 10:38 am

    Hi Guys, here’s an interesting thought.

    The British Solution to Save Petrol:

    Brown our Prime Minister wants us to cut the amount of petrol we use……

    The best way to stop using so much petrol is to deport 3 million illegal immigrants! That would be 3 million less people using our petrol. The price of petrol would come down…..

    Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the Channel….

    When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Channel, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq ….

    Tell him if he wants to come to Britain then he must serve a tour in the military….

    Give him a soldier’s pay while he’s there and tax him on it…..

    After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country…..

    He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident…..

    This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves…….

    If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo…..

    Problem solved…..

  • Jack Madron // February 1, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    At last. Some one with a bit of sense.
    I vote Bill Griffiths for PRESIDENT.
    All in favour!

  • John T - (Pissed off again) // February 1, 2008 at 6:48 pm

    In UK the teachers have voted against teaching anything positive about the British Empire because of Slavery. Industrial revolutions (child labour). Partition of India – leaving Africa in the shit

    Just look at Kenya today – Jesus! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS CRAP? These are the teachers who turn out most kids illiterate, as indeed are many of the teachers.

  • John T // February 1, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    Yep Bill for President lets go for it

  • John T (Pissed off again!) // February 1, 2008 at 6:42 pm

    I see the Germans have refused to put more troops into Afghanistan and will not allow the ones there already to operate after dark and outside Kabul. THIS IS NATO BY THE WAY.

    The only ones fighting and dying there are Brits, Yanks, Canadians and Danish.

  • "Swanny" SWANSON // February 2, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    When on holiday in Brunei in 1995 – Muslim Rules?

    If you stepped out of line, such as pointing your finger, holding hands with your wife? – you could be deported for the most trivial as they call it a misdemeanour? Living next to my son’s house in the Brunei Married Quarters of the Sultans Army was a British Soldier serving as the same as my son – on loan service to the RB Army. Apparently his wife was shopping in the Capital and must have said or did something inadvertently or untoward and (as I used to speak to the soldier on a daily basis),and (I found out from my son, they had been deported the same night!)

    Why is it that in our country we have Muslim fanatics preaching hate towards our country and nothing is ever done about it? Most of these people are on our benefit system, besides that – we have to wait months for their trials etc. The Jews looked for the promised land, the Muslims have found it? And we are daft enough to let them have it!!!

  • Bill Griffiths // February 4, 2008 at 10:27 am

    Thanks Jack & John for your confidence, but there is no chance of me becoming President, because I can still say “Black” and spell it. I can also still speak English – and think like an Englishman.

    Nearly all our footballers are not English. The England Manager can’t even speak English, so what chance have I got? GREAT BRITAIN? Now, there’s a bit of past history and our teachers will soon take that out of the history books!

    You just wait and see.

    P.S: To earlier comment:

    Perhaps I could become President of Woga Woga land? Don’t quite know which part of England that is, but it can’t be far away from any other part?

  • John T (Pissed off as usual) // February 7, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    Nato today

    Germans still refuse a combat role in Afghanistan and will not go out after dark in any case, France (not in Nato but say f**k off anyway). Dutch troops will not leave their safe base in Kabul without American troops escort. (Lucky for Dutch that Canadian and Brits did not act like this when they liberated these clog dancers in WW11).

    Lucky the cold war didn’t kick off with allies like this. Bah!

  • Editor // February 8, 2008 at 12:33 am

    NEW FEATURE ON THE TOMMY WEBSITE

    I’m conscious of the effort required to click the left hand mouse button – cheps – so I have today introduced a Message Forum on the website so that all of you who browse the site can immediately log in a comment, instead of navigating back to the Blog Page.

    Kindly ensure that your remarks address the subject matter, or you’ll be facing a 252!

    Magnus frater spectat te – Big Brother is watching you!

  • John T // February 8, 2008 at 5:43 pm

    Er – don’t have a left hand mouse thingy, have an Apple laptop with trackpad

  • John Tenniswood // February 8, 2008 at 5:47 pm

    The Arch arsehole of Canterbury says we should allow Sharia law in UK.

    Why are these fools who wear frocks, silly hats and shag choir boys still around ???

    ED: Stercus accidit – Shit happens! John

  • Derek Lovemore #22935157 // February 9, 2008 at 3:23 am

    PORT ARTHUR PENAL COLONY TASMANIA – HERE I COME!

    I’m hanging up the pen for a while – cheps – until March 6th, so kindly mind the shop while I’m away. Not too many dirty jokes please (and that includes YOU – L/Cpl Ted Bear) and mind your spelling! I’ll look in from time to time, between eating the salmon from the Gordon River and tasting a few Tassie Reds.

    If you’re interested – mouseover the link above and click!

    Dum tempus habemus, operemur bonum – (While we have the time, let us do good).

    Nulle Illegitimo Carborundum!

  • John Tenniswood // February 12, 2008 at 5:35 pm

    Ok sorry about the bad language re the Arsbishop. So as Valentines Day approaches here for a change is a romantic bit of news recently reported.

    A Sharia court in Somalia forced a man to marry a goat. It’s owner had found him in having intercourse with it. He sensibly referred the matter to the Islamic court (as you do). The imams wisely made the man marry the goat. He did so and we must wish him and his bride every happiness in future. Bless.

  • John Tenniswood // February 18, 2008 at 2:16 pm

    Dear ancient military bloggers.

    Because the world and (UK in particular), young people, politicians, wogs, dagoes, queers, Asians, Chinese, army officers, the wife, me, the spaniel, public transport, Ken Livingstone, Railways, and many others are adding to my grumpiness, I have decided not to burden you with my negative feelings in future.

    Oh before closing many Afghans were blown up while watching a “Dog Fight Festival” F**k the Afghans – what happened to the poor dogs?

  • Jack Madron // February 19, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    Hi all,

    Remember 19th Feb 1954? Liverpool docks. The old spew bucket “Empire Clyde. Where in hell has the time gone? Seems like only yesterday I was leaning over the side, feeding the fish , like a lot of others.

    Oh, those memories.

  • John Tenniswood // February 19, 2008 at 8:23 pm

    Hi Jack

    Attention all Cabin Class Passengers and Troopdeck Personnel

    Being newly promoted from L/Cpl to Sgt. (Don’t ask) I was with de posh gennel folks in a cabin on C deck.

    So never had to visit you peasants who were paddling in sick on the troopdecks.

  • Jack Madron // February 19, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    John, you jammy so and so.

    I can’t remember what number deck I was on but our cabin was for’ard of the bridge, just below the for’ard lifeboats,starboard side. That’s the left side, looking towards the sharp end. (I know all the nautical terms. My family were all mariners and fishermen, except me. I was a lousy sailor).

    I had a cushy job, down aft, in the laundry room in the mornings, handing out clean sheets and pillow cases. Afternoons off. Lovely. Sgt John (Dutchy) Holland gave me that cushy little number. He said, “It would keep me out of mischief”. How right he was.

  • Jack Madron // February 20, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    Anybody notice the deliberate mistake? Port is left. Starboard is right. Facing for’ard.

  • Jack Madron // February 26, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    According to one of the Sunday newspapers, the Somalian who was forced to marry a goat is now a widower. Seems his bride choked on a plastic bag.

  • John Tenniswood // February 28, 2008 at 10:59 am

    Jack

    Thanks for the goat news.

    I suspect this was an honour killing by the goats family. (Billy Goat Gruff was the father ?). It is against Sharia Law to shag before marriage.

    On the other hand the goats original owner perhaps didn’t cough up the dowry and he fed the goat lunch in a plastic bag.

    Plastic bags are becoming a real problem world wide not only for choking goats.

  • John Tenniswood // February 28, 2008 at 11:00 am

    Fed the goat lunch

  • John Tenniswood // February 28, 2008 at 11:02 am

    You’ve gone quiet Bill ? Hope all’s well

  • Jock Strap ex Pte Black Watch 1953 // February 28, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    Dearrr Blog

    I hope you ex English girlie regiments arre not going to go on abute shaggin goats and startin the old joke about sheep shaggers at Fort William.

    We beat the f… oot of some pansy sassanach Light ( Yes Light) infantry battalion in Minden in 51 for this.

  • JT // February 28, 2008 at 7:23 pm

    Jack

    They did it again in New Zealand. Could we get the SAS involved ?

    Double taps all round ?

  • Mr D Ram ex Sherwood Foresterss // February 28, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    I for one regret any distress caused to Mr Strap and assure him from my own experience of similar slanders towards Derbyshire men that that any reference to having relationships with sheep (no matter how loving) Should not be encouraged in this blog.

    I am confident that the ED who is on his 34th holiday this year will concur.

    ED: Hi Cheps – just back from Greenie Land – tired from all that rock climbing, boating, boozing and fishing. Recommend Tassie for a great quaint holiday – few cars, fresh home grown veggies, fruit and meat – and no wogs – just a few Tasmanian Devils – AND no f**king soccer!

  • Bill Griffiths // February 28, 2008 at 7:32 pm

    Hi John,

    And everyone, sorry, been a bit busy looking after Nancy, and stirring up the SH one T – with the authorities over the way they treated Nancy – or should I say the way they didn’t treat her whilst in hospital. I have had a great write up in our local newspaper, having a go at the NHS.

    I’ve fixed bayonet, and ready to CHARGE. They don’t like it – ‘up em’.

    Be back with you all soon

    Bill

    ED: Gidday Bill – just read your missive to the local media over the NHS. Goodonyermate – stick it up the f**kers!

  • Ex Pte Sherwood Foresters 1954 // February 28, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    Well Well,

    Cpl Dave Ram I remember you.

    You were in charge of the Regimental Mascot which was a Derbyshire Ram. (Vicious bugger – the ram not you, Corp)

    I for one did not believe those rumours about you and the ram in a guardroom cell.

  • JT // February 28, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    Go get ‘em Bill

    Bastards

  • Jt // February 28, 2008 at 9:21 pm

    I think Mr Ram means the Eds 34 holidays include 2007

    You know what they say

    Derbyshire born Derbyshire bred
    Strong in’th arm
    and thick in’th ed

  • Jack Madron // February 28, 2008 at 9:28 pm

    John T.
    If you are on about the eleven in coloured pajamas, running around after a small white ball.
    I think we should just ship out a few pedalows and bring them home .

  • Jt // March 5, 2008 at 6:44 pm

    Jack – I just saw your pictures

  • Derek Lovemore #22935157 // March 5, 2008 at 10:47 pm

    Gidday all you ram rodders,

    I see that the shop is in general good order with much blasphemous utterance being bandied around. Thank you Cheps. Will just have to get these shackles from Port Arthur removed and will attend to my regular duties.

    PS: Loved the fish and the beer. But the wine – yuchh!!

  • Jack Madron // March 6, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    Sorry John.
    But unfortunately the camera doesn’t lie.

  • Jack Madron // March 6, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    Hi Derek,

    Have a nice holiday? I suppose, after all the food and booze, It’s back to the diet. What I’d give to be as slim as I used to be.

    ED: Thanks Jack – me – I remain the slender, tall and handsome chep I always was (still a bullshitter too!). Tasmania was a great place to be – just like old quaint England used to be – before the wog invasion.

  • Swanny (Swanson ) // March 6, 2008 at 1:36 pm

    Nice to have you back Derek.

    Had phone call from John Griffin who saw Graham Bradshaw in Brissol, He mentioned that he has been and visited Cornwall etc. Brad asked about his old mates and send them his best regards.

    Griff gave me his phone no. and I will phone him in near future, again nice to have you back in harness.

    Swanny

    ED: Thanks for greetings Swanny and news of Brad. I wrote a snailmail to Griff just a few weeks ago, but will have to try his phone number again

  • Jack Madron // March 7, 2008 at 12:12 am

    Derek,

    Just noticed your footnote on the end of Mr D Rams blog. Sounds like a nice place to go to, but I’m a football man (some of us Cornish don’t follow rugby). As for Tasmanian Devils, I prefer the RED DEVILS. Supported them since 1946.

    Still, each to his own. I say.

    ED: “Football” Down Under relates to that ‘odd’ game played with an oval ball – akin to Gaelic Football – known as ‘Aussie Rules’ (AFA) – where the scores – confusingly – often top 180 points. Soccer is becoming more widely played in OZ, but not as widespread as either “AFA” or ‘Rugby’ – ‘cos some brains are needed for soccer playing, but down here you only need to be a thug to participate in the Aussie stuff.

  • JT // March 7, 2008 at 6:28 pm

    Well Well the permanent holiday boy is back with us. All right for some.

    ED: Thanks John, had a great time and saw snow for the first time in years. For a holiday that depicts England as she used to be – few cars, no wogs, no queues, clean air and rivers, few people, lots of space, good food and beer, great fishing and good roads – go to Tassie!!

    PS: Unbelievably low priced quality homes and mansions in Hobart and Launceston and giveaway prices in the ‘burbs and country. No where is further away than an hour from the main centres, and just a one hour flight to Melbourne for (sometimes) AUD$20. That’s if anyone would want to go to Melbourne!

  • John Tenniswood // March 7, 2008 at 6:38 pm

    Latest: Petrol Station in Surrey refuses to serve soldier in uniform. RAF Commander Wittering bans wearing uniform in Peterborough because locals are abusing personnel in uniform.

    F… it let’s all go to Australia. This country is knackered. Derek will you sponsor us?

    ED: Happy to John – soldiers here in OZ get clapped and shouted beers.

  • John Tenniswood // March 8, 2008 at 11:08 pm

    Crikey Ed You’ve been away a long time

    Old England ?
    Rationing
    Queues for everything
    Bomb Sites into 50,s
    Choking smog
    Soot blackened buildings
    Lousy food
    Unemployment
    BO
    Butlins
    True enough no wogs

  • Jack Madron // March 9, 2008 at 12:36 am

    Hi chaps.
    Any funny anecdotes from your army days?

    I’ve got one about an officer (not S Coy) in Jamaica . We were mounting 12 hour guard early one evening, S Coy were duty coy and I was Coy Ord Sgt. The Bt Ord Sgt marched the guard onto the square, called them to attention, about turned, saluted and called to the Ord Officer “Guard Present and Ready for Your Inspection. Sir.”

    The Ord Officer was marching on to the sqare, when this voice rang out from the vicinity of the RSMs Office. “Mr P*****, Sir. Get Your Bloody Shoulders Back.” (Harold Royffe was always polite).

    I swear to this day, that was the fastest guard ever mounted in the Dukes. This officer, by the way was well known as a stickler for finding dust or something wrong with a soldier but was a scruffy sod himself. He got his comeuppance that evening.

    Oh happy days.

  • John Tenniswood // March 9, 2008 at 7:59 am

    Brilliant Jack good memories

  • John Tenniswood // March 9, 2008 at 8:03 am

    Re Servicemen being “abused” for wearing uniform.
    Can you imagine this in the days of National Service ?
    Lads from the local unit would see to the locals very firmly indeed.

  • Jack Madron // March 9, 2008 at 12:48 pm

    Hell John.
    7.59 am on a Sunday?
    What time does reveille go at your place?

  • Jack Madron // March 9, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    Talking of seeing to the locals. A story that went around the camp one day.

    It seems that the night before, up at the “Cross Roads”, an area just up the road from the camp, in a boozer called “The Hot Spot”, a squaddy who was a well known old soldier, got beaten up. When his mates heard about it, they went up to the place and wrecked it.

    Never heard any more about the incident.

  • Bill Griffiths // March 9, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    Hi Guys,

    You all sound bright and cheerful, and it is great to have ED back. Still a bit busy looking after the little lady, but she is getting better slowly.

    Talking of he wearing of uniforms, when I joined up we were not allowed to wear ‘civvies’ for months, we HAD to go out in uniform, and properly pressed and immaculate and we were proud to wear them. And I agree with JT, the locals would have had the SH one T beaten out of them if they took the piss out of us.

    I haven’t seen a soldier in uniform out on the street for years and when they do parade these days, it is always in bloody sand coloured combat gear. If they sold all the number two dress that are not being worn, they could afford to buy more weapons or armoured cars to ride around in.

    Ah well! Different Army these days.

    Bill….

  • John Tenniswood // March 9, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    Hi Bill

    True. Even on the occasions they are seen they wear combat gear. It’s the equivalent of going to town wearing denims as far I am concerned. Can you imagine getting by the guard commander like that?

    We only had BD in UK (2 sets) except in the 50’s regulars got No 1 dress etc.

  • John Tenniswood // March 9, 2008 at 7:00 pm

    Jack,

    Reveille for me can be several times at night when I get up for a piss. Then I can’t get back to sleep. Do you think it’s an age thing? It’s like being on permanent guard duty.

    Then I can’t get back to sleep so I tune in to the Web.. and not always Naughty Nurses I must point out.

  • Jack Madron // March 9, 2008 at 8:20 pm

    John,
    Have you tried tying a knot in it?
    Being a rookie with this Web thing, what is Naughty Nurses, or shouldn’t I ask?

  • Bill Griffiths // March 9, 2008 at 9:11 pm

    A quick funny for Jack.

    A soldier on guard duty was approached by an officer who said ” Hey soldier, have you got change for a ten pound note”? Soldier replied,” Yes of course old mate”. Officer said ” That’s no way to speak to an officer, you should call me SIR..now lets try again” “Hey soldier have you got change for a ten pound note”?

    Soldier replied ” NO………….SIR “

  • Jack Madron // March 9, 2008 at 9:13 pm

    Going back to anecdotes,

    Here’s one I didn’t think was funny at the time. I thought I’d really landed myself in the dung pile.

    We were in the RSM’s office, that is all the Coy Orderly Sgts, taking the next day orders. RSM Royffe said, “Quarter Guard Commander to be Cpl Fisher, S Coy.” then carried on with the rest of the orders. OK so far. When he got near the end, he looked at me and said,” Cpl, change Cpl Fisher’s name to Cpl Wiltshire. I just remember that Cpl Fisher is playing football for the Battalion.”

    Not switching on brain before engaging jaw, I said “Excuse me Sir, but Cpl Wiltshire has just recently done a guard duty”. He just looked at me for a moment or two, and I thought, Oh hell,I’m for it now, but he just grinned and said, “Cpl, You know if you play any sport in this army, you can get away with bloody murder”. “Dismissed”.

    What a let off.

  • Jack Madron // March 9, 2008 at 9:17 pm

    Hey Bill.
    Great one.

  • Bill Griffiths // March 10, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    Hi John,

    Re denims – and look at the way these guys wear their Berets these days. Badges over their left earholes, tops pulled down and screwed up like bits of rag, bloody scruffs I say. Wouldn’t have happened in my day. Nor now. Have a look at my gang of Korean Veterans on my website, taken just recently everyone wearing their berets correctly.

    Of course, a different generation, and proud of their Regiments, and their appearance

    Bill

  • Jack Madron // March 10, 2008 at 2:23 pm

    Hi Bill.

    You’re so right. The trouble today is, nobody has any pride in anything and no respect for anything. Let’s bring back National Service. Maybe that would help change things for the better.

    Or is it to late?

  • John Tenniswood // March 11, 2008 at 6:41 am

    Bill
    Now you’ve got me going about berets. I think they take the lining out. It was all stared by Frog or Belgian paras in the 60’s. Badges over the ears. Admittedly we shrunk ours to get them into shape and when I was in RAC there was a certain fashion of pulling both sides down – the excuse being that it was for headphones.

    Noticable that Swanny wears his beret sort of tank style.

    You still look lovely Swanny

  • John Tenniswood // March 11, 2008 at 6:46 am

    Jack

    Re Naughty Nurses, I don’t want to get you over excited. Best keep clear at your age.

  • Bill Griffiths // March 11, 2008 at 9:30 am

    Hi Jack,

    It is too bloody late. They are a different breed today – there are some good ones, but not very many. The gangs of hoodlums in my home town at night make it impossible for decent people to walk the streets, even the coppers don’t go out. They all go around in cars. Ah well!

    Bill

  • John Tenniswood // March 11, 2008 at 9:45 am

    Hi Bill

    You’re in Hereford? Why don’t those SAS lads go to town and practice a bit of covert killing? Make it no go zone for locals after 6pm

  • Jack Madron // March 11, 2008 at 11:12 am

    John,
    How can I get over excited?

    I can’t even get excited. Even page three pictures are just pictures now.

    Re berets. I used to pull mine down both sides. Excuse was when driving carriers in Germany, I used to wear goggles. About the SAS. Good idea.

  • Jack Madron // March 11, 2008 at 11:25 am

    John.

    Me again. Going by the time between your last two blogs, I guess you can use more than one finger when typing? At that early hour, I don’t even know where my fingers are.

  • John Tenniswood // March 11, 2008 at 12:43 pm

    Jack

    You can’t kid me laddie. I know exactly where your fingers are and what they are doing in the early hours.

  • John Tenniswood // March 11, 2008 at 11:15 pm

    Jack
    Yeah yeah. that’s what they all said. It was common knowledge that you lot in Jamaica needed more antibiotics than even the Welsh Fusiliers.

  • Dhobi Walla ex Cpl // March 11, 2008 at 10:26 pm

    John’s remark to Jack brought tears to my eyes. I was in 45 Field Laundry BAOR 1956. Those were the days

    Any chance your sheets came our way Jack ?

  • Bert Grimshaw ex Driver RASC // March 11, 2008 at 10:41 pm

    Blimey, good old Dhobi.
    We always said you were the best man for stains in the British Army.

    Did you ever marry that big Fraulein who cleaned the bogs in Minden ?

  • Jack Madron // March 11, 2008 at 10:46 pm

    I don’t think so Cpl Walla. I was demobbed in 1955. Anyhow, (laugh) the only things we had starched was our KD.

  • Dhobi Walla ex Cpl // March 11, 2008 at 10:53 pm

    Grimshaw you little f**ker.

    You know very well that I married Gretel. Our first kid had a big nose and was cross eyed just like you.

  • Jack Madron // March 11, 2008 at 11:01 pm

    I don’t know if it was the KD or the bloody starch that gave us Dhobi Rash.

  • Ex S/Sgt White 45 Field Laundry // March 11, 2008 at 11:08 pm

    I challenge that. In the BAOR laundry area stain recognition contest 1956 I retained the cup by identifying stains made by a certain Fusilier for 6 weeks running.

    So far as I know this record was unbeaten in any theatre of operations

  • Jack Madron // March 11, 2008 at 11:54 pm

    John.
    As far as Support Coy is concerned, that reputation was unfounded. We were a clean living, none swearing, none smoking, none drinking bunch.

    The pride of the Regiment. Ha ha. If you believe that, you’ll believe anything.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 12, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    JT you mentioned berets. As the first intake on Ports Island we had lots of fun!! Gerry Thomas and I fishing etc, sometimes chores! One photo taken I was wearing my beret as you said Tank Corps Style, little did I know that the photo was on front page of the Bermuda Gazette. When we got back to Prospect I was ordered to the Orderly Room and had the bollocking of my life from CSM Jock Massie as being improperly dressed and photo on front page of paper, bloody let the Regiment Down!!!

    As we were told you can be seen at all times no matter where you are, young and naive.

    Swanny

  • John Tenniswood // March 13, 2008 at 3:40 pm

    We know you’re out there somewhere ED because you are cleaning up the swear words.

    ED: True John, but don’t let the blue pencil stop the repartee (I’m trying to avoid remonstrations from Lt George Kent). Thanks for your Hotmail messages too – still gettingaroundtuit – with all my 100’s of emails from my lady friends during my furlough.

    PS: Our mate Bill Griffiths ain’t too well at the moment – but we all know he’ll soldier on. We are thinking of you Bill with best wishes to get through your recent health issues. Maybe try some Tassie Red – it’ll take the bugs off the sump of a LandRover.

  • John Tenniswood // March 13, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    I was not aware of an overwhelming interest in stains.

  • Ex S/Sgt White 45 Field Laundry // March 13, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    I am so touched to find an interest in stains. In the army some thought our stain recognition contests were something of a joke. Not so.

    Certainly the skill learned in the army stood me in good stead in civilian life when I became Head of Stains at Sketchleys Dry Cleaners.

    By the way although sheets and drawers cellular were the main stain problems in Europe it was those naughty blue silk pajamas in tropical postings which were the real challenge. Luckily when in Malaya I had Chinese Dhobi Wallas and as everyone know Chinese Laundries are the best in the world. It was these unsung heroes who refined my knowledge of semen stains.

  • Jack Madron // March 13, 2008 at 3:57 pm

    John,

    I think he’s gone walkabout again.

    ED: Not so Jack, still here in OZ cleaning up my kit and reading John’s Memoirs. Unable to match the breadth of all your recollections – guess that some of us squaddies had to do the real work of the Army (at the time) – like bumping floors and laying white paper footprints to piss off Corporal Budge.

  • Jack Madron // March 13, 2008 at 4:05 pm

    Blue silk pajamas?
    All we had was bare buff and mozzy net.
    Is the S in S/Sgt for sheets, soap or stains?

  • John Tenniswood // March 13, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    Jack
    Blue Pajamas
    I am surprised. I thought everyone was issued with them. I certainly was – perhaps it was just IMPORTANT SENIOR NCO’s not Wank and File like you lot. Charlie Seabourne embroidered little butterflies on the pocket of his blue PJ’s. It was ever so pretty (JOKE JOKE JOKE Charles)

    Charlie will kill me if he ever emerges.

    And I don’t think we should take the piss out of RASC Staff Sergeants even the one who is clearly bonkers about stains

  • John Tenniswood // March 13, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    Swanny

    You wore your beret like that from the beginning I think..look at the Coy photo.

    Jock Massie pulled me for it and made me change my style.

  • John Tenniswood // March 13, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    Question for the brains trust

    Why .303? Funny sort of calibre

    ED: Good question John and one that’s always intrigued me but until now, never bothered to investigate. The www throws out some interesting data, but none that I can find relates to the ‘why’ part of the question. My conclusion is that somewhere back in time there is a correlation with ball loading weapons. Take a look at Reference.com which provides a wide review on rifling techniques and the relative speed of bullets.

  • john Tenniswood // March 13, 2008 at 7:01 pm

    Jack

    I’ve had a private enquiry from that clergyman Fluffy. Wants to know if you are still interested in stripping vicars.

    I can’t help thinking he is confused somehow..

  • Jack Madron // March 13, 2008 at 7:42 pm

    John
    Of course it’s Staff Sergeant. Being LI, we only had Colour Sgts and Quartermaster Sgts.
    We had one or two other types as well, can’t say what. ED would use his blue pencil.
    Still can’t remember blue pajamas. Must have been Holiday Isle issue only. Ha Ha.

  • Jack Madron // March 13, 2008 at 7:53 pm

    John
    One thing I’ve learned in this life is to stay clear of politics and religious freaks.
    Both are bad for your health.

  • Jack Madron // March 13, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    Hi Derek.

    Just switched on (been watching football on telly) to see if there’s any sarky banter flying about, when I noticed your comment on ammo and guns.

    I clicked on to Ref.com as you advised. Need to be a Philadelphia lawyer to understand all that. I thought that all I had to do was pull back cocking handle, feed belt in, release cocking handle, repeat, aim, lift safety catch with forefingers, press thumb piece with both thumbs and away we go and hope for the best.

    Didn’t realise so much brainwork had been used in perfecting ammo, just for me to fire off 500 rounds a minute. The only thing I remember about our bullets were, .303 Mrk 8 Z. Could be fired in a rifle but not advised, kicked like a bloody mule.

    ED: Thanks for comments Jack. I guess that we’ll attract some appropriate responses from the lads who don’t watch soccer! I recall an occasion (ref your comment about inappropriate ammo) when (as weapons storeman 3 Platoon Warwick Camp, Bermuda) taking a .45 revolver and some sten ammo (rimless) and shooting the shit out of land crabs on the beach at Horse Shoe. Don Puckey and Brad and Johnny Griffin were there too!!. Maybe Swanny also – he was up to most things questionable!). We had to forcefully push the spent cartridges out of the revolver. Course, maybe I shouldn’t mention either, the fact that we also pinched some 2″ mortar parachute flares and at night fired several over the rifle ranges and the adjoining beaches to illuminate the antics (?) of the lovers engaged in bare assed activities. I wonder what Jan Passmore thought about all of that? Nothing was ever said. Noted also that Charlie Seabourne said nought – maybe he was on the beach?

    PS: Don’t know that I got that right! – .45 revolvers – ? – probably .38’s – is that what we shot in Stens? I did fire some .45’s with the Yanks on the range – with those Garands that they bragged about. The bloody .45 nearly took my hand off with recoil!

  • Jack Madron // March 14, 2008 at 12:58 am

    Ah, the good old days, Derek. Talking of revolvers! When I joined the Battalion in Minden, I was put in B Coy and one afternoon the Pl Commander took us on to the 30 yards range to fire revolvers. (Only good time I had in B Coy).

    I believe they were Smith & Wesson 38s. We had 12 shots each, the first 6 we had to stand on the firing point with two hands on the pistol, aim at the figure target and fire. Shots went everywhere except near the targets. Next 6, we could fire anyway we wanted too, as long as we observed the rules of the range. Me being a bloody smart ass, I shot from the hip.Six of the best, plumb centre!!!

    Don’t know who was shocked the most, me or the rest of the platoon. Couldn’t do it again if I lived to be a thousand.

    I did earn my Cross Rifles in Jamaica, though. Oh happy days.

  • John Tenniswood // March 14, 2008 at 4:25 am

    Jack

    We were only supposed to load 5 chambers keeping one empty for safety.

    Accidents seemed fairly common in the Armoured Corps.

  • john Tenniswood // March 14, 2008 at 4:21 am

    Jack

    The 2 handed grip for revolver shooting had not arrived at Catterick when I was in the RAC 1953

    It was straight arm grip lowered down when sighting. We were applauded if we hit the target let alone score.

  • Rev Borodin Maltravers // March 14, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    Dear Jack

    It has now been explained to be that you were referring to stripping VICKERS machine guns and not my sort of vicar. I do apologise for any embarrassment. Still you can’t blame a “gal” for trying

    Best Regards

    Fluffy
    By the way I am ex Royal Navy which might in some way explain.

  • JT // March 14, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    I thought Stens were 9mm

  • JT // March 14, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    The revolvers we had were Lee Enfield .38

  • JT // March 14, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    Bill

    Hope you are both feeling better. Any luck with the NHS battle ?

  • John Tenniswood // March 14, 2008 at 12:42 pm

    Bill

    Were you issued with blue silk pajamas when you went to tropical climes ?

  • Jack Madron // March 14, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    John

    You’re right. They are 9mm. Bloody dangerous things. Just as much danger from behind as in front. When I went on NCO’s course up in the mountain camp (Newcastle) we had live firing with the Stens one afternoon. Order given, single shot only. Fire.

    Lifted weapon to my shoulder, aimed and squeezed trigger as taught. BANG! the bloody thing backfired. When my ears stopped ringing, all I could hear was this abusive language behind me, something about, ” Went all through the ***?!** last ***?!+!! war and never got a **!**??** scratch. Try and teach you bloody ***?**!* and this is what I get.”

    The Sergeant Insructor was standing there, with a piece of cartridge case embedded in his arm, blood spurting everywhere.

    I tell you, Sten guns are a bloody danger to every one.

  • John T // March 14, 2008 at 3:43 pm

    The traditions of the Royal Navy
    Rum, Sodomy and the Lash (Churchill ?)

    Later became
    Rum, Bum and Gramophone Records

  • Jack Madron // March 14, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    A chap was asked to join the Royal Navy and was told there would be nothing but Wine, Women and Song. All he got was Rum, Bum and Gramophone Records.

    As a youngster, I was told to join the Navy and see the World.

    What did I do? Joined the Army and marched around it. Two traditions in the Royal Navy. Bell Bottoms and Kiss the Golden Rivet.

  • John T // March 14, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    National Service Guinea Pigs
    “Some saw Pyramids along the Nile
    Some watched sunsets on a tropic isle”
    Christmas island sounded fun
    But Atomic testing had begun
    Rank and File were not alerted
    “Make sure you keep your face averted”
    “Just turn your backs on word of command”
    You’re about to witness the promised land
    It seems there was no realization
    of the long terms effects of radiation
    But in years to come they found the answers
    when the men developed cancers
    Porton Down seemed heaven sent
    To conscripts not of military bent
    Extra rations
    just lie in bed
    To find a cure for colds they said
    “The experiment will do no harm”
    as they dripped nerve gas on their arm

    John Tenniswood

    ED: And this from John who wrote (quote) “I ain’t no powit”

    First Class John – Limericks?

  • Jack Madron // March 14, 2008 at 7:10 pm

    Derek.
    Since relating your little escapade on Horseshoe, shooting land crabs etc. Swanny seems to be keeping his head down. Either he doesn’t want to be associated with what went on or he wasn’t there. Maybe he was on stag in the coal shed.

  • Jack Madron // March 14, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    John.
    Absolutely brilliant.

  • Bill Griffiths // March 14, 2008 at 7:42 pm

    .303. Takes yer back a bit don’t it?

    Barrel data of 303
    Length: 64 cm (25.19 in.)
    Bore Diameter: 7.65 to 7.72 mm (0.302 to 0.304 in.)
    Effective Range: 502.92 m (550 yds)

    No wonder I always missed at 800. .303 British is the commercial name of the .311″ calibre rifle and machine gun cartridge first developed in Britain in the 1880s as a blackpowder round.

    Bet you all knew that anyway.

    Blue Jama’s yep! seem to remember having ‘em in me kit bag. Never wore them though, looked a bit ‘Poncy’

    Bill

    ED: Gidday Bill, thanks for info – seems as if there was a bit ‘o black in everything – is nothing sacred to the white man anymore?

  • Jack Madron // March 14, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    Derek.

    Just been looking at the photos of A Coy. Prospect Garrison,Bermuda 1954-1957. I think I might have the ID of one of the officers in the photo sent in by Bill Edwards, Canada.

    I think the officer, 2nd left of Sgt Wilson, could be Lt Tim Hodder, ex MMGs. He was well liked by the MMG platoon when we were in Germany. A damn good officer.

    Jack.

  • Jack Madron // March 14, 2008 at 11:11 pm

    PS to above.
    We did hear that he was promoted to Captain and was transfered to Bermuda from Jamaica.
    Don’t know how true this was.

  • John T // March 15, 2008 at 5:35 am

    Jack

    Yes Lt Hodder came to Bermuda and I think became Capt and Adjutant.

    I will leave it to others to reflect on his popularity.

  • John T // March 15, 2008 at 5:54 am

    Hey Bill

    Blimey. Thanks for the info on .303 . Now we know your bedtime reading choice. Re 800 yards. This was one of the distances in the Britannia Trophy at Bisley. I THINK the contest started at 800 yards 10 rounds application, then run to 600 yards and so on in 100 yard increments down to 200 yards finishing with 10 round snap shots.

    Knackered

    I did it in 1957 shooting for a Southern Command Team

    Why do you think Jack was not issued with blue PJ.s ?

    Was the issue just for very important and senior ranks like you and me ?

    Swanny what did you wear in bed in Bermuda? Don’t answer if it makes you blush or use bad language

  • Bill Griffiths // March 15, 2008 at 10:29 am

    I did the run down once, firing in different positions, prone, kneeling etc. When it came to jumping in a trench, I disappeared and couldn’t see over the top., my rifle was pointing up at the sky, ll I could hear was the Sgt Major shouting “Griffiths get out of that bloody hole”

    But I couldn’t, honest truth that one. And another thing, I never ever cleared the water jump on the assault course, or the six foot wall, they used to throw me over that.

    Awful being little ain’t it?

    Bill

  • Bill Griffiths // March 15, 2008 at 10:33 am

    Hey John,

    Didn’t realize you were a top shot..Did you know that my little Nancy was Hong Kong Ladies Champion at Hong Kong Bisley in 1952.? She could outshoot me, and I was a marksman.

    Bill

    PS: She didn’t have to chase me up the aisle with it though…I went more than willingly xxxxxxx

  • JT // March 15, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    Bill

    Nowadays Health & Safety would have insisted on you having a life jacket for the water ditch and have the Fire Picket standing by with a ladder for the brick wall obstacle and a safety net the other side.

  • John T // March 15, 2008 at 11:39 am

    Hi Bill

    It must nevertheless be a bit nervous making being married to a Top Gun. Lucky you have been so clearly happily married all these years.

    My first wife was more of a cosh person with various kitchen knives as side arms

  • John T // March 15, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    Jack

    Land Crabs. You mention Swannys love life in the coal store.

    I think .45s would be a little drastic to deal with the species of crabs he might have encountered. Mechanized Dandruff ?

    Of course being a Pioneer Swanny would have access to white spirit. Effective but stings for a while (so I understand)

  • Jack Madron // March 15, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    Hi John.
    Still can’t remember blue pajamas. Probably had them but just can’t remember them.

    Did you get issued with short sleeve T shirts in Bermuda? We did in Jamaica, to wear under our KD tunics. Very smart, just like the Yanks with their white cravats, until the powers that be, made us cut the necks down the front and fold back so no white was showing when tunic was worn. Bloody spoilsports.

    I’ll take your word about white spirits.

    Bill, If it’s any consolation, I couldn’t get over those damn walls either and I am 5.10 tall. I never had the honour or pleasure to go to Bisley. If I’d signed for a second term, I could have gone with the Battalion team, but that’s another story.

  • JT // March 15, 2008 at 3:36 pm

    A Coy Bermuda Lads

    What’s this about T shirts in Jamaica ?

    This is outrageous.

  • JT // March 15, 2008 at 4:06 pm

    At present its just us 3

    “We three from Happydrome working for the BBC – Ramsbottom, and Enoch and Me”

    ‘ee it don’t arf take you back

  • J T // March 15, 2008 at 3:43 pm

    Bill

    Derek is editing Part one of my memoirs and removing profanities and hopefully libelous material.

    I shall be really interested in your comments about my experience in transition to the RAPC and comments about Devizes.

    Derek can you forward for Bill’s comments?

    ED: Should have the beta version web page ready in a coupla days!!

  • J T // March 15, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    Jack

    How could you forget blue silk pajamas ? They were a status thingy ( too much red to spell ? Saturday lunchtime)

    I think the RASC stain champion had a point.

  • JT // March 15, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    Jack

    I feel like Enoch he was the idiot. Tell you what takes me back- Google You Tube and In Town Tonight (that signature tune)

    Also Gracie Fields and – Vera Lynn clips

  • Jack Madron // March 15, 2008 at 4:07 pm

    John.
    Re T shirts. We had to have something to absorb the sweat.
    After all, we didn’t have a cooling Atlantic breeze like you holiday makers had.

  • Jack Madron // March 15, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    John.
    Which one of us is Mr Lovejoy?

    I can just about remember steam radio.

  • JT // March 15, 2008 at 6:12 pm

    Jack

    Mr Hodder. If you think I was hesitant about him I might as well admit I still have an outstanding grudge. He tried to move in on my girlfriend at the Elbow Beach Club one night. She, Margerie Craig the beautiful Canadian nurse to my right in the dance picture taken at the dance shown on the A Coy web site.

    “Mr Hodder it’s ear trumpets at dawn if you choose to meet at a place of your choosing”.

    Actually if you are dead I apologise for the interruption. If you are still around you must be older than me so if my blood pressure permits you are in for a bashing. (You can tell I still read the Beano)

  • Jack Madron // March 15, 2008 at 5:36 pm

    John.

    In Town Tonight. ” Once More We Stop the Roar of London Traffic”. I bet Red Ken would love to do that.
    Vera Lynn. Wasn’t she the darling of the eskimos? You know. ” Whale Meat Again”.

    Yuck. That one is older than me but couldn’t resist it. Chuckle.

  • John Tenniswood // March 15, 2008 at 6:27 pm

    Are you with us Swanny or has Doris somehow seen the blog and found out about your shady past
    (tee hee, shady get it ? Coal store ? Know what I mean ?, nudge nudge)

    My computer is booby trapped to self destruct if the wife’s fingers touch the keyboard.

  • Jack Madron // March 15, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    John.
    I believe Mr Hodder did have a bit of a reputation for the ladies. Rumour has it that’s the reason he left Jamaica.
    I still say, he was a damn good officer. One of the best.

    Maybe Doris has confined Swanny to barracks for 14 days.

  • John Tenniswood // March 15, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    Jack

    Thats the problem, he tried to have a reputation with MY lady never mind being a good hossifer.

    Luckily she told him to get lost.

  • Jack Madron // March 16, 2008 at 10:00 pm

    Every one gone on leave?

  • John Tenniswood // March 16, 2008 at 10:51 pm

    Ed

    Wot’s a beta?

    ED: John – the short answer is ‘trial format’ – when applied to software, programmes, hardware et al! In the matter referred to in our private emails it relates to the ‘initial/trial’ version of the web page/s for your Memoirs.

  • Jack Madron // March 16, 2008 at 11:40 pm

    Poor old Basil Brush has been reported for racism against gypsies.
    Thats the last time I’ll buy any pegs or heather.

  • John Tenniswood // March 17, 2008 at 2:12 am

    Whats this Jack ? are you writing in code again ?

  • Jack Madron // March 17, 2008 at 11:57 am

    John.

    The Yahoo News page last night, reported that the vice chairman of some Romany and Irish group of some sort has complained about the BBC showing a repeat of an old Basil Brush series. It showed a gypsy woman selling pegs.

    It seems this chap thinks this is racist, as they don’t show The Black and White Minstrels anymore, so they shouldn’t show this sort of thing.

    How bloody childish.

  • John Tenniswood // March 17, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    Jack

    Just seen a report on the in the paper. Are we ready for the backlash ?

    Is there a fortune still to be made in Gollywogs ?

    Can we look forward to an Al Jolson karioke act being welcomed at the Whitechapel mosque on St Georges Day ?

  • John Tenniswood // March 17, 2008 at 3:40 pm

    Barry Cornish is back on line.

    Barry – these guys are getting out of hand.

  • Jack Madron // March 17, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    John.
    Going by your witty comments in these blogs, I’ll be looking forward to reading your memoirs.
    Have you ever thought about going on the stage? I don’t mean, sweeping it either.

    Good on yer, Mate.

  • Jack Madron // March 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm

    A joke out of a Saturday newspaper.
    Three of the world’s best surgeons are discussing their most successful operations.

    Russia’s top surgeon says; “We successfully grafted new arms on to a man who lost them in an accident.”
    America’s top surgeon says; “We successfully sewed arms and legs on to a man who lost his in an even worse accident.”
    Britain’s top surgeon says; “That’s nothing. After a really terrible accident, all we found were two faces and a backside – and we successfully made an MP out of that.”

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 17, 2008 at 4:44 pm

    Here I am again JT,

    You mentioned Doris giving me Jankers? Last Armistice Day I blotted my copy book for the 11 millionth time?

    I went as usual and paraded with DCLI Branch, laid the wreath at the War Memorial and went to RBL in Pz. with Nobby Clarke. On parade were two R M Commandos. I trained one of these guys when I was Outward bound Sgt in the RM Reserve. Now as these two had just returned home from Iraq we did some serious drinking!!!

    I went home at 1600 hrs had my dinner and in the evening I attended the Armistice service in the local Church, who should also be there were my two bootneck friends. After the service we three went to my Legion Branch and continued were we left off in the afternoon. Serious business of drinking again and reminiscing about old times etc.

    By this time the alcohol having a bit of effect, when we left the club said our goodbyes, I when walking home slipped and fell down and must have knocked myself out!!! When I arrived home at about 0130 Doris was not amused and I was sent to sleep in the spare room!! On waking next morning I checked my blazer etc and found I had lost my gongs!! Doris was doubly not amused and I retraced what I thought was my route home, no trace of missing Medals, on returning home as soon as I got in, the phone rang, A lady said have you lost anything? to which I replied my Medals. She said she had picked them up on her way to work and would bring them to me that evening, which she duly did and I thanked her very much for what she had done. Doris was not very happy with me for several days, especially as I had had two bloodied eyes etc.

    So to all you old soldiers some advice, don’t go drinking with battle scarred young men when you are aged!!!!

    Swanny

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 17, 2008 at 5:23 pm

    JT,

    I remember the silky type pajamas, dont think I wore them! I was normally in the buff I think. Definitely not on pay nights. Normally Roy Westbrook and I would go into Hamilton and go on the pop!! Get back to Prospect in ??? hours and as most know we had Adjutant’s Parade on Saturday morning!! Head like a bucket, then when finished the NAAFI for livener?

    Swanny

  • Jack Madron // March 17, 2008 at 6:21 pm

    Swanny.
    I’ve come to the conclusion that you lot on the Holiday Isle had a real cushy number.
    I reckon, going on what you’ve said in various blogs, discipline was non existent.
    I bet George Allsop would have had a field day with you lot if you were stationed in Jamaica.
    Who knows, I might have written out my one and only charge sheet. HaHa.
    Great days.
    Jack.

  • ex Soldier x // March 18, 2008 at 3:17 am

    Dear Mr Bolg

    Sorry I have not been around and about. Those barstards at the library banned me from the computers they said I made there quayboards sticky.

    I got the wife to go and give them a right verbal they wont want that again in a hurry.

    How are you old chaps ? You all seem to be tickity boo.

    I cant say I understand what you go on about half the time particurly that Jack he sounds a right nutter. Anyhow just checking in as they say Bobs your uncle:

    ED: No comment or correction attempted!

  • ex Soldier x // March 18, 2008 at 3:23 am

    I thought I might write my memoirs. I bet you’d laugh like anything when I tell you about my time in Colchester.

    Blimey was my webbing clean when I came out and what with doubling all the time I could have done the Marathan twice

    ED: I guess that I’ll let this one pass without too much correction!!

  • Jack Madron // March 18, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    Just been exploring a SCLI site and found a list of officers who were with the battalion in Osnabruk in the late 50’s.
    I knew three of them from the Dukes.
    Capt Tim Hodder. ex MMGs.
    Capt Peter Rowe (remembered the e this time) ex MMGs and the officer who had the fastest guard mounting ever. Still have a chuckle whenever I think of that, after all these years.
    He even made Captain. I am surprised!

  • Jack Madron // March 18, 2008 at 5:28 pm

    One hundred lines Madron.

    O-S-N-A-B-R-U-C-K.

    Yes sir . Sorry Sir.

  • JT // March 19, 2008 at 6:29 pm

    “Bum”

    I was just passing my lap top so I thought I would make the above exclamation

  • JT // March 19, 2008 at 6:31 pm

    I said Bum not for any particular reason so I think I’ll have a Vodka and Coke

  • Editor // March 19, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    THE MILITARY MEMOIRS OF JOHN TENNISWOOD

    John’s Memoirs are now published on Google and can be browsed on the above hotlinked title. Pages are under construction – so you’ll need to return as often as you like for the latest updates.

  • Jack Madron // March 19, 2008 at 10:53 pm

    John.
    Waiting for the next instalment. Have yourself another Vodka and Coke. You’ve earned it.

  • JT // March 20, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    Jack

    Installments just like Dick Barton

    Vodka and Coke ..Cheers – “I dont mind if I do”

    Who said that ?

  • Jack Madron // March 20, 2008 at 9:20 pm

    Was it Colonel Blimp. ITMA?

  • Jack Madron // March 20, 2008 at 10:04 pm

    A question for the Bren experts.

    Why did some Brens have, what looks like a handle, on the bottom of the stock? All the ones I’ve ever fired, never had them that I can remember.

    Also, can any one remember the aluminium drain pipes with the pistol grips? 3.5 rocket launchers. Seen them fired but never fired one. I believe you had to make sure that no one was directly behind them when fired.

    ED: Regarding your Bren question Jack,

    Mark 1, from September 1937. The original Bren based on the Czechoslovak gun. Features:

    Drum pattern rear aperture sight
    Buttstrap for use over the shoulder when firing
    Pistol grip under butt
    Telescoping bi-pod
    Folding cocking handle.

    The Mark 2 in 1944 saw some changes, one of which was the deletion of the folding pistol grip. The photo on JT’s Memoirs is lifted from Wikipedia and features a Canadian produced weapon. I’m fairly sure that it ain’t the one that JT drilled on!!

    The 3.5 launcher was fired only once in Bermuda (that I can recall, but each of the 4 rifle platoons were issued one each) up to October 1955 – by Charlie Seaborne on the Warwick Ranges during a field exercise. We all with drew to the Camp 200 yds away while Charlie fired – f**k the rules – but he did hit the target (the US Nautilus nuclear submarine – but we kept that quiet)!!

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 1:08 am

    Thanks Derek
    Live and learn. Are you saying, he drilled with the 1937 one? Chuckle. Joking aside, I really enjoyed reading his memoirs. Very interesting. Is there more to come?

  • JT // March 21, 2008 at 4:30 am

    Jack

    Colonel Chinstrap ?

  • JT // March 21, 2008 at 4:32 am

    Jack

    Do you remember anything about a Platoon? going from Jamaica to Haiti on hurricane relief?

  • JT // March 21, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    Barry will notice that the truck show in memoirs is I think a Bedford QL. There were lots of them about but the driver learning was in the square nosed smaller Bedfords.

    Pictures hard to find on Google

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 2:04 pm

    John.
    I remember it well. The hurricane was called Hilda and S Coy being duty coy, were the ones who were sent to Voodoo Land. Being the jammy boots that I was, I just happened to be Coy Ord Sgt that week and didn’t go. Cushiest time I had in the army. A whole week of no fatigues, no guards, no writing orders. What bliss.

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 2:18 pm

    PS to above.
    The ship that took them to Haiti was a Royal Naval survey ship that was in Kingston harbour at the time.

  • John Tenniswood // March 21, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    Jack

    That’s because the ED is pissed off with your bad language and we are getting so many complaints

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 21, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    JT and Ed,

    Remember the Energa Anti tank Weapon!! I remember it well!! I think it was Sgt Carling who was instructing, wrap your rifle strap around your arm take aim and fire? I fired alright the bloody recoil broke my wrist and I still feel the weakness in my wrist to this day, I would have hated to use it in Battle!!

    Swanny

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 21, 2008 at 5:29 pm

    Another amusing story.

    My pioneer L/Cpl John Gilbert told me that we have a collapsible material boat for use, down on our MOD beach – for the troops to use as a leisure item All was well for several days – everyone had good fun using this, when the balloon went up!!

    I was called to the pioneer workshop and asked the whereabouts of the boat. I had completely forgotten all about the boat, more important things on my mind, having sessions on way up and down to the North shore beach sampling Albert Jennings rum concoctions.

    Ordered to CO’s Office to face the music!! Another bollocking from Jan Passmore. He said the RN had spotted this boat on the way to Costa Rica. Good job they didn’t take the cost of that boat I would still be paying for it now.

    PS I would have to had signed on for ever?

    Swanny.

    Don’t know till this day how I got away with it.

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 5:56 pm

    All computer buffs.

    What am I doing wrong? Three times today I’ve written out a blog, put curser on to submit, clicked and every thing disappeared. I bet ET (back to original Jack! sorry about that) is out there somewhere laughing his bloody head off.

    Bah Humbug.

  • John Tenniswood // March 21, 2008 at 6:58 pm

    Jack

    So that’s why I didn’t understand much of what those Tiddy Oggy wallas in A Coy said to me.

    Thought it was Swahili and did wonder.

  • JT // March 21, 2008 at 6:07 pm

    Jack

    I remember reading something about the Haiti expedition in the DCLI mag. Something about the Ton Ton Macoute harassing the escort and try to nick the relief supplies.

    I think they were seen off in style..bayonets ?

  • John Tenniswood // March 21, 2008 at 7:12 pm

    Neil

    I do remember much talk about how scarce training ammunition was. Short of funds as always.It was said at the time how ridiculous it was to have like one energa grenade and one 3.5 rocket missile a year for training. Maybe they thought that holiday makers in Bermuda had less use that the guys in say BAOR.

    But look how Derek wasted ammo shooting land crabs for instance. Poor little fuckers. Lucky my missus can’t look at this site. Fortunately computers self destruct if she gets within 10 feet. But unfortunately so do coffee machines, DVD recorders and anything containing a silicone chip.

  • John Tenniswood // March 21, 2008 at 7:19 pm

    Neil

    In training they demonstrated to us results of an Energa on an old tank hulk. Nasty

    I think it must have been a psychological test. The ones who reacted (had an imagination) they rejected for tank crew. The short arsed thickos with heavy eyebrows whose knuckles dragged on the ground they selected as tank crew if all they did was grunt and point excitedly.

  • John Tenniswood // March 21, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    Jack

    You sure you were supposed to fire a PIAT from the shoulder, were they taking the piss?

  • John Tenniswood // March 21, 2008 at 7:23 pm

    Bill

    You OK ?

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    John.
    Don’t know of any harassments but knowing our lot, I bet they were known as the Run Run Macoutes after that.
    Still glad I didn’t go. All that mud, land slips fallen trees etc. The boys didn’t exactly smell of roses when they returned.

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 6:39 pm

    Sorry everyone for the Anglo Saxon lingo, but if I used Tavas Kernewek (Cornish Tongue) nobody would know what I’m saying.
    Come to think of it, half the time I don’t know what I’m saying. Anyhow, they’re only words.

  • John Tenniswood // March 21, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    Jack

    How dare you describe my wife in those terms.

    Her butt is entirely natural and requires no padding. She does have a mighty kick however.

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    Swanny.
    I’m sure a lot of our weapons were made to frighten us as much as it did the enemy. What with Stens, Energa grenade and that Frog anti tank weapon, Piat. I think that’s how to spell it. It took someone as strong as Samson, even to cock it, and when fired , Ouch. Poor shoulder.

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    John,

    You would have probably understood Swahili better. A few years ago, my band was booked into the RBLC in the village where I was born and raised. We were sitting down having a drink before the show with some of my relatives and old school pals and I lapsed into the old village dialect. Our bass player, a lad from Liverpool, turned to our lead guitarist and said, “Hell, I’m in a foreign country”. “I don’t understand a word thats been said”.

    And that from a scouser. Ha Ha.

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 7:55 pm

    Yes John.
    They had a large padded butt, and yes they still kicked like hell.

  • Barry Cornish // March 21, 2008 at 8:46 pm

    I have just had the opportunity to read the first part of your Memoirs, John. What a keen memory you have! I am really looking forward to the next episode.

    I agree that the photo is of a Bedford QL (3 tonner) a great vehicle to drive.

    I have just received a DVD from Keith Mannings, which includes a fascinating transfer from 16mm film taken by the Burnard Family in Bermuda in 1936. There is not a motor vehicle in sight but plenty of horses and carts, as well as bicycles and action shots of the train that ran along the Island, in those days.

    By coincidence, the shots of Prospect Barracks in 1936 (which include the Guardroom looking just as we remember it) showed that the barracks were then manned by ‘XLV Detachment Sherwood Foresters’, your ACF regiment!

  • John Tenniswood // March 21, 2008 at 10:00 pm

    Neil

    We do hope that your wrist broken defending the Empire did not include your “walking out” finger affecting your Pioneer activities in the coal store.

  • John Tenniswood // March 21, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    Barry Thanks for that

    Hope all is well with you and your Apple. I am sure you know the 3 Tonner I mean. It is the model shown in the picture in the Bermuda site with the R Sigs Motor cycle team…

  • John Tenniswood // March 21, 2008 at 10:17 pm

    Was Albert the man with the horse and cart who collected the rubbish ?

    If so we hired him and his vehicle for a Tramps Ball and dressed as tramps collected our dates (nurses from the Hospital in town) to take us to Prospect.

    The North American term for tramps is not the same as ours and the girls were wearing lingerie, suspenders and stockings. ( I think they were taking the piss) We loved this but the garrison wives who had dressed in our version of tramps were none too pleased. Particularly I think because some of them looked smarter in their tramps costume that as seen in the Naafi shop

    Tee Hee

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 10:22 pm

    John.
    In your memoirs, you said you were in the army cadet force. Sherwood Foresters. Does this mean you were one of the original Hoodies? (Robin Hood – ies, get it).

    Well I am supposed to be a right nutter! Ha Ha.

  • Jack Madron // March 21, 2008 at 11:11 pm

    Just noticed.
    ET changed to ED. Makes no difference anyhow, both laughing their heads off.

    ED: Re-corrected Jack – thought you had misspelled!!

  • John Tenniswood // March 22, 2008 at 11:39 am

    Jack

    Got it in one.

    Who would have thought I would end up with a belly like Friar Tuck. Did I forget to put the long bow on my list of weapon training?

    ED: Happy to search for one on Google, John!!

  • Jack Madron // March 22, 2008 at 11:46 am

    Hi Derek.

    Any idea what I could have done wrong? Being a newcomer to this computer lark, it was probably me who’s at fault.
    The set up I’ve got is a laptop with a modem plugged in, no landline, told it works the same as a mobile phone. Still, might get it right one day.

    PS.
    I think both ET and ED are appropriate. Ha Ha.

    ED: Jack, I think that we need to arrange to have a one-on-one workshop with my Technical Team – so I’m sending you a photo by email so that you’ll know to let ‘em in at your front door. There is no charge for their services – please just offer them the usual LI courtesies.

  • John Tenniswood // March 22, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Confession

    I liked haversack rations.

    Became addicted after the Bermuda days when I spent a lot of time on rifle ranges. Some times in the butts Derek, preventing people from poking .303 size holes in the targets with pencils like you lot as you have confessed. Must have been quite a laugh though if the guy shooting sees signalled 6 Outers, 4 Inners, 2 Magpies, and 7 Bulls having just fired 10 rounds application.

    ED: Cpl Roberts made me do it, Sir!!

    But talking of the butts – I’m not sure if Swanny will remember an occasion at Bodmin Ranges in December 1953 or thereabouts. Probably at 300 yds with Brens, freezing fucking cold, blizzard snow blowing horizontally, we all wearing both sets of woolly jammies under our denims on top of drawers and vests woollen, and most other issued gear, with those bloody great thick greatcoats and ammo pouches and Sergeant Cook bollocking Swanson for firing on the wrong target! Then McGough copped another round of abuse for walking in front of a prone brengunner! That’s what the young rebellious dickheads of today need to experience – eh?

  • John Tenniswood // March 22, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    My My aren’t we all active today. Have we all been taking our Sanatogen Tonic Wine or has that Easter Bunny called on you ?

  • Jack Madron // March 22, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Thanks Derek.
    What a technical team you have! I like the one with the telescopic sights. Unfortunately, if they turned up at my door, all I could offer is a good old LI welcome and a cup of tea.

  • John Tenniswood // March 22, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    Ed

    Your memories of the clothing and kit in 1953 reminds me that without any criticism of modern soldiers that if you were in action in say Afghanistan in those days in summer you would be in shirt sleeve order, no armoured vests, no night vision etc (think of the firepower of your platoon compared with one today)

    In winter you would have the same clothing as you had on that range that day supplemented as Bill will verify from his Korea days with whatever you could scrounge (that right Bill?)

  • JT // March 22, 2008 at 4:26 pm

    Jack

    All this talk of Butts will be getting you interested in Naughty Nurses when you know how on your LAP TOP

  • Jack Madron // March 22, 2008 at 4:44 pm

    Recently unearthed an old certificate for shooting. Dated Monday 9th May 1955.
    Harbour Head Range.
    Kingston. Jamaica. Inter Company L.M.G. Team Match.
    1 gun.Lt Rowe. Sgt Clark.
    2 gun. Cpl Madron. Pte Thornton.
    3.gunPte Barker. Cpl Harvey.
    4.gun Pte Penhalligon. L/Cpl Harvey.
    Winners “S” Company.

  • JT // March 22, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    Top Guns

  • Jack Madron // March 22, 2008 at 7:25 pm

    John.

    Top Guns. That’s what I thought when I first saw the photo that Derek emailed me. I think I’ll forget all about Naughty Nurses. If it’s what I think it is, I’ll only get frustrated and there’s nothing worse than a frustrated ex machine gunner. By the way, I used to enjoy gnawing away at those hard tack biscuits we had in compo rations.

  • Jack Madron // March 23, 2008 at 12:12 am

    Just found out that the PIAT was not French as I’ve always been led to believe, but British. Brought out in time for the Sicily landings. Still complete sods to cock though.

  • JT // March 23, 2008 at 3:03 am

    Jack you shouldn’t be getting excited about anti tank weapons at your age. Have you tried Snakes and Ladders?

    ED: Thinking of you Jack!

  • jt // March 23, 2008 at 2:59 am

    Jack
    You were thinking of that female French midget in the black dress Edith Whatsit.

    Hard Tack biscuits. I can recommend Spillers Shapes Dog Biscuits. It says on the packet that they have wonderful meaty taste

    You might have to soak them a bit in your Bovril. Try them..Happy Gumming

  • Editor // March 23, 2008 at 9:26 am

    ISSUED COMBAT GEAR IN 1952

    Gidday Cheps.

    Just heard from Bill Griffiths, who has not been too well. Get Well Soon Bill we miss your comments ‘Ole Mate! Regards and BIG HUGS to Nancy too – we are all thinking of you both.

    Thanks also Bill, for your Korea action pix and comments on the dress and kit issued in 1952. Unable to reproduce the photo here, but have searched You Tube and the nearest Commonwealth clip I can find is hotlinked to title above. Shows how different was the battle equipment in those days!

    Tempus Fugit!

  • Bill Griffiths // March 23, 2008 at 8:48 am

    Hi Guys,

    Sorry have been out of touch over the last couple of weeks, not had avery good time, but now feeling a little better. JT, really impressed with your memoirs, and brings back memories of Devizes, Stockbridge and Manchester. Keep it up, looking forward to more.

    I was already a Sgt when I went on my course so enjoyed the privileges of the Sgts Mess, but I had Nancy with me at the time, and lived in Digs in town.

    With regard to the QL – I did my driver training in one in 1952, and if we stalled the engine, our instructor used to make us get out and swing the starting handle, but whilst we got out, the bastard used to switch off the ignition. I nearly lost my right arm on quite a few occasions trying to get the engine started.

    Ah well, thats life ain’t it?

    Happy Easter to you all, and it is great to be back in harness, reading all your stories. Keep it up chaps.

    Bill G.

  • Jack Madron // March 23, 2008 at 9:55 am

    Sorry Chaps.
    I try to act my age but you know the old saying.

    “Young in the mind, Young in the body”.
    Not true. Still, “No Regrets”.
    Pun intended.

    “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien.”

  • JT // March 24, 2008 at 11:50 am

    Guys

    Jack has finally flipped – He’s speaking in tongues

    Bill

    Thanks. Good to have you back. Thought you would recognize some familiar RAPC stuff. Did you also notice how strict was their Military Training and their smartness etc?

  • Jack Madron // March 24, 2008 at 1:34 pm

    Not guilty John.

    Only frog lingo I know is, “Ribbit, Ribbit”. I think our edificated friend, down under is responsible for that. I can’t even speak English proper like.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 24, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    Hi Jt and Ed.

    JT mentioned Albert Jennings the horse and cart man who picked up the swill from the cookhouse etc. He’s the old coloured chap with the horse and cart in the photo on A Coy web with Ivor Barratt sitting on the horse.

    On my way to duties down North Shore MOD bathing beach I would go by his old shack where he lived at the bottom of training area at back of the NAAFI, he would shout to me to come in and sample various types of rum mixtures he had concocted, you can guess, by the time I had left him I wouldn’t know whether I was on my head or my heels, boy was that hooch Rocket fuel, but these were the hazards we faced on the front line!!!

    Dunno whether Derek ever tasted Alberts tinctures can’t remember?

    Swanny.

    PS: Those were the days when you couldn’t say BLACK??

    ED: I must confess Swanny, that rum wasn’t my taste (at that time), I preferred Tom Collins and an occasional beer from the Naafi and not the warm weak Yankee crap that we were served in Hamilton. I do recall however, the black part distilled rum in the tar topped demijohns that Waster Greenslade imbibed upon. I think that we have already reported that incident when you and I and Roy and maybe a few others, tied Waster to the bench with his belt – at the quayside edge – to prevent the prick from falling in the briny!

  • JT // March 24, 2008 at 5:58 pm

    All

    That was Albert, our “chauffeur” to the Tramps Ball. He even cleaned the wagon up and put on some bales of straw. Poor old Albert he looked the part didn’t he.

    By the way, talking about coloured/black I never saw a black person until I left Derbyshire and eventually passed through London after Training at Catterick. Then there were some.

    Quite a lot of US Servicemen particularly “Snowdrops” – the US Air Force MPs who patrolled the rail stations. Most seemed to be black. Odd isn’t it ?

  • JT // March 24, 2008 at 6:02 pm

    Jack

    You mentioned a band. Are you a Rock Star ? If so did you have teenage groupies ?

  • JT // March 24, 2008 at 6:06 pm

    Swanny

    Funny, Barry Nichols the medic and I used to have many daytime duties down at the North Shore swimming place. Tough duty wasn’t it?

  • JT // March 24, 2008 at 8:23 pm

    Jack

    There was a story in Bermuda that an American woman tourist having seen the bugle cap badge of the sentry on the Guardroom verandah later wrote to the CO when she got back to the States. She said she had found an old bugle cap badge near her home at Brandywine Creek and wanted to know what the connection was. I don’t know what her reaction was when he wrote back and told her the history. The Americans call it the Massacre of Brandywine Creek.

    Did anyone else hear a version of this story?

  • Editor // March 24, 2008 at 8:33 pm

    HISTORY OF THE BRITISH ARMY IN BERMUDA

    Following on from the ‘edification’ trend of the current blogs and JT’s mention of his sojourn in the Sherwood Foresters, there are some interesting recent comments regarding that Regiment’s posting to Bermuda in 1937.

    The Editor of bermuda-online is a close colleague of ours – one Keith Forbes – who has an indirect family connection to the former boss of the KSLI, killed in Kenya in 1955. Keith manages the website that offers a wide coverage of the British Army in Bermuda.

    Click on the hotlinked title to browse.

    Carpe Diem!

  • Jack Madron // March 24, 2008 at 7:59 pm

    Hi John.

    No, I wasn’t a rock star, worst luck and no groupies either, more worst luck. I did have a country band. Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings etc, style. The band was named after a DCLI battle with the Yanks, “BRANDY CREEK”. We dropped the wine part.

    Had a great time travelling around and playing to country music fans. No money but a great time. Played Brean Sands in Somerset a few times. That’s where John Griffin had his photos taken in western gear.

    Now my past has caught up with me, I think I’ll hide away somewhere or emigrate.

    ED: If emigrating Jack, try OZ – you’ll just need to brush up on your expletives vocabulary – you’ll need 100+ words of pure dirt to qualify and then some. I’ll get L/Cpl Edward (Jesus Mo’) Bear (in the Sudan) to bring you up to date with current requirements!

  • Jack Madron // March 24, 2008 at 10:32 pm

    John,

    Haven’t heard that story before but it reminds me of the first time we were allowed out in Minden, on joining the Regiment. We were all in uniform as we hadn’t got passes for civvies.

    This large American car pulled up along side of us and these GI’s got out. We chatted for a while then one of them asked about the cap badge. We told them about the bugle and coronet being LI and a county regiment. Then they asked about the red behind the cap badge. We had great pleasure in telling them the story.

    They didn’t say anymore, just got into the car and drove off. Somehow, I don’t think they were that pleased.

    ED: See DCLI Timeline for some references to The American War of Independence

  • Jack Madron // March 24, 2008 at 10:56 pm

    Derek,

    I don’t think I need any lessons in swearing, I ain’t no angel. What does get me narked is the language that the youth of today use, mostly the girls. Maybe I’m too old fashioned. There’s a time and place for that sort if thing but to them it’s anytime, any place.

    ED: Goes with the binge drinking I guess Jack!

  • JT // March 25, 2008 at 4:28 pm

    I know what you mean guys. I remember trying to pick up a girl in Swindon in 1953 and she told me to piss off. She was a WREN.. she only did it with officers

  • John Tenniswood // March 25, 2008 at 4:44 pm

    Seriously for a bit

    The National Union of Teachers have voted today against the Army (Our Army -The British Army) from recruiting in schools. These Teachers are the the ”profession” that turns out kids of 16 who are totally illiterate and ignorant of our history.

    How is it that OUR (your) grandchilden (the teachers of today) are such ignorant little wankers. Are we (you) to blame?

    Our (CULTURE) Secretary (in Government) wants to ban the singing of Rule Britannia at the last night of the proms at Albert Hall and wants something more “Multicultural”

    “BEAM ME UP SCOTTIE”.

  • John Tenniswood // March 25, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    Last Night of the Proms,

    If they they going to trash “Rule Britannia” I want “Queen Farina Queen of all the Wogs” in memory of all the poor fuckers who in the 50’s did their time in the shit hole of the world – The Suez Canal Zone. You can tell I was nearly sent to Tell el Kebir .. I still have nightmares.

    I am thinking of starting a Web Site called “I Nearly went to Tel el Kebir (TEK) veterans association” and could we get compensation ?

  • Jack Madron // March 25, 2008 at 10:42 pm

    Derek,

    If you get in contact with John Goddard, could you ask him if he remembers a Cpl in the band called Yanto? I think that was his nickname. I believe his party piece with the band when they gave concerts was “Post Horn Gallop”. I didn’t know him that well. Met him in the Cpls Mess the first time I went in for a cuppa. I remember we had a game of snooker.

    ED: Thanks Jack – will do – I’m due to catch up with John soon

  • Jack Madron // March 25, 2008 at 10:53 pm

    John.
    They were playing “Rule Britannia” a lot at the England Under 21’s football match tonight on Sky Sports. Come to think of it, if she ruled the waves, when we were on the Empire Clyde, she never used a very straight ruler. Did she?

    ED: Even the chunder blew sideways – John?

  • anon // March 25, 2008 at 11:24 pm

    Bermuda Nights
    The Rifle Range sleep over

    On Warwick Ranges night was falling
    On the dunes the soldiers lay
    The nearest bar was miles away
    Land crabs crawling
    Crickets squalling
    Usual clammy dew was falling

    From the beach a voice was calling
    “Come on soldier half a crown”
    Mockingbird had come from town
    “You must be joking a soldier hissed
    We only pay that when we’re pissed”

    The Guard Commander hears the row
    and hurries over to the spot
    “Mockingbird you’ll get me shot
    go back to town you silly cow
    A Yankee ship has docked today
    The crew will be ashore with pay”

    “Now how you sound you Corporal man
    You gettin all de big emotion
    since you get dat big promotion?
    you and Mock was friends last year
    parttickly when you on de beer”

    “Damn and Blast” the Corporal swore
    “Here’s 2 bob you noisy whore
    The duty truck is going to town
    Get in the back and keep well down”

    So off she went that dusky maid
    always happy to be paid
    skipping lightly on her feet
    to rendezvous with the US fleet

  • Jack Madron // March 25, 2008 at 11:29 pm

    John.
    I’ve come to the conclusion that most school teachers, like politicians, don’t know if their arseholes are Bored, Punched or Eaten Out by Maggots.

    ED: That’s if they can find that particular orifice first!!

  • Jack Madron // March 25, 2008 at 11:37 pm

    Anon. Bloody brilliant. Just woke the whole street laughing so loud.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 26, 2008 at 10:37 am

    JT and Ed,

    Met Jack Madron in Pz yesterday and like Jt says about British Army are being banned by NUT, we were discussing the topic.

    Our country has gone to pot!! Appeasing every aspect of British culture – but our own!! When is it going to be something beneficial to our own British culture? We were brought up in Great Britain in schools with respect for the crown and constitution, sadly the majority of our population seems to have lost the plot, I don’t know the answer and sadly our grandchildren are growing up in a crackpot society!!!

    Neil.

    ED: Them that can do! – Them that can’t – teach!! As JT and Jack have already commented – teachers fail on a grand scale to keep the spirit of Grated Britain alive. I seem to recall scanning a media article recently where the majority of youngsters today in the UK – think that Winston Churchill was the leader of a Rock Band! I can assure you however t’ain’t just a UK problem. We have a culture in OZ that is intent on encouraging morons to procreate more morons on a downward spiralling basis – and rewarding the cretinous f**kers to do it.

    PS: See “Rivers of Blood” speech – Enoch Powell – April 1968 – says it all!! AND – 74% of opinions polled – agreed with Enoch’s sentiments!

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 26, 2008 at 11:07 am

    Ed,

    While on holiday in Ostende Belgium a couple of years ago, it was of special interest to me because during WW2 we had lots of evacuees in our school, Belgians, French, Dutch, Channel Islanders. I had a closeness to Ostende because my home Newlyn was a fishing Port also. As children we were at first very suspicious of these foreigners? – but growing up with them (we developed) a great affinity with them in a wartime situation’

    I walked to the fishmarket and while there met a man who went to our school and had a nice chat etc. In the evening back at our hotel, the man in reception knew the man that I had met and in conversation with the receptionist (discovered) he was at Brussels University.

    He said that in one year of studying the students had to go for two weeks and spend it in the Trenches where the British Army fought in the first WWar, dressed in WW1 Army uniform and replica kit – i.e. mess tins and rations the same as WW1. He said that they would never forget what the British Army had done for the Belgian Nation, and would never ever forget the sacrifice of the so many lives to save the Belgian people.

    I felt so proud of what that chap had told me and to have served in the British Army the finest in the world.

    Swanny

    ED: Thanks for that comment Swanny. An appropriate report to show that some examples of respect and gratitude can still be found in some pockets of the world. I ponder however on what your reception might have been (currently) in some of the northern French ports.

    PS: Might I also record however, that during the recent (initial) searchings for “Tommy Atkins” – I emailed the Editor of the Antwerp Newspaper for assistance in publishing the reference points – guess what – SFA!! In direct contrast to the Cornish Newspapers in early 2007 when asked to publish the “A” Company 1DCLI website – the Editor and staff fell over backwards to help.

  • Editor // March 27, 2008 at 7:41 am

    MESSAGE IN FROM BILL GRIFFITHS

    Just had an email and photo from Bill apologising for his lack of enthusiasm lately – he’s a tad under the weather, has lost some weight and is up for some tests which are making him a bit nervous. He tells me he’s off his tipple which is a bit of a worry!! Nancy the Boss is slowly improving and they had a meal with daughter Anthea (WOW!!) last Sunday – so they can get out to brave the weather somewhat.

    He’d appreciate an email or two from any of the lads so inclined to cheer him up.

    Thanks Cheps.

  • John Tenniswood // March 27, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    Bill

    Hope you feel better soon Billy Boy. We really appreciate your presence on this blog.

    After all you are the senior soldier in every respect.

  • Jack Madron // March 27, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    Bill.

    I think John has said it all for us. Get well soon and hurry on back. We need someone to keep this shower of Janker Wallahs in hand.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 27, 2008 at 4:09 pm

    Hi Bill,

    Sorry to hear you have been under the weather as stated by JT and Ed, nice to hear Nancy is bit better. You have been under a lot of strain over past few weeks lets hope you are better soon, I only wish I could get you a drop of Albert Jennings home made rum that I used to sample in Bermuda that would do the trick, get well soon old friend, as said we need you back for the CRAIK,

    Neil (SWANNY)

    ED: OK OK – I’ll ask the dumb question – what’s a CRAIK?

    (Methinks!) Maybe a “Where be that wurzel to” vocabulary – or maybe – a Combine Harvester word?

  • Jack Madron // March 27, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    John.

    A question, sir. Are you writing under the pseudonym of Brian Reade in the “DAILY MIRROR” on Thursdays?

    The reason I ask is; he’s having a right go at the N.U.T’s, just like you did the other evening. When reading his article, I thought, Hey I’ve read something like this, this week, already!

    If you want to read his columns, visit the Daily Mirror

    He has a go at anyone and anything.

  • John Tenniswood // March 27, 2008 at 6:23 pm

    Jack

    No I do not read this paper. Is this f**ker copying me do you think?

    I see in other papers that people writing in are mostly pissed of with the lefty f**king N.U.T. who can’t even turn out kids who can read or write. Who spawned these creeps? (the so called teachers)

    Some people writing in are saying that kids who otherwise are trashed by society (and f**ked up by teachers) join the Army and get:

    Self esteem
    Learn a trade
    Pride in their unit
    And more important – themselves.

  • John Tenniswood // March 27, 2008 at 6:39 pm

    Derek

    Good old Enoch. He got it right didn’t he?

    ED: ‘Fraid so JT – Last Remains?

  • John Tenniswood // March 27, 2008 at 7:12 pm

    Many teachers (like politicians) have no experience in the real world. They are a pampered elite who often because of the sacrifice of their parents (whom they ultimately betray) when they go to universities and are immersed in juvenile lefty half arsed ideas resistant to common sense and reality.

    Also they turn up to class wearing their up to date trainers, appropriate piercings and tattoos and hope by being “cool ” the pupils will respect them.

  • john Tenniswood // March 27, 2008 at 6:26 pm

    Jack

    See you met Swanny recently. Was this the first time you met each other?

  • Jack Madron // March 27, 2008 at 8:05 pm

    John.
    I’ve known Swanny for a great number of years.

    Our fathers were shipmates together, fishing out of the port of Newlyn. This was long before the Army got hold of us. I’m a little bit older than Swanny. Think of the chaos we’d have caused in Bodmin if we’d been called up together. Doesn’t bear thinking about, does it?

    ED: A song for Swanny and it’s not a swan song either – you smartarses!

  • John Tenniswood // March 27, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    Jack

    Well something like common sense must have rubbed off on them from you Jacko.

    You must be proud.

  • Editor // March 27, 2008 at 9:45 pm

    CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?

    Other than whacking the Poms at cricket and sledging the Indians, I doubt that OZ can outdo Grated Britain in most matters of incredulity and any worthy of media attention.

    However, the hotlinked article above might demonstrate that insanity is not limited to England’s green and promised land!

    Mmmm! Speaking of England – but then – Cider not Rum!

    PS: Thanks Cheps – for your prompt posts for Bill – he’ll appreciate ‘em I know, and will doubtless be back soon with his enthusiastic comments

  • Jack Madron // March 27, 2008 at 8:57 pm

    Hi John. Me again.

    I agree with all you say about most teachers. I suppose one or two are OK. My son went to university, worked bloody hard and got his B.Sc. With Honours (Don’t know were he got his brains from, wasn’t his Dad).

    He is now working in Oxford as a psychiatric nurse. Married, no children. My daughter lives local. Married, three children. She served for ten years as a medic in the LI. TA.

    Not bad for an ex Cpl from the Dukes.

    PS: Maybe I would have ended up in the coal store in Bermuda as well. Ha Ha.

  • Jack Madron // March 28, 2008 at 12:06 am

    Derek,

    Are we going to argue over who’s got the biggest idiots, you or us? I think the lunatics have taken over the world. Think I’ll join them. At least my son will make sure I take my medication regularly.

    ED: Made your point Jack and L/Cpl Ted (Jesus, Mo) Bear hasn’t even made a contribution – yet!

  • Jack Madron // March 28, 2008 at 12:47 am

    ED. Is he still under cover? Or has he gone AWOL?

    ED: Crikey Jack – It’s late morning here – don’t you ever sleep?

    PS: Ted is doing some deep and meaningful thinking at the moment – but is so engrossed in the undercover burkha stuff – and awaiting another burst of Islamic logic! – Can’t be far off now, the locals have been quiet for a few weeks! But then – there’s an arsehole in Jakarta who’s comments (worms, snakes and maggots) beggar belief!

    PPS: Thought I’d pass on some other rivetting media releases - to keep you awake!

  • John Tenniswood // March 28, 2008 at 3:33 am

    Under recent legislation it is an offense to discriminate on grounds of age.

    It is high time these young martyrs stood aside and let the poor old Imams have a chance. It’s just an excuse to bunk off school.

    An enterprising Birmingham firm has offered to make a cunning device consisting of an exploding Zimmer Frame linked to an Incendiary Colostomy Bag at discounted rates.

    There is no VAT on this item as it comes under Religious Artifacts. It is expected that many religious gentlemen will take advantage. We understand that the device has a jolly little random detonator.

    ED: Do the Instructions advise not to stand under a fan when it goes off? Can’t you sleep either JT?

  • JT // March 28, 2008 at 3:43 am

    The Worzles

    Blimey it’s that Cornish lot. Or is it Jacks band? Which one is you Jack?

  • Dr Acular MD // March 28, 2008 at 3:38 am

    Just look at the time folks. Soon be daylight and I must go the basement.

    That bitch whose neck I’ve been sucking must have had garlic in her Pizza.

    I feel reelly woozy.

  • Rev Borodin Maltravers // March 28, 2008 at 5:33 am

    Dear Dr Acular,

    Just a long shot. But I also have particular interest in sucking.

    I have recently had an unfortunate and embarrassing incident with an ex machine gunner mistaking his obsession with Vickers (apparently a machine gun) thinking he meant VICARS. Clearly not. He was very rude and I cried and cried. So I wonder if you and I might have a common interest.

    By the way your basement sounds cozy. I tend to socialize in the mens loo on Clapham Common (a pun? Common interest?) but it is a bit chilly this time of year. By the way I hate garlic you may be pleased to know.

    Yours in anticipation
    Borodin Maltravers
    (Fluffy to my friends)

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 28, 2008 at 11:52 am

    Ed, you spent two years with we Cornish. You Brissol lot speak bit like us, Ibent goin dowm down town tonite cusson cusss?? We Cornish say Madder doa which translated means Cornish Bullfighter.

    Swanny,

    PS: JT speaks that posh English!!

    ED: (Quote 3 boys playing football – Brissol) – “Ooze eddies off-side? Knee-way, snot chore ball” (Reply) “Eyes eddies off-side! ooze ref free, ewer me?” (Observer) “Awry, awry! less top now – slate, nigh mungry” FROM “KREK WAITERS PEAK BRISTLE” OR “Useful sanes from Wess Vinglun”

  • Jack Madron // March 28, 2008 at 12:16 pm

    John.
    I think Swanny must have been a Wurzles fan when he was in Bermuda. “Blackbird, I’ll av ee”. Hence, two on each arm and coal shed.

    Ooo arr.

  • Jack Madron // March 28, 2008 at 2:09 pm

    Is CRAIK, Irish for piss up?
    Come on Swanny. Tell us!

  • Swanny (Swanson) // March 28, 2008 at 5:51 pm

    Jack,

    I think craik is sort of Gaelic for having a good time?? My youngest daughter is now back living in Cornwall with her family after living nr Dublin for 12 years. The main reason for coming home is that Eire is (that) like England and Scotland there seems to be more Poles etc over here, the Promised land!! We used to visit Eire at least twice a year but like everywhere in the UK we are inundated with foreigners.

    When we first went to Eire it was fantastic, going back to the Craik it was really something else, everywhere you went the Irish know how to party and always made everyone welcome. I noticed the difference last year there is not the same as yesteryear as Jack will tell you – even our fishing boats are crewed by foreigners, our Fathers would never have believed it.

    Anyway enough of that, I’m going to have a big clunck of Jamesons and think of the wonderful times I spent in Eire, especially in The Ballykissangel Pub in Wicklow last year.

    PS: I will have to find a way of making my own Poteen from now on!!

    Neil

  • Editor // March 29, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    ME LITTLE MATE BAZ!

    A bit of Aussie humour!

  • Jack Madron // March 29, 2008 at 11:35 pm

    Some advice for anyone who is flying to Texas. Remove any nipple rings before you go.

    It seems that the Bush bumpkins can’t tell a grenade from a breast when its in a bra. Or are they just dirty little sods?

  • John Tenniswood // March 30, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    Jack

    Thank you a timely warning. If any of us are going to Texas. Does this effect any other body piercings ?

    Everyone, talking of travel, on Tuesday I am going to lose my temper at Terminal 5. (am taking extra Beta Blockers and Aspirin). The plan is to go to Johannesburg and then Cape Town for a 2 week visit. Travelling between the 2 by train (2 nights)

    See Google
    Rovos.co.za

    ED: Have a good trip JT – hope you clear Terminal 5 OK

  • John Tenniswood // March 30, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    I will keep in touch from SAfrica if poss. There is bound to be a message service of native runners or drums. Saw it in Tarzan film with Johnny Wotsit when Cheetah in a funny scene ran up a tree with the letter. Jane had nice legs and wore leather knickers.

  • Jack Madron // March 30, 2008 at 10:31 pm

    Hey John.
    Have a nice two weeks and we’ll catch you when you get back.

  • Bill Griffiths // March 31, 2008 at 7:47 am

    Hi Guys,

    Thank you all for your good wishes. Yep! haven’t been feeling too good just lately, neither has my poor little Nancy, but hope things are going to improve when we see a little sunshine and I can get out of the house, away from the bloody kitchen sink for an hour or so.

    Went for the brain? scan the other day, the nurse said she didn’t actually see one, but there was something there that she didn’t recognize, guess she never ever saw our ‘Compo Rations’. Must be some left over up there????

    Seriously guys, great to hear from you, and to keep reading your hilarious stories…All good fun…I wonder what today’s kids will have to write about when they are our age? I bet half of them can’t remember what they did yesterday, that is if they bothered to get out of bed!

    Let’s have a few suggestions eh? Keep em coming chaps, and all best wishes to you all

    Bill & Nancy

  • Jack Madron // March 31, 2008 at 7:36 pm

    Hi Bill.

    Nice to know that you and Nancy are feeling a bit better. I think we’re all looking forward to some sunny weather, I know I am. Anyhow mate, you both look after yourselves. All the best.

    Jack.

  • Bill Griffiths // April 2, 2008 at 7:33 am

    As Derek would say “Morning Cheps”

    Thought I would let you know I am feeling a little better today. I have nothing against the Irish, after all they help everybody don’t they? Look at all the comedians who have failed without their help!!!

    Scous Jock & Paddy went for interviews for a job – told they could have it if they answered a question
    Scous..What does BBC stand for? Scous looked puzzled – Paddy whispered – British Broadcasting Corporation.
    Scous answered. – he got the job.

    Jock, what does ITV stand for? Jock looked puzzled – Paddy whispered Independent Television.
    Jock answered – he got the job.

    PADDY..what does DIY stand for? Paddy looked puzzled – looked to Scous & Jock for help – they both whispered DO IT YOURSELF.

    Paddy said, you rotten pair of bastards – I helped you two didn’t I?

    Have a good day guys.

    Bill

  • John Tenniswood // April 3, 2008 at 1:11 pm

    Hello Folks

    In Johannesburg harrassing my Boers.

    Keep the home fires burning preferably in Parliament Square

    ED:
    Methinks I see him and his gallant band,
    Looking terror to the foe: Oh! The sight was really grand,
    As he cried, “Give it them, lads; let’s do or die;
    And from Mafeking we’ll soon make them fly,
    And we’ll make them rue their rash undertaking
    The day they laid siege to the town of Mafeking.”

    Goodonyer JT – stick it up ‘em! Double the profits!!

  • Barry Cornish // April 3, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    I am really pleased to hear that you have arrived safely John. How did you manage to make it through the chaos of Terminal 5? Has your luggage arrived yet?

    Have a good holiday.

  • Derek Lovemore #22935157 // April 4, 2008 at 5:38 am

    Jack,

    Just caught up with John Goddard, bugler B Company Jamaica and spoke of Yanto and the Post Horn Gallop. John seems to remember a large guy, regular soldier who had individual tastes such as a newspaper delivered to his billet.

    I’ll be seeing John and his wife Sheila on the Gold Coast this weekend and will encourage him to get involved with the Blog Pages to join the merry band of heroes.

    Keep Well,

    Derek

  • Jack Madron // April 4, 2008 at 10:48 am

    Thank you Derek.

    Seems that John has got the right bloke. From what I can remember, Yanto was a rather large bloke (most of us were like bean poles) and he was a regular soldier as well. It would be nice if John gets involved with the Blog Pages. There would be two of us from Jamaica then. All the best.

    Jack

    ED: John mentioned also that Yanto had some individual tastes in his billet decorations also – but I’ll leave that to John to outline in more detail when he begins his blog commentaries. John has been offline for several months since last year, but is now back on email etc again – so I’ll bring him up to speed

  • Jack Madron // April 6, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    In one of the Sunday news papers today, there is a photo that makes me proud to be British. It is of an ex Machine Gunner. DCLI and a young Marine. Harry Patch and Mark Ormrod. Both wounded serving their country. One at Passchendaele and the other in Afghanistan and both still smiling.

    Gentlemen, I salute you both. I must forget my aches and pains.

    A POEM FOR HARRY

  • John Tenniswood // April 9, 2008 at 10:51 am

    Hello Boys

    Now in Cape Town 27 degrees (wot’s that in old money?)

    Barry, Terminal 5 (day 3) checked in ok but only took carry on luggage. Back in Blighty Sunday. Luvly

  • John Tenniswood // April 9, 2008 at 11:35 am

    Barry

    I’m working- not holiday. All right for you lucky retirees snoozing in the garden

  • Jack Madron // April 9, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    Hi Bill.
    Been pondering over what to do with todays teenagers. The only thing I can think of is either National Service or B and B.

    Not Bed and Breakfast but Birch and Borstal.

  • JT // April 10, 2008 at 9:06 am

    Jack

    Get that vickers out of mothballs. Shoot ‘em all.

  • JT // April 10, 2008 at 9:09 am

    Cape Town

    Aint ‘alf hot Mum

    Should be in KD really

  • Jack Madron // April 10, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    Hi John.
    With my eyesight I’d probably miss. Can you bring some of that warmth back with you on Sunday? We could do with some.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 11, 2008 at 11:42 am

    Hi Jt,

    Glad you’re fitting in with the natives!! I said on the other blog page I was hoping while you were there you could do a recce and go over the border and do the world a big favour and blow that bastard Mugabe to Kingdom come!! I only wished I was there with you, I would be delighted to do the job and bless the world with one more Bastard out of the way.

    Swanny.

  • John Tenniswood // April 13, 2008 at 9:10 am

    Hello Lads

    Back in Blighty. Hope you are are all well and kicking ass.

    ED: Welcome back home JT. Hope the Colonialists treated you well and appropriately! Grated Britain needs you – plenty of Shit Stirring opportunities! Swanny is even getting his parrot in the act!

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 13, 2008 at 7:20 pm

    Hi JT

    Nice to have you back, I see there was no response from you doing the world a favour! Now been watching the news and that bastard Mugabe is still acting in true despot fashion!! Ah well I suppose I will have to the job myself, will have to borrow a new USA laser weapon and zap him from Cornwall from the top of St. Michaels Mount??

    Swanny,

  • John Tenniswood // April 14, 2008 at 10:58 am

    Neil

    I think we should take a more balanced view. Poor old Mugwump is after all (like us) a pensioner. He could very well lose his bus pass if they get rid of him. (and in his case a free TV License)

    Also rumour has it that your .303 shooting wasn’t always that hot after a night in the coal store so God knows what your laser shooting is like. You might zap any corrupt African president by mistake. They are a bit thick on the ground over there.

    ED: Emphasis on ‘thick’ -?

  • John Tenniswood // April 14, 2008 at 11:59 am

    Everyone
    I think you will like this. An article in Cape Times the other day.
    Headline:
    “KILL THE BASTARDS”

    Pretoria Police have been given a license to kill – by a Deputy Minister. Susan Shubango. “You must kill the bastards (criminals) if they threaten you or the community. You must not worry about the regulations. That is my responsibility. Yours is to serve and protect.”

    “I want to assure the police that they have permission to kill criminals” “I will not tolerate any excuses, you have been given guns – use them”

    “I want no warning shots You have one shot and it must be a kill shot.” ” If criminals dare to threaten the police or innocent men, women or children they must be killed. End of story”

    Can you imagine our Deputy Home Secretary saying this in public ? Wonderful stuff

  • Jack Madron // April 14, 2008 at 2:10 pm

    Tut Tut John.
    What with, Health and Safety, Human Rights and so forth, you’ll have the PC brigade screaming blue murder. Also, all that burning cordite will add to global warming. We can’t win.

  • JT // April 14, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    Political Correctness

    I hereby put on the record that I did not mean that African Presidents are thick because they are AFRICAN Presidents but that they are numerous (thick on the ground).

    Oh fuck it Neil, zap ‘em all if you get that Laser. Have you tried E Bay?

  • JT // April 14, 2008 at 5:20 pm

    Jack

    Don’t you lurve the smell of cordite in the morning?

  • Jack Madron // April 14, 2008 at 6:17 pm

    John.
    In the slightly altered words of the Alma Cogan 1950’s song. “Sugar Time”.
    Cordite in the morning.
    Cordite in the evening.
    Cordite at suppertime.

    Lovely.

  • JT // April 14, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    Derek

    Can we get the above (referred) poem on?

    How are the travel injuries? Luckily I tottered about without mishap. Mind you I do tend to totter when I’ve had a few.

    “THE ABSENT MINDED BEGGAR” by Rudyard Kipling (hotlinked)

  • Jack Madron // April 15, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    He may have been a FORGETFUL OLD BEGGAR but he made exceedingly good cakes.

  • JT // April 16, 2008 at 9:03 am

    Derek and Swanny

    This man should be charged under Section 252 “Conduct to the Prejudice of Good Order and Military Discipline” in that he on April 4th 2008 did take the wee wee out of poor old Kippers

  • Jack Madron // April 16, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    Not guilty Sir,

    On April 4th 2008 I was in conversation with the ED. Discussion was about a rather corpulent Cpl in the Band. It was not until April 15th 2008 that any mention was made about smoked fish.

    Sir.

  • JT // April 16, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    Ed

    This man is trying to be a clever bugger Sir. Wot he reelly reelly wants is 28 days detention or worse 14 days on Ports Island, Bermuda with no sun block. Or as Ruddy said

    ” I’d hove him down in the mangroves brown.
    Where the mud reef sucks and drawers
    Moored by his heel to his own keel to wait for the land crabs claws”

  • Jack Madron // April 16, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    John.

    This Ports Island must have been a lovely place as it has been mentioned quite a few times. I think I would rather enjoy a nice sandy beach and some warm sunshine, it would do my aching joints the world of good.

    As for land crabs, I think you’ll find that Derek shot them all.

  • JT // April 16, 2008 at 11:02 pm

    There were crabs crabs crawling on the slabs
    In the stores
    In the stores
    There were crabs crabs crawling on the slabs
    In the Quartermasters Stores……
    ?

  • JT // April 17, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    Think I’m going barmy

  • Jack Madron // April 17, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    John.
    Join the clan.

  • Jack Madron // April 17, 2008 at 10:29 pm

    Telly off, laptop on, trying to think of something to say and all I can think of is food.
    Must be the mentioning of crabs.
    One large plate of fresh crabmeat. Some nice crisp lettuce and some off the vine English tomatoes.
    Now I’ve made myself bloody hungry.
    Oh, nearly forgot. Salt and vinegar to taste.
    Sod it, mouth is watering now.

  • JT // April 18, 2008 at 10:16 pm

    Jack

    Your are on healthy stuff. Me? – Bacon Eggs Sausage Tomatoes Loads of buttered toast.
    Get the wife to call 999

  • Jack Madron // April 18, 2008 at 11:14 pm

    Hi John.
    I only eat food that I like. Roast beef, eggs and bacon, pasties and any sea food that I can get hold of.
    My boss says, most people eat to live but I just live to eat. She’s right of course.

  • JT // April 19, 2008 at 1:21 am

    Talking about Ports Island – the Mid Ocean News reports that the remains of a Cornish Pastie have been discovered there. Carbon dating places this fascinating find to be 1955. We have on record that the only source of this object in Bermuda was Swanny who had his own supplier at that time. (They were only supposed to have compo rations when on leave there)

    I remember telling Derek that I once saw (and ate) in a Cornish Pastie cafe in Carson City Nevada. This was run by 2 fags and was called Tommyknockers. Cornishmen will know all about Tommyknockers.

    Just look at the time

  • Jack Madron // April 19, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    John.
    Are you saying that Swanny didn’t finish eating a pasty?
    Shame on him.

  • JT // April 19, 2008 at 1:10 pm

    Swanny

    Did you just leave the crusts you naughty boy

  • Maj T Nocker (Ret) MP // April 19, 2008 at 1:51 pm

    Dear ex Or’s

    I venture to point out (as I am apparently the only commissioned rank so far – unsurprisingly considering the uneducated clap trap usually presented to engage in this so called blog) that the very mention of Nockers (or knockers) (let alone fags) is taking you rank and file chappies into very dangerous (libelous?) ground.

    I would remind you that the Official Secrets Act which you all signed is for life.

    p.s

    By the way I had a fag at Eton who did the most exciting things for me with butter after he did my buttered toast in the afternoons, but I digress,..

  • Ex OR // April 19, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    An Old Etonian and only made Major?

  • Jack Madron // April 19, 2008 at 2:36 pm

    Everybody.
    Tommyknocker is an English word used in Cornwall for spirit or ghost of a miner.
    The Cornish word for ghost or hobgoblin is BUCCA.
    Ask Swanny about BUCCAS.

    OK Swanny?

  • JT // April 19, 2008 at 9:22 pm

    Is this why Swanny had this thing about the coal store. Should have been a tin mine ?

    Ask him yourself Jack

    Swanny bet you wish you had never told us about your coal store adventures.

    We are just envious really.

  • Maj T Nocker (Ret) MP // April 19, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    Well ex OR old chap

    Fact is I got into a bit of bother concerning a WRAC Cpl in Aldershot in 1956. Although she was in my room unclothed and I was somehow tied to the bed similarly attired when the CO walked in without knocking. (bad form that) (he had been the very fag at Eton previously mentioned) Sort of stunted my career what ?

  • Maj T Nocker (Ret) MP // April 19, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    Anyhow retired early got well paid job British Legion, (good reference from CO of course- little shit) Got into Conservative safe seat. Great expenses (employ wife, her mother , grand mother(RIP but still on the books) Loads of lolly
    Why I am engaging in correspondence with you lot escapes me for the moment. Must be a death wish again.

  • Ex OR // April 19, 2008 at 11:05 pm

    Maj Nocker
    With a CV like yours you should be President of R O B (Rip Off Briton)
    Three questions.
    Were you in the Black Watch?
    If you were, did you know Pte Jock Strap?
    Was Rev Maltravers your Reg Padre?

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 20, 2008 at 9:21 am

    JT,
    Jack is taking the piss out of me!! Buccas, he is referring to the Village where I came from – Definition? Many years ago they didn’t have WC’s in Newlyn. They had a man with horse and cart would come around shouting Shit! Shit! and collect same from the houses!!

    Now for Jack? Ask him how we in Newlyn named our neighbours in his village of Mousehole Cutthroats???

    Swanny.

  • Jack Madron // April 20, 2008 at 12:21 pm

    Hell Swanny.
    Didn’t know your memory went back that far.
    Horse and cart!

    Ed, have you been away gallivanting again?

  • JT // April 21, 2008 at 12:02 pm

    Where’s Bill ?

    Where’s Ed ?

  • Maj T Nocker (Ret) MP // April 21, 2008 at 11:34 am

    EX OR
    Dear Oik
    I remind you that when writing to an officer you are supposed to end correspondence as follows:

    Your obedient servant

    No I was not in the Sheep Shaggers

    Though I did meet (as witness) The Rev in an Aldershot Court Martial in 1955 when he had that little problem with the Catering Corp private.

    Fluffy was innocent of course and the ACC private (he had a cold sore, nasty little brute) (so did Fluffy now I think of it) was reprimanded.

  • JT // April 21, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    Neil

    My Grandma lived in a small cottage in Derbyshire. I used to stay with her during the war. In the back garden was a 2 holer (side by side) very intimate. A bin lorry would call every week and the contents of the buckets tipped in…perfumed by Izal. Bog paper newspaper on a nail.
    Ah those were the days…..

  • JT // April 21, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    See that streak long of piss Prince W – after rudimentary training gets to borrow a f…ing helicopter to go to a stag do. Then borrow another to park in his girlfriends paddock. Treated like any other Pilot Officer…they say

    Are we to assume the worst when he does his stint in the Navy and he does a crash course as a Trident nuclear submarine commander.

    Cowes Week perhaps ?

    Bah

  • JT // April 21, 2008 at 1:52 pm

    ED…Long Streak of Piss…think I’m getting sentence dyslexia

  • JT // April 21, 2008 at 1:53 pm

    How do you spell dyslexia ?

    Help

    ED: Done JT

  • Jack Madron // April 21, 2008 at 2:59 pm

    John.
    Lying down in a darkened room helps.

  • Editor // April 21, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    HAVE YOU ORDERED YOUR MECCA WATCH?

    Are all you squaddies up to date with Mecca Time?

    As you know (?) there is a proposal at foot to correct the colonial usage of GMT – ‘cos the Koran says so!!

  • Jack Madron // April 21, 2008 at 5:53 pm

    John.
    Re Long Streak of Piss. If he does join the Navy – maybe, in the words of a Lonnie Donegan song, we could “Stuff His Head With Cannon Balls and Powder His Behind” and fire him out of a torpedo tube.

  • JT // April 21, 2008 at 6:00 pm

    Thank you Jack and Ed

    Everyone – I am seriously pissed off.
    Do you think we should start a campaign to round up all financial journalists and BBC TV presenters, put them on a cross channel ferry and sink it mid channel. Machine gun any survivors (Your speciality Jack I think). Being of fisherman stock you won’t get sea sick and miss the bastards

    Have you noticed that they also keep producing sickly looking smart ass CITY EXPERTS in pin striped suits with minutes of a news announcement who ejaculate and drool when giving their version of bad news. NEVER GOOD NEWS! – THEY JUST LOVE IT!

    Its the same with military matters. There is a spotty 14 years old EXPERT from “International Defence Institute” or something useless like that.. Little prick. He must be on 24 hour standby OR they keep him in a cupboard at BBC.

    BBC… nest of fucking lefty traitors.

    OK I’ll stop for a swig of SOUTH AFRICAN RED (Derek please note)

    RANT RANT RANT

    The wife’s in Barcelona with her sister so I can get pissed and swear.

    Oh shit was that the phone?

  • JT // April 21, 2008 at 6:30 pm

    Wife and her twin sister (double trouble) who is over from the States have gone to look at museums in Barcelona. I’d rather do 6 months in Colchester

    I do not wish to give the impression that I married a foreigner.

    I didnt answer the phone..I will say I was out with the dogs…that also gets me mucho Brownie points

  • Henry Smart ex Pioneer Corps // April 21, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    Talking about excrement – you have hit upon a precious memory of mine. My unit were specialists in latrines, digging, disposal etc. Most of my National Service was spent on Salisbury Plain where we provided latrines services for TA units on week end camps.

    We were known to be a crack unit in our field – CRACK! CRACK!

    Many is the time we after a hard days emptying and burying s..t we would as a jolly jape without getting changed or washing go into the Naafi at Tidworth. What a laugh that was!

    But how about this for a coincidence.. Our CO was a Major T Nocker. I think he was ex Brigade of Guards – very posh. We laughed when he came on site holding a hanky to his nose.

    We heard he had blotted his copy book at Aldershot with a WRAC Cpl – Put her up the duff – they got married – she sure wasn’t any oil painting unless Picasso did it. I never fancied those khaki thick stockings – did you?

    PS: I never found out what sort of knickers the WRACS wore. Did any of you ?

  • Jack Madron // April 21, 2008 at 8:10 pm

    John.
    City Experts! What is an expert?
    An EX is something that was – and a SPURT is a drip under pressure.

    So Mecca is the centre of the earth! Won’t be going there. With all that molten rock, it’s hotter than Hell and probably no virgins.

  • John Tenniswood // April 21, 2008 at 8:21 pm

    Good idea

    I am all for it MECCA TIME

    Legs Eleven, Five and nine – the Brighton Line

    Every bingo hall should open at the same time. Makes sense. Mecca Bingo in Balham, London used to start at 2.30pm. much better to set our clocks at 2.30pm and not worry about summer time nonsense.

    Stuff the Scottish farmers

    I was looking at the film of all the people at Mecca this year. Thousands and thousands – Must have been a big Jackpot that day

    Crowds like that always make me anxious for the nearest Gents. The wife says the men and women have buckets under their white frocks.

    I said it must be noisy at times. Like Niagara Falls.

  • John Tenniswood // April 21, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    Jack

    You know very well that all the virgins are on stand by in Paradise.

    “Right you lot, here’s another one. Wait for it WAIT for it — ATTENSHUN – AS YOU WERE, AS YOU WERE. Stand easy …. bloody hell – He’s not all there. Sorry Girls

  • Jack Madron // April 21, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    According to all the comments about excrement lately, my village must have been very civilised. We used to dump it over the harbour wall, into the sea.

    The surfing fraternity loved it. They got extremely skillful at dodging rocks and other things. I wonder if they got brownie point for that?

  • Jack Madron // April 21, 2008 at 10:26 pm

    An old friend, ex RN, asked me once if I knew why they called it Hell? I said no. Why? He said,”All the men have to hand in their cocks before going below”. That would be Hell!

  • Jack Madron // April 21, 2008 at 9:45 pm

    Paradise? Somehow I don’t think I’ll be welcome there.
    Oh well, miss out again.
    Maybe thats why they call the other place Hell. All the virgins are in Paradise

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 22, 2008 at 11:57 am

    Hi ED and JT.

    Now that we have an Officer on board – do either of you remember Lt. Middleton I Platoon Commander? The news went around – Hush-Hush!! that Mr. Middleton was having a horse sent to Bermuda from England. I heard this from his batman Andy Andrewartha who hailed from Falmouth.

    When this grey horse arrived Maj. Toots was not amused!! Where the horse was kept I can’t recall, but one day down to the barracks, came Mr M. and horse being led by A.A. The story goes on to nearing the square area – the horse apparently was spooked by something and dragged Andy forwards under its body. Mr. Middleton swearing and cursing, got the horse under control and made an exit towards the Officers Mess, I don’t ever know what happened to the horse but it was never seen again???

    The story we all heard if my memory serves me was that Mr. Middleton’s father was the Honorary Squire of Nottingham and a very wealthy Family – don’t know for sure if it was fact!!

    I heard through the grapevine that Maj. Toots was delighted the horse was gone!!

    Swanny.

    ED: Was that the week that the cooks served up fresh steaks for all meals?

  • Jack Madron // April 22, 2008 at 3:04 pm

    Ah. That’s the reason Swanny didn’t finish his pasty.
    He was full of horse meat.

  • John Tenniswood // April 22, 2008 at 3:13 pm

    Swanny

    I never heard that story. We also got steaks once

    Was this Middleton a National Service subaltern ?
    Pedlar hated them like poison.

  • Jack Madron // April 22, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    Henry Smart ex Pioneer Corps.
    In days gone by, you could get away with saying, Crack Unit.
    Nowadays, you would get the drug squad on you like a ton of excrement.
    Was your favourite toast in the NAAFI, “Heres Shit In Your Eye”?

  • Henry Smart ex Pioneer Corps // April 22, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    Ha Ha Jack we could have done with a wit like you in the old shitdiggers.

    No offense but you were wasted in the Nasty Pasties or whatever that hick outfit was called.

    Our lot could out shovel you lot any day.

    Who do you think dug the permanent trenches on Sennelager ranges ?

    “Hole Hole on the Range” was the Chunky working song then.

  • JT // April 22, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    Think you Cornish boys should do a bit of recruiting for this blog.

    Get em out of the Legion and the care homes and into night school (Internet for Seniors)

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 22, 2008 at 4:47 pm

    JT I think he was NS, first class chap. Only one that was first class prick was Lt George Kent, all the rest were good. As I said before I got CO’s Stick Orderly on 13 occasions, as you know we used to do 2 or more guards a month, the only prick! you have guessed – Kent – was only Officer not to give me Stick Orderly!! Reason I didn’t – when he was Orderly Officer – was because I refused to play cricket and he was cricket fanatic!!

    I shall never forget on guard inspection he would get as close as possible to your face and say you haven’t shaved close enough it was his favourite, he did this to lots of men on guard duty! Only good thing I never saw him again when I left Bermuda, and serving in Reserve Forces for many years never met as big an asshole as him!!!

    Swanny.

  • JT // April 22, 2008 at 4:59 pm

    Swanny

    OK so he liked to get close to faces..did he just brush your lips with his like a whispering Bermuda breeze ?

    Face it Laddie you just were not pretty enough.

    In any case it wasn’t stubble it was ingrained coal dust as we now know.

    You should try to get over this bitterness after so much time. Talk to your GP ?

  • JT // April 22, 2008 at 6:15 pm

    Hold on…this bird of Prince Willy is called Middleton

    Someone call the News of the World.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 22, 2008 at 6:26 pm

    Nice comment JT – if you think back most of us only had bum fluff, and I thought you would pick up the Kate Middleton bit? get it BIT, you should have been in Intelligence Corps!!!

    Swanny.

  • John Tenniswood // April 22, 2008 at 6:27 pm

    Dunno
    I must say because of my peculiar military career I did not have all that much to do with officers on a day to day basis unlike you folks.

    This continued in my 3 years service after Bermuda which was even more strange. I became officer free again.

  • John Tenniswood // April 22, 2008 at 6:55 pm

    Dear Blog

    As WRAC knickers have been mentioned this reminded me of an acutely romantic incident in 1956.

    In an attempt by the RAPC to get rid of me (I had been pestering and was a CPL – again..best rank in the Army- reduced to substantive rank on posting back to UK) I was sent on a 6 week Training Course with the Guildford Fire Brigade (more on this later perhaps) (it bought me invisibility again)

    During the course (only 3 soldiers on it the rest were civvy Fire Service recruits.) I was billeted at the Depot of the Queens Regiment in Guildford. One night on the bus from town which was crowded with WRACS a tearful (drunk?) recruit (their Training Centre was in Town) – asked me to run away with her.

    I declined (I wasn’t all that drunk) but arranged to meet her in town the following evening where I managed to comfort her in the bus station (not quite a Bermuda beach but any port in a storm). She was – I can attest wearing knickers with elasticated legs. But as was the way in in those days stockings and suspenders. Alas, I saw her no more although I think we had become engaged that night.

  • John Tenniswood // April 22, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    After the course I was returned to my unit given command of clapped out Land Rover and a Lister Fire Trailer (Barry Cornish knows the Model I think) I was the FIRE CHIEF. Later also attached on standby to an Army Civil Defense Support unit (Fire and Rescue) preparing for the Nuclear Winter. Me and the Fire Picket of the day would hurtle to the rescue.

    (Excuse me Mr Policeman is there a Fire Hydrant handy?) More later on these top secret missions.

  • Jack Madron // April 22, 2008 at 7:18 pm

    Henry Smart.
    You are probably right about out shoveling us. Speaking for myself, I was U.S with a shovel. Those damned things can give you blisters and I’m a bit of a lazy sod, that’s why I liked being a machine gunner, you could sit down to fire them.

    John T.
    Do you think that Swanny seemed to have had a lot of dealings with those osiffer types?

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 22, 2008 at 9:53 pm

    JT, In answer to ossifers – For 10 years in the TA, I was attached to 23FDS RAMC as the unit Tradesman, my other Sapper mate was the Electrician. We were mixing with ossifers most of the time. We had one Maj. Bob Kent the dental officer, what a lad he was, pisshead second to none. I used to drive him around on a regular basis – always pissed the two of us. The CO of the unit used to say here comes Bob Kent’s private army, They all hated him and vice versa, but as we all know – the TA was far more relaxed than we were in the regular DCLI. He was to me a great friend and he used to love me telling him my memoirs in the coal shed etc, a bit like JT – never had it with a Picaninnee??

    So does that answer your question, there are Ossifers and Ossifers.

    Swanny

  • Jack Madron // April 22, 2008 at 10:35 pm

    Swanny.

    I think you’ll find you used the wrong word. Piccaninny, I believe is a small child.

    I would hate for you to get a bad name even if you did drive around with a drunken osiffer who had a habit of putting things in peoples mouths.
    Chuckle.

  • Jack Madron // April 22, 2008 at 10:57 pm

    PS: Swanny.
    Ever since my first blog when I said I’d rather strip a Vickers (MG), than use this modern technology (and got a ribbing) I try to look at my words before I send them. You know what these ex army wallahs are like for taking the mick.

    All the best mate.

  • Jack Madron // April 22, 2008 at 11:06 pm

    John.
    When you were in that bus station. Were you playing conductors?
    Room for one on top!

  • John Tenniswood // April 23, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    Barry

    How about giving us some of your secrets. You had a very glamorous job didn’t you? That Land Rover must have been a great “pulling” machine as they say nowadays. We hope you took full advantage.

    Do tell.

  • John Tenniswood // April 23, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    Er Swanny!

    Just to clear up a little matter introduced by Jack (he knows it was 12 in Jamaica) what was the age of consent in Bermuda?

    Also When does a Piccaninny become legal and re named gorgeous nubile dusky beauty? Don’t worry we can ignore the school uniform
    (drool)

  • Judy Himler (Bunty) ex WRAC // April 23, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    I mention permanent staff only because the Nat Service recruits when let out had no hair at all and blubbed most of the time.

    Most also had pimples and bits of paper stuck to their faces.

  • John Tenniswood // April 23, 2008 at 4:47 pm

    Jack

    No room on top I’m afraid…she took that position. It was a cold night. Not really -she spent the whole time blubbing about some dike Sgt. Another failed attempt by poor old (young then) JT

    Ed do you think we are PC enough? Can we plead dementia if challenged do you think. Bet you don’t have this problem in OZ.

    Any news of Billy Boy?

    ED: Bill is very quiet this week with Nancy under care at a local N/H. I’m sure he would appreciate a passing mention (clean one) from you ardent pensioners.

  • John Tenniswood // April 23, 2008 at 4:58 pm

    Ed
    Shall I write Part 2 of my memoirs?

    ED: We await continued literary entertainment JT – I’ll stop the press!! Anything to distract us from Knights of the Garter (Royal) appointments and fucking stupid Politicians. Gordon Ramsay got it right – “All politicians are ticket collectors” – and as for HRH William the heir – Gawd save us all from these ferking prats! – where’s that lifeboat Jack?

  • Judy Himler (Bunty) ex WRAC // April 23, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    As an ex NCO (permanent staff) Guildford Training Centre WRAC in the 50’s as might be expected I take offense at recent insinuations of sexual deviance in the WRAC.

    Typical male sexual discrimination of the time.

    Why these blokes with their pathetic Tony Curtis. Docks arse hair styles (if they were on permanent staff of the Queens Regt (or ACC) should think they were attractive to our gals is beyond me.

    At least we WRAC NCO’s washed under our arms and changed our knickers more often than the boys army who only had laundry once a week (if they remembered). By the way I won the Army Middle Weight Boxing Title in 1957 and oddly they did not know I was a lady. Stupid buggers

    Bunty

  • JT // April 23, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    Crikey who rattled her cage ?

    THE KRAKEN WAKES

  • Jack Madron // April 23, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    John.
    The reason WRACs changed knickers and washed more often is (old saying down this part of the country) there is two things that smell like fish and one of them is fish. I wonder if Bunty danced around the ring in her boxing gear yelling, “That’s The Way To Do It”.
    You know, Punch and Judy.

  • Jack Madron // April 23, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    Oops, forgot.
    We are waiting for part two from you.

  • JT // April 23, 2008 at 7:11 pm

    Now Now Jack

    How quaint you are in your endearing Cornish fisherfolks way trying to make out that Cornish girls are more attractive because they smell of fish. Somebody tell him – I don’t have the heart.

    If they find out they will be after him with those nasty filleting knives

  • Jack Madron // April 23, 2008 at 9:20 pm

    23rd April 1947. I remember it well.

    The Grand Old Lady HMS Warspite (battleship) gave up the ghost in Mounts Bay in a sou’easterly gale. She was on tow to a breakers yard but broke her tow and drifted onto the rocks at Prussia Cove. She had a skeleton crew of eight aboard at the time who were all rescued by the Penlee Lifeboat. A proud ship that survived two world wars but bowed out in that way.

    ED: Heavy snow in Brissol that month Jack – we had a 6′ ladder over the snow drifts to reach the back door of our new house.

  • Jack Madron // April 23, 2008 at 9:56 pm

    John.
    I don’t know how to explain what I said about fish without being crude. Most Cornish girls, like most other girls smell lovely, but there are some who, you know, sort of, oh hell, I’m digging myself in deeper. Wish I hadn’t started this now. Didn’t you find out when you were examining WRACs knickers at the bus station?

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 23, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    JT,
    In answer to word Piccaninee. That was Bob Kent’s interpretation of black girls I don’t think he was thinking about age group?? As todays climate is always about perverts etc!! underage etc, that didn’t come into our thoughts in them days past!! only Cardy and his cronies were in that bracket!!

    Swanny.

  • Jack Madron // April 23, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    ED.
    Phil the Greek, Jug Ears, Air Miles and the rest of them are OK in the right place and I know just the right place. You know Burrel used to be skivvy, I mean butler? Well the old Cornish word for butler was Spencer. True.

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 9:31 am

    Jack

    What on earth are you on about now?

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 9:32 am

    Swanny

    Who were Cardie’s cronies? Anyone we know ?

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 9:35 am

    Ed

    47 Snow in Brissol ?
    ee lad that were nowt
    Up on’t moors in Derbyshire we ad to get out through t’roof and THEN get a ladder to go up.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 24, 2008 at 9:52 am

    JT, Seeing you lived near Cardie, I think you would know better than us?? Can you remember an RAOC Sgt forgot his name, lived in married qtrs. had a beautiful wife, we all used to drool over her!!! There was talk he was bit AC-DC?? he travelled on same troopship as us?

    Swanny.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 24, 2008 at 10:01 am

    Judy Himler, nice to have a ex WRAC on our wicked site, I mentioned Maj. Bob Kent. He I think was the Dental Officer in Guildford I would think when you were in Guildford?? 1950 ’s. I think he was National Service Dental Officer, most probably a Capt at that time. I soldiered with Bob for lots of years in the same unit. Great Bloke,

    Swanny.

  • Judy Himler (Bunty) ex WRAC // April 24, 2008 at 11:10 am

    Hello Swanny

    You are SO kind to welcome me to your blog. I feel a bit out of touch with “the lads” nowadays. As you can imagine I am getting on a bit and often look back at my time in the WRAC. (I got my para wings you know)

    I keep fairly fit and active with a bit of snowboarding when the old knees permit. Last year I joined a group for nude bungee jumping in Snowdonia. It was as they say nowadays “cool” – bloody (excuse my French) cool as it happens. It was in January. Bit brass monkey weather as you boys say.

    Unfortunately lost my false teeth but next year I hope to get a better fixative.

    Do keep in touch, are you married by the way?

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 10:33 am

    Swanny

    That would be a Sgt Perkins. His wife came out later than Empire Clyde. Very pretty.

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 10:35 am

    Swanny

    I dont think you should encourage people like his Himmler person.

    She seems a bit scary to me….

    Ed?

  • Jack Madron // April 24, 2008 at 10:41 am

    John.
    Damned if I know.
    Got any spare medication?

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 10:42 am

    Jack

    Re Bus shelter and knickers. Sorry can’t help you there. I never did get beyond the elasticated knicker legs.

    Even then I had to put plasters on my hand when I got back to barracks.

  • Jack Madron // April 24, 2008 at 10:55 am

    This Major that Swanny boozed with. Didn’t he wear a red leotard with blue underpants outside? Oh no! wrong Kent. Got my Kent’s mixed up.

    John, where’s that medication?

  • Crock 'o Schitt 111 // April 24, 2008 at 11:08 am

    Writing of excrement!

    WHO WAS JACK SCHITT? (My GrandDad)

    For some time many of you might have wondered just who was Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt!’ Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

    Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

    Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a highschool dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

    Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

    Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

    NOW when someone says, ‘You don’t know Jack Schitt,’ you can correct them.

    Sincerely,
    Crock O. Schitt

  • Judy Himler (Bunty) ex WRAC // April 24, 2008 at 11:20 am

    Swanny

    Think it was your mention of a Dental Officer that reminded me. Never met him.

  • W C Krappa // April 24, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    Crock O Schitt.
    If you go back far enough, I think you’ll find that an ancestor of yours was a king of England. Dick Schitt, or as he was known among the toffs – Richard the Turd. Did you have any relatives in Wales? I once knew a Dai A Reha.

  • Jack Madron // April 24, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    Just heard that the Yanks have found Bin Laden. He was hiding in a poppy field, so they sprayed the area with Viagra and the prick stood up.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 24, 2008 at 4:37 pm

    Hi Judy,
    In answer, yes I’m married 52 years in September. Nice to think you got your Para wings. I did small arms Commando course when I was 36 as a Sapper with 131V Sqn. and transfered to RMR in 1970 serving 6 years, found it getting harder by the year, Rockapeing etc, – should have done it when I was younger!!! Bye for now

    Swanny.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 24, 2008 at 4:46 pm

    Hi Again Judy,
    If you go back through this blog page you will read that I was bit of a lad in my Bermuda days, as Editor will endorse!! I didn’t change much in my reserve forces days, as you will read!! I was a RE serving with RAMC and we had quite a few QARANC in our Units, got on very well with most of them, but some were bit SNOOTY?? that’s life.

    Swanny.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 24, 2008 at 4:51 pm

    JT, I bet your ears pricked up when you read our WRAC friend Judy said nude bungee jumping, Its good we have her on blog to keep you in check??

    Swanny.

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 5:10 pm

    Swanny

    Well I don’t know about that…you’ve got to remember she must be at least 75. Imagining her naked body dangling upside down in the end of a bungee line doesn’t actually do much for me. Think I’ll stick to Naughty Nurses on the Internet. Unlike Quarancs they at least show you their tits not hanging upside down.

    I hope you 2 just remember you are not 19 any more.

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 5:11 pm

    Ed

    Swanny is getting carried away here

  • John Tenniswood // April 24, 2008 at 6:24 pm

    Jack

    Don’t get into Naughty Nurses and that stuff unless you have a check up with the MO. Blood pressure and all that.

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 5:39 pm

    We had a couple of QUARANCS in Bermuda at the old Military Hospital. Ossifers Mess of course. Very lustable though. They both came out on Empire Clyde

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 5:43 pm

    I suppose No U in QARANCS

    Queen Alexandras Nursing Corps or summat ?

  • Jack Madron // April 24, 2008 at 5:48 pm

    I see in a newspaper today that Prince Willy and Ginger Top his brother, have got a new title.

    “The BOOZE BROTHERS”.

  • Jack Madron // April 24, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    John.
    What a horrible sight that would be. A naked wrinkly ex WRAC on the end of bungee rope.
    Yuck. I see you are still harping on about Naughty Nurses. Must be something I’m missing.

  • JT // April 24, 2008 at 6:13 pm

    Jack

    I know – I know but Swanny seems excited. Can you talk to him ?

  • Judy Himler (Bunty) ex WRAC // April 24, 2008 at 6:17 pm

    Excuse me. I hope you idiots realise that anyone can read your silly comments to each other. Swanny at least seems to be grown up in his comments. I bet your own kit was a bit wrinkly by now if you can still see it. Ha Ha

  • Jack Madron // April 24, 2008 at 6:44 pm

    John.
    Don’t worry about Swanny, he’s OK. He’s been in an excited state for a number of years, ever since he got out of the coal store.

  • L/Cpl Edward Mo' Bear: Kitchener's Dirty Dozen // April 25, 2008 at 5:10 am

    ANY CONGOLESE IN CORNWALL?
    COCKSNATCHING ALERT!!

    Just thought that I’d take a breather from burkha patrol! and let you know of the latest threat to the West!

    Sorcerers arrested over penis threat panic

    Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

    Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

    Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo’s sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

    Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

    “You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We’ve had a number of attempted lynchings. … You see them covered in marks after being beaten,” Kinshasa’s police chief Jean-Dieudonne Oleko said.

  • Jack Madron // April 25, 2008 at 10:29 am

    L/Cpl Bear.
    I don’t think there are any in Cornwall but I heard they are rife in Scotland. Something to do with soup I believe (Cockaleekie). Maybe that’s the reason that most of the Scots are down in England!

    How’s the weather with you? Still warm?

    ED: Bloody hot under these burkahs ‘Ole Mate – but must soldier on for the glory of the Empire – what?

  • Jack Madron // April 25, 2008 at 11:00 am

    Bunty.
    Re silly comments. Rude and crude maybe but not silly. After all, we are ex army and are inclined to be a little coarse at times.

    You inquired about our gear? Unfortunately, mine was worn out a long time ago. Overused. Nothing lasts forever you know.

  • Judy Himler (Bunty) ex WRAC // April 25, 2008 at 2:24 pm

    Blog

    You blokes haven’t changed a bit. Pathetic. When I was PTI at Guildford I spent a lot of time with my gals doing one to one unarmed combat so that they could protect themselves from groping squaddies from the Queens Regt in town.

    In simulated combat (after hours and in my own time) – I would simulate groping them and they on word of command would then try to defend themselves.

  • J T // April 27, 2008 at 8:02 am

    Looks like the presence of Bunty has quietened you lot down….

    ED: Speechless – more likely!

  • Jack Madron // April 27, 2008 at 2:27 pm

    Speechless?
    Typical woman. Can’t get a word in nohow.

  • Editor // April 28, 2008 at 11:01 am

    1DCLI Supplementary Photo Pages

    Attention Cheps!! Something serious for a moment if you please. The popularity of this W&W Blog is about as close to a broadcast message as I can get. You may (or may not) know that all the 1DCLI websites are free from Google – albeit in a beta (trial) format. The downside is that I have reached the limit of 500 .jpeg images that the Google server will store (per home page). As I write you may have noticed some little glitches with existing photos that have jumped away from their original captions.

    So to accommodate the waiting images overload I have designed an adjunct page series that can be reached by a hotlink from either the “A” Company website or the 1DCLI Memorabilia website. Shortly you will find this auto hotlink on the referred pages and I hope that you will all continue to keep up with your contributions (with captions) so we can see you today in the flesh (so to speak Bunty!)

    It will help though if all you literary buggers will entitle your .jpeg images that you send me (in the future) with a short title rather than the image number that your digital camera allocates at the time of record. For instance “Swanson Grandchildren March 2008″. The required captioning can accompany the image in your email, which I shall then flesh (Yuchh Bunty!) out as part of the website story.

    Try the hotlink above for a preview.

    I am expecting photos from John Rutter’s Family in due course and have several (Sgnt) Ernie Smith RIP Family photos to publish and would you believe a couple of JT -? Fraser Pakes is also intending to get busy and Terry Simons has (today) promised some Princess Maggie shots and Tiddy Oggy memorabilia.

    Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem! – Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business!

  • Julius Platipus IV // April 28, 2008 at 9:55 pm

    Hominem te esse memento

    ED:
    The parade tore air itself asunder
    as trumpeteers unfurled their great fanfares,
    so heralding the imminent thunder
    of lordly stallions pulling gilded chairs.
    This revelling in triumph no man spares.
    Even in lofty Olympus so high
    no god would dare claim men’s glory not theirs.
    Disgraced were those who’d staked the Dux defy
    yet the shamed alone knew they were to die.
    A crown lingered o’er the general’s head;
    stain and vice his godly robes did belie.
    A slave held the wreath over him, and said:
    Look behind you, your glory fleeting is.
    You are but a man, do not forget this.

  • Bunty // April 28, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    Oh Gawd don’t tell me you’re letting Ities in now.

    I’m orf

  • Jack Madron // April 28, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    Dew gweres benen coth.

  • Bin Laden: Osama // April 29, 2008 at 9:27 am

    REF: Our Cave Discipline:

    Hi Guys. We’ve all been putting in some long hours recently, but I really feel that we’ve come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can’t forget to take care of our cave and frankly I have some concerns about that.

    Firstly; It’s good to have some concern about Cruise Missiles but we should also be concerned about dust in the cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation – a health and safety issue – so we need to sweep the cave daily. I’ve done my bit on the cleaning roster – have you? I’ve posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the Halal toaster/griller).

    Secondly; It’s not often these days that I make a video address but when I do – I’m trying to scare the hell out of most of the world’s population – okay? That means that while we’re taping, please refrain from riding your scooters in the background or keep doing the “Wassuuuup Doc” thing. Thanks.

    Thirdly; Food. I bought a box of Cheddar cheese recently and clearly wrote ‘Ossie’ on the lid and put it on the top shelf of the fridge. Today – 2 slices are missing. Consideration – thats all I’m saying.

    Fourthly; I’m all for team spirit, but we must distance ourselves from the Infidel Aussie’s silly bat and ball games. Please also do not chant “Ossie, Ossie, Ossie, Oii, Oii, Oii” when I ride past on my donkey. Thanks.

    Fifthly; Graffiti; Whoever wrote ‘Osama fucks donkeys’ on the group toilet wall – its a lie!! The donkey backed on to me while I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain.

    Sixthly; The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that ‘the chicken backed on to me, while I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain’ – will not be accepted in future. However, with donkeys there is a grey area.

    Finally; We’ve received Intelligence that there may be Western Soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

    Love you heaps. Group Hug

    Os.

  • Straw Mann // April 29, 2008 at 10:20 am

    Os. Thats were I met Dorothy & Toto

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 29, 2008 at 10:51 am

    Hi Jt,
    Now seen your photos on new site Ed has put on, how we all change!! You JT with a shave on that’s what we ex bootnecks call a beard!!! As you know the only persons in the Brit Army permitted to grow a beard was the Pioneer Sgt? When I was serving Assault Pioneer My Cpl quoted, “Never cultivate on your face that grows wild on your Arse!!!

    Swanny

  • JT // April 29, 2008 at 11:10 am

    Swanny

    Hope you liked the picture of me and the Cape Town Exceedingly Light Infantry Band. Me posing with the Tamborine Major

  • Jack Madron // April 29, 2008 at 1:21 pm

    Hi Swanny.

    Liked the photos just published on new site. Didn’t you look young in 1972? The tattered photo that was sent in by Robert Smith, of the platoon in Bodmin was my Intake of June 5th 1952. That was No 2 Pl.

    I was in No 1 Pl. Some of those in the photo I recognised. They were in MMG Pl in Minden. Holman, K Rodda, Roy Morris, Denzil Philp, Bob Barrett, and Brokenshire. Funny how the past catches you up. Didn’t know Cpl Smith or Sgt Cook.

  • JT // April 30, 2008 at 9:07 am

    Bill ?

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 30, 2008 at 11:32 am

    JT and ED.

    Just thinking about the coal store caper, I only wish I could have located my closest mate Roy Westbrook? and for you all to hear his version of the coal store caper!! We – the ED, Barry and I have all tried so hard to find Roy’s whereabouts without success?? Lets hope one day he will be available to see this website and join us. What great mates we were in those days in Bermuda and times at Warwick Camp, like the Yanks throwing beer cans in the Oggin and diving to get them!!! I can taste the beer now??.

  • JT // April 30, 2008 at 11:34 am

    Red Neck

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 30, 2008 at 11:45 am

    While at Warwick on one occasion I can recall, Roy and I went for a drink in the local watering hole where I met this lovely looking girl. She was of Portugese origin and really beautiful and afterwards walked her home. While giving her a goodnight kiss, the flynet and front door opened and her father stood there with a double barrel shotgun and put it to my face and called me all the English Bastards under the sun. My ass felt like being grated and I made a hasty retreat!! It was the most frightening time of my life!! and I was still shaking when I got back to camp, Roy’s comment you will pick up fancy looking girls? – you could have shared the one I took home!!!

    Swanny

    ED: Swanny! Your reminiscences are taking you down a thorny path – maybe where you don’t want to go -?? There were ‘other’ times when we (You, Roy, Bill, Dutch, Mick and I) were all innocently friendly with “Ma and Peter” !! – at their flat in Hamilton and on one occasion when after a solid night on the piss – Roy woke up with an unplanned for pair of lips on his tossle! We all cracked the shits as I recall – and terminated the pissups with Peter – and Ma tore up her Birthday Card – remember? Or do you want me to edit this remark out?

  • JT // April 30, 2008 at 1:45 pm

    Who were Ma and Peter? Did they work on the Queen of Bermuda by any chance ?

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 30, 2008 at 1:45 pm

    Ed, I remember it well!!! Roy was quite a lad, I remember (also) Ginger Brayley our DCLI camp barber was invited to a queers beach party, as Ginger put it FREE DRINKS all night and there will be ladies attending.

    We had marvellous time and we both filled our boots?? with woman that is!!! Happy days Derek, Swanny.

  • JT // April 30, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    Swanny

    Where and what was this watering hole near Warwick ?

  • JT // April 30, 2008 at 1:48 pm

    Red Neck

    I wasn’t saying Swanny was one..it was because my caption on the pix seems to have been changed to Red.

  • JT // April 30, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    Swanny

    How come the queers beach party had all these women ?

  • Jack Madron // April 30, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    I have definitely come to the conclusion that A Coy was on a permanent holiday in Bermuda.
    If I had that cushy a time, I would have signed on again. Still, we all know were the soldiering was done.
    Don’t we?

  • Jack Madron // April 30, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    John.
    How did you manage to survive with all those funny fellas around you in Bermuda? What with (camp) pioneers, (camp) barbers and this Cardie chap they keep talking about and queer beach parties! Well well! You would have been a lot safer with us in Jamaica. Chuckle.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 30, 2008 at 4:49 pm

    JT, John
    Don’t know – to your question, Ginger and us would never go if there were no gals?? He must have known what it was all about, If you were not in to guys they didn’t bother you, but we were young and naive, as long as there was bags of booze for free we couldn’t have cared less. Ginger was a real hard case, would just as soon fight as eat, but always good mate of mine and good to have on your side!!
    Swanny.

  • John // April 30, 2008 at 6:15 pm

    Jack

    I reckon you guys in Jamaica were still in the real Army and had to do a bit of work.

    Bermuda was like winning the lottery. Don’t be fooled about this so called manoevers. OK so there was a fair bit of ceremonial stuff for the lads (not me I was invisible), bags of drill in the mornings and so on. But just look at Swanny he LOVED bulling kit. He just wanted to be stick man so that he didn’t have to do guard duty – more time in the coal shed – gettit?

    Over sexed overpaid and over there.

  • JT // April 30, 2008 at 6:02 pm

    Swanny

    Er -Thats the point, if it was a queers party and you lot being pissed as usual and throwing up as soon as you arrived how did you know they were gals? Just today we read the story of that footballer who picks up 3 “gals” in Brazil and finds out they were all blokes.

    After all in those days one rarely got a shag did one (as the posh folks say?). Even french kissing was considered daring let alone exercising the “walking out finger”

    Bet you didn’t get to first base with the Portugee girl either – (as the white Bermudians called them)
    Good snog maybe

  • John // April 30, 2008 at 6:25 pm

    Jack

    I just realised that you are senior soldier to me. I didn’t enlist until Nov 1952

  • Jack Madron // April 30, 2008 at 6:42 pm

    John.
    I think I must agree with your comments. I was Stick Orderly twice. Once in Germany. Only thing I remember about that day, it was raining and the guard was mounted in the cook house and Orderly Officer was Tim Hodder. Second time was Jamaica. Sat in Adjutant’s office all day. Bored stiff. Would rather do guard duty any day.

  • John // April 30, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    Jack

    Oh yes of course, Hodder again.

    You just happened to be his carrier driver.WHAT A COINCIDENCE

  • Jack Madron // April 30, 2008 at 7:34 pm

    John.
    I may have joined before you but I only did three years with the colours and only got two stripes. In my book, that makes you senior soldier. I was offered third stripe if I signed on again but that’s another story.

  • Jack Madron // April 30, 2008 at 7:53 pm

    John.
    Slightly wrong. Same platoon (cream of the battalion) Chuckle. I was Sgt John Holland MM, No 1 section driver. Still think he was a damned good officer to us. We had some great times in Germany.

  • Jack Madron // April 30, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    Talking of great times in Germany!
    I recall when we were going by train (carriers on flat trucks and a carriage for the platoon) to a place up on the Baltic called Putloss on live firing manueuvres. Travelling through open countryside, we were taking shots at rabbits with .22 rifles from the open windows of the carriage. Just like the wild west. Can’t remember if we hit any. After all, the train was moving. Wouldn’t be allowed nowadays. This is just one of the things that the MMG’s got up to in Germany.
    Oh happy days.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // April 30, 2008 at 10:31 pm

    Jt,
    Thinking back to beach parties, being young and naive – Roy and I must have had a couple of lesbians?? didn’t know anything about lessies in them days!! But they as I recall were very sexy – perhaps it was our rum intake? Only ever saw one before in the Canadian Club in Reid St, and wouldn’t have known then if one of the girls in the bar said, as we looked at her lustfully, she doesn’t want a man – she wants to f**k me. Even then you are learning all the time??
    Swanny.

  • Jack Madron // May 1, 2008 at 10:20 am

    Just read in the local paper that Peter (Joe) Tippitt died on Monday Apr 28th suddenly at home. Peter was CO’s bugler in Minden and a damn good bugler at that. Peter old mate RIP.

    ED: Joe’s funeral is on 8th May at 2.30 – location unknown to me – but have already logged Joe into our Memoriale. Joe was a good mate to us in Bermuda – stood Quarter Guard with him many times. RIP

  • John // May 1, 2008 at 12:38 pm

    Ed

    Do we have his picture in the platoon shots?

    ED: JT – I assume you refer to Joe Tippett? There are as you know some Band and Bugle photos on the “A” Company site – but none of a close up of Joe that I can identify. I must admit to forgetting Joe’s face – perhaps the Cornish piskies who are active with us can browse those shots and pick him out? Joe must have been seconded to Prospect for a time as I do recall him being there.

    Maybe also the word will get out that there is much to be gained from ‘Old DCLI’ians’ of Caribbean times – to GOYA and contribute – ’tis too late after crossing the River Styx! The site had been up and running now for nearly 2 years and is well known to the ‘regulars’.

    I had been slowing down the publishing lately due to the maximum (500) ‘jpegs reached per page set – but now have the opportunity to expand an ‘individualised’ Section on the latest site – which I shall do. So get with it you W&W bloggers and search your drawers!!

  • Swanny (Swanson) // May 1, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    ED, Peter (Joe) Tippett joined up with us in same room in Bodmin. His funeral is next Thursday 8th May 2008 at St. Thomas Church, Heamoor, nr, Penzance, at 1400hrs, Peter was 3 year man and as Jack said excellent bugler. RIP Peter. He has been very sick for ages now and now at peace again. RIP our close mate.
    Swanny.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // May 1, 2008 at 5:00 pm

    ED, Forgot to say there will be guard of honour with DCLI Assn. at the service.
    Swanny.

  • John Tenniswood // May 1, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    Everyone

    Dear old mates

    I am so touched by the fact that the DCLI Assn carries out these Guards of Honour after all this time. There is something very special about this particular Light Infantry Regiment.

  • Jack Madron // May 1, 2008 at 10:15 pm

    Thank you John.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // May 2, 2008 at 10:35 am

    ED and JT,

    Our Regimental March says it all.

    And shall Trelawney live, or shall Trelawney Die, here’s Twenty Thousand Cornishmen shall know the Reason Why – Tre-Pol- Pen.

    Swanny.

    ED: See all the verses “One and All”

  • Jack Madron // May 2, 2008 at 10:29 am

    John.
    If you look up DCLI Memorabilia site, one of the photo’s that Swanny sent in, DCLI Lucknow Dinner 2006.
    Joe is front row, middle.

  • Swanny (Swanson) // May 2, 2008 at 10:30 am

    JT, Joe was never Coy Bugler on detachment in Bermuda. I mentioned in earlier part of blog? Sticky Hill was first, Bugler Bungo Brown, and my cousin Bugler Brian Boase, Bugler Doug Lander to name but a few who were on detachment, the reason I believe was that Joe was CO’s Bugler.

    Strange thing about Bermuda? there were many from same parts of England and Cornwall from same local areas in there respective Counties -i.e. Somerset, Cornwall, Gloucestershire etc!!

    Swanny.

  • John Tenniswood // May 2, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    Looked at it Swanny

    Such County pride Great stuff

  • John Tenniswood // May 2, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    Swanny, I have wondered about those various areas involved in Bermuda detachment.

    Charlie Seabourne ex OX & Bucks
    Sgt Wilson Yorkshireman (KOYLI)
    Fred Thomas ditto
    SQMS Latimore was a north country bloke
    Pedlar was Londoner

    But most of the lads in DCLI were Nat Servicemen from Cornwall or close counties. Derek from Brissol etc. Seemingly Nat Service recruited (conscripted) regionally. This was certainly not the case in Armoured Corps where intakes had blokes from just about everywhere.

    ED: Wouldn’t you just know it? The RAC would take anybody!

  • Swanny (Swanson) // May 2, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    JT, After service in the DCLI. I served for lots of years in TA but most units I served with (RE’s) were mostly of Sqns made up of Cornishmen. It was very similar to DCLI which always had very good effect on morale. All units mainly Cornish, it was same for most Counties in England.
    Swanny.

  • Jack Madron // May 2, 2008 at 6:55 pm

    Just been looking at the photos of David Tripp. I don’t remember David but I recognised Provo Sgt George Allsop. David must have been a RP. The building in the background is the camp bathing pool, not far from the guard room. I don’t remember the DCLI sign board. I assume it must have been somewhere near HQ Coy as HQ is written on the board. The third photo with David as rider, has got me a little puzzled. In background there looks like to