WISE & WICKED

THE WISE & WICKED BLOG PAGE IS NOW CLOSED TO FURTHER ENTRIES but remains published for archival access and replies (in ROR) to conversational threads
Almost 2,000 blog entries since inception from just under 12 months ago has resulted in a blog platform that presents a loading challenge for many browsers; there seems little point in having to scroll through 11 months of blog remarks to register a fresh comment. The W&W page remains open however, to browse and read past comments and conversational threads that might be of interest.

(Editorial amended 24th Jan 2010). We have today launched Rhyme or Reason (ROR) as an alternative – where you can display your wit again without editorial sanction to let those who care read your valued opinion. “GENERAL BANTER” BLOG IS AVAILABLE).So cheps – continue to stick it up the establishment in whichever manner you choose.

Those of us who relish the order and common sense of decent living in the autumn of our years as citizens of different communities and countries across the planet, regularly view with cynicism the direction in which the 21st century is heading. Political correctness has introduced abject craziness – uninvited – into our lives – with punitive penalties if we speak our minds in public. We often seek the opportunity to register an unedited opinion in print without fear or suspicion of carping criticism by others.

Here is such a platform to do just that. Our past military experience and our maturity I feel, entitles us to express wonderment, dissent, humour or incredulity at the joy or pathos or seeming stupidity of events and practices today, across a wide spectrum of reported happenings. Additionally, from the beginning of the launch of this sub page we have re-discovered the popularity of those memorable songs of the ’50’s and have accordingly linked to You Tube to bring selections to you. CHANGE BLOG PAGE TO “NOSTALGIA 1DCLI OLD TOONS “1953-1957”

Hotlinked headings (tune references) are underlined and bolded – just hover your mouse to preview or click to open.

Similarly, an original suggestion by John Tenniswood has given rise to the formation of “The Troopship Empire Clyde Association 1954” – which has now been given another sub page to keep you abreast of progress. Check out the Titles on the header above and open accordingly. So get to it Cheps! – use your wicked wit and turn of phrase within the bounds of printable text and GOYA and give it a go! Perhaps we should also mention that neither the grammar or the (deliberate) misspelling of words, nor the opinions expressed are reflective of the Editor’s editorship or views.

The Editor in OZ and his staff of hand picked enthusiastic assistants (pictured left, on Light Infantry training exercises) are awaiting your blog comments with interest. I seem to recall that they are watching a Vickers live firing demonstration. Don’t think that its Cpl Jack Madron at the trigger though – 1914 a little before his time!!

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1,982 Responses to WISE & WICKED

  1. Editor says:

    NEW BLOG PAGE

    While all you cheps in Grated Britain are getting your much needed beauty sleep, I have made an executive decision to open a fresh blog page to continue the recorded mirth and wisdom – and memories of course. I felt it necessary to slow down – but not discontinue – W&W simply ‘cos there are now 1,982 comments there and the platform is simply getting too unwieldy for some browsers. W&W will sit there for browsing, but all fresh conversation threads are preferred on the new blog page.

    Just click the bolded titling hotlink to open.

    So – I recommend that effective immediately, you switch over to ROR. Comments – wherever you place ’em on the Blog Pages – are edited regularly, but it helps if you self regulate ’em to maintain your usual exemplary Light Infantry standards.

  2. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I would get fed up with boiling out those rifle barrels every day. I loved it on the range shooting but didn’t go much on the cleaning after. All that boiling water, oily 4 by 2s, pull throughs etc.

  3. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    What about this “Britannia Trophy”? You’re longing for us to ask. Aren’t you?

  4. JT says:

    Jack

    Month before Bisley we had daily practice for a month. Firing say a hundred rounds a day gets bloody painful no matter how you hold the rifle.

  5. Swanny Swanson says:

    All, In answer to JT about how Saudi’s look the same with their little beards etc. While on holiday in Brunei with my son Donald in 1995, I – like the Cornish do – DRECKLY had to go to the loo. This happened to me in the restaurant of The Royal Brunei Airlines after having a drop of sherbert!! With family and friends I went into the Muslim toilet and started to wee in the small hole in the middle of the floor, to my surprise in came a Arab looking bloke in full muslim regalia! I said OK mate and he was not at all amused, thought never crossed my mind!! I could have been deported for lesser things, Typical SQUADDIE.

    ED: His surprise Swanny is that you probably were holding your dick in your left hand! The hand that’s reserved for eating rice.

  6. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Didn’t they teach you the correct way to hold a rifle? Left hand, grasp and twist to the right. Right hand, grasp and twist to the left. At same time pull back into shoulder with both hands. When sighted, squeeze, not pull trigger. Here endeth the first lesson. Lesson a bit late now. Isn’t it?

  7. JT says:

    Also is it a coincidence that the Saudis wear Tesco tea towels on their heads? How can those elastic bands they wear keep them on? Is this significant? I worry that my habit of drinking Ossie “Screech” red wine might be causing disturbing thoughts.

    Also why do the Saudi Royal family all look like Captain Pugwash with their little beards?

    Help someone

  8. JT says:

    Troubled..

    Is it racist if I suggest that Arabs (m’lims) are the worlds biggest slavers, circumcise their women, are enthusiastic buggerers of small boys, do stoning of mostly women, do public amputations and be-heading and is it a fact that Afghanis (who are not Arabs) also are into all the above?

    ED: IMHO JT – not racist – just the facts man – just the facts!

  9. JT says:

    Jack and Swanny

    Hope you realise that I was Bisley man (a Southern Command rifle team in 1957). Didn’t win ‘owt but if you ask me nicely (being modest) I will tell you all my personal triumph “Britannia Trophy” story plus how a QARANC lady (“Bint in your crude BAOR language Jack) attended to my bruised right shoulder and romance nearly blossomed.

  10. JT says:

    Yes come on Billy Boy

    Give us a blast. Fuck em all, lots of caring from

    Your comrades

  11. Editor says:

    COOM ON LAD – PICK OOP THA’ MUSKET!

    Coom on Bill – pick oop tha’ musket! Coom on lad – just to please me!

    The Dukes are waiting for ‘ee, Bill Griffiths.

  12. JT says:

    “Good Morning Good Morning” the General said
    As the men passed by on their way up the line
    But the men who passed by are mostly all dead
    Or cursing his staff for incompetent swine

    “He’s a jolly old chap” said Harry to Jack
    As they marched up to Arras with rifle and pack
    But he did for them both with his plan of attack

    Lest we forget

  13. Editor says:

    REFERRED ARTICLE – TIMES ONLINE

    JT, I enjoyed the article “and it came to pass” – thought that some of the lads might too – especially the bit about Gordon the Leper and “across the water to the land of the Hooligans”.

    Thanks

    Derek

  14. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    The Bali bastards have finally been blown away. Personally, I would have buried them alive in pig shit. That would have put paid to their claim for virgins. Unclean.

    Fluffy. No, I haven’t got any pix with ammo belts over shoulders. We were proper soldiers, not like in the American films. Have got a photo of me on the beach that featured in Doctor No. Will not be showing that one, though. Will get too many sarky remarks. Wish I was that slim now.

    ED: Yeah Jack – upside down too – with the cracks of their arses above ground for bicycle racks! – at least they could serve a useful purpose. Good riddance to the murdering pricks – but no doubt other cretins will take their place. OZ – among other ‘free’ nations, gives AUD billions in aid to these fuckers – so that they’ll breed their malodorous doctrine – what a wank! The next fucking gambit will be the enshrinement of their graves as ‘martyrs’ – I’d like to take a good long piss over ’em.

    PS: What I kinda smile at is the Official Pronouncement this morning that “Australia opposes the death penalty” – in a pig’s ass – I say (a Channel 9 poll so far shows 3:1 in favour of keeping it). I reckon that Spore’s got it right – swing the fuckers for prescribed ‘crimes against humanity’ – including rape and attempted bombings and definitely drug trafficking of all types. Fucking humanitarians – they never asked my opinion! My money’s on another bombing soon in fucking Bali – why any decent white fella would go there is beyond me – aren’t there nice beaches and sunshine closer to home?

    I lived and worked in Malaya and Indonesia for many years and I can tell you from experience with locals, training and managing ’em in factories – that behind many of those toothy grins and friendly dispositions – lies a seething hatred of white fellas and a covetousness for our lifestyles and freedom. Many ignorant Aussies (Dahn Undah) & Europeans can’t see that and continue to rush like lemmings to Bali. A major problem waiting to happen! – not helped any with manic MP’s in most Western societies aiding and abetting the growth of homegrown Islam.

    MINUTIAE: Unless science has changed dramatically since my rifle shooting days, I’d definitely know if I had a live round up the spout – sighting on loading the mag and recoil on firing etc – why all this crap about the firing squad not knowing which one of ’em shoots a live round? More media bullshit!

  15. Swanny Swanson says:

    JT, The only place I think you might try to find out is RE Regimental Depot, Chatham. My son finished his last bit in the Army service there in the AJTS General Corps as Chief Admin WO1 to a RE Lt General. If you can’t get any help I will contact Donald and see he he can shed more light on it. They have a first class museum there, and when I visited him in 1996-7 I was really impressed and found lots of history etc. Even my old TA Unit 409 IND FIELD SQN etc.
    Swanny.

  16. Rev Maltravers (ex RN)(Fluffy) says:

    I say, how exciting to have a sailor blogging with us. As the dear ex Army boys know I was once a Chaplain in the RN. Until that problem with that Sub Lt in Pompey (little bitch)

    News from me boys : The matter of the missing lead on the church roof is resolved. I flogged it to the Gyppos and blamed the local chavs. The verger’s wife thinks he visits me to play chess on Tuesdays and seems to believe it. Ugly cow. He’s a dear but bruises easily.

    How are you Jack Any pix with MG ammo belts round your shoulders? and you stripped to the waist? Naughty me.

  17. JT says:

    Swanny

    Do you think RE records would have details about the actual unit my Grandfather was in? An Isle of Wight RE TA Unit? Sent on active service to France – but why? He was a Yorkshire quarryman and probably skilled in handling explosives. His grave is in Sangatte near Calais.

    As you have gathered there was some row about the pension as it was taken up in Parliament by an MP, then granted to his widow. Bit of a mystery it seems. It was always a mystery about his death. we were told as kids that he was drowned.

    On the War Memorial in his local village it states “Died” 1918. In Parliament it was said that he was “Killed on active service”. Another description used (not in his case) was “Died of Wounds”.

    I know RE Inland Waterways and Docks Units were used on many tasks from operating barges, ferries to UK and back, diving, mine clearance, bridging canals etc. etc.

    Curious

  18. JT says:

    Now we have a sailor on the blog I hope we will not have piss taking. No comments about Rum, Bum and Gramophone Records etc. or Rum Sodomy and the Lash.

    Barry Cornish was “entertained “on a submarine in Bermuda. Nuff Said – wink wink – and Jack – on town patrol in Jamaica specialised in arresting Yankee Sailors. Hm

  19. Swanny Swanson says:

    ALL. Jack Callaway: After his visit to me last, Jack has dropped me down his DCLI photo album for me to download lots of pix from Minden etc. He also has the certificate of top Rifle Shot in training and many many more. Derek I will download them to you to put on his photo column. I am not up to scratch yet but will send them as soon as I feel better to stay longer on my PC.

    Swanny.
    PS: JT nice to see you had a Sapper in your family history.

  20. Editor says:

    WELCOME TO A SENIOR SERVICE MEMBER

    I’d like to post a reference to the latest “Memoir” on the HMT site that relates in part to the HMT Lancashire. Ed Hughes RN, had an uncle (also RN) who was lost at sea and has kindly forwarded memorabilia that has been recently uncovered. Click the bolded title link above and scroll to the latest HMT Lancashire section entry, to browse.

    Ed himself, has had a long and varied naval/air service, details of which are linked via another website posted there (HMT) which makes for fascinating reading.

    Thanks Ed H. Watch these Light Infantry buggers though, no holds barred when insulting each other. You know what they say about Old Soldiers! These old Pommie bloggers put the Aussies to shame!

    PS: The abbreviation “Ed” might also lead to some confusion – as “Editor” attracts the identical reference in the Blogs.

  21. Jack Madron says:

    Hi JT.
    We’re allowed to still call you JT. Aren’t we? Not many families get mentioned in dispatches or should that be dispatch box? Very interesting article. Noticed that so called VIPs, even in those days, always had double barrel names. Couldn’t be just plain Evans.

    I would have thought that Fluffy would have been over in California, kicking up a fuss about gay marriages, with the rest of them. Still, if reading about Vickers brightens his day, thats OK with me. He should try Google. There’s plenty on there.

    About tits, only ones I’ve seen on voodoo machine are the ones Ed put on the blogs.

  22. JT says:

    Sod it – told you so

  23. The Rev Maltravers says:

    Ohhhhhh Jack

    Tell us again dear.

  24. JT says:

    Crikey

    Ed is getting a bit blood thirsty wot with chest cavities and stuff. Calm down Ed – this excitement is bad for us. Also it encourages Jack to go on about his bloody Vickers and that might encourage U no Hoo to start up again. He was foaming again about empties, barrels, packing and stuff.

    Don’t know anyone who gets off on the SMLE 303 do you ?

  25. JT says:

    Swanny

    Great to have you back with us.

  26. JT says:

    Sorry to be awol for a bit. My business in UK may go down the tubes (not You Tube). Muck to muck in 2 generations as they say. Should have sold out years ago.

    Fame at last. I found today that my Grandad was mentioned in Parliament in 1919. Sent to Derek, hope he will post it on the blog. My grandma was in real poverty bringing up 3 kids.

    “Keeping the home fires burning” was difficult

    ED: ROYAL ENGINEERS – LANCE CORPORAL TENNISWOOD

  27. JT says:

    Jack

    This spam thing. Here is a tip, just stop googling “tits” for a while and be good lad.

  28. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Swanny.
    Can’t place Jack Callaway. Probably know him if I met him. There was a Bill Kelloway, from St Austel way and a Kellow joined with me, I remember. Anyhow Mr Swanson, what’s this about A Coy being the cream? You know the old army saying. “I don’t mind a joke but f*** a pantomime”.

    I bet you haven’t heard that one, for a long time have you? Like JT’s one, some time back. “Where do you think you are. On your daddies yacht?

  29. Swanny Swanson says:

    ALL. Nice to have the bickering between JT and Jack on blog! Now had a visit from Jack’s mate Jack Callaway who joined in Bodmin with his Intake. He lives on end of our road and I gave him DCLI tie pin, hoping to recruit him in the Association and hoping also he will bring me some photos of his DCLI days to put on our website. On a bias vote I still think A Coy was the cream Jack.

    Swanny.

  30. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Ed.
    First blog, I didn’t have pointer on submit when clicked for send. Thought I’d wiped it so wrote similar again. Made sure pointer was on submit this time and clicked, same thing happened. Made a comment about voodoo machine and that went OK. (ED: Jack, all comments reached the W&W blog, just the duplicated items that were spammed. I deleted all – except the one shown)

    Was going to mention about our clocks being put back an hour, put time of my last blog and watching football the same time I must have clicked submit. Normally I move pointer away from submit box when typing but I now know that football and blogging don’t mix.

    I take it you’re talking about those bombers in Indonesia. One bullet in the back of the head would be cheaper and save a lot of time setting up the MG for firing. Two lots of packing on gun barrel, setting correct tension on return spring etc. A bit more to firing a Vickers than loading belt and pressing thumb piece you know. Great when it’s all set right and to sit down and fire with all those empty cases bouncing around your feet. I must admit, it gave a great feeling of power, firing those beasts. Six or more guns, each firing about 500 rounds a minute. Loverly.

    ED: Point taken – but (for me) I’d enjoy the sense of satisfaction of seeing the entire chest cavity of these fuckers ripped open – just like those cardboard effigies we used to fire at on the rifle ranges. Again for me, sympathy and any vestige of humanitarianism is totally wasted on these pricks – I’d willingly hold the trigger down.

  31. Jack Madron says:

    Quite right JT. Mustn’t have Support Coy showing up the rest of the Regiment. Must we! Nice to hear from you again. Thought you had emigrated or something.

    ED: De-spammed Jack – what are you up to? – No apparent reason at this end! Must be the Cornish Piskies!

    PS: Jack, Akismet (Spam monitor) is ‘capturing’ some of your comments (from your email identity) and ‘parking’ that comment in the Editor’s file – until approved/disapproved/deleted. My assumption is that the few from you that are ‘captured’ must match other wording from those dealt with similarly. I suggest that you continue as usual (which you are clearly doing) and if the comment disappears, just expect that I’ll pick it up in due course. The fact that Brisbane is 9 or maybe 10 hours in front of GMT means that in the early morning when I scan the Blogs, I usually pick up any issues quite quickly.

    PPS: For a moment I thought that maybe Indonesia had called in your expertise in machine gunning – for those fuckers waiting for someone to press the trigger. Seems to me as if no one has the guts over there (in Indonesia)!

  32. JT says:

    Ed

    Quite right but we don’t want free speech from the likes of the Jamaica and Belize lot do we? With Jack banging on about his Support (truss?), (those heavy MMG’s) platoon and his hero that bloody Mr Hodder (you all know the story).

  33. Editor says:

    ROUTINE DAILY ORDERS

    Just a reminder – cheps – ‘horses for courses’ if you please. The choice of blog comment placement is yours – however, the original intent – which remains unchanged, is for the Wise & Wicked platform to be used for ‘most’ comments that are deemed to be ‘abstract’ in that they are not regimentally related by content. The titling of all others is self-explanatory!

    I am not one for culling free speech and invite wide and varied comment on most topics – including sex, religion, racial opinion and politics (local or foreign), but please log ’em on the appropriate blog page.

    Any doubts! – use R&R.

    Geddit?

    PS: Kindly note – effective 13th November 2008 – the Wise&Wicked blog is closed to new entries – but remains open for browsing. Now replaced with Rhyme & Reason.

    Keep on Blogging Cheps!

  34. Jack Madron says:

    Thanks Ed.
    Took the B Coy pix along to see if he recognised Cpl Carling. He did. As I said earlier, if I could remember names like Swanny, but if. The only names in photo I remember are:- (ED: now captioned under the photo accordingly).

    The L/Cpl on right hand side of Sgt made Sgt in Jamaica. He and Carling were the two NCOs who joined us after training in Bodmin and escorted us to Minden. Probably one of the reasons I didn’t like it in B Coy.

  35. Jack Madron says:

    Hi all.
    Still here. Haven’t headed off to the hills or colonies or anywhere else. I noticed that things have gone a bit quiet lately, maybe we’re all saving up for Christmas.

    Called in to see Swanny yesterday afternoon. Was snoozing when I arrived but was soon up and bubbling with enthusiasm. What a man. I do envy his memory for names. We would be chatting about something that happened back when we were kids and he would say about so and so. Somebody I’d completely forgotten about.

    Thanks Swanny, for an enjoyable afternoon. All the best to you mate.

    ED: Jack, your visit to Swanny presumably included discussion on your Minden 1952 “B” Coy pix – now published alongside your earlier contributions on Memorabilia. Thanks for that. I haven’t yet found load space for the 1952 Christmas Card – will work on that. Thanks also for update on our Chief Coal Executive.

  36. Swanny Swanson says:

    Bill and Nancy,
    Just like to endorse what ED and Co have said Bill. I only got back home yesterday from another weeks chemo in Truro Hospital but mine and Doris’s thoughts are with you both. Our love and good wishes.

    Neil and Doris (Swanny).

  37. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Anyone know Tom Bray lives in St Merryn near Padstow? He’s ex DCLI and a Buff. Well he ain’t too well, so just to wish him well, and a speedy recovery.

    Barney.

    ED: One ‘Tony’ Bray of Cornwall somewhere, occupied the bed next to me throughout training starting at Bodmin Depot in November 1953. Always brought back the most wonderful pasties we Brissol fellas ever tasted from his weekends at home. I seem to recall that he served in Kingston, definitely not Bermuda. “Tom” Bray – possibly one and the same? Anyway Good Luck Tom – Get Well soon ‘Ole Mate!

  38. JT says:

    Billy Boy

    The very best of luck to you and Nancy. Hope you can at least keep reading our rubbish.
    (I mean Swanny and Jack’s rubbish of course)

  39. Message to Bill & Nancy Griffiths

    Bill & Nancy

    I’m sure that all of the blogger lads would join me in sending you good wishes and hopes for an improvement in both Nancy’s health and your own. We understand that your circumstances might not lend themselves to getting back to emailing and blogging as usual – but we miss your opinions and banter – and look forward to ‘restoration of normal business’.

    There are going to be times in the future when one of us – such as now – for a variety of reasons – will be unable to partake in the mischief and humour that we have become renowned for and I for one hope that you’ll be back on deck as chirpy as ever.

    Get Well Soon ‘Ole Mate – both of you. We are all thinking of you and sending our silent support, without pestering you with emails that you may not feel like answering.

    Good Luck Old Soldier!

    Derek and Audrey & the 2 Monsters in OZ and all the LI Bloggers!

  40. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Sounds appetising. Could eat that as well as a pasty. We better look out or we’ll end up with double bay windows.

  41. JT says:

    Give me Derbyshire oatcakes, fried in half inch deep good bacon fat, and served with bacon, eggs, fried black pudding and fresh field mushrooms.

    Then in my case Dial 999

  42. Jack Madron says:

    Ex Cpl ACC.
    After eating that lot, I bet you couldn’t get Peteroftheloo. Give me a pasty any day.

  43. Ex Cpl E Coley ACC 1955 says:

    Hi Jack

    Attached to C Coy 1 Bn Manchester Regt in BAOR. As Officers Mess cook I remember the recipe for the Annual Peterloo Day dinner.

    Pigs Trotters
    Pigs Tails
    Cow Heels
    Tripe

    Boil until tender, allow to cool and serve with vinegar salt and pepper and a side dish of cold black pudding. After dinner speeches and the Royal Toast would be followed by vomiting by the subalterns into the mess silver bowls.

    These were traditionally cleaned by sepoys in the old days of the Raj but later by National Service defaulters. A grand old tradition probably no longer practiced.

  44. Ex Pte West Yorks Regt 1954 says:

    Jack

    Tha’s got it wrong Jack. It’s only the Lancashire lasses grow hair on their arses. Lads can’t grow bum hair on a diet of pigs trotters and tripe. Ask anyone. Remember – Betties’ ot pot is a luxury.

  45. Jack Madron says:

    Now that would sort out those, as you say, hostriliens. Trouble is, the rest of the UK would end up like Earls Court, full of them. There would be more Home than Away. Can you just imagine a bunch of hairy arsed ex miners clog dancing to Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport. Now that would be a sight to behold.

  46. JT says:

    Jack

    Aye up
    Well if the Morris Dancers are a bit pansy to send to OZ how about the Wigan ex Miners Clog Dancers. I happen to know the Hon Sec Frank Birtwhistle. Spits pure nutty slack.

    Ee bah gum them lads ‘ll sort out them bluddy hostriliens no prob. Give em tripe every day for brekfist and a few pigs trotters for dinner an just watch the buggers stomp. Wonder if Swanny would like a pen pal? Summat in common?

  47. Jack Madron says:

    Hi John.
    I think Morris Dancers would get anybody on the run. They are weird buggers, with their bows and bells and sticks. What’s that all about? Like the words of your little ditty.

  48. JT says:

    Jack

    Ed doesn’t know we are sending the Newlyn and Pz Morris Dancers instead. That’ll get the Ozzies on the run.

    “Hi diddle um cum tweedle
    Hi diddle um cum tarum tantum” etc

    Ar….

    ED: My bloody goodness (spoken with a Peter Sellers accent)

  49. JT says:

    Swanny

    Got the picture. Prettier than ever. Good luck lad.

  50. Editor says:

    SWANNY INTO TRURO HOSPITAL

    Early morning (0448) here as I scan an email from Swanny. He is being admitted to the chemo ward right now – your time Monday evening – after waiting all day.

    Good Luck ‘Ole Mate.

  51. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    They say that to much sun is bad for you and also getting JT upset could be bad for you too. You know how he reacts when any type of sport is mentioned.

    PS. Two’s up on a bit of sunshine. We could do with some.

  52. ALERT – TECHNICAL – PITA!

    Google is throwing a wobbly!! and making loading difficult on the ‘older’ websites – where for some unaccountable reason – the server is refusing to load images, even though I have amended the storage content to below 500 images capacity per website.

    To achieve that I dismounted some sites that were not being accessed very much – so again some ‘odd’ messages might appear from time to time when – and if – you open some sites.

    Be patient – the matter might get resolved within 24 hours – if not – we’ll let the Pommy Cricket Team win the next time in OZ!

    Keep Blogging!

  53. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Hi Swanny, glad you had a good weekend and now back to the fold my friend. Good luck and God’s speed. We’re with you all the way Brother.

    Hopefully you will soon kick this illness into touch? Unlike any rugby balls you ever touched? Ha!

    Regards
    Barney.

  54. Swanny Swanson says:

    Hi All,
    I sent a report yesterday seems to have disappeared? Thanks all for your words of support for me and Doris, especially Derek phoning her from Australia. All of you my special friends have given me great encouragement in these hard times. Also I would like to say to Bill what a man! for his love and loyalty to Nancy over this past year under such stress and worry over her health etc. Also to Jack and Nobby for visiting me. I even had a visit from one of my old close TA mates who drove down from Northwich in Cheshire with his wife,ex REME. What great friends I am so lucky to have. Also to say I go back into Treliske tonight for 5 days Chemo, lets hope I can go full 5 days without problems as in the last session!!!

    Had lovely weekend my son Donald and his wife Debbie drove down from Hampshire and spent the weekend with Doris and I, best tonic you can have!!

    Sorry JT, I haven’t got a laptop, but have put order in to Doris and Co to get one for me – hopefully when my next trip in few weeks in Hospital.

    Well bye for now hope to be on W&W Page next week,

    Swanny.
    PS: JT never forget the coalhole!!! Ha Ha.

    ED: Good Luck Swanny. Your ‘lost’ message went to the DCLI Blog. No Spam for you ‘Ole Mate!!

  55. Editor says:

    STOP PRESS!!

    I’m pleased to announce the fresh publication of The Fraser Pakes Military Memoirs. You will read this fine account that is contained in three successive Parts – 1-2-3, covering a rookie’s time in Bodmin, through the entire end detachment of “A” Company in Bermuda until return to Blighty and on to Osnabruck.

    A fine piece of work Fraser. Thank you.

    Carpe Diem Cheps!

  56. JT says:

    Where are you Swanny ?

  57. Jack Madron says:

    Bill.
    Thinking of you both. All the very best mate.

  58. JT says:

    Billy Boy

    So sorry things are no better mate. Seems bloody awful . Best of luck and hope you can at least keep reading the blog. I know we talk a lot of rubbish.

  59. Editor says:

    Bill Griffiths

    Just had a quick word with ‘Our Bill’ on the phone, just before your lunch time in Blighty. Bill’s doing things tough at the moment and has come down with a bit of a challenge medically now – for Nancy and himself – so soon after his happy return from his holiday in Hong Kong. Bill was feeling so much better a coupla weeks ago, but I’d noticed that he hadn’t been blogging or emailing at all these past two weeks.

    Nancy is poorly and needing more nursing than Bill is capable of providing without jeopardising his own health and he’s hoping to get the NHS to provide some full time care for her.

    I’ve sent Bill our best regards and best wishes and he’ll read any comments, but apologises for not being up to his usual splendid efforts just now. He promises to get back to normal service as soon as he sorts things out.

    Good Luck Bill from All the Old LI Bloggers!

  60. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    252’s came easy for machine gunners. In Germany, led by Mr Hodder, the MMG Pl were a law unto themselves. We didn’t bother with Kings Rules and Regulations. They were just words in a book. My last day in the army, I was on a charge.

    Can’t figure out what went wrong again. Must be something I’m doing. Anyhow, the cavalry (Ed) rode in at sunrise and put things right. Thanks Ed.

    Had a nice chat with your pay day driver tonight. Barry Cornish, also Trevor Webb, Freddy Phillips and Nobby Clarke. Swanny was hoping to get home later today but we don’t know if he did or no. Had our West Cornwall meeting tonight of DCLI Assn. Last one before the Lucknow Dinner, next month. Good turnout. Twelve of us on parade.

  61. JT says:

    Jack

    Liked the song and your comment. How come you get put on a charge though?

    ED: Akismet – the all wise – Jack’s been up to some mischief! His blog was captured and held prisoner until I rode in from the sunrise!

  62. JT says:

    On the other hand Brit family in Hull.
    10 Kids oldest (3 over 16) (work?) Husband not worked for 15 years. Wife never worked. Benefits £38 ,000 per year plus free housing. Wife says need more please. Just spent £3,000 on Christmas presents.

    Help

  63. Jack Madron says:

    To All, especially Swanny.

    Old Friends

    ED: Spammed Jack! 252’d again!

  64. JT says:

    Here is a grumble
    As you know I normally restrict my newspaper reading to the Beano. Lord Snooty is particularly good as financial editor. However as recently reported in the Meeja this one takes the bicky as they say.

    An Afghan refugee and family arrived in UK some years ago. Ealing Council have given him (rented for him) a house worth £1.2 million quid. They pay the rent for the family of £12,000 PER MONTH to his Asian landlord.

    HELP.

  65. Jack Madron says:

    Thank you Derek. Would never have found it in a million years.

  66. Jack Madron says:

    Barney.
    Can’t help at all. I’ve also looked but can’t find a damn thing. He has got a site somewhere, that I do know ’cause he had some photos from me to put on it. One photo is his and my father on the long liner “Swift” Pz 84, of Newlyn. If I find the site or get news of it, I’ll let you know.

  67. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Help,
    Apparently somewhere Swanny has a Page or Blog on Penzance, in which there is a photo of my old man. Does anyone know where this page/blog is? as I’m buggered if I can find it.

    Thanks

    Barney

    ED: Picture Penzance – Name mcoggie1935

  68. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I reckon she’d get anybody cross.

  69. JT says:

    Jack

    Reckon she could get the Iron Cross ?

  70. Heini Schtumf ex Kriegsmarine says:

    Dear Block
    Ich alzo vish to know about zese Tattoos. Beryl and me ver pals in 1942 und I vos a sailor. Ve vere luffers in der sugar beet field. Who was ziss bloddy SS man I must ask?

  71. JT says:

    Jack

    Whats the problem with Beryl’s medal ? Is it just the German PoW thing and her SS tattoos ?

  72. JT says:

    Does this mean that I can’t have my ashes scattered in Hyde Park in the word “Bollocks” ?

    In any case will there be enough ashes? Shall I save some from the BBQ? If I do will the Green Lefty Liberal CND Climate change pricks demonstrate?

    I don’t need this pressure at the moment.

  73. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Here we go Political Correctness gone mad – again

    Man on Thursday had his wife or his mother in law cremated at the Crematorium in Truro, and afterwards wanted to spread the ashes in the form of a cross on the lawn. An official from the crematorium who brought the ashes out, stopped the man from carrying out the last wishes and spreading the ashes in the form of a cross, as the official said it may offend someone?

    Can you believe that? in our own bloody country! Well now apparently the boss lady at the Crematorium has now apologised, and has said that this policy was brought in before she took on the job, she has now reviewed the policy and reversed it, and now if people want to spread peoples ashes that way they can. Good for her I say BUT I also say this – why did she not check all the policy’s when she first started in the job?

    Barney.

  74. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    You can be in possession of any potential offensive weapon (within reason) providing you have a lawful use and reason for having it in your possession, such as a gardener will use a knife in his job, a fisherman will have a knife to use in his job or pastime, Hindus etc, can carry ceremonial knives, daggers and swords for their ceremonies providing they are in ceremonial dress at the time. The list goes on, I’m glad this was thrown out of court and the CPS Lawyer made to apologise he/she should have known better. It should never have gone to court, but don’t blame the Police for this, they just report it, and it goes through CPS (Civilian) decision makers who decide if it should go to court and the person be charged with the offence, so they are are as much to blame as the Lawyer.

    Barney.

    ED: Interesting insight on the process of the law! I happen to know from a Bristol Magistrate that had an interpreter been required (in the case of a foreign language – which often happens with ‘immigrants’ who breach the so-called ‘law’) then an enormously expensive exercise costing almost 1,000 quid per day, can evolve. Guess who foots the bill?

    Bring back ‘ole Dixon of Dock Green I say – a plod with some commonbloodysense – and settle the matter before the high paid legal wankers get a hold of crap like this!

  75. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    My remark, some time ago, about the plod being the law. Did you see in all the national newspapers today about the gardener who was charged with possession of knives, taken to county court in Truro and the judge threw out the case. He also made the prosecution lawyer apologise for bringing the case to court in the first place.

    The said gardener is my daughter’s brother in law.

  76. Jack Madron says:

    This does not include you, Beryl.

  77. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Hi
    Just heard on BBC Radio Cornwall, and this is no joke its true, if there are any EX LAND ARMY GIRLS OUT THERE, contact Truro Royal British Legion, or BBC Radio Cornwall for the contact details as these ladies are to be awarded a Medal for their services to this country during world war 2. So if anyone out there knows any Ex Land Army Girls, please please get them to contact the above. If I can get the tel number I will post it on here asap.

    Thanks

    Barney.

  78. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Hi. No not a lap top in sight I’m afraid he (Swanny) would probably only tap into the hospital’s computer systems anyway, so probably best that he ain’t got one with him – eh?

    Barney.

  79. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I don’t think Swanny has a laptop. When I last visited him, we spent some time (whole afternoon) in his nice little den, complete with computer, printer etc, walls plastered with Chelsea FA paraphernalia. Had a great time chatting about everything and everyone. He’s a great character and he’ll get through this OK.

    We’re with you, Swanny old mate.

  80. JT says:

    Barney

    Does Swanny have his lap top with him?

  81. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Hello all again,

    Just got back 2045hrs from seeing Swanny in hospital, As I walked down the corridors, not knowing what to expect as you do, I heard a voice that I thought I’d heard before!! Yep you got it, it was Swanny – heard the bugger before I saw him, he had some family members with him, and we all took over the ward, and had some laughs and talked over old times, and Swanny’s war stories. I tell you that man should and could write a book.

    Anyway glad to say that he is in fine spirits, and if I didn’t know better you would think there was nothing wrong with him, he just does not change, he sends his thanks to everyone and said to say hello to One and All.

    Regards

    Barney.

    ED: Thanks Barney – what can one say – except where’s the Coal Shed stories?

  82. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Hi to all,
    Just to let you know I have just spoken to Swanny who is still in Treliske Loham Ward. Swanny ain’t been too good the last couple of days, but he sounds in fine fettle this morning. He has got to have some more tests, but other than that he seems fine. I will be going to see him tonight or tomorrow night, and I will pass on all your good wishes.

    On an emotive note, Swanny has stated that he wished that I and others like me (ex L.I.) and younger, would get more involved with the Associations, I told him that I will endeavour to do this, given the time and availability.

    Please can I ask you all to send out your healing thoughts to our Swanny at this time, I know I do every day, he has been a good friend, colleague, and comrade to many over the years, and long may he continue to be.

    Thanks

    Barney.

    ED: Thanks Barney for the update. We echo your thoughts and get well hopes for Swanny. I’ve just this minute (2000 hrs Brisbane time) spoken to Doris to get the latest and she’ll pass on my words directly to our ‘Ole Mate. She hopes that he’ll be home on Sunday.

  83. Editor says:

    Johnny Griffin

    I spoke with John on the phone this morning. He is well and has relocated to Bishop Sutton. He and his wife Jenny are well and travel regularly to Brean, Spain, and this week are off to Majorca.

    I advised him that Swanny is off the chemotherapy for some urgent surveillance and is not well at all and he mentioned that he will be contacting Doris soon.

    Our thoughts are with Swanny and Doris at this fragile time. Get well Old Mate.

    PS: John also told me a rude joke that is posted to Lewd & Bawdy.

  84. JT says:

    Jack

    Great idea. Is this to cull them Chink and Polack spud lifters who are doing work that our long term job seekers would like to do instead of going to the betting shop and Bingo? Poor devils.

    Also I reckon a few big crocs in the Thames just off Canary Wharf might be a good thing.

  85. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I wonder if we could breed salt water crocs up on the East Coast, say the Wash or similar place. Could cause a bit of a kerfluffle, I would think.

  86. JT says:

    Talking about Poms It has been noted that another POM tourist has been eaten by a salt water croc in Queensland. Why can’t the OZ government train these things? Its a bloody disgrace.

    P’raps Ed might place a complaint for us. On the other hand this Croc area might be a good place to house immigrants (not Brits of course).

    ED: We do!

  87. JT says:

    Jack

    Sorry for a bit of AWOL. Been a bit tied up (no Fluffy don’t get excited). Stocking up with rations ready for the Big Crunch.

    Talking about rations did you know that the 17 pounder gun on the early Centurion (say 1952) could fire a can of powdered potato (Pom) and make a terrible mess?

    Is that why the Aussies call us Poms? I don’t think so. Rambling again, better have another glass.

    ED: Prisoners Of (her/his) Majesty. The ‘whingeing’ bit is a later definition! No justification in my view – Aussies are top whingers – ‘specially when a Wog wins the game.

  88. JT says:

    Happy Birthday Billy Boy

  89. Jack Madron says:

    Bill.
    Happy birthday mate and may you have many more of them.

  90. Jack Madron says:

    That would be nice, especially for Swanny. You say, Cornwall is close to England. If we were any closer, we’d be in England.

  91. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    200 emails daily. Unfortunately, that’s the price you have to pay for being so popular. JT has been fairly quiet lately. Have you got him reading and answering some for you?

    ED: I sense that JT is conjuring up summat for us all. ‘Corse – he might have picked up the comment that Cornwall is ‘close to England’ and arranging some travel plans to visit you all!

  92. Editor says:

    GOTTA LARF!

    Dunno about you lot – but my email banks are logging in about 200 emails daily – some genuine – others – fucking crap! Many of ’em proclaim the relevant web technology to get a Google listing in the 1st two or three pages (at a handsome cost naturally!).

    Googling “1DCLI memorabilia” produces 37 listings – all of which fill the ENTIRE 1st four pages of the results. We’re famous lads! Keep up the good work – you bunch of Old Bloggers.

    Ooh arr ooh ar ar!

    Tempus Fugit!

  93. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    What ever turns him on. Not my fault if he’s got a thing about vickers.

  94. JT says:

    Jack

    It is noted that every time you mention your Vickers you get a response from Fluffy. Are you 2 up to something. Pen pals ?

  95. Fluffy says:

    Hi Jack.

  96. Editor says:

    MESSAGE FOR BILL GRIFFITHS

    Bill, have you caught up with the KSLI blog message from Buster Sisley? #4042830

    I can forward his email address if you wish!

  97. Jack Madron says:

    Ed
    Vickers machine gun, I hope.

  98. Editor says:

    I CAN HEAR YOUR COLOURFUL LANGUAGE FROM HERE!

    These arseholes bring the anal orifice into disrepute. How the noun ‘god’ can be quoted by these animals – professing a doctrine of hate – they hope – from beyond the grave – must be beyond the comprehension of any sane human being regardless of religious preference.

    Get it over with Indonesia – machine gun the bastards to Hell!

  99. Editor says:

    Swanny

    We have lifted a report (British Light Infantry) from Terry Joll, who yesterday visited our ‘Ole Mate in Treliske Hospital, Truro, Cornwall (close to England). Swanny is in good spirits in true Light Infantry fashion, but chemotherapy can’t be pleasant.

    We send him the very best hopes – on behalf of all former DCLI Mates, other Military Mates and Bloggers – for a speedy recovery from present treatment and scheduled surgery in 2 weeks and that he’ll back to mischief real soon.

    Get Well Soon, Swanny. God Bless.

    PS: Read the Terry Joll Message post “Swanny”

  100. Editor says:

    AVAST THERE – YOU LUBBERS!

    Routine Daily Orders

    Subtle changes are taking place over all the collective Blog sites in an endeavour to streamline access to all related websites and other blog sites located elsewhere. You’ll notice that the BLOGROLL (rhs) is expanding with cross hotlinks to our many other pages, so that relevant comments can be logged, where applicable.

    The original ‘self regulatory’ idea prevails though, please contain comments within the general window of the Title. Coal Hole Duties, Elbow Beach frisk parties and 252’s will follow if offenders transgress. Be warned!

  101. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Barney.
    What are you lot doing to WO’s at St Mawgan? Calling them names is one thing, but breaking arms is a bit OT. Isn’t it? Saw Mick Lewis yesterday.

  102. Editor says:

    CRUELTY TO ANIMALS IN USA

    After viewing this video clip, I’m glad that I’m a vegetarian.

  103. Bill Griffiths says:

    Hi Guys,
    Had check up with the MO this morning. Tried to get some more time off but he said “Medicine and Duty.” Keep taking the tablets. Ah! Well!

  104. Bill Griffiths says:

    JT,
    Can’t send it back, saving up for a rainy day. Any idea how an umbrella costs? Can’t afford a new one – have to look in the charity shops.
    Bill

  105. Bill Griffiths says:

    Swanny,Thinking about you and praying for you, hope all goes well
    Bill & Nancy

  106. JT says:

    Bill

    £1.95 a week. That is outrageously generous given the state of international finances. Are you one of these greedy fat cats they keep on about? Send it back immediately.

  107. Bill Griffiths says:

    Hi Guys
    Yes great to be back, now have Nancy back home with me again, but she is not really too good, so once again I have my hands full. Thanks for all your support, guys, really do appreciate it.

    Swanny, all the best and hope all goes well for you, thinking about you, and praying for you.

    JT. No more back pay, we have to just struggle on. I just got an increase in my Army Pension. One P a day – Yes – Yes guys – £1.95 a week for the whole year. I had a begging letter the other day from some ex service Brigadier, asking for a donation to some service charity. I wrote to him and offered him my increase in Pension, if it was of any use to him. Needless to say, he didn’t reply. I wonder how much he donated?

    Anyway guys great to be back, wish we could all meet up one day and have a bloody great party, now that would really be something!

    Bye for now, better start my nursing duties.
    Bill

  108. Jack Madron says:

    Been here watching DVD of the Band and Bugles Light Division Sounding Retreat. Horse Guards Parade. 1987. Legs are aching and I’m blowing like a broken hoss, and that’s just sitting and watching. Grand- daughter asked me if we ran like that all the time?

  109. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Hope it wasn’t your paying out hand.

  110. JT says:

    Barney

    Agreed of course.

    But hey! when a Gurkhas detachment visited Bermuda I bought a Kukri (?) knife and when I drew it from the scabbard it cut my hand and the little buggers fell about laughing.

    Our Derek said that was the tradition every time the knife was draw it was supposed to draw blood.

  111. Editor says:

    SURGICAL CORRECTNESS!!

    Be careful what you discuss with your Doctor!

  112. Editor says:

    YOU SINFUL SKINFULS

    Eat your crusts and yoghourt!

  113. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    JT – September 25, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    “I reckon Ghurkas are British Soldiers.”

    Yes of course they are, but it never hurts to point that out, and that was my point, they get so little recognition for what they do and are always treated badly.

    Ayo Ghurkali!!

    Barney

  114. Jack Madron says:

    A song I used to hear in the NAAFI Club down in Minden town.

    Chorus.
    Sing high, sing low, where ever we go.
    The Royal Army Service Corps never say no.
    Verse.
    Now we have a Sgt, he’s tall and he’s thin.
    Somebody threw a tomato at him.
    Tomato’s all right if they’re wrapped in a skin.
    But this one was wrapped in a bloody great tin.

    Any one remember the rest?

  115. JT says:

    I reckon Ghurkas are British Soldiers.

  116. JT says:

    Billy Boy

    Welcome back. Jack is right we have several issues for you to deal with our Senior man (as WO11 RAPC)

    They keep pestering me for back pay and strange allowances. I never understood much of that stuff when I was their Pay Sgt (acting as it turned out) kidnapped from being a lance jack in the RAC and found myself on a troopship with these Cornish folk (Pixies?)

    I didn’t even get issued with a Phrase Book

  117. Jack Madron says:

    Welcome back Bill. Nice to see you didn’t leave your sense of humour in the East, (Kismet). It’s nice to have a senior rank back to keep some of these junior ranks in order. One or two have been playing up a bit since you’ve been away.

  118. Swanny Swanson says:

    All, I would like to endorse all that the Canadian lady’s comments she made ABOUT OUR WORST ENEMY the Muslim fanatics who our brave services have to fight against not knowing who’s who!! and God bless all of our troops in such adverse conditions.

  119. Swanny Swanson says:

    Hi Bill, nice to have you back on board, as you most probably know I have been under the weather for passed few weeks, in hospital etc. Go into hospital next week for first session of chemo, hope to be out the week after for a week then go for second session then home for couple or so weeks and hopefully have my OP. When I’m home It really helps to be on this page with all my closest friends and have a bit of banter etc. It gives me a big help to alleviate me with my problems, give Nancy mine and Doris’s best wishes.

    Neil (Swanny).

  120. Bill Griffiths says:

    Re KISMET

    No, Nelson said as he lay dying – ” Kiss me Hardy ” and Hardy said, “You Kiss my ass, I’m next in line for Admiral”

  121. Bill Griffiths says:

    Hi Guys,
    I am back. Sorry for the very long absence, but I have been on a long break getting away from it all on Doctor’s orders, following two recent mini strokes. They took Nancy in to Nursing home for six weeks, and told me to take a complete break – away from everything routine – which I have done – even took a two week holiday back to Hong Kong where I met up with the remaining members of Nancy’s family.

    I had a great time and didn’t want to come back, but here I am and I look forward to catching up with all the banter and stories that you guys send in. I will try hard now to keep in touch, although I am now back to my role as full time carer for my little Nancy and 24 hours a day caring is not easy. But, the medics are now insisting that I am relieved more often – so will see what transpires.

    GREAT TO BE BACK.
    I, like the rest of you, really like the letter from the Canadian lady and have copied it ready to send to as many people as I can.

    OK guys nice to be back.

    Bill

    ED: Welcome Home Bill

  122. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Quite true…

    1. Jesus Christ
    2. The Canadian Soldier.
    3. The British Soldier.
    4. The US Soldier, and
    5. The Australian Soldier

    One died for your soul, the other 4 for your freedom.

    And of course, The Kiwi (New Zealand) Soldier and The Ghurkha Soldier, lest we forget.

  123. Jack Madron says:

    No truer words have ever been said.

  124. JT says:

    Ed
    Can we get in e mail form to be sent on?

    ED: Done JT – straight to your personal email address. Anyone! – feel free to cut ‘n paste into a blank email and repeat send.

    NB: One of the reasons that I recommend cut ‘n paste is to avoid the possibility of (unknowingly) transferring a virus infection from PC to PC/Mac – that (might) be implanted in the originating email sender. Just be aware and scan ALL incoming messages from known/unknown originators!

  125. JT says:

    Absolutely 100% right

    What a great piece of writing

  126. Editor says:

    A CANADIAN LADY WITH BALLS (NOT A JOKE)

    Emailed to me by the son of a British Soldier KIA Korea 1953.

    This was written by a Canadian woman, but oh how it also applies to the U.S.A, UK. and Australia. Written by a housewife in New Brunswick, to her local newspaper. This is one pissed off lady.

    ‘Are we fighting a war on terror or aren’t we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001 and have continually threatened to do so since?

    Were people from all over the world, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan , across the Potomac from the nation’s capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn’t they?

    And I’m supposed to care that a few Taliban were claiming to be tortured by a justice system of the nation they come from and are fighting against in a brutal insurgency. I’ll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.

    I’ll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere belief of which is a crime punishable by beheading in Afghanistan.

    I’ll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg’s head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.

    I’ll care when the cowardly so-called ‘insurgents’ in Afghanistan come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.

    I’ll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.

    I’ll care when the Canadian media stops pretending that their freedom of speech on stories is more important than the lives of the soldiers on the ground or their families waiting a home to hear about them when something happens.

    In the meantime, when I hear a story about a CANADIAN soldier roughing up an Insurgent terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don’t care.

    When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: I don’t care.

    When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed ‘special’ food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being ‘mishandled,’ you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts: I don’t care.

    And oh, by the way, I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s spelled ‘Koran’ and other times ‘Quran.’ Well, Jimmy Crack Corn you guessed it, I don’t care !!!

    If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it’ll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behaviour !

    If you don’t agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don’t complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great Country! And may I add: ‘Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Soldiers don’t have that problem.’

    I have another quote that I would like to add, AND I hope you forward all this. One last thought for the day: Only five defining forces have ever offered to die for you:

    1. Jesus Christ
    2. The Canadian Soldier.
    3. The British Soldier.
    4. The US Soldier, and
    5. The Australian Soldier

    One died for your soul, the other 4 for your freedom.

  127. Anon says:

    There was a young lady from Bude
    Who could on occasions be crude
    When drunk in Penzance
    She would strip off and dance
    and sometimes attempt something lewd

  128. Jack Madron says:

    We do John. It’s just that the sun sets later here than it does in your neck of the woods and the light lasts longer because we have no air pollution. Bit of a nuisance when you’re trying to nod off and it’s still daylight outside.

    Me being biblical? Thats a laugh.

  129. JT says:

    Jack

    I know about Plod it was just the comment that sounded so biblical. You were up late. Thought everyone went to bed at sundown in the West Country to save lamp oil.

  130. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Plod. I vaguely remember it on TV some years ago. May have been Z Cars or something, or was it Noddy?

    Lewd and Bawdy. Thought it was a new comedy duo. We could do with somebody being funny on TV or radio, instead of the bland crap thats dished out. Who said Harry Enfield was funny? Can’t think of a remark about Drawers Cellular. Too late in the day.

  131. Bunty (ex WO11) WRAC says:

    Ed

    I do hope you are not suggesting any of my comments should go on this new Lewd thing.

    ED: No Bunty – your remarks are always clean and fresh, although the content might be questioned by some (not I). If you like I can arrange a fresh Blog page for you entitled (say) The Swinging Tit, or Wrinkled & Saggy -?

  132. JT says:

    Jack again

    If that is a picture of you on the Vickers why are you wearing Drawers Cellular on your head ?

  133. JT says:

    Jack

    This Plod comment. Are you pissed again? Sounds like something out of the Bible or Lord of the Rings.

  134. JT says:

    Jack and Swanny

    Ooh you lucky lads, Ed has opened a blog Lewd and Bawdy just for you.

  135. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    Photo in Lewd and Bawdy. Definitely a speedboat in the background with six people on it. Doesn’t the water look clear and inviting?

  136. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Plod is not there to uphold the law.
    Plod is the law, or so they believe.

  137. JT says:

    Barney ?

    Ring a bell ?

  138. JT says:

    As an ex Constibule (Leicester City Police) 1959

    I can only comment that in our cars (large black Wolseleys – I think we had more than one) we did not have a blue flashing light and we had a bell “dingaling dingaling”

    Individual beat bobbies did not have radios but had an occasional “Tardis” police box we could walk/ run to phone in an emergency .

    So in the above incident when reported
    Run to police box and dial 1212 – “yers ?”
    “allo 236 ere. I’ve had a report of a gollywog in a window on the xxx estate”
    “yew takin the piss constable ?”
    “no”
    “ave you got your pushbike ?”
    “no”
    “right well its only 2 or 3 miles from yew – just run over there and see wots wot. Hit might not be a Golliwog it might be one of them himigrants they are on abaht lookin out of the window”

    “righto sarge”

  139. Crime Desk reporter says:

    Comment from Greater Manchester Police spokesman.

    “It’s nowt t do wi thee. Bugger off or tha ll get locked up theeself”

  140. Crime Desk says:

    Golly: Crime scene somewhere in Manchester

    Midnight
    Police Car blue light and siren
    KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

    Housewife answers door. “Good Evening madam” (said without irony). We have been notified that yew have been showin in your window a hobject which it is forbidden to name, have yew anythink to say? (takes out notebook and prepares to write) ?

    Housewife “what object ?”

    Constable ” It is forbidden to say the name”

    Housewife “Can’t help you then can I love ?”

    Constable “allo allo that your game then?” “Yew will be hearin from us in due course”

    Conclusion: 10 days later the woman is arrested, fingerprinted, DNA’s and released with a caution.

    Crime – her 6 year old child left a Gollywog in the windowsill.

    ED: Golly – what has Camilla got in her handbag?

  141. JT says:

    Looney Tunes?

    An Islamic cleric Sheikh Muhammed Mujnajid (an ex Saudi diplomat) has declared on TV that as mice are “soldiers of Satan” ” Mickey Mouse must be killed.”

    Questions? Will Minnie Mouse escape if she converts to Islam and promises to wear the full Burkha in future films?

    Jerry of Tom and Jerry clearly must go into hiding (trust no one Jerry)

    Also will Al Q place an explosive device in the Hickory Dickory Dock clock?

    Will blind mice get a reprieve (Allah the Merciful)?

    Give us a break Al, these are worrying times

  142. JT says:

    We know that Swanny only did one guard, he was Stickman every other guard mounting. Hm!

    He has confessed (sort of) that the particular hossifer didn’t like his after shave (when getting up close). Did we have aftershave in those days?

    Notice that I am up early again while you lot are still in your pits. That radio report made be so angry I had to get up, pace around a bit and kick the dogs while Mrs T wasn’t looking.

  143. JT says:

    This morning on Radio. Manchester; 6 year old child was playing with a “Golly” (used to be Gollywog). She left in on the window sill. At around midnight Police knocked at the door to question the mother about this racist incident. She was warned that the matter might be taken further. 10 days later she was telephoned to go down to the “Station”. She did and was arrested, fingerprinted, DNA was taken and then later released with a “Caution”

    Good old Blighty.
    Great here ‘innit ?

  144. JT says:

    There were always stories (probably true) that in some large camps, transit camps and depots that some people spent their entire National Service after basic training wandering about with a clip board. Once you had slipped through net, it was only bad luck to be caught. Rather like the recent cases in London where some people have spent 2 years or more living undetected at Gatwick and Heathrow airports.

    They had their benefits paid directly into their bank etc. One guy was so familiar that he ate in discounted staff canteens. Even the security staff thought he worked there.

  145. Jack Madron says:

    Yes Ed.
    I feel as if I was a wee tacker in 1914.

    ED: Knew you’d see that hidden humour!

  146. Jack Madron says:

    Barney.
    Swanny walked around with a paint pot and brush. Only us NCOs, JT, Ed and myself carried clip boards. So please don’t blame Swanny for your skiving habits. Swanny worked hard at skiving, hence the number of stick orderlies he won. I preferred to do the guards. Boring sitting around all day and to close to fhose ossifers, pandering to their needs.

  147. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    What does Barney think of you Lot???

    Well I reckon you’re all alright!

    Yes a serving soldier I am, I work 4 days on then 4 days off, then 4 nights and then 4 days off, that with 30 days leave a year means I work approx 6 months of the year and paid 24/7 all year. What more do you want out of us soldiers? And I learned all I know from Swanny. Like walking around with a clip board and a pen all day, every one thinks you’re busy! Ha!

    Barney..

  148. Jack Madron says:

    Thanks Ed.
    “Akismet Hardy”.
    Didn’t Nelson say that when he was cocking his toes up?

  149. Jack Madron says:

    Worked OK this time.

    ED: Akismet might be an ex WRAC!

  150. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    This time I think I know what happened. Clicked on submit, went to page heading and stopped there instead of returning to bottom of the page. I moved the arrow and there it was. Gone. You can get rid of the 9:40pm blog if you want to. Bloody voodoo machine.

  151. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    The light has got to be bright, otherwise we old uns wont be able to see the Beano.
    Now another MMG photo!

    ED: Un-spammed again Jack – whaddyerdoin?

  152. Jack Madron says:

    Hooray. Machine Guns have fame at last. Note new photo heading.

  153. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I don’t struggle with the Beano xword. I don’t do them. Only look at the pretty pictures. If we greet Bill with this Magus Maguson (and your chosen subject is) thing, he’s liable to get back on the plane and head east again, and Swanny has enough trouble with us, without trying to follow it. God knows what Barney thinks of us lot.

    ED: OK OK – back to B/S! Check out the new one – summat to get your teeth into Jack!

  154. JT says:

    Ed

    This Magus thing – a bit of info overload for us mate. Jack and me struggle with the Kiddy crosswords in the Beano. Can you follow it Swanny?

    We’ll ask Bill when he gets back.

  155. JT says:

    Swanny

    What is Paul (Barney) on about “Bright the Light”? Are we being infiltrated by some religious cult?

  156. Bunty says:

    Barney
    Your entry 3.34pm. Thought you were a serving soldier, haven’t you got any work to do that time of day? Frankly we would like to get our money’s worth

  157. Jack Madron says:

    Wish I’d never asked.

  158. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Swanny, you’re more than welcome, it stirs the heart, does you good.

    Be Bright -Join the Light!

    Barney.

  159. Bunty says:

    Cripes Ed are you a Moony ? You should have said…

  160. JT says:

    Ed has finally gone barmy or trying to work his ticket. Needs a spell in the old style Catterick Military Hospital (cuckoo ward) where I did my “caring training” as Guard Commander in 1953

  161. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    The small photo at the beginning of this blog. Is that Swanny in the coal shed with a candle?

    ED: The Magus or Magician. The 1st card of the Major Arcana of the Tarot. Signifies the beginning of consciousness; spiritual awakening; easy accomplishment of difficult situations; new beginnings; success. When the Magician appears in a spread, it points to the talents, capabilities and resources at the querent’s disposal. Depending on the card’s placement in relation to other cards, the message is to tap into one’s full potential rather than holding back, especially when there is a need to transform something. There are choices and directions to take. Guidance can arrive through one’s own intuition or in the form of someone who brings about change or transformation.

    The card can mean that a manipulator is floating around, usually if it’s reversed. He may be a beneficent guide, but he does not necessarily have our best interests in mind. He may also represent the querent’s ego or self awareness. He can also represent the intoxication of power, both good and bad.

    PS: Did you really wanna know that much about it? ;-)) Quite an appropriate illustration I thought – for W&W – !

  162. Jack Madron says:

    Barney.
    12-14 am. Are you crossed with an owl or have you got JT itis? He seems to be up all hours of the night. I think he must be on Neighbourhood Watch or something.

  163. JT says:

    Swanny

    It was Buntie’s father “The Commander RN” who had that trouble in Gib with the Stoker Mechanic.

    Do keep up laddie we don’t want to get sued. You know sensitive these arse bandits are.

  164. The Rev Maltravers (Fluffy) says:

    Swanny

    How dare you. I was not a stoker. I was a Chaplain in the RN with appropriate officer rank. It was only when some Master at Arms rummaged though my laundry and found my panties, bra and suspender belt that my trouble in the Navy started. I only wore them in private it goes without saying.

    Of course as a civvy vicar I can wear what I like under my cassock.

  165. Swanny Swanson says:

    Fluffy, Keep your eyes off Barney – he is like a son to me, I don’t want you ex Stokers to lead him astray! His late father RIP, was also ex CPO Stoker on Russian convoys and really roughed it in WW2 and he will be watching you from above! Only joking Fluffy.

    Swanny.

  166. JT says:

    Thank you ex Chunky. You guys did a great job on Salisbury Plain. It was quite hilly when you started. I always thought the Royal Pioneer Corps had a bad press. They were certainly not all thick as rumour had it. Nor was it true that their knuckles dragged on the ground when they marched. (It was only the ones in the centre file) and that was no easy task to arrange when getting them “on parade”

  167. Ex Chunky says:

    Dear Bog

    This crunch thing. As usual I lept into the breech and did a demo. Well I did the usual and parks the wife in her wheelchair stuck in the tramlines in croyden. She had a wee first so we wern’t worried about time.

    You had to laugh. A traffic warden (somarly) started to issue a ticket. The tram driver got out and was going to thump him. The rozzers arrived and arrested the tram driver .

    Enid had a plackard saying – Bring back coal – Up the Miners

    Got lots of support from the crowd. Even the pakis were cheering.

    Sorry abokut the tipos

    PS: I joined the Pioneer Corps (Chunkys) in 1950 and we dug up Salisbury plane. (again)

  168. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Strewth! Whats it like here? These names. Bunty, Fluffy, Swanny, Good god Sir! and I thought this was a serious outfit? Harumph!

    Like it!!

    Barney.

  169. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Swanny (The Laughing Pioneer). I like that. Just picture him with a lace collar and- wait a minute, we’ve been this way before. Haven’t we?

  170. JT says:

    ED

    When do you think Billy boy is coming back from HK?

    ED: Dunno specifically. He said ‘a fortnight’ which is now passed – perhaps he got lost in transit! I hope that he’s alright!

  171. JT says:

    Jack

    I must leap to the defense of Ed. He probably did not hit even one land crab . With those old .38s you couldn’t hit a 3 tonner at 20 paces. Lucky he didn’t put one through his toe cap.

    Also Swanny (The Laughing Pioneer) did not just hide in the coal store as we well know. He was doin the findin not the hidin.

    ED: No toe caps to miss, we were all in togs and no misses (at barrel’s length mark you).

  172. The Rev Maltravers (Fluffy) says:

    Barney

    It is a pleasure to welcome you to this blog. Sadly it is occupied by junior ranks from the lower orders of society and there is much profanity. Let us pray that you may bring some enlightenment. You seem to be a serious sort of chap. I see that you have been a member of the Constabulary. I do have reason to deal with them occasionally on personal matters. Mostly misunderstandings about missing lead from the Church roof and quite unfounded and frequent accusations by the verger’s wife who suspects me of buggery with dear Eric. (He is the verger)

    I note that Jack has been rude about me again.

    You may call me Fluffy.

  173. JT says:

    Yes Betty was a Chorus girl or something in Showbiz.

  174. Jack Madron says:

    Barney.
    You don’t know what you’ve let yourself into with these A Coy lot. Being MMGs S Coy, we were expected to uphold the name of the Regt at all times but A Coy, being stranded on the Holiday Isle (Bermuda) with nothing to occupy them, I suspect they were allowed to do much as they pleased. Hence, no discipline.

    E.G. Swanny skiving off guard with a white bag over his shoulder or hiding in the coal shed. JT hiding in the pay office, drinking iced G and Ts and the Ed skiving at the RBYC or shooting land crabs with a revolver. All right for some.

  175. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    You sure know your radio and TV. Yes, Violet Carsons, (Ena Sharples) did play piano on the show.
    Wasn’t Betty Driver (Betty in Corrie) in that or some other radio show, long before Corrie?

  176. Bunty says:

    Barney

    Thank you for your CV. (Blimey). Swanny is a cheeky little bugger suggesting I suppose that have a little hair on my upper lip. Its a good few years since the jolly old menopause. But rude to mention it

    SWANNY.
    We MIGHT refer Barney to the pictures of you in KD shorts and your little legs. They didn’t call you stickman for nothing. Did you know that in the Suez crisis in 56 m – me and a section of my gels formed snatch squad and snatched a few Frog Paras, held em for 3 days in an LST. Their legs were really wobbly when we let ’em go I can tell you.

  177. JT says:

    Barney

    When Jack told us he used to strip vickers MGs in Support Coy. It got into a bit of trouble in the blog
    Be careful. Even the word Support can lead to trouble

    Right Jack ?

  178. Cpl G Rease ACC says:

    Jack

    I would be very surprised if you had any of those things. They were naturally reserved for the cooks, sale to Married Quarters or the Catering Officers perks. What did you think you were on? Your father’s Yacht? Ha Ha remember that?

    You seem to describe fried eggs. Bloody luxury for you lot. We did do a few for favourites and the Guard Room suppers. Nowadays the squaddies get 5 star grub. (Even get a choice of a main course). Don’t know what they are griping about. In my cookhouse you got a choice. A dollop in your mess tin or on yer wrist if you weren’t careful.

  179. Bunty says:

    This blog is getting worse by the day. Could we try to stick to military or semi military matters? (I should talk). We can count Beryl in as she was in the Land Army as we know. She went to a reunion today in what I call her Margaret Rutherford kit with her corduroy breeches darned stockings and hobnailed boots
    God what does she look like

    Can’t think what they get up to. Usual topic seems to be a lecture on artificial insemination of cattle and the real thing with the German POW’s and Land Army gels.

  180. Jack Madron says:

    Ex Cpl G Rease.
    You mention fried eggs, bacon, steakes etc. Can’t remember any of those during the three years I served. Do remember the round, flat, off white bits of rubber with the yellow spot in the middle plus the ground coffee. Ground being the operative word. Don’t know if it was top soil or sub soil, but it was definitely ground of some sort. The NAAFI made a fortune out of us, thanks to you. Did they ever give you any back handers?

  181. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Bunty. Hello and thank you for your message, I was a SNCO in the L.I. Support Weapons. In 2005 I re-enlisted into the regular army in the AGC Adjutants General Corp, in which I still serve, well, I turn up every 4 days. On re-enlistment we have to start all over again, so I am now back to JNCO Status, and I have 4 years left to push until I’m 55 and have to retire from the Army, even though I am now serving in the AGC. I am still L.I. through and through, to the point where of and when I go to anything of a military nature in civvy street I wear my L.I. Regimental Jacket and tie and not the AGC.

    My wife is ex WRAC, and was also a SNCO and extremely proud of it and also sorry but I don’t do sexual or intimate interludes, but I do get pissed now and then. Swanny says you can use his razor anytime, not sure what that’s about? In between times I served for 13 years with Devon and Cornwall Police, Until December 2004, so that me in a nutshell really.

    Take care now.

    Barney..

  182. G Rease Ex Cpl ACC cook says:

    Elsie

    If your Library is in London I can get there on my bus pass. Can you help me as well? I am fit for my age and take little blue pills I get from the internet. If the other old geyser gives you trouble I can beat him up for you.

  183. Elsie Shah, Librarian says:

    Dear Blog

    I am trying to assist one of your correspondents, an ex serviceman and pensioner – in his computer skills. Whilst I am pleased to do so, his habits make it quite difficult to monitor his entries whilst having to stand some feet away for my own safety.

    His description of me as the Paki bint is not very PC is it? But we must allow for his age. My legs were quite bruised this morning and I cannot begin to describe the state of yet another keyboard.

    I will appreciate any advice from old comrades.

  184. G Rease Ex Cpl ACC cook says:

    What you berks don’t understand is that we didn’t have any choice when the call up papers arrived. No wonder we had bad skin with all the fried eggs, bacon, steaks and stuff we had to eat all the time. I’ve had ulcers ever since. Plus we had to deal with selling rations under the cookhouse tent flap to the married quarters lot.

    Never saw the sunlight did we; and I was in Wogland Canal Zone in 1950. Pale as a ghost when I got back to Blighty. Cold sores had cleared up though. Also penicillin had cured the little spot of bother down below what I collected from that bint in Ismalia.

    Having to feed you lot on 4/6 per week was difficult and we got no thanks for it as your joke proves.

  185. Jack Madron says:

    John. Ed.
    Who played piano for Wilfred Pickles?
    Clue. Corrie.

    ED: Ena Sharples

  186. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Your remarks about ACC cooks, reminds me of the old joke.

    Orderly Officer marched into the cookhouse and called out, “Who called the cook a c**t? A voice from the back called back, “Who called the c**t a cook?

    Barney.
    Bunty is like Venus De Milo, armless but beware Fluffy.

  187. Editor says:

    BEST IRISH JOKE (From Swanny)

    John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!’ (That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!)

    He went home and told his wife, Mary, ‘I won the prize for the Best toast of the night’. She said, ‘Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?’ Mary said.

    ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.’

    ‘Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!’ Mary said.

    The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, ‘John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.’

    She said, ‘Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.’

  188. Pensioner (ex Chunky) says:

    Dear Golb

    From the Libry
    Its alrite you youngsters going on about secks and stuff. Your sexs mad. I joined in 1946 and we didn’t have it then. Never heard of such stuff. And What about this Credit crunch then? I didn’t have any to crunch and why not and can I get it back dated?

    Sorry about the spelling and tipos. This Paki bird tries to help but won’t come too near. hee hee. Nice legs by the way.

  189. Bunty says:

    Barney

    PS: But she does have “Gott Mitt Uns” Tattooed on her bum and what were probably SS runes somewhat clumsily changed to an 11 Armoured Division div sign.

    Best to be up front I always say but in her case thats another story all together. I do think she might bring you happiness.

  190. Bunty says:

    Barney

    My friend Beryl is in a frenzy at the thought of a romantic interlude with you. She asks me to say that she is an expert plower, muck spreader, and not bad at field drainage. She is a Cornish lass and shit hot at the floral dance. Local gossip about her things with the Jerry POWS in the war are probably exaggerated.

  191. Bunty says:

    Daddy has been re instated as Widow Twanky in the village Panto.

    I mentioned my interest in this Light Infantry Blog. Daddy thinks you are dwarfs or something. What a hoot.

  192. JT says:

    Ed

    Nothing from Lt Rutter’s family? Photos?

    ED: Recently in touch JT, Tristan has the matter to hand and will oblige soon.

  193. JT says:

    Vote for me as the Chancellor, boys. when did I ever let you A Coy lads down on pay day? They even have adding machines nowadays.

    OK so Swanny didn’t get his Pioneer pay whatever that was. Probably made it up flogging coal to the natives (delivered by his pal Albert’s horse and cart?)

  194. JT says:

    Out of the blue

    Was it a matter of natural selection (Darwinism) or man made selection (War Office) that ACC cooks in the early 50’s had pimples, impetigo, cold sores, bitten finger nails and coughed a lot?

  195. JT says:

    ED

    YES! WILFRED PICKLES

    Give im the munny Barney. OZ Dollars please the Pound is fucked

    Ed let’s have a link to Workers Playtime

    ED: Naught available!

  196. JT says:

    Somebody warn him for pities sake
    Swanny ?

  197. Bunty says:

    Barney

    My gels used to call me “Sir” and I must say I rather liked that. By the way I have an ex Land Army pal looking for romance – interested?

  198. JT says:

    Everyone

    “Give er the munny Barney” Who said that?

    Go on ‘ave a go.

    ED: Wilfred Pickles

  199. JT says:

    Thank you Bunty and yes welcome to Barney.

    No doubt our resident Chaplain will be in contact soon eager to touch base (or anywhere else for that matter)

  200. ex WO11 Himler (Bunty) says:

    Welcome Barney

    I am as you can see Ex WO11 WRAC (Womens Royal Army Corps) in case you are too young to know. Qualified para, Suez veteran, ex PTO etc etc. This is when men were men and women were mostly women Ha Ha. Enough about that. I am senior soldier on this blog due to my rank (certainly until Bill Griffiths gets back from Hong Kong where he is currently skiving. The others are junior NCO’s and generally offensive as you may have already gathered.

    Jack is usually rude to me or about me and the Ed not much better.

    However you are very welcome. Just watch your step (and don’t go on about 140 paces a minute if you don’t mind there’s a good lad. If my gels marched like that their tits would be all over the place.

    You can call me Bunty.

    ED: FMHWGA

  201. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny.
    Got to give the scousers a bit of a chance. We had to score for them. Didn’t watch Chelski last night. Refs have been told, not to waste the FA’s time by giving red cards to Chelski players. Hackett has spoken. Must admit, Terry’s was a good rugby tackle.

  202. Swanny Swanson says:

    For Jack. To see Fergie’s face after last Saturday says it all, I won’t comment on our game last night until your result tonight.

  203. Jack Madron says:

    For Swanny.
    Palin called her daughter, Bristol, after one tit. Clinton called his daughter, Chelsea, after eleven of them.

  204. Swanny Swanson says:

    Barney, when we first went to Bermuda we had quite a few old sweats joined the Coy, Korean Vets!! One of them – a close mate of mine L/Cpl Jim Dennison who served in about 4 different Regts in Korea used to teach me songs on similar lines to what you have mentioned. My favourite was “I’ve got a blob right on my nob and like a fool I paid ten bob, here am I in old war kree blobbing with siff and gunnory, singing Rum and Cocola working for the yankee dollar” – with several verses in same fashion!

    The Coy got rid of most of these old Vets as they were a bad influence on all we young Soldiers – leading us into bad habits. Only times I could sing these was when I got pissed and could remember most of the words of the songs in my reserve Forces Days – seems yonks ago now.

    Swanny.

  205. Paul (Barney) Barnes says:

    Not sure if this is the right place for this, but this is a song that I’ve been known to stand up and sing, when Ive had a few sherberts. It was sung by one of the musicians of the Band and Bugles of the 3rd Battalion the Light Infantry (K.S.L.I.) I learnt it whilst serving in 3 L.I.

    It’s called SOLDIER BOY

    A brave young soldier boy named Geordie, is the hero of this song he crossed the sea to serve his country, he went to serve out in Hong Kong.

    His wife he left back home in Gateshead, but soon his heart began to long, for the company of a female though he knew that it was wrong.

    He crossed the harbour in a ferry, took a rickshaw to Wanchi, and in a dimly lighted bar there, a slant eyed maiden did aspy.

    Coca Cola for this maiden, art for eighty he did buy, but when he asked her for her favour he was greeted with this cry.

    Meee no likey Blitish Soldier, Yankee Sailor me adore, Blitish pay one dollar only, Yankee pay one dollar more.

    Yankee call me honey darling, Blitish call me bloody whore. Yankee here for one night only,

    Blitish here for ever more.

    End.

    I thank You

    Barney.

  206. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny. John.
    I remember my early driving in Minden. We had driving lessons in Universal carriers. Really enjoyed the experience. Every one got out of the way. Who wouldn’t, with four and a half ton of steel roaring at you at at 25- 30 mph.

    I was on leave at home when others took their test. Had licence given to me by your old friend, John, when I returned to Minden. Tim Hodder looked after his machine gun platoon. Really enjoyed my time in Germany.

  207. JT says:

    Swanny

    Barry said had a similar problem on his first trip in a one tonner in Bermuda.

    Mrs T now has a similar problem almost daily in her Renault Clio. Except the days when she loses her car key when walking the dogs and locks the spare inside.

  208. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    JT, Your driving experience brought back memories? When I first joined RE’s I had to learn to drive 3 ton trucks for my driving test, Got in with a Captain Instructor!! Drove from MT pool to go through main Barrack gates on to main road in Falmouth. Guess what misjudged width of 3 tonner – knocked seven bells out of main gate, Officer shouting for me to stop!!! I ignored orders and carried on as we were now on main road and drove round the block with this Officer pulling his hair out and returned to Barracks. Story of my life having bollockings from the brass, this one was second to none!!! To think after that I was driving every sort of vehicles of size and description at places such as Wyke Regis Weymouth etc . As said before when you are young and naive! – and one of my jobs after all that my Job was to teach RAMC personnel how to drive years later.

    SAPPERS famous phrase improvisation.

  209. JT says:

    With the state of my knees and back let alone blood pressure I do admire those older Mossies kneeling down pressing their foreheads on the deck.

  210. The Rev Maltravers (Fluffy) says:

    Jack

    You are naughty, but I like you.

  211. Jack Madron says:

    Fluffy.
    Don’t you mean, tight fit?

  212. The Rev Maltravers (Fluffy) says:

    I say what a spiffing idea. Sort of cross fertilization of spiritual ideas.

    Have to check with the jolly old Bishop though. He is not talking to me at present since I had to flog the lead of the church roof. Old Git

    Yes some of those Paki lads are a bit fit as they say.

  213. JT says:

    Jack

    A very good point. Surely they could be taken to court for discrimination.

    Do you reckon Fluffy could get a job as an Imam at his local mosque? He would love all those dusky lads in their white frock and little caps kneeling with their bums in the air.

  214. Jack Madron says:

    Newcastle United FC have a problem this Xmas with their nativity play. Apparently they’ve got eleven donkeys. One Wise man. No Shepherd and the Messiah has left them.

  215. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    What I can’t figure out is, why is there a Black Police Federation, when if there was a White Police Federation there would be one almighty uproar.

    That Polish Corporal. You should have waited till he got into that truck and mistakenly reversed right over it. Oops, Sorry Corp.

  216. JT says:

    Now I come to think of it some sadistic Polish Corporal 4th Royal Tank Regiment swore at me something awful at Catterick in 1953. He called me a stupit fockink kont. just because I mistakenly put into reverse and dinged the truck behind. 2nd driving lesson.

    I still have nightmares. Reckon a couple of million quid compensation might do it. Obviously racist.

  217. JT says:

    Surely one day something will bring this nonsense of racial crap to an end. These people are just taking the piss. and guess what – some old lefty or senile judge will award them millions at a tribunal to compensate them for hurt feelings.

    Just look at the Daily Mail article online

  218. JT says:

    The Asian Met police commander who is going to a tribunal claiming racial discrimination because he was turned down for more promotion is now joined by some senior Asian police woman and 15,000 black and Asian coppers are demonstrating to back them up.Turns out that their Asian lawyers are a bunch of crooks (what a surprise) Daily Mail

    Meanwhile there is a huge waiting list of white Brits who cannot get into the Met because of positive discrimination recruiting. “Sorry don’t want you, come back when you are black?

  219. Rev Maltravers (Fluffy) says:

    Bleck? Well it certainly fooled me. I thought it was one of his anagrams. Couldn’t work it out.

  220. JT says:

    Bring back coal mining. Make it clean OK. Lets get rid the fucking Arabs and their oil. They can go back to goats and camels and small boys.

    We should not forget however that Swanny and his coal store was nothing to do with fossil fuels. The store referred to was where he and a mate entertained those bleck gels for fun and games. (notice also how we all use “bleck” which is Derek’s fairly transparent idea of political correctness.)

    Wish we were there Swanny, you should have sold tickets.

    ED: Fuck Me! And here’s me believing that I fooled you all!

  221. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Swanny.
    Bet the first thing on your mind was digging. Not for coal or tin, but something else. And NO JT, before you ask, he didn’t need a jackhammer.

    PASTY HAT. Good one Swanny. I would never have thought of that.

  222. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Jack, when in the coal hole the last thing on my mind was digging for coal or tin, t’was to hot, and I would have worn a PASTY HAT! not a helmet.

  223. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    JT, I posted a little military present to you today that I found when looking through my artifact military regalia box, Swanny.

    I saw on the news that they are reopening coal mines again, also the last working tin mine in Cornwall, South Crofty in Pool Reduth!! What a reversal Maggie! She closed all the greatest assets this country ever had, perhaps the return of steam trains seeing as we all knew of the vast amounts of coal? Also the price of tin has now gone to all time high and not being biased – Cornish tin is the best quality in the world. Generations of Cornish Miners have mined for gold and tin in most of the Countries on the planet.

  224. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    When Swanny was playing in the coal hole, he probably wore his steel helmet with a candle stuck on top with a lump of clay.

  225. JT says:

    Jack

    I notice Swanny mentions Mugs. I hope he doesn’t mean you and me. Swanny your second trophy could be – An engraved miners Davy lamp.

  226. Jack Madron says:

    Glancing through the last couple of days blogs, I noticed I put one to many 0’s in the height of Newcastle from sea level. Should be 4000 and not 40,000. My excuse is, I can only type with one finger and could never control that digit. No sarky remarks from you, JT.

    ED: Too late JM – we’ve already taken the piss!!

  227. Jack Madron says:

    Shit stirring blog coming up.

    Andy Airmiles throws a strop at Heathrow because nobody ran forward with an umbrella for him ’cause it was raining. The idjit didn’t realise he was at the rear door of the terminal and if he’d gone to the proper entrance he wouldn’t have needed an umbrella because there’s a large canopy. Baggage handlers had a good laugh, in his luggage he had a ironing board. We, the tax payers pay millions a year for this.

  228. Jack Madron says:

    Yes Sir. Sorry Ed.

  229. Garrison HQ says:

    ROUTINE DAILY ORDERS

    The CSM has noticed that Bloggers are developing bad habits again! The nick is too small to accommodate all of you at the one time and Charlie’s Island is seen as a privilege not a punishment (mainly ‘cos Sgt Seabourne keeps you entertained). So – 252’s will not be issued (on this occasion).

    However, please separate DCLI content from Shit Stirring matter elsewhere. This way we can all follow a ‘thread’ of talk without jumping from Blog to Blog – Geddit?

  230. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I suppose there must have been some MQ at Newcastle but, like the cookhouse I can’t place them. It’s bloody annoying when some things stand out a mile in your memory and others are a complete blank. Still, the price for growing old I suppose.

  231. JT says:

    Jack, correction. Book says nearest houses were 4,000 feet above sea level.

    ED: Phew – pleased about that. Talk about the ‘mile high club’ – would have been some climb at 40K!

  232. Jack says:

    I always had the impression that Married Quarters were at Newcastle. Hope you weren’t snooping around the MQ laddie

  233. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    I used to like SPAM, especially fritters but now that I know there’s foreign URL’s in them I’ll give them up. Seriously though, is it something I’m doing wrong or something that can’t be avoided. Any emails I get that I don’t know the sender, I bin right away without opening.

    ED: Jack, I don’t think we need to concern ourselves at all with your blog actions. Akismet just happens to be ultra sensitive to a wide range of data content and if in doubt – sidelines until I edit that particular blog – in or out. Each edited blog is examined for content by Akismet and the system “remembers” the originator – so as time advances ’tis unlikely that you’ll get spammed. Enjoy your fritters!

  234. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Your book describes Newcastle exactly as I remember it. Nowhere to go and nothing to do. The camp must have been a lot bigger in the 1800’s to have held all those Infantry and Artillery. I always thought that the camp was 40,000ft above sea level. I do remember we had to shut doors and windows if cloudy, especially at night, otherwise inside of huts and every thing in them would be quite damp.

    Reason I queried a Rifle Coy being stationed there is the distance from civilisation. Coys went there for a week or two for training probably.

    I reckon Ports Island was paradise compared to Newcastle.

  235. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    All. Yes I have looked at the proposed mugs etc appertaining to HMTS Empire Clyde and would like to be involved in some way, but at the current time don’t know if I can – being I will be having treatments etc over the coming weeks.

    Derek I am sure it is me that Dutch and gang throwing me over the side on way out, I think Derek you named me when you started your website and I was named in The Bodmin Gazette paper that you sent pics etc. I would like to have the proposed Tankard when it is ready keep me posted as to how I can get one

    Also good Derek that Terry Simons is getting involved with site etc. I remember the good times Derek at The Seamans Mission you and I playing pool for the first time ever seeing a pool table other than in the movies! I think JT is right Derek, Rosie only performed at The Canadian Club in Reid St which for us was out of bounds! I don’t know who was the most naive out of us all in our room – don’t think you could pick a winner!!! I’ll never forget Don Puckey saying to me – the way you’re going you will be locked up – going to where you shouldn’t!

    ED: Thanks for comments Swanny and indications of support – as usual. Don’t hesitate to input any comment though. By now we have (I think) fleshed out the text references (apart from Coy Posting accuracies). Where I feel you can assist – later when you’re back on your feet – is a mention to all the other Clyde lads at the WC Association/s.

    PS: The Smith Family in OZ have already placed a provisional order for 6 Tankards.

  236. JT says:

    I have a book written by some bigwig sent to the West Indies in 1885 to report on the economy.

    He describes his observations about the military garrison in Jamaica. At that time the British Troops had been moved to Newcastle to avoid the deaths from disease which had wiped out so many Regiments in Kingston “whole Battalions had been swept away. The ranks were filled with replacements from home and these too went the same road. Of one regiment the only survivors were a quartermaster and a corporal”.

    Kingston was garrisoned by black troops of the West India Regiment. He describes going as far as Gordons Town “where horses were waiting for us” then he describes his journey up the mountain to Newcastle. “Every article had to be carried up to the camp for the 300 infantry and 100 artillerymen.
    “We passed into cloud to low lowest range of houses which were 400 ft above the sea.” and then went up tier upon tier.

    We saw through cloud groups of listless figures lounging. Here in this extraordinary place were 400 young Englishmen of the common type of which soldiers are made, with nothing to do, and nothing to enjoy, remaining unless they desert or die for one, two or three years”. Every other day they can see nothing because of cloud or fog. Amusement there is none.”

  237. JT says:

    I remember pleading with the CO. “Sir, can I please join the Company on their route march today so that I can feel like one of the boys and share in their enjoyment”. Then I woke up with a start, in a cold sweat, I had dozed off after lunch in the mess and the ice had melted in my G & T.

    Thank goodness, my conversation with the CO had been a nightmare. Phew!- I settled down to continue my nap.

  238. JT says:

    Ed
    Thanks for the numbers. I was just trying to get an idea of how many Tankards etc for first production run. Looks like codes from the Enigma machine. I will patch to Bletchley Park for de crypting post haste.

    Think they only work part time now though.

  239. JT says:

    Can’t imagine Rosie doing that in the Sailors Home. Don’t think blecks or wimmin were allowed.

    Yes Swanny I really missed out on route marching, sweating, foot rot, dhobi itch, being shouted at and leave spent on Charlie’s Island. Great days though. We were so lucky

  240. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    ED. Thinking back! Remember when we in our barrack room, nearly all of us went to the Buckaroo for the first time and try out eating that great trough of ice cream with all the additives? As you well know Roy was a big man and big eater, he ordered the big one and nearly finished it, but alas couldn’t finish that last bit and went to the toilet! Bollockings from all, and the ten bucks prize for eating it in certain time was GONE. Those were I think the best days of our lives, looking back with HINDSIGHT and forgetting the end to end route march from Ireland Point to St. Georges with blisters etc.

    PS I feel really sorry for JT for missing out on such things. His exertions must have been ELBOW BEACH and all that?

    ED: Too right Swanny! Remember it well. I think that Dutch Hoon also gave the “Be a Pig” challenge a go and failed. Most of all though I remember you and I having a rum and coke (was it at the Seaman’s Mission?) and Rosie accepting the challenge to hang out one blek, shrunken tit – for a shilling!!

    As you say – happy days – all the more remarkable though that some 54 years later we can recall those halcyon days with clarity and we can exchange the wonderful memories – across both sides of the planet. I just wish that more Old Mates would join in – they dunno what they’re missing. I’ve just completed and published a research on our Blog ‘hits’ and in 2008 so far we’ve recorded over 17,000 (not including mine as Editor) ‘hits’ – which indicates the likelihood of trebling the 2007 figures. Now the system can’t provide individual user ID’s – to indicate the greatest repetition – but significantly there’s only about 6 of us (including Bill Griffiths) who correspond frequently. Terry Simons has just laid in his 1st (Old Toons). Imagine how it would be if (say) even 20 -30 Old Mates got involved!

    PS: Swanny – are you reading the banter on The Troopship Empire Clyde Association? – We’d all appreciate your input ‘Ole Mate. Was it you or Paddy Feeney that Dutch, Mick Turnbull and I were pretending to chuck over the guardrail in mid Atlantic?

  241. Editor says:

    STATISTICS – requested by JT

    Months and Years
    Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct Nov Dec Total
    2006 499 499
    2007 930 130 118 197 341 166 311 462 777 608 1,027 2,115 7,182
    2008 2,998 857 2,081 1,488 2,268 2,667 2,210 1,975 648 17,192

    The tables do not copy/paste the columnar tabulation too well from an A4 layout but essentially the extreme right hand side figure gives the annual total views for ALL blogs. None of the figures include ‘hits’ by Editor/Author. I have no breakdowns for individual identities or repetitive hits. We started in Dec ’06, had a full year in ’07 and is current to September ’08.

    Akismet has blocked nearly 4,000 Spam attempts with 100% success. Including 2 from JM that contained a foreign URL.

  242. Jack Madron says:

    Ha Ha. Some bright spark just have.

  243. Editor says:

    PANDORA’S BOX

    ‘Corse – with the bandying about of Acronyms, creating The Ancient Order of North Atlantic Mariners and shit stirring generally – ’tis only a matter of time before some bright spark suggests a Trophy Cup for the best/worst W&W blog. To take it further – maybe we could start a Limited Edition printed Commemorative Tankard line – for many occasions. We might make a quid!

    F’rinstance – “A” Company, Prospect Bermuda {1954-1957} – have your tankard individually emblazoned with your Service Photo. OR ‘Ye Olde Coal Shedde Adventurers” Or “Who was a pig at the Buckaroo”.

    The mind boggles!

  244. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Swanny.
    I was meaning to pop up to see you yesterday afternoon but had my son and his wife down from Oxford for a few days. Will catch you again soon.

  245. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi all, had phone call at lunchtime today from Cardiac Dept at Trelisk, my daughter Lesley drove me there and good news, had ECG and on treadmill machine and my heart is in fine shape, cholesterol also good and passed fit to continue my programme.

    I go for Nuclear Medicine tests on Friday at Trelisk and then carry on with my programme under my Surgeon and Chemo specialist and after few weeks have the big OP – fingers crossed. Doris had visit from Jack while I was out and I thank him for giving Doris a lift to pick up our grandson from school. Sorry I missed you Jack.

    Swanny.

    ED: Good News ‘Ole Mate – progress indeed – sending you supportive thoughts.

    PS: Terry Simons opened a blog ‘Old Toons’

  246. Barry Cornish says:

    Swanny and Doris. I would like to add my congratulations to you on your 52nd Wedding Anniversary. As usual, Derek has just the right words for the occasion, which I am happy to echo.

  247. JT says:

    Ed
    No! – the text I sent re Empire Clyde was before I saw your examples on the other blog which are fine with me.

  248. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All, It is our Anniversary today – 52 years!! Don’t know where the years have gone! Doris has been such a rock for me over last few weeks I don’t think I could have faced it without her love and commitment – also my family have all been such a close knit unit, just as you, all my closest mates have been. I think you have all been fantastic in your comments etc and I feel as if you are all so close to me in these difficult times. Now waiting for news about going back to Trelisk for my further treatments. Again god bless you all,

    Neil (Swanny).

    ED: Congratulations Swanny & Doris. Well Done the pair of you – with such a wonderful Family too! We’re proud of you too ‘Ole Mate and ’tis a privilege to be in touch with you again – so recently – after all those years. We’re behind you Mate – all the way. Get Well Soon.

    Derek and Family in OZ.

  249. JT says:

    Jack

    My brain ‘urts does yours?

  250. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    Still don’t understand the workings of this voodoo machine but marvel what can be done with it. The only trouble I seem to have at times is when I click on to Supplement Photos. That takes a bit of time but I put that down to the amount of stuff on there. Sometimes when I look up DCLI Memorabilia or A Coy 1st Bat, I don’t get all the photos, don’t know what causes that but don’t worry about it.

    My setup is laptop,COMPAQ Presario C500 with 3USB modem. Windows Vista. All Double Dutch to me but keeps me out of mischief. As far as I’m concerned, the old saying is right. Ignorance is Bliss.

    ED: Jack, there is a technical problem with Supplementary – I’m having a problem at the ‘edit’ platform and can’t (yet) find a solution. However, we must accept that all the photo data adds to the immense load that each individual browser (on each individual machine) searches for and loads each time you open that site.

    There are primarily, 3 factors that speed up a computer. Firstly strip out old unused files that are just sitting in the cache memory (called ‘clean up’ on M/S XP – dunno about Vista), secondly check your Registry to tidy up ‘problems’ that are created by a multitude of error keystrokes, and similar. Finally a ‘defrag’ shifts most (not all) files to the ‘front’ of a hard drive – i.e. “compacts” ’em to where the search cycle finds ’em quicker without trundling all the way through (say) a large capacity memory. This needs to be done regularly (in my case every few days or so).

    NB: A little tip – take for example ‘britisharmylimostwanted’ (where Wise&Wicked is located). Now each individual Blog Page has a different URL (address) and even though (now) I have stripped out a lot of the pages – your machine will load ALL the URLs when you click to open. What you can do is to turn each separate URL (W&W, DCLI etc) into a Desktop Shortcut Icon. This means that your machine will ONLY OPEN that single URL when you click on it. Might help!

  251. Barry Cornish says:

    After the horror stories of the treatment of some of our present day soldiers by civilians, there is a positive story in the letters column of yesterday’s Daily Telegraph.

    A soldier in uniform, travelling on a train in England, when coming home from Afghanistan, was called out of his seat by the guard. When he asked the guard,”Why?”, the guard replied, ” On my train you travel First Class.”

    ED: That’s excellent news Barry – should be more reportings like this!

  252. Barry Cornish says:

    Swanny, it is good to hear from you again. We all echo Ed’s remarks and good wishes. Don’t forget, if there is anything that I (and I am sure those of us who live in the area) can do to help you and Doris at this difficult time for you both, you only have to ask.

    Ed. You mentioned earlier this month how much this blog has grown and consequently how much there is now to download, but it is not possible to archive earlier contributions.

    As a suggestion, as entries are mainly of immediate interest, I wonder if it would be practicable to call a halt to this blog and replace it with ‘Wise and Wicked 2’ to overcome the problem.

    ED: Thanks Barry, the addition of another W&W has been raised – as you know. Clearly 95 pages of blogs (and all other category comments) are taking some of you a while to load, although the delay for me is only (about) 8 seconds – so maybe it is a Server issue! I dunno if (say) Wise & Wicked 2 will solve the problem. What I’ll do is kill off some of t’other categories that are not being used. Keep me informed – thanks.

    Check out the load time now – cheps – I’ve dismounted many of the unused categories to trim the header line.

  253. John Tenniswood says:

    Ed

    Saw the recent comment in Troopship site from daughter of Don Ford 3 Platoon.

    ED: JT, I’ve written to Michelle and invited comment and photos from Don – who (I’m sure) was 4 Platoon – not 3!

  254. John Tenniswood says:

    My sub conscious has just thrown up some vital information from the past.

    The Bugle Major when the band was in Bermuda used to play the spoons at Mess functions. Yes folks they were as bad as that.

    Sgts Perkins RAOC – his wife gave me a prolonged snog at Christmas 1954. Swanny remembers her I think. That was the occasion when Charlie did the catering, and an RASC S/Sgt was put under close arrest for groping the Brigs missus. The Colour Sgt went to sleep with his head on the table like the dormouse in Alice in Wonderland.

  255. JT says:

    Swanny

    Trying to remember Allowance Regulations I don’t think you can claim Ration Allowance if you are absent from the blog. I’ll have to check with Bill when he gets back from Hong Kong. Bill was in the Pay Corps for yonks so he should know.

  256. JT says:

    Swanny

    We won’t post you awol then if you go missing from the blog for a bit

  257. JT says:

    Empire Clyde Association ?

    Great that you guys are for it with a memento of some kind.

    HM Troopship Empire Clyde
    February 1954
    1st Bn Duke of Cornwall’s Light Infantry
    Bermuda – Jamaica – British Honduras

    ED: Thanks JT. The text above – is that YOUR preference (specifically)? I’m informed on good authority that in fact troopships were NOT prefaced “HM” (signifying “Her Maj”) BUT more accurately ‘HMT’ (Hired Military Transport). All this dogma is referred to on my Troopship Web Site. At some stage the Tankard (looks as if consensus is directing us there?) production people will require specific text – so we all need to be in agreement. It can’t be changed (without expense) after the final proofing.

  258. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All. Thanks to all you all my wonderful mates and comrades for your concern and wishes for me at this most difficult time in my life. Had Nobby Clarke and his wife up to see me few hours after I got home for the weekend and had phone calls from lots of ex Army mates. I had surgery on Wednesday last and felt really down afterwards but feeling bit better now. I go back in on Tuesday for the long haul – so I won’t be on line as regular as I have been, again thanks for all your support.

    Swanny.

  259. JT says:

    Very best wishes Swanny

  260. Editor says:

    Welcome Home Swanny

    Good to hear from you by email ‘Ole Mate. Home for the weekend will be a blessed relief from all that medical attention this past week. Stick in there Swanny, we’re all gunning for you and wishing you the best and a successful outcome of your treatment – however uncomfortable it might be. I’d send you some grapes if I could – but I’ll be thinking of you as I eat ’em here in OZ. Just conjure up an image of me chatting at your bedside eating ’em!

  261. Editor says:

    EMPIRE CLYDE ASSOCIATION (PROPOSED)

    Updated dialogue transferred to DCLI Blog page – please check and respond accordingly.

  262. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Get a Centurion tank and a T16 carrier and you and I could give some driving demonstrations in that hotel car park. We would enjoy ourselves I bet, and put the wind up those bastards the same time.

    ED: Good Idea JM! Just take Swanny along with the ‘ole rocket launcher. I’ll bet never the less that the Aldershot lads will have summat up their sleeve. Wouldn’t like to be there when the Paras visit!

  263. JT says:

    I see the manager blames the receptionist. So she just made up Company Policy on the spot?

    Truth will out I think

  264. JT says:

    Story carried in most newspapers.

    ED: Grated Britain – GOYA! So much for Old Winnie’s Speech ‘Their Finest Hour’ – memories are short!

  265. JT says:

    Woking not far from Aldershot. I think lots and lots of squaddies from there should visit the place frequently for a sing song taking a stock of cans to drink in the car park. Rota system would soon put the place out of business.

    ED: Right JT – an ideal opportunity for the military and the public to display their anger. Fucking shameful!

  266. Editor says:

    WHAT A BUNCH OF PATHETIC BASTARDS!

    Read this BBC Report – cheps – ’twill make your hair curl. I hope that every squaddy on leave from shitty foreign service – gives this fucking hotel a wide berth. I further hope that every decent adult in Woking shuns the pricks. What a fucking debacle!

    Shame, Shame, Shame – a disgusting way to treat a soldier – not even a reference to a so called Manager – just a flat refusal – now a weak apology. What a load of crap!

  267. Bunty says:

    Daddy pissed orf big time. Because of the incidence with the shotgun the villagers have turned against him. Her has been told that he cannot play the Widow Twanky in the panto this year. He threatens to tell Beryl to plough up the allotments and the playing field

    She’d be chuffed of course. It’s the phony war all over again. Catweasel the gamekeeper patrolling the estate. Says he has got a shoot to kill authority.

    Daddy upstairs with his Maritime charts. Thats the good bit. He will forget the village soon and concentrate on the evacuation of Crete which he thinks might be next week

  268. JT says:

    Loads of choice in the Trophies sites.

    ED: OK cheps – I have now contacted a London based Trophy Supplier of repute to establish costs and procedures – and range of suitable products. We need to verify the parameters before making too many decisions that might not be workable.

    For my money – I feel we need a supplier that can handle a repeat order, without us getting committed to an initial large production.

  269. Jack Madron says:

    Sorry Ed
    My beard is not long enough or white enough. Joking aside, I think this Empire Clyde 1954 thing is a great idea. A printed mug or plate would be nice on the mantlepiece or sideboard. Be nice to hear what Barry and Swanny thinks.

    ED: Thanks JM – only joking of course – shall we go for a nude calendar?

    Not joking now – a Calendar Production (via PDF & Email) is a feasibility. I can (reasonably) easily compile an Empire Clyde Calendar in Corel Draw – transfer to PDF – which is then downloadable by anyone with a computer and Adobe (which is FREE). The recipient then prints and combines by spiral binding or hotmelt at the local Hobby Desk. Simple!! This option gives us/me total content control (and personalisation option) at the flick of the mouse. An A4 size of (say) 13 pages would cover a multitude of illustration potential – including Mug Shots if required.

    TROPHY BUSINESS With the expectation that the cheps will read this banter – we need some feedback over this ‘trophy’ business. JT’s idea is gaining momentum – but – it needs to work with a few more hands on the wheel. Production and delivery to a central UK address will not be a problem (hopefully). What is required are opinions regarding (a) product, (b) content, (c) numbers. As sure as shit – if a nominal production figure is decided upon – remembering it’ll be ‘cash up front’ by the Manufacturer – some bright spark will have 100 cousins for Birthday and Christmas presents.

    I feel that JT’s kind offer to finance ‘badge/button’ production has been sidelined. My personal thanks JT – but in fairness – this is growing like topsy, and buyers will need to commit upfront for this kind of undertaking.

    I’d be hoping however that JT will handle the reception/payment of orders ultimately. When we obtain the production quotes – i.e. ex factory – we shall need to factor in a shipping/handling charge – ‘cos this type of memorabilia could end up in Whykickamoocow NZ or Bumfuck Alabama.

  270. Editor says:

    A LONG SHOT

    Assuming that DCLI Regimental Records for February 1954 are available – maybe at the Museum in Bodmin – a Roll Call of all Empire Clyde male passengers – whether living or dead in 2008 – would provide a unique piece of Memorabilia on a suitably sized ceramic item (say an ashet) – but as stated a long shot! Note that some 500-600 (?) names would need more than the surface area of a tankard (i.e. if limited to the outside!! – would be smartarses!) The rationale here is that maybe!! a unique piece of history is in the making – but – only effective if ALL names can be included.

    Alternatively, calling up my previous commercial involvements – there are several alternative avenues for exploration that would (simply) memorialise the “Event”. Such as – mousepads (does anyone use these nowadays?), stubbie beer can holders (is this just an Aussie fad?), tee shirts (can be wetted Bunty!), Pens, Rulers, Baseball Caps, Framed Prints holding a lithograph print etc, Panther Piss (aussie red plonk) suitably labelled. Engraved coal shovel handles. Edible knickers.

    See how quickly the entire thing unravels. Just imagine if we get twice as many opinions than the 3 so far!! The mind boggles.

    Of course – if this proposal does take on a DCLI air – rather than a Troopship subject – we shall need to switch to DCLI to further discuss the matter!!’

    PS: (IMHO): The more I ponder on (a) Illustrative content limitations, (b) KISS, (c) Novelty, (d) Practicability, (e) Cost, – I cannot pass up on a Tankard as a suitable ‘medium’ to commemorate the North Atlantic/Caribbean trip of the Empire Clyde February 1954. If you view the “A” Company site and scroll down to about midway – you’ll see the RBYC tankard gifted to me in 1954. I would guess that such an item is generally available and that modern technology will accept .jpeg images (that I can compile) of an agreed upon final design. Given that you cheps wish to express your ego – there could be a reference to we “Bloggers Extraordinaire” (by name) as the ‘Production Committee’.

    Over to you.

    PPS: How about a 2010 Calendar – 12 pages at view with selected ‘characters’ conjoined with a 1954 onboard photo. Jack could be December (Father Xmas), John could be April (is that the end of the Financial Year in UK?) Swanny (in rugby gear) could be the month that the RU Cup plays, etc etc

  271. Bunty says:

    How about having it tattooed on your foreheads you elitist lot? Beryl has a Ferguson Tractor circa 1943 tattooed on her bum and the words “Roll me Over”

    ED: Now there’s an idea – tattoos!! We could even have a heart with the words “Beryl or Nancy or Virginia – forever” – novel suggestion!!

    AND JM – before you write it!! – Allie has already suggested a fucking bone though our noses!!

  272. JT says:

    Yes think you are right ED. Trophy type thing. Badges, buttons, medallions not really suitable.

    ED: JT – such a ‘medium’ opens up the options. We (in OZ) have a number of outlets – as no doubt does Lunnon – that offer silk screening/transfer decoration of ceramic containers (small and large). So the method is simple. The imagery is up for grabs – but given that a ceramic/china tankard (say) is eventually selected, the “front” would depict an encircled repro of ‘Ye Olde Tubbe” with naming and ID appropriately shown. The “back” would list all those names/places/dates etc that the group desire. Let’s get some feedback from the lads (all 6 of ’em).

    If in fact – a ‘trophy type medium’ of popular vote is agreed upon – then the WCLI Association lads might bandy the idea around a bit – to attract some attention. It does (IMHO) seem a bit excessive if only 6 of us (?) are involved

  273. TROOPSHIP EMPIRE CLYDE 1954 ASSOCIATION (PROPOSED)

    Let me reiterate the proposal (as I understand it).

    JT proposes, JM seconds the motion to form an ‘Unofficial Association’ – virtually by name only – no formal stuff – and offered to experienced ‘Members Only’ (which is declining potential). JT has graciously offered to ‘fund’ production – at the ‘badging’ stage – of a graphic (yet to be designed).

    Banter thus far (noting that not all Blog activists have responded) seems (??) to focus on a “Badge” comprising of imagery of the Empire Clyde with appropriate wording – to include titling and place names. OK: Got that – and I’ve no desire to curb enthusiasm – given that someone is not taking the piss. BUT:-

    Firstly, the wearing of badge implies either a lapel button or a blazer pocket embroidered sew on to a male garment that may be worn (sometimes) in public. This then will make a statement to whomsoever is interested enough to peer closely at the ‘badge’ and inquire its purpose and sit still long enough to hear the message. (Seems a bit Ho Hum to me!!)

    Secondly, to include ALL the relevant (enthusiastic) banter into one tiny area on a viewable readable item is a large ask. There are a few (unsharp) pictures of a nondescript old tub that had little or no defining characteristics and the end result is likely to be disappointing.

    Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for it – (note what’s a jacket/blazer/jumper? – ’tis fucking hot here and pissing with rain there!!). However, if we’re serious, lets do a proper job that will offer some attraction to some of the blokes who survive in 2008! (40%?)

    Question: Had anyone considered a ceramic tankard/trophy/teacup with a far larger surface area to include all that you wish to say, that will permit greater reproduction detail of poor originals, can be used amongst friends at dinner parties/when drinking scrumpy/throwing at Greek Weddings? This medium is (IMHO) more likely to have Collector Appeal (i.e. ALL those 1DCLI (Empire Clyde) squaddies that so far – can’t get off their arses!)

    Lastly – with modern silk screen methods – will not be overly costly AND can be held on view on your treasured Memorabilia shelf/cabinet!

    Just a thought from a shit stirrer Dahn Undah

  274. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Good choice. Simple but effective. Sure the rest will agree.

  275. JT says:

    Perhaps just a picture of the ship surrounded by words. Troopship Empire Clyde 1954

  276. JT says:

    Jack

    Suspect Derek is the only one with the skills. I only did beads and plastecine in art I can’t even spell plastecine. I could draw rude things on the bog walls at lunch break

  277. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    What a great idea you came up with. I’m all for it. If we all drew a design, how could we show it without cluttering up the Memorabilia blogs? My knowledge of this voodoo machine is Zilch. Scan like a photo?

  278. JT says:

    Empire Clyde Association

    Badge design ?
    Pic of ship in middle ?
    Words
    Troopship Empire Clyde 1954
    Liverpool
    Bermuda
    Jamaica
    British Honduras

    Any Ideas ?

    I can get button badges made – my treat

    ED: Make ’em a limited production – that’ll create a value on EBay. Maybe also we can find a bit of the Old Tub to forge the badges from!

    Words – what about ‘Chunder Ho”

  279. Jack Madron says:

    Empire Clyde Association 1954. Now that’s an idea. Enough of us left?

    ED: Good idea – all 6 of us can join! Perhaps call our group – the Sargasso Survivors – seems as if most of ’em disappeared like the Marie Celeste!

  280. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    About super rich and child allowances. Reminds me of the story, years ago when Monty retired from the army. He would go to his local PO every week for his Old Age Pension. Somebody asked him why he bothered as he already had a good army pension. His reply was, because he’d payed NI stamps and was entitled too.

  281. Barry Cornish says:

    Hi! JT.
    With our ED talking about BOXES, reminded me about the answer that Rachael Hayho Smith, then captain of the English Ladies’ Cricket Team gave when asked whether the ladies wore anything equivalent to the Cricketers’ Box. She replied, ” Yes. We call them manhole covers!

  282. JT says:

    allo…anyone out there ?

  283. Editor says:

    ARE YOU ALERT?

    We all need to be a lert these days – as JT has observed many times – ’tis a mad mad world – and without joking about it (unless you are an IT programmer, which I know none of you are) – there are some nasty arseholes out there in cyber space – ready to plunder your box (Bunty take note!)

    Googling ’email hoaxes’ will deliver over 200,000 hits on the subject.

    I personally receive 100’s of emails daily and if I believed and answered ’em (which I don’t) – I’d have the biggest dick, be the most horniest male on the planet, have several Russian wives and would have won every fucking lottery in every country and be the richest beneficiary of every dead fucking African who ever existed – blek or white! Equally important is the fact that our Blog system is invaded every hour by spammers – where Akismet captures 100% of ’em.

    Most of all – I’d be the most informed about email viruses – which I’m not. (and I doubt that any of you cheps are either). Well meaning ‘mates’ send me oodles of ‘alerts’ – ALL OF WHICH are dumped by my GMail and BigPond systems without being opened! Commonfuckingsense shows me that all unknown or suspicious emails are vicious and those that contain ‘Virus Alerts’ – are probably the worst.

    SO WHY PASS ‘EM ON IF YOU’RE UNSURE? You could be aiding and abetting the dickheads who write viruses!!

    Kindly quit immediately if not sooner!

    Hopefully, most of you have an email firewall system that scans your incoming mail automatically and dispatches ’em to the ‘Junk’ box where you can batch delete ’em (without opening the fuckers). If your email Provider doesn’t offer this facility – then get a new one – ‘cos you can be in trouble!

    Carpe Diem!

    PS: Participation in the Internet today virtually demands that you (1) Install and operate a system Spy tool weekly (at least), (2) Install and operate a Virus scanner weekly (at least), (3) Install and operate a Registry tool frequently. Talk to your computer supplier to find out the most compatible software for you – invest in it, install it, and use it! You won’t go blind!

    PPS: Make sure that you investigate the product thoroughly – some software can contain the crap that you are seeking to avoid. Only deal with a reputable supplier.

  284. JT says:

    It’s a mad mad world. What’s this with Keegan today?

    Also this Stamp Duty crap – you can’t get a one bedroom rabbit hutch inside the M25 for £175K so what are the Scots Gits hoping for? They are going to give more fuel allowance this week, but in this crazy world even a pensioner living in Oz will get it, so will David Beckham? Do you realize that even the super rich get child allowances?

    Glug Glug – that’s better.

    How about a grog allowance for ex soldiers of the 50’s or even the Empire Clyde Association of 1954

    Glug

    Night Night

  285. JT says:

    Remarkable. We go on about a minute or so to communicate with one another across the world. It took 3 months before news of Nelsons Battle of the Nile reached England. Military dispatches to and from England and India in 18th Cent took over 6 months.

    At Catterick in 1953 it could take 20 minutes of static for our 19 set to get in touch with another wireless truck parked in the same Transport Cafe Car park. “Able Niner Able Niner this is Charlie two Are you receiving me? Crackle crackle screech – “No fuck off”

  286. JT says:

    Ed

    Seems better. Took about 1.5 minutes to get on which definitely was an improvement. I’ll try later in the day to see if it might be a traffic thing.

    ED: Only good news then JT – but Barry has a point – why not get your Service Provider to test the line and the modem – might just need a clean up with Aussie plonk!

    PS: As we venture further into the blog jungle – cheps – we are adding blogs at a rate of knots, which increases the number of pages that are loaded – (so far over 90 pages) and that’s a lot of data to load. If any bright spark wishes to suggest an alternative (without adding to confusion for the Old Fellers!) – please advise. Otherwise just accept that it might take all night to do what you/we used to do all night!

  287. JT says:

    Jack

    I don’t actually know what the codes or these terms mean. I just call them thingies. I have what is called a clean up programme which I install with crossed fingers from time to time and see what happens “light blue touchpaper and retire”sort of thing.

    ED: Mega (or millions) bits per second – a measure of your bandwidth. The lower the number the slower the transfer of data. Must be all those Wogs in Lunnon clogging up the lines John – transferring their Pensions back to Pakistan and the Taliban!

  288. JT says:

    Barry

    I remembered you mentioning this (that trip) on the blog, but also it was mentioned at the time I think in the Bn Magazine which was published from time to time.

    ED: Less than 60 seconds to publish from posting JT – problems solved?

  289. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Defragging. Hard drive (bet Fluffy is excited ) now Barry is at it, 8mbps, 4mbps, 2mbps. I reckon this is some code between CIA and Kremlin or between Amy Shitehouse and Pete Docherty. I am completely flummoxed.

  290. Barry Cornish says:

    Ed.

    The WCLI Association, where A Company is already well represented, is planning a dinner to celebrate Lucknow Day next November and the local media are going to be approached to publicise the event.

    Hopefully, Jack will have some success with his phone book search for Sid, before then.

    ED: Thanks Barry – good positive stuff. Maybe some of t’others from “A” Coy will respond to my call to “GOYA”.

  291. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    Haven’t been on BT landline for some years, use a mobile for home phone. Have borrowed a phone book and found some Penders in PZ. Will make some enquiries as soon as possible.

    ED: Thanks Jack – it will all help. I propose to liaise with the news and tv media next year – prior to my anticipated trip – to alert the Cornish media sector of the possibility of a “Grand Gathering” of Old Mates of 1DCLI. If we can get some publicity, and you local cheps can book a local venue – we might have a grand old piss up.

  292. Barry Cornish says:

    John,

    Yes. Sid and I had a very enjoyable trip to the States together from Bermuda, with a visit to New York and then by Greyhound Coach to stay with his Aunt and Uncle in Akron, Ohio. I haven’t seen Sid since we were demobbed but would really like to catch up with him again. If he is living in Penzance, we might be able to get him along to the West Cornwall Light Infantry Association meetings.

    On the subject of the W & W website, I find that my Apple Mac will download it all in approx. 45 seconds. My download speed is ‘up to 8mbps’ but usually runs at 4mbps, with a 2mbps (max) upload. Have you run a speed test on your line?

    ED: Again – less than 60 seconds to process

    PS: Good News Barry – of Sid Pender – remember him well and have often mentioned his name to Swanny. I ‘borrowed’ the Coy typewriter once (to type out Eskimo Nell) while standing in for Sid as Coy Clerk. Mystified somewhat that none of you seem to bump into each other in PZ. Seems an appropriate opportunity for some bright spark to twist the arm of the local News Media to get “A” Company together again? Er. – does BT print phone books?

  293. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    I’ve no idea about accountancy but I reckon I could save the Brit tax payers billions. Just get rid of all the armed services including all top brass and just employ Jug ears, Andy airmiles and the two gormless prats. Eddie bald eagle could take over from WRENs etc. (Bunty may not like that) and Annie could look after the Guards horses. There you are, job done.

    ED: Jack for PM cheps!

    PS: Less than 60 seconds also for this JM blog comment to process

  294. JT says:

    Jack. Beats me.

    By the way wasn’t it Sid Pender who went to the States with Barry?

    Barry?

    ED: This JT blog comment took less than 60 seconds from logged time to appearance. Saw it all happening through my editorial window. JT – BT server – Blog – Google Mail, in that order.

  295. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    There’s an old saying from up north, I believe, “A fool and his money are soon parted”. To put money into Man City he must be more than a fool. He’s a bloody idjit. With all these rich owners, there’s only one club that makes a profit, not Chelski or the Gonners, just Man United.

    John. This slow loading thing you are talking about, I noticed your last blog was sent at 6-45pm and it appeared on my screen at 7-19 pm. Don’t know if this is any help at all or if it’s the same for all of us. All this mumbo jumbo has really got me baffled, even after a good nights kip, I’m still no wiser.

  296. Jack Madron says:

    Hi All.
    Went to an uncles funeral this morning (still got two left) and met Sid Pender. Had a quick chat and told him about our blog. He seemed interested and said he must try and get a friend to get on line for him. I said I’d see him when we came out of the church and tell him how to find us etc. Unfortunately, there was such a large crowd, I missed him. Only family went to the cemetery and when I got back, most of the crowd had gone. Will keep looking for him. I think he lives somewhere in Penzance.

  297. JT says:

    Swanny and Jack

    As our sports correspondents – are you noticing that the ragheads are buying football in this country. Abu Daba dibi daba or some such place bought Man City who can now afford to offer 30 Mill for some dago player.

    Kuwait are buying another club. Russkies own Chelsea. Opportunity Knocks – Buy Newlyn Rangers now, empty your piggy banks first then then flog it to a Wog prince for a few million.

    Whats goin on ?

  298. JT says:

    Hope he doesn’t break our destroyer. I think we only have 2.
    Britannia Rules the Waves

  299. Editor says:

    GEE GRANDMA – I’M A PILOT!

    Mmmm? In 3 months instead of the usual 48 months and now…RN here I come to command a destroyer after a few weeks no doubt, and I’m already a sojer. Fantastic to be born of exceptionally clever and astute parents!

    ‘Snot what you know – ’tis who – good ole Jug Ears, the Tampon Tool!

    There’ll always be an England!

  300. JT says:

    A London borough council leader has just issued the following instructions for council meetings. As a respect to Muslims councillors in meetings during Ramadan – all councillors regardless of their religion should not eat during the day and meetings will adjourn during Muslim prayer times. Even the Muslims say he must be a nutter.

    These PC Lefty Liberals are a bloody menace. They dominate universities, schools, and much of local government. There will be such an unholy backlash one of these days. If the promised recession hits and unemployment rises a lot just watch this space.

    Enoch’s “Rivers of Blood” is very possible

    ED: Agree totally JT – Some wanker will next claim “respect” for Hindus, Buddhists, Catholics, Anglicans et al. What about us fucking atheists eh? – why should we be left out? At this rate there’ll be be no time to conduct business in the Chambers – but then – what’s to be lost? Maybe a big saving on trough snuffling trips and lunches!! Put the Lefty fuckers on a barge and tow it out into the North Sea and sink the fucker. Good Riddance!

  301. JT says:

    Ed

    I have de fragged and applied a clean up programme deleting old files and recovering space etc. I now think its a problem with broadband availability with the BT line. My provider says “up to 8 thingies” depending on loading of line.

    ED: Well JT – if you’ve done all that – best to wait a low demand time window (say 0200 when you get up for a piss) and test load then to see if you’ve made an improvement. If not – better pay your Bill – might help ;-))

  302. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All, Just to say not feeling in the best of fettle, our blog page really bucks me up and helps me keep my pecker up. It really helps me for rest of day etc. Had get well letter from CSM Claud Marsden’s daughter Tina, she comes down to PZ to put flowers on her parent’s grave.

    Derek I gave her your email – so hope you don’t mind as she has lots of photos of Claud etc which could go on website.

    ED: Well Done ‘Ole Mate – thanks for your positive referral to Tina – we shall welcome new photos. So far as ‘keeking your pucker up’ – I sense that you made a typo -? – or did I miss another Old Cornish saying? We are all holding you firmly in our thoughts and minds Swanny – and sending positive expectations for an improvement in your health and a satisfactory result in due course. Challenging times my friend – but you’ll get through it all – in true LI fashion. Best Regards. See you in Blighty in 2009! We’ll have a grand old piss up – like the Old Days. (I’ll bring the swizzle sticks from The Longtail Club and The Kenwood Club!!)

    PS: Take a quick trip down to Horse Shoe Beach mate – happy memories! Hotlinked. Watch out for the land crabs and stingers!

  303. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    You’re a lucky chap if you only had a minor ‘Slowing Down’ issue. I reckon to the rest of us it was a MAJOR issue. I don’t know what excuse John and Swanny has, but mine I put down to old age. Well, that’s my excuse anyhow. Probably worn out by carrying that 50lb machine gun tripod around. Worse than shoveling coal.

    ED: Jack, Jack – we’re debating computer issues here (as if you didn’t know, you shit stirring Ole Vickers Man you!) – but if ALL you shit stirrers can concentrate appropriately – we have a core Mate in trouble. Mind You – anyone with a fucking Mac taking on the Windows environment – deserves some sympathy!!

    We need to know if anyone is experiencing loading problems (NOT mag on – mag off problems) with the Blogs. The worst case scenario that I have discovered is (now) a 30 second load time after W&W is double clicked. Allowing for the 90 odd pages in this Blog – I doubt that its such an issue to complain about. I think that JT has a bug in his Mac System and short of some serious housekeeping I doubt that the matter is resolvable elsewhere.

    Feedback by 0900 2nd September please – or all Coal Hole Duties will be suspended!

  304. Bunty says:

    While you pillocks are organizing your military coup I have had a crisis in the village.

    Beryl has been banned for life from the Womens Institute (WI) she proposed that they pose nekkid for a calendar. To demonstrate she stripped off there and then just as the Vicar walked in the talk about the forthcoming village fete. Naturally they sent a deputation to the big house to complain to the squire (daddy) who being a bit confused let fly with his 12 bore thinking it was a peasants revolt or something. No one hurt thankfully but the village plod turned up later and took notes. Thats what he always does.

    ED: Didn’t the copper want to take down your particulars Bunty?

  305. JT says:

    Swanny

    Nah. Charlie stayed in his room or on the verandah bulling his kit, or getting ready to look after his precious leave camp on Ports Island with his precious boys like a scoutmaster “Dib Dib Dib”. Did you all get his tenderfoot badge?

  306. JT says:

    Jack

    This Allie character also uses bad language

  307. JT says:

    Ed

    It is really slow getting into the blog and after a posting takes about 3 minutes to get back to the bottom again. Seems to be searching. My service provider states 8 somethings down 2 depending on BT line and current usage.

    But I can get on to other thinks like New York Times blogs instantly as I did with ours until about 2 weeks ago. P’raps the hossifers are bugging us, particularly those NS subalterns – little shits. Like Hodder, Jack just like him (your favourite).

    ED: Far too long and (to me) indicates more of a Registry problem at your end – but I have no experience with Macs. On my PC, I regularly defrag and cleanup old files. I’ve just repeated a test comment log on (not as Editor) and the longest load was 18 seconds in W&W. Like you, seemingly, I browse hundreds of sites each day and never (usually) experience more than a nanosecond delay. If there is a delay with any site – it usually indicates a problem at that site.

    On a PC – I have found that a ‘defrag’ shifts most of the working files to the ‘front’ of the disc, which means that time is saved by avoiding the machine search the entire hard drive – that can take a while if you have large storage. I went through a minor ‘slowing down’ issue recently and discovered that the culprit was large video files, loaded from my home security surveillance camera. When they were deleted, the system returned to normal.

    PS: Significantly JT – you refer to ‘2 weeks ago’ (when last your Mac was normal) – that is about the time when we noticed the foreign URL appearing in your Blogs. Hercule Poirot would probably conclude a definite system invasion (notice I didn’t suggest ‘penetration’ for wishing to avoid controversy with Bunty – if she reads this dialogue!)

    Time for a major Mac overhaul JT – dunno how you put up with hanging around that proclaimed length of time to post a blog – must be your Centurion training!

  308. JT says:

    My Canadian gal was similarly indoctrinated “no shagging ’til married but anything else goes’

    Swanny bet you didn’t go the distance with that Bermudian girlfriend did you?

    I have sent Ed my latest powim. I want to be British Poit lorryhate next year. Last time a got lorry hate was when a starting handle on a 3 tonner nearly took my hand off at Catterick February 1953

  309. JT says:

    Jack

    Now thats a good idea. I bet Bunty was about to suggest that. However don’t think it really essential that anyone understands this coon’s (er sorry Ed will amend) accent – after all no one understands what the present incumbent Sir Jock Stirrup says – do they? (Now there’s a name for you to play with Jack) Tally Ho… Yoiks

    Swanny says Bunty thinks I was a virgin in Bermuda. How would she know? Anyway Yankee college girls always made it clear – “Heavy Petting Only guys….” In army terms “walking out” finger only.

  310. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I accept the position of MoD. Agree with all names except Eds blek friend. What with Brissol, Derbyshire, Cornish accents etc, I don’t think, with a African accent as well, we’d understand each other. Howabout Bunty’s dad in charge of grog (ex RN)?

  311. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    When it comes to dancing, I’ve still got two left feet. Never did get the hang of dancing, legs got no sense of rhythm at all. The You Tube video was just like Guards at Buck House. Prancing along.Slow, slow, hop hop, slow.

  312. JT says:

    Swanny

    What did Bunty say ? and how did she know about my arm wresting on Elbow Beach ?

  313. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    JT, I have to agree with Bunty? I think you were a VIRGIN BERMUDIAN! Dont know about your Elbow Beach escapades though! Perhaps you thought Charlie Seabourne would be watching you John.

  314. JT says:

    Swanny, we all know you are the coal expert, you could recruit nubile Bermudian gels as miners. You don’t want any bolshie Taffies down there singing Soss Pan Bach or whatever its called or Bread of Heaven etc, (bloody nightmare for you boyo)

    Jobs made for you. Get them girls diggin in the dark, then go find ’em – just like the old days.

  315. JT says:

    Swanny

    Guess its a sign of civilization that Muggy & Co didn’t BBQ the white farmer. After all Mug is a Doctor.

    All, on a similar matter re this idea that Allie becomes our defense forces chief. See it’s a bit more complicated and needs careful thought. For example we don’t want the Brigade of Guards having to have bones through their noses. It would just look silly at changing of the guard. I can sense that Ed wants to push for him. Eating people is definitely a no go area. The public are just not ready for such a social change, though increases in the price of meat might change this.

    Ted is another prob. He will be a sex maniac after his recent posting. Most certainly he will have eye sight problems after his burkha billet

    Let’s ask Bunty

  316. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    All, JT Thanks for your confidence in me being Minister of Coal!

    When I went for my treatment in Plymouth recently, my male nurse who looked after me for the day – while in and out for various treatments (this was private facilities for NHS and only 3 patients per day it was excellent) – was a black nurse who was in RAMC for few years and a really switched on chap.

    He originally hailed from Zimbabwe and we had really constructive talking during my stay there. He said he had left there some 20 years. He spoke of his humble family when Mugwaps came to power aided by the British Government and when Mugwaps was a left wing Marxist!! The government gave his folks a little land for them to farm etc and live and rear the family. He also told of a white farmer who imported prize cattle sperm from USA etc and produced the best Dairy Herd in the whole of Africa.

    Guess what – when Mugwap became all so powerful, he said the white farmer was imprisoned and that Mugwap and all his cronies had a bar-be-cue that lasted 3 months – killing all that prize cattle that the then British Government had paid for!!!

    Old Cornish Saying. Help a lame dog over the hedge he’s the first one to bite you.

    ED: Nice story Swanny – I was half hoping he’d said that Mugabe took over the sperm delivery, directly into the cows – personally.

  317. JT says:

    Ed

    I’m, OK with Allie and Ted if OK with the committee. But Allie must promise to go vegetarian. No eating defaulters to replace 252 reprimands or admonishments.

    ED: Allie will partly agree – he feels that some MP’s from various Boroughs, need to lose a few parts to smarten ’em up.

  318. JT says:

    Ed can be President (might have to repatriate though).
    I can be Chancellor (ex A Coy pay experience)
    Swanny Minister of coal and industry (naturally)
    Jack Minister of Defense (bring back the vickers – not you Fluffy)
    Barry Ministry of transport
    Bill Foreign Sec (been everywhere)
    Beryl Ministry of Agricuture
    Bunty Minister of Sport

    ED: Just had a call from my blek brudder Allie – he wants to be Chief of Defence Forces with Ted Bear as ADC

  319. JT says:

    The Chancellor says we are up the creek (Scots Git). Worse economic situation since WW2. So here’s what we do:-

    Food Rationing
    Petrol Rationing
    Nationalise Transport, Railways, Water, Gas, Electricity
    Open up the coal mines
    Super tax the super rich and ban taking their money out of the Country (remember the £50 allowance ?). Time this young ignorant selfish generation had a lesson or two.

    Form provisional Government from members of this Blog.

  320. JT says:

    You only just beat Jack to the WW2 and WW3 that time Ed

  321. JT says:

    Ed

    On another matter I find getting in and out of the blog very, very slow recently. Including first log on. For instance when I post a comment the thing churns around for ages before I can get to next stage. Surely it can’t be due to file size?

    ED: The W&W Blog has over 1,800 logged comments and takes a while to load, this is part of the matter. The other factor might be the bandwidth of your server – if you’re landline – it will be slow – cable is much faster. Do a comparison for me please – and report. Load DCLI and time it, then load W&W and time it and finally choose another at random and time it also- to see if its the Blog/s or your Mac.

    Maybe others are having a similar problem. If so I can open another W&W Page (WW2) (and eventually we can start WW3!! – thought I’d better get that in before some other smartarse!) and start afresh. Can I get some feedback cheps? Have just verified that I cannot archive – so all the messages – on each Blog Page – load up when you open.

    ‘Course – you could leave it all running and save the trouble to open afresh each time you wish to blog!

  322. JT says:

    Jack

    Why is that? Ducking old ladies just at weekends? Is it an environmental issue. Or a Health & Safety matter?

  323. JT says:

    Jack

    Reckon these new fangled things are best left alone. ‘Tis witchcraft I tell ‘ee. Like ouiji boards and chicken heads. ‘Tickly down your way where they still use ducking stools at weekends.

  324. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Not bloody likely. By all means let Swanny try it first but not me. I was completely lost after the first line. Ed. I’ll get my granddaughter to explain it to me, when I see her next. This is worse than the first few days at Bodmin, trying to learn drill. I had two left feet and was all behind like Cpl Jones in Dads Army.

    ED: Get some sleep Jack – it’ll be clearer in the morning! See the You Tube URL linked to your name – is this what you get up to?

  325. JT says:

    Ed

    Thank you. I’ll let Jack or Swanny try it first.

    ED: Yer Tiz – I’ve done it for you. “JT” is now hotlinked to the “JT Memoirs” URL

    Now a further example with the word “Bunty” – hotlinked to the “Pig” example I blogged about previously.

  326. JT says:

    Ed

    It’s all very well this tech stuff. But you have to realize that I only got school certs in Beads, Colouring and Plasticine. I have to look at your notes to Jack – er like – What’s a URL? No worries I’ll just throw the thing away and get a new one

    ED: JT – this is what a URL looks like in the address bar of your browser. This is the Universal Resource Locator (URL) of your Memoirs. So if (say) you wished to insert this entire address into a Blog Comment – you’d simply copy/paste into the “3rd box” in the blog platform (where it says URL).

    http://djkl157.googlepages.com/themilitarymemoirsofjohntenniswood

    Just experiment with it and you’ll find that “JT” or “John” or “John Tenniswood” (whichever you have chosen to sign on with) will finish up underlined when posted. This titling is then ‘hotlinked’ (to your Memoirs in this example) – exactly as those posts from “Editor” are hotlinked to the “A” Company site. Once you have tested it – you can then switch to ANY URL (say a You Tube URL) – cut/paste and presto! – a hotlinked URL to your underlined logon title.

    E.G: Lets look at an example on “Pigs” – one such that the mysterious Bunty might decide to use to take the piss out of that wurzel Catweasel. Bunty signs on and in the URL box cuts/pastes the following URL

    http://www.bromham.org.uk/news/news_view.aspx?articleid=102

    Text is written in the normal way and the Comment is posted. When it is published the titling “Bunty” is underlined and auto-linked to this Pig website for all to read.

  327. JT says:

    Ed

    Puzzled. Ran Mac Scan No Spyware or Viruses detected.

    ED: I guess you can’t do more, but I don’t know how good is your MacScan or your Virus detection. Some are better than others – I ditched McNorton’s Virus Detector years ago and use Vet Antivirus coupled with SpyBot Spyware – finding ’em both better performers. However – ALL posts come through my scrutiny – so I can kill off that offending part URL.

    PS: Just realised summat! A coupla weeks ago, I amended the Blog Platforms to include a “URL box” – now one of 3 logon points for all. Hitherto, only 2 points – your name (as you chose) and your email address (auto linked) appeared – that are linked to the typed name. Also – those email details are only sighted by me at the Editor’s gateway. Now that a URL option is offered – the chosen name is auto-linked to that URL for ALL TO SEE and appears underlined when published. Maybe this is the origin of your ‘Trojan’ JT – but I doubt it. My guess is that some while ago your enthusiastic typing loaded up part of a URL and your Mac has remembered that bit to keep on regurgitating it! As a precaution, just check that 3rd “URL box” before you press send – to ensure that its empty. Unless as stated before, you wish to load (say) your Memoirs URL – for ALL TO SEE!!

    Which brings me to a point. If (say) you are seeking to draw attention to a particular URL, that might be of general interest, simply cut and paste the URL from your Browser address box and drop it into the “3rd option box” referred above. This means for instance that you could ‘link’ that particular blog comment to a specific URL – underlined where your name appears in the posted blog – Geddit? So – for example – if Swanny wanted to educate us all on the merits of shovelling coal – he would simply locate a URL of relevance, cut and paste into the “3rd option” box – and presto – no more secrets. Similarly if you JT, or Jack finds a favourite You Tube clip – same thing! Then just a mouseover or double click will open the link! Easier than stripping a Vicar ;))

  328. JT says:

    Night Night all

    ED: Your BUG is back JT! All deleted this end – but must be back in your system

  329. JT says:

    Ed

    Yeah we all know about the Red Wine benefits but as you note there are 2 fatal flaws in this health food.

    Only 2 small glasses a day. Cheap wine not so good. So where does this get me with a bottle of Ozzie Screech most days? – and me nose getting bigger and bigger like Pinocchio’s for telling porkies to the Doc

  330. JT says:

    You are up late Jack. Is the wife changing the sheets ?

  331. Editor says:

    RED PLONK IS GOOD!

    Here you are JT – verification that you’re on the right track and if its a cheap ‘un you’ve got in the cellar – just drink more of it!

  332. JT says:

    ” Recorder. Prepare to take notes
    Draw pencil”

    One 23 One23 One (whispered under breath)

    “Recorder Take……. NOTES”

    “er excuse me Cpl could I borrow your bayonet for a minute ? …my pencil …….”

    High drama indeed

  333. Jack Madron says:

    ED.
    Taxi. Tory is Gaelic for robber. Tory Island, off the NW coast of Ireland is also known as Robber Island. All MPs are robbing bastards but some are worse than others.

    EU Mad Rules.
    Don’t know the gentleman but good for him. I back him all the way. Waste not. Want not. Unless its a European. Then waste the bloody lot. Nos Da.

  334. JT says:

    IS Drills

    I was always impressed with the fix bayonets bit. Was it just the front rank? I would then brandish my pencil from the centre of the square and adopt the “prepare to take notes” position.

  335. Editor says:

    EU MAD RULES

    Commonfuckingsense out of the window!

    Haddick ‘n Chips anyone? – Jack – one of your Mates?

  336. Editor says:

    TAXI!

    If it looks like a pig, behaves like a pig and spends like a drunken pig – maybe its an MPig?

  337. Jack Madron says:

    Barry.
    Would Swanny have been one of those Indians? After a night in the coal shed, he could pass as a member of the Blackfoot tribe. Black other things as well I suspect. Running around with his chopper in his hand, shouting to people, “Hi ya wartha”. Of course, he wouldn’t have been a patchy on the real ones

  338. Barry Cornish says:

    John,

    Yes. I remember driving the truck and taking part in the IS drills, in Bermuda. It used to bring to mind the old Wild West films, when the caravan had to be encircled to repel the attacking Indians! I was glad that we weren’t called upon to put them into practice in a ‘live’ situation, though.

  339. JT says:

    Jack

    Not sure but I think all platoons would practice IS drill in A Coy. Derek and Swanny might remember. Barry might have been driving the truck from which they would jump and form a square.

  340. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Can’t remember any other platoon taking part in IS drill same time as us, but probably did. Do remember being told about, shoot to kill, if ordered. Used to pray that the civvies behaved themselves. At least until I was demobbed. Did you notice in some of the photos, the RWF wore gaiters and not puttees?

  341. JT says:

    Jack

    I S Drills
    Do you remember they had another platoon dressed as “natives” throwing things. I know that standing orders for the real thing were that under no circumstances would marksmen shoot to wound. The Platoon hossifer had to point out targets. They even (if they could find me and they had to try very hard ) (“Sorry Sir I have to pay the officers civvy maids”) roped me in on some IS drills. My job was recorder and keep a log. Bloody cheek they were always lumbering me with extra duties to try to sabotage my time with Garrison HQ which got me in the shit with them.

    The IS platoon had to have a recorder, and a Civvy Magistrate who would read the Riot Act or something – disperse or we fire etc

  342. Jack Madron says:

    Sorry John.
    Just reread your 8.49pm blog and noticed the ‘s’ on carriers. Old brain rattled to much from vibration of firing vickers. No wisecracks from you Fluffy.

  343. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Just finished having another look at photos of A&SH. Very interesting. They had Universal Carriers in BG.The site I found was on Google; Argyle and Sutherland Highlanders. British Guiana 1953-1954.

    The riot control was what we called Internal Security. Remember them very well. Platoon armed with pick handles and dustbin lids except yours truly, being a marksman, I had a rifle in case the leader of the riot had to be stopped. Thank god we only did practices.

  344. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    HMS Implacable was a carrier. The photos were shooting practice on the flight deck, riot control practice and doing PT. I didn’t look at all the photos. Must have another look.

  345. JT says:

    Jack

    On the Argyles BG site did you notice the carriers in one of the photos?

    I wondered about the pig stickers, I know DCLI did not have them in Bermuda. We didn’t have bayonets at all in the RAC of course. No rifles

  346. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Forgot to say I just found all this gen while trying to find the site you found.

  347. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Argylls went to B G in 1953. Sailed on HMS Implacable, arrived Port of Spain, Trinidad 18th Oct 53. Transshipped to two smaller ships because Implacable was to big to navigate the Orinoco River. They relieved the Royal Welsh Fusiliers who came from Jamaica to put down coup D’etat by quasi-Communist Peoples Progressive Party.

    We took over from RWF at Up Park Camp. Can’t say if E Clyde stopped at BG as I was on advance party and got off first stop at Jamaica. We handed in our pig stickers in Minden 1953.

  348. JT says:

    Was there more than one Scottish Regt in BG at that time? Hope this does not stimulate a rude message from our friend Mr Strap

  349. JT says:

    All

    Thought so. Google Images “British Guyana 1954” See Pix of Argyles in BG. Derek you said the Scots on E Clyde were Argyles. So do you think they flew from Jamaica or Belize? I wasn’t aware that the Clyde called in BG. Notice pig sticker bayonets.

    ED: I think you’ll find that ’twas only the Band of the Argyles on board the Clyde, maybe they swam from Jamaica to Belize?

  350. Bunty says:

    No Jack, I don’t think they actually did it

  351. Jack Madron says:

    Bunty.
    I hope Beryl didn’t break anything else off and Catweasel is still intact.

  352. Bunty says:

    Stop Press

    Catweasel and Beryl have broken off their engagement. More later

  353. JT says:

    Thanks Jack

    Took your advice and relaxed with a few. Nose redder than ever this morning. Rest of face sort of greeny white.

  354. Worried Pensioner (ex Chunky) says:

    Lobg

    Morning. I am at the library today. Mavis says she in not a Paki but she is a sick (seek) and her old man wears a turbin. In my day only my old mum and women wore them during the war with curlers under. I go to the Libry every morning to get out of the wifes way. (and chaws). The staff lioke me excepot when I read the sporoting life aloud. I cant help it. My tiping is getting better Mavis says.

  355. Worried Pensioner (ex Chunky) says:

    Dear Glob

    At the Library so I thought I would (with the help of Mavis – she’s a Paki – but nice) – let you know whats whot.

    Well I saw on the telly that our forrighn Secretary in Russia telling them to watch it or else. Else what I thought chuckling. Now why do we only send a secretary to do thgis. In my day secrtaries only did tiping and were birds.

    This cove looked about 12 years old. If uncle Joe Stalin was still in charge hed have been for the high jump and no mistake. I say watch it or they will turn the gas orf

    I bet the yanks are browned off with the Russkis in Georgia. Gen Sherman buggered Georgia up way back when he marched through it. Even rote a song abaht it. Scuse my tiping I need a secrtetary – he he

    Hoping this finds you as it leaves me. TTFN

  356. JT says:

    Still looking in Billy Boy? I know you are having a really bad time.

    ED: Thanks JT obo Bill. Bill is off to Hong Kong on 29th for a 2 weeks holiday with family. Nancy is in a Nursing Home for 6 weeks. Both are well but needing a break. No doubt he’ll talk of his adventures when he returns.

  357. Bunty says:

    Talking about perves. Daddy furious because he wanted to watch Beryl and Catweasles first mating. I said for Gods sake Daddy they are not a couple of Herefords. He honestly didn’t get the point. I must get the quack to increase his medication.

  358. Bunty says:

    You are such an old perve Fluffy. That’s disgusting

  359. Fluffy says:

    Jack

    Any men cyclists underpants going ?

  360. Jack Madron says:

    20 million items relating to Beijing Olympics to be auctioned off. Will this be the biggest Chinese takeaway ever?

  361. Jack Madron says:

    Proper job John. Now have a glass or two to celebrate.

  362. JT says:

    Hi folks

    Saw specialist today. Keeping my own nose but have to stop telling fibs such as how many glasses of Ozzie Screech do I drink every day.

    Regards
    Pinocchio

  363. JT says:

    Swanny

    Good luck with the scans. We will be thinking about you.

  364. Jack Madron says:

    Bunty.
    I joined the RBLC many years ago. Left after a year. Too many bossy sods who hadn’t even been in the Boy Scouts, running things.

  365. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    They probably went up the Khyber because they didn’t understand what the lady in the Sat Nav was saying and they couldn’t read the signposts anyhow. They couldn’t read. Still, give them their due, they did arrive. After the fighting was nearly over.

  366. JT says:

    Bunty

    If you get admitted again to the Legion you might try to drink Gin and Orange, or Port & Lemon
    Definitely no ice. Babycham is a bit too fem for you.

  367. Bunty says:

    Swanny

    I have been barred from the Legion Club in the village. Not that I am a regular member. They think I am too posh coz I drink G & T’s. But the Sec is a Scottish Git who objects to me recruiting gels for your invasion. Also while Catweasel was away most of the members were scoffing daddies pheasants.

  368. JT says:

    Jack

    No wonder they were late if they went up the Khyber. Did the Chillicrackers turn the signpost round ?

  369. Jack Madron says:

    I’ll join the march, on one condition. That we get there quicker than the Jocks did at the siege of Lucknow. As they were bare buff under their skirts, they probably waited for the cold wind to drop before they ventured up the Khyber.

  370. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Bunty, I’m taking names for Volunteers to march on Jock Strap and Co! Thanks for your support; you as ex WO can take charge of the volunteers as Bill, John, and I took over 20 years to get Sgt. Might even recruit my son Donald also ex WO1 as he is leaving Scotland in couple of weeks, to join Hants Police. He said enough is enough of the Jocks blaming everything on the English; even the weather!

    How can a prick like SALMON brainwash the people of Scotland – so infantile – beats all logic! One consolation it was good to see the Scots at the Olympics who won medals – to be proud to wave the Union Flag.

  371. Jock Strap says:

    Bunty

    Well youse cerrtainly had us. I rrememberr the occasion. Ha Ha! We had noo idea ye were lassies. Faces like bags o spanners. Mind you so did most Glasgie lassies at the time

  372. Bunty says:

    Swanny

    I am certainly up for it if you need some muscle. You may not know that that I was Unbeaten Shot Putter in the BAOR games in 1956.

    The WRAC team also thrashed the Argyles in caber tossing in Scottish Command athletic championship same year. Yes folks it was yours truly again. A bit embarrassing when I actually tossed my winning caber. Some spectators saw I was wearing khaki Wrac bloomers under my kilt. We had to run for it. Too many of the buggers to fight.

    Bunty is Willin’

  373. JT says:

    Just look at the time

  374. JT says:

    Swanny, OK if Jack is up for it I will join the march to Scotland. Bags I do the pay. Er on second thoughts nowadays I can do it by bank transfer from home. (It’s me feet Doc)

    Jack can still come though. Got a Vickers? (No not you Fluffy). Try Bunty?

  375. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Could be. Always thought there was something fishy about that lot.

  376. JT says:

    Jack

    Is this Mc Eral also an SNP candidate ?

  377. JT says:

    Swanny

    Was poor old Ben Gunn the cheese addict one of yours ?

    Marooooned

  378. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny.
    What Scot footballers play for Chelski? Of course, Man United has the top manager who is Scottish.

    Any tips for mature men drivers?

    ED: (if the question relates to a Driving Test) Place a golf tee in your ashtray – and when the Examiner asks why – just say its to support your balls – and the reply will be “They think of everything these days”. That’ll distract ’em from the test.

  379. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    ED, In answer to Jock Strap. If he doesn’t stop his little shenanigans, I will get your Audrey and our Clan Gunn to gather up all our exile clansmen and from far and wide in the world and march us all up to Scotland and challenge all Jock Straps lot to a Highland Games sports affair and see who are the best – as we exiles are always the best!

    All of Scotland’s best footballers all made their names playing for my beloved Chelsea, Man. Utd and all the top English teams My son Donald was on police duty at the Aberdeen v Rangers yesterday and his comments “Mickey Mouse Football” compared to the Premier League!!

    PS: Can I call on JT and Bill to march with us to JOCKLAND!!!

  380. Jack Madron says:

    Scottish salmon is full of mercury. Rather have a fresh mackerel any day.

  381. Fluffy says:

    OHhhhhhh Jock

  382. Jock Strap says:

    Jack

    The difference laddie is that the f*****g Greek girrlies wear white frilly knickers under their white frilly skirrts like youse light infantry. The braw laddies of the Scots Regiments have nothin under the kilt other than their natural heavy liftin tackle

  383. Ex S/Sgt White Rasc Laundry says:

    I thought this was an army blog more like an barmy blog nowadays.

  384. JT says:

    If this Credit crunch get any worse I’ll have to cancel my Beano. You still getting the Dandy Swanny?

  385. The Rev Maltravers (Fluffy) says:

    Bunty

    Perfect, he does keep sort of promising when I’m naughty

  386. Bunty says:

    Fluffy you really are a sex mad little toad. You’ll get unfrocked if the Bishop finds out.

  387. Rev Maltravers Fluffy says:

    Jock dear

    What days do the Scottish boys march to this wall? Might be fun to meet up. I could bring a picnic. Salmon sarnies? (chuckle). They can’t be regulars so I guess they have to go back Thursdays to collect their benefits.

  388. Jock Strap says:

    JT

    Ah dinna know – just made it up. If that wee f****r Rabbie Burrrns can do it so can I.

  389. JT says:

    Jock

    What’s a skiltie ?

  390. Jock Strap says:

    Swanny

    Och an Awa ye skiltie wee babby. Ma hero will be President of Scotland when we get independence. Everyone knows that Scottish Salmon is the best.

    Forget it – we dinna want half breeds. No immigration for us laddie. The Scottish Regiments are already movin towards Hadrians wee pesky wall at the weekends. Just like the Russkies.

  391. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Bill Griffiths, Could you please print your new email number for me.

    In answer to Jock, as a half cast Jock and always very pro Scot and to add – a TRUE CELT, that prick Salmon has ruined Scotland, he is a complete ASSHOLE and what I can see of it, like the olden times he has turned SCOT against each other. Just like the old times SCOT against Scot it will come back to haunt Fishhead Salmon, Clan against Clan!

    ED: I’ll email Bill’s address to you Swanny. I’d advise against publishing any personal details on any Blog – the Spammers love ’emNow Done.

  392. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    Your list for events in Olympics is great but how much is it going to cost the tax payer? This present one, so far has cost the Brit tax payer £190 mil, that’s well over £10 mil per Team GB gold and almost £5 mil per medal. Still, it’s only money and if the NHS had it, the managers would only waste it.

    ED: Amateur status Jack – the participants pay their own way in and out of the Games. The money goes to us – the trough snuffling ‘Managers’

  393. JT says:

    Ed

    I think this scan has cured the prob. The laptop seems a bit faster also.

    ED: Sign of the times JT – a regular check with Spy Bot does the trick.

  394. JT says:

    Ed

    Your proposed Games List seems strangely biased towards the Ozzie participants. Do remember your Brissol roots.

    ED: You’re right JT. Add to the list “Scrumpy Drinking & Pheasant Plucking” – but I won’t steal your thunder lads – anything goes!

  395. JT says:

    Ed

    I have deleted the Website thingy. Have found a trojan and run a programme to isolate it and remove it? We shall see. It could be the Chinese – not that I have been particularly offensive towards them so far as I can remember.

  396. Editor says:

    The OZ Olympic Committee (de facto on account of the trough snuffling in Beiijing) have commissioned me to suggest the following for inclusion in London 2012 with a per capita entrant overall budget allocation of AUD$9.99.

    Cane Toad Racing
    Cane Toad Squashing
    Possum Squashing
    Crocodile Wrestling
    Kangaroo High Jumping
    Cockroach Racing
    Snake Skinning
    Beer Drinking (Fosters)
    Beer Drinking (Others)
    Red Wine, White Wine and Champagne Boasting
    Binge Vomiting
    Meat Pie Eating
    Pavlova Making
    Pollution Creation (Coal)
    Pollution Creation (Others)
    Soil Erosion
    Land Despoliation
    Blocking Rivers
    Cringe Complaining
    Ugly Women
    Ugly Men
    Worst Breast Implants
    Most Prolific Penis Enlargement Emailers
    Most Prolific Lottery Email Offers
    Most Nigerian Email Scammers
    Ugliest and Most Eastern Religious Temple construction against local resident wishes
    Aussie Rules Violence
    Social Service Rorts
    Sidewalk Cafe Construction
    Most confused Road Signage
    Thickest Coppers
    Crassest Politicians
    Worst Breakfast Show Hosts (both genders)

    Events limited to 4 heats (regardless of numbers of entrants) conducted during 0005 and 0205 only and finals at 0405 same day, so that it’s all over before breakfast. Gold Medal event with medals forged from reconstituted horse shit from the equestrian events and coated with biodegradable gold coloured plastic for quick ocean disposal.

  397. Jack Madron says:

    Now now Jock. Keep your skirt on. No need to get upset over a few poxy games. Anyhow, a skirt is a skirt, whether ballet or plaid, so what’s the difference between Greek and Scottish soldiers?

  398. Jock Strap ex Black Watch says:

    JT

    Fuck the Greeks. Their army wears frilly white ballet skirrrts, white tights and fuckin slipperrs with red pom poms. Pansie bastarts. Worse than you lot

  399. JT says:

    Jock

    I hardly think that an all Scottish Olympics is in the spirit of the Ancient Greek Games. You might as well just stick with Rangers and Celtic

  400. John says:

    Ed

    Brilliant. Blindfolded to make it realistic. As Chairman of that committee he could organise some West Indian Gals to assist. (Off duty hurdlers perhaps). Swanny?

  401. John says:

    Ed
    Re Olympics: Looking at the contributions and ideas so far are we sure that we have the stability to do any better than the present Olympics Committee? We haven’t heard from the others yet but reading the above I for one am not all that confident. Barry and Bill might bring a little sanity to the table but Swanny can be a bit flaky and is I think influenced by Jack. Also he might start banging on about his Scottish ancestors and side with Jock.

    ED: Well – how about we include Coal Sack Races? He’s bound to be interested in that case!

  402. Jock Strap ex Black Watch says:

    What are ye bletherin aboot the noo ye old sassanach pansie army crackpots? We Scots dinna want to have anythin to do Olympics involving youse lot. Why canna the Scots just have their own.? No furriners at all?

  403. Bunty says:

    Hi Guys

    Cannot get Beryl a visa to go to this Maj General bloke in Africa. Import Regs re foodstuffs. We would have to boil her first and vacuum pack the bits. Daddy says too messy and is now against plastics. He cant remember why poor dear. Anyhow she has done her jankers re the 10 acres of spuds and Daddy says he might let her mate with Catweasel after all. Shudder

  404. Rev Maltravers (Fluffy) says:

    Ed

    Excellent Excellent. If they have disabled people racing wheelchairs why not a Gay Olympics. I got so excited thinking about it I had to kick the verger out of bed. (In any case his wife was banging on the door again.) I could be Chairman of these events and check people out for “gayness” a bit like drug testing

  405. Bunty says:

    Jack

    Don’t think your remark about “Pater” has escaped me. Taking the wee wee I suppose. For your information I call my father Daddy or Commander depending on whether he has any clothes on at the time

  406. Bunty says:

    I do hope this is not just a male thing. What about my nude bungee jumping and nude musical chairs. The latter is a mixed sex event (all 3 sexes are eligible). Also for the musical bit I could probably scrape up some survivors of the WRAC Training Centre Band (at least a trio perhaps). I don’t think Jack should be encouraged if he is going to be crude. Swanny and Bill would be excellent though.

  407. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    You forgot pocket billiards. There must be enough A Coy left, to make up a good team. Mind you, they’d have to compete against football referees. According to most football fans, they’re a load of w******. My own favourite sport used to be Egyptian PT – (making mummies) but that’s just a distant memory now.

  408. JT says:

    ED

    Well looking at your Olympian proposals. I approve. My own area of expertise is farting and pissing (nocturnal and frequent) so I bags Chairmanship of those two for a start before Jack and Swanny jump in full of wind and piss as usual

  409. Editor says:

    PROPOSAL FOR THE HO-HUM OLYMPICS

    Significantly, no one on the Shit Stirrers Blog has mentioned the Beijing Olympic Games and this is definitely not an invitation from me to begin. While I respect prowess and skill, I have little interest in watching paint dry – which about sums up my enthusiasm. What irritates me is that a country’s medal results appear to have a direct correlation to funding – so what happened to good old fashioned amateur status? At least 2 of the contestants eat (20,000 cals) in one day – enough to feed a small village. We have the obscenity of an amount close to 4Billion GBP for London 2012 (guess what – that’ll blow out) – when needy projects (such as British Army Medical facilities) and (Care for the Aged) – go to pot. Each successive Games will no doubt see an acceleration to higher and higher budgets and an escalation of the questionable ‘entertainment’ content.

    A wag in Sydney Australia has suggested that the overall number of events be whittled back to about 152, or even fewer, instead of the (about) 350 Gold Medals that are now up for grabs. The argument is based on the frivolous ‘sports’ that are now Olympic Events, many of which can be played in the garage. Of course, the supporters of (say) Air Rifle, Ping Pong, BMX, Cycling (to name but a few) will be incensed at the mere suggestion of removal. However consider this. Why not include Tiddlywinks, Draughts, Shove Ha’penny, Cribbage, Table Skittles, Darts, Billiards, Snooker, Dwarf Throwing, Farting, Pie Throwing, Pissing, Morris Dancing, Whale Slaughtering, Illegal Fish Poaching, Money Laundering, – and no doubt hundreds more that you bright lads will suggest – all in the interests of balance and fair play. Why not a Gold Medal Event for every human endeavour and a cap on expenditure? Of course we Old Soldiers can be voted onto the Olympic Committee of our countries at an obscene salary package with limitless travel and accommodation. We might as well have our snouts in the trough too!

    Any thoughts?

  410. Jack Madron says:

    Rev Fluffy and Bunty. Sorry to disappoint you both but no hidden meanings.

    Bunty.
    Is your pater still upset by those pheasant pluckers, down in the village? If he joined them, he’d probably have a pheasant plucking good time. Better than moping over old photos of matelots.

  411. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    You’re right. We couldn’t do that at Senelager and we were happy. Come to think of it, I don’t think our radio sets worked either. The way we drove those carriers, it was a miracle anything worked. They were not fast but boy, you would be surprised where we could drive them. Some places were even a tank couldn’t get. Happy days.

  412. Rev Maltravers (Fluffy) says:

    Yes do tell Jack is there a hidden message?

    Bullets coming out of the end – is this an exciting euphemism?

    ED: ‘bullets coming out of the end’ anagrams to ‘Full-bottomed, tough incense.’

  413. Bunty says:

    Jack

    That pointy Vickers thing – are you hinting at something you naughty boy?

    ED: ‘that pointy vickers thing’ anagrams to ‘Thriving, tackiest python.

  414. JT says:

    Jack

    On a good day on the Yorkshire Moors if we were lucky to get a 19 Set that worked at all (the mechanics of the things totally escaped me), I just twiddled various dials and listened to static on high ground by running an aerial (spelling ED?) up a tree (if we could find a tree) – (if anyone could climb it) we could get Housewives Choice.

    Bet you couldn’t do that on the Senelager Ranges. Bliss while smoking (sharing) last woodbine and taking pot luck with the Compo Fodder.

    Were we happy?

  415. Jack Madron says:

    Hi John.
    We had a wireless set but could only get 208 med wave. Hankies? What are they? Why run when you can ride and lastly, the only thing we pointed (apart from personal things) was the Vickers O.C.M.A. You must admit that it would be very boring if everyone did it properly, like the RAC.

    Oh, the O.C.M.A is outer casing muzzle attachment. The end were the bullets pop out. A miracle. Still remember some of the bits.

  416. JT says:

    Jack
    Willco etc. As an ex Carrier man (infantry) I guess your wireless procedure involved waving hankies, sending runners or when excited pointing at things. In the RAC we did it properly.

  417. Jack Madron says:

    PS: John.
    What Coy, Platoon, was Roger Willco in? Was he in the navy at some time? I vaguely remember something on telly, years ago about a Seaman Staines and Roger the cabin boy. Maybe Bunty’s pater would know.

    ED: He’s checking that name with Ben Dover, his Mess Steward

  418. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    What do you mean, claim (temporary) insanity?

  419. JT says:

    Swanny
    Re 252 charge. Get Jack to be your defending hossifer. Claim temporary insanity.

    ED: Behave yourself JT. Can a Cpl charge a Sgnt? If not I’ll talk to my brudder Brig Allie Gator and get a promotion!

  420. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    PLEASE REPLY TO THIS COMMENT ON “DCLI” – NOT WISE & WICKED

    Ed, Derek Andrewartha must be on the A Coy photograph. It is so long ago I can’t pick him out! In answer to Jack I know he was Lt. Middleton’s batman when we were first in Bermuda. He might have been Maj Marsh’s batman – but I think Maj. Marsh’s batman was the guy with all the colour pictures of Bermuda on pictures page – Worely? Morely? (ED: I think you refer to Mike Woolley). He was according to Keith Mannings his permanent batman for his National Service in Bermuda. Barry would know as he was Maj. Marsh’s driver. I will also ask Trevor Webb who hails from Falmouth about Derek Andrewartha.

    ED: Thanks Swanny – all highly informative and I agree – Barry Cornish will know.

    However: Back to the coal hole ‘Ole Mate – I’m 252’ing you for wrong placement of Blog – I shall transpose to DCLI – where this comment should be. I need to do this to attract a follow on flow from others

  421. JT says:

    OK Boss

    Roger Willco Out

  422. Editor says:

    LIGHT INFANTRY MOST WANTED BLOG PAGES – ‘BRITISHARMYLIMOSTWANTED”

    OK – let’s get a handle on the direction and management of ‘our’ blog pages. The success of Wise&Wicked is a fair indication that we all want to communicate regularly (over 1500 comments since inception) but, we’ve (ALL OF US) been slack in that we’ve logged EVERYFUCKINGTHING onto a single blog page – at the expense of properly placing the comment where it should be.

    So, recently we took our medicine and classified W&W stuff as “Banter” (i.e. anything goes) AND that we’d place personal and specific DCLI stuff on the DCLI page. (i.e. The DCLI page found alongside W&W – gottit?) This means of course that you need to check out the other pages occasionally for added comments.

    Note also that there are several additional pages where (if you so wish) you can log comments onto KSLI, Bill Griffiths, Old Toons, Korea, KOYLI, MM, RAF etc etc.

    QUESTION: Would you like me to open up more categories?

    PS: Now that you’re all fired up and will (no doubt) check out ALL the other pages – you’ll find that some ‘Old Toons’ are disconnected. So before you write to me – please note that I can’t repair ’em when the You Tube link is dismounted (usually for copyright reasons).

  423. JT says:

    Swanny
    Which blog page?

    ED: I’ve shifted Swanny’s comments to DCLI on “LIMOSTWANTED”. That is the same Blog Platform where you find Wise & Wicked, KSLI, Bill Griffiths etc etc.

    I’ve no desire to tell anyone – specifically where you might post a blog – BUT in the interests of getting your comments read by all, clearly I need to direct you to where its likely to be read (commonbloodysense ‘ennit?)

    However, in the beginning (hope I don’t sound like Moses), I set up an ‘Old” DCLI blog that is attached to British Army Light Infantry (not mine originally, but over which I have editorial licence). I recommend that you/we all avoid these ‘old’ pages – simply ‘cos there’s no traffic.

    So – the consensus is – write banter on Wise&Wicked – write personal and DCLI stuff on DCLI – gottit?

  424. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    ED, I did as you asked – put my comments on the other Blog page about my illness etc. I did it this morning as this blog is more about BANTER etc.

    ED: Thanks ‘Ole Mate – you’ll see that I’ve copied it to DCLI (see later editorial explanation). Your original message will remain on the “Old” DCLI

  425. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Jack, I knew Derek Anrewartha very well, he was intake before me. He was Lt. Middleton’s batman in Bermuda. I wrote a caption some time ago on this Blog. He was the chap I said about the horse of Lt Middleton had sent out from England and it bolted on this occasion and Maj. Toots was not amused!

    Derek was a lovely bloke real character, so sorry to hear that he has passed on, very strange I only saw him once after Bermuda, that was at TA camp on Dartmoor, and I was in Falmouth on most weekends in the TA at the barracks there. RIP Derek you were one of the best.
    Swanny.

  426. Jack Madron says:

    Hi all.
    Talking to a chap from Falmouth this afternoon and found out his brother was batman to Major Marsh in Bermuda. His name was Derek Andrewartha. Does anybody remember him? The chap couldn’t enlighten me about dates or things. Derek died a few years ago.I see this chap quite often on Wednesdays, as I visit old friends and he delivers their laundry.

  427. Bunty says:

    Thanks Jack.

    I’ll book a flight to OZ for Beryl tomorrow

  428. JT says:

    Ed

    What’s an anagram of anagram ?

  429. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    It’s no good you and I applying to get into OZ. According to a Mayor of a town in the Northern Provinces of OZ, they only want ugly women. Some might think I fit in with the first word but I’m sure as hell no female. I think that mayor has been out in the sun for too long.

    ED: The town is Mnt Isa, location of the largest global underground copper and zinc mine (what usefulness that piece of information is I dunno). The town is full of single men, outnumbering females by about 8:1. The town also has health problems generated by the outfall of noxious gases and pollution etc. The Mayor actually used the phrase ‘beauty disadvantaged females would be welcome’ and is back pedalling like all shit to claim ‘misquote out of context’ – now that the shit has hit the fan. If I was a bird – and ugly to boot – and lived anywhere BUT Mnt Isa, I think I’d take my chances where I lived – rather than Mnt Isa. You must agree however, the Mayor got noticed!!

  430. Jack Madron says:

    Hey chaps.
    Is there any chance of all of us suing the MoD for damages, caused by enforced sun bathing? I remember saying to CSM Marsden, the first morning in Jamaica, that I burned easily in the sun. Dress that morning was PT shorts, boots with socks rolled down and beret. No shirt. His reply was, “Get on parade. You won’t burn.” Or words to that effect. He was right.

  431. JT says:

    You got to hand it to the Russkis. They don’t fuck around do they? They know that Nato is a ship of fools. Germans don’t fight at night, Frogs and Ities just talk and hate America. Rest of ’em forget it. UK, US and Canada more than committed elsewhere. We Brits can’t get more than 8 helicopters into Afghanistan. Russkis had many more than that in Georgia last week. That arsehole President of Georgia picks a fight with Russia then screams for Nato to get involved.

    ‘nth atlantic treaty organisation’ anagrams to ‘Not tyrannical, hesitant agitator.’

  432. JT says:

    If I get a false nose I could get a red Santa one for Christmas or a carrot nose (snowman). Or an expandable Pinocchio nose for telling fibs. A new world has just opened up for me. Tell you what, I’ll just open another bottle

  433. JT says:

    Ed
    61 million. Well you can forget 90% of people under 30 years of age – they know fuck all, and care less. The so call “middle classes ” don’t care about anything except mortgage rates and their property prices. The immigrants over the last 50 years don’t give fuck. University students hate the Country and the Army and the “evil “(British Empire). Most seem to be taking “Media Studies” at Uni. 40% of 14 years olds cannot read or write.

    I ask spitefully ask my employees trick questions (they are mostly graduates) like -” How many Millions in a Billion? (not an unusual expression is it?) They DO NOT KNOW!!

    Grumble Grumble

    My Doc says I don’t have nose cancer but Rhinophyma (like WC Fields) but seeing specialist next week. But my Doc is a Muslim….er! – Is it a plot?

    Derek – Ozzies get this sort of thing (sunburn) – any ideas? Do you know any no nose folk?

    ED: JT – you’ve got me very curious – as I had mistakenly associated this condition with excessive boozing – which is not the case. Alcohol exacerbates the condition and is to be avoided, I’m sad to say (see linked article to condition). Also it is no more an exposure to sun result (as in OZ) than anywhere else apparently – although failure to protect will again accelerate the condition, as does the overuse of creams – so I read! Reading the blogs – it seems as if we’ve all – at some stage – had skin cancers on ears and other parts. I recently had a malignant melanoma on my ear removed. I’m glad that I always stood in the shade to have a piss!!

  434. JT says:

    We’re getting GREEN alright and that’s part of the bloody trouble!!! Not pleasant ‘tho

  435. JT says:

    Do they still do assisted passages to OZ for 10 quid?

    ED: Problem is JT – what’s a Brit anymore? Resurrect Old Enoch’s rules I say. Talk about the importation of viruses – the UK’s a living breathing example of passive genocide. OZ has similar perverse arrangements – AUD$4,000 for each time a kid is born – in or out of wedlock, single mums or not. What then happens when these little innocents are raised in a climate of hate and greed and failure to observe a work ethic? Sterilise the fuckers I say, or at least apply DNA and have the impregnator contribute. What’s the purpose of a forensic procedure if it ‘violates’ individual rights – should be like a blood grouping (IMHO).

  436. Editor says:

    E PETITION DEADLINE TODAY 19th AUGUST

    113,109 Signatories (at close on 2400 GMT 19th) cared and made the effort to register a protest about the obscenity of Whitehall failing to provide for British troops injured in combat – and having no Military Hospital when repatriated to the mother country (so called). That’s 18.5 persons for every 6,100 of population or about 1 in 329.

    Thank You if you took the trouble.

    Fuck You!!!! if you found such a memorable exercise too hard – herewith a fucking Lead Medal for Negligence. 2007 Estimates list the population of Grated Britain at 61MILLION and less than 1/5th of 1% (0.18%) got off their arse to record a vote. GB – I’m ashamed to be a Brit – and you’re permitting a pack of Whitehall pricks to spend over GBP4BILLION on the 2012 Olympic Fucking Games. What a fucking obscenity!

    You deserve the pricks in Government! If a free Big Mac ‘n chips (or should that be curry ‘n rice) was handed over for each signatory, I’ll bet the numbers would have quadrupled. Talk about getting raped and pillaged again – where’s that Green and Pleasant Land?

  437. Editor says:

    HAROLD ROYFFE, RSM, Capt QM, Major QM, RIP

    See update regarding my quest for photo memorabilia on DCLI Blog.

  438. Jack Madron says:

    Hi John.
    If those small boats weren’t moored properly, I doubt if they could claim anything. When I was a boy, our harbour was full of fishing boats but they’re all gone now. EU laws on fishing. Bastards.

  439. JT says:

    Jack

    Just watched it. Rough day alright. A few boat insurance claims?

  440. Jack Madron says:

    If anybody is interested, there is a good video on You Tube, of my heaven on earth. Mousehole. Just type in Mousehole Storm and click. You will see the sort of bad weather we put up with most winters. Videoed by Jack Guard, a gent who recorded my group onto reel to reel tape back in 1965. Still got a copy. Play it now and again for a good laugh.

  441. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    Re your protests about post office closures. That won’t work because the ones who are closing them are arseholes themselves. So they’re used to seeing bare backsides.

  442. Jack Madron says:

    Hi John.
    Had the same thing done about four years ago. Went for an op on my right ear, they cut a wedge shaped piece out and stitched it back up. Good as new. While they were doing op, I was asked about the small lump on my nose. I told them it had been there for some time so they said we’ll get rid of that for you. They did. Now the nose and right ear are OK, just the rest of me needs replacing. Mine was probably too much sun in Montego Bay.

  443. JT says:

    Seeing skin cancer bloke next week. Might have to have a nose job – too much sun on Elbow Beach maybe.

    Phantom of the Opera?

  444. Editor says:

    WHEN YOU’RE HAVING A BAD DEBATING DAY

    And you really care – just bare your arse!! One method to get your point across – might be useful in the debate to keep your Post Offices open!

  445. Brig General Allie Gator says:

    Yo Ho Mdme Bunty

    Thas wat ah lakes – a spunnky wummun wid sum barlls. But yur fucken ole man – he n is fucken mattlos hiddin behine dere pinis stenshuns on dere botes – ah bet thole pric wud crap is pants wen me n ma boise stemp ur feet – n wid de feffers n spirs n ban ur shilds n cri ur trib al stuff. Maks yor hare kurl n niples stifen. Fucken Tarzan – he a puzzy kompre wid us wurriors. We kum frum a lon lin o bastrads frum lon befor wen Ruddy fucken Koplin nventid Gunga Dun. Wese betta men tha im.

    Nyway wese ndipenden now – fuck whity n Whity Hall in Lunnon – cept ma brudder Ed in OZ, n is mates wha fihted de bleks in de Caribbin – dese reel sojers who nows how tings shud be in de wurld. Smarr sojers tu – plenny boolship n marchin stuf – maks ma ayes watur wid amirashun wen ah see dem.

    I chang ma mine bout eeten whity bichs – mus be sum taste pices mong all dat hanning whit fles.

    Heppy arhmy dase

  446. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    For a start, the guard commander wouldn’t let us past the guard room, dressed like that. I get the impression that it’s the type of clothing that counts not the person wearing it. Just like office staff, they don a luminous jacket over their suit, put on a plastic hat and, hey they’re workers. They had an air day at Culdrose Naval Air Station at Helston a few weeks ago and local TV covered it, interviewing pilots, naval ratings and others, some officers. They were all wearing the same combat kit. Who is what anymore?

  447. JT says:

    Squaddy fresh from Helmand. Dressed desert fatigues. On train heading for Sheffield. Doesn’t have the right discount pass. Train Guard turns him off train. Yes we know that and it is a bloody disgrace. But going back to I think Bill’s comment earlier blog! How is it that squaddies are wandering about in combat kit?

    I don’t get it. In our day would we go on leave in denims with battle order webbing?

  448. John says:

    This Bleg (sorry, blog) is getting more and more barmy.

  449. Bunty says:

    Don’t be silly Ruddy he’s a fat bleck General with a bone through his nose not a sailor. He doesn’t have a keel. Thanks for the support tho. Silly sod.

  450. Ruddy says:

    I’d hove him down
    In the mangroves brown
    Where the mud reef sucks and draws
    Moored by his heel to his own keel
    To wait for the land crabs claws

  451. Ex Wrac WO11 says:

    How dare you write to me in this manner. I certainly do not wish to correspond with you. I was merely attempting to get rid of a certain person who happens to be one of my fathers servants. May I remind you that I am an English lady Bwana, ex British Army Warrant OFFICER. and PT Instructor.

    My father (Commander RN Ret) would be appalled if he knew that you have addressed me. In his day he would have put a gunboat up your nearest river, blasted everything in sight and strung you up from his yard arm. Russkis in Georgia (scruffy buggers who evidently don’t polish their tanks like our boys) would be pansies by comparison.

  452. Alli Gator (Brig) says:

    YO – Mme Bunty

    Deer Mdme Bunty

    I’se flatured yu is de onny wuman, uder dan ma 180 wifes, wha sez sumting kine bout me -speshully as yous a whity – like ma brudder Ed. Wen i gose to parrtys and Gumment dinnas wid de Pres – all de fine biches blek n whit dere – done cum nire me – dese fraid ah migt eet em or wurse dan dat – yu now! Trufe is ah spns ma tim plannin ahrmy muves n stuf, fiting dese fuckan blek wogs wid riffles n roccets.

    Betta ah not eet a whity yu now – iven do ah gott sum gude marinnad – choclut n ginga. Allso ah gotta tel you – wese eddicated n moden dese days – cas n busses n airyplans – no Tarzan shitty boolshit – AhhhAhhhhAhhhhaa – whadda lode o crap Ole Whity did in dem darkk deys – ah tryd it wunce n de fuckan wine bruk n I lanned on a polltishun – he finis up wit his hade up ma ass. Tha’s when ah gott ma forf meddal fur bravvery.

    Heppy Bunging

  453. Dept Food Environment & Rural Affairs says:

    Copy
    To whom it may concern. You are reminded that export of products intended for human consumption will require proper documentation and approval from this department. A tourist visa in the case you envisage will not be suitable as return flights from Ruanda must be prebooked and your father may not up for it.
    DEFRA

  454. Ex Wrac WO11 says:

    Brig Allie Gator

    Sorry, Bunty again. Daddy says fare only to a proper airport and not onward journey to God knows where with bearers carrying Beryl suspended from a pole (like in the Tarzan films he says). This might be too expensive he says.

  455. Ex Wrac WO11 says:

    Brig Allie Gator

    Hi Big fella

    My name is Bunty and I like your style. I would like to offer you a little treat. Her name is Beryl (ex Land Army) I know you are a bit fastidious about bathing etc and to be honest she does niff a bit.

    However if you have her well scrubbed before cooking and or marinaded in something really strong she will make good eating. when tenderized. Slow cooking recommended. If you are interested my father (Commander RN retired) has agreed to pay her passage. (Tourist class) when she has completed her present project – lifting 10 acres of spuds.

  456. Allie Gator (Brig) says:

    SHITTY COMMENZ BOUT U POMMIES

    Jus hadda qik wurd wif de Ed – we speiks kwite reglar like we woz brudders. Abaht dis rude rimark by de Ossie swym coch that yu lot dunt have menny pools and no sope. De Ed sez sorrie n all tha!

    I nose yu all hev reglar barfs in de Ole Cuntry – evry munth – wever yu needs em or not.

    Heppy Lympics!

  457. Editor says:

    BILL GRIFFITHS

    Please travel by hotlink to latest news on Bill.

    Carpe Diem!

  458. General Bert Banter says:

    I am consulting my solicitors.

    ED: ‘general bert banters solicitor’ anagrams to ‘Belligerent, coarsest brain-rot.’

  459. Jack Madron says:

    OK Ed.
    Good idea. It’ll make me look at the other sites more often and also will give Bunty and Fluffy more of a chance to comment on their pastimes.

  460. Editor says:

    CORRECT PLACEMENT OF BLOG COMMENTS

    JT has a point and brings the focus of our multiple blog pages back to the time of the original intent, when I set ’em all up. Wise & Wicked has become a “Daily Orders” notice board which attracts appropriate comment. The problem is a ‘thread’ develops and away we go. W&W is intended to be a mischief page for general banter (there’s a pseudonym) – so let’s keep it limited to that.

    The latest thread on the Empire Clyde was – I guess – the offender created by yours truly – so I’ll look no further. Clearly all DCLI specific stuff should be on “DCLI”

    However, just to let you know. When a blog comment is posted on any of the LI Most Wanted pages – I receive a flash email advising me so. While I can edit/delete where necessary – I cannot – transfer that comment (in its entirety), I can only transpose – which kinda defeats the purpose.

    Ta

  461. JT says:

    Swanny? Ask Don

  462. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Not sure but isn’t CQMS an appointment not a rank? I’m sure the next rank up from Sgt is Colour Sgt then from there, WO2. Our CQMS in S Coy was Colour Sgt Fred Fearless.

  463. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Ed, John. Re CSM in the back of Land Rover. Isn’t he, the same CSM who is in the picture of CSM, QSM and Maj Marsh circa 1956? On A Coy 1st DCLI Prospect Garrison Bermuda 1954/57. Still can’t help with a name.

  464. JT says:

    Ed

    Looked again and I agree not Tug Wilson. However I am not sure that the usual route of promotion is CQMS to CSM. Otherwise there would be a promotion block for Sgts. as only one CQMS per Company.

    I think CQMS is more of a logistics appointment and his next upward would be Capt QM. What do you think? I am no expert though as I was only promoted downwards to my comfort zone rank of Cpl on return to UK.

  465. JT says:

    Ed and Swanny

    If as we recall A Coy disembarked on Chauncey M Dephew as E Clyde could not get alongside. then this video must have been the following morning. Makes sense that the band stayed on board. but who else? Did Just an advance party land the previous night to prepare the barracks? or the entire company. Who were the lads coming down the gangplank then?

    I certainly did and there were several coaches waiting that night. We disembarked through a hatch/door in the ship’s side as the ship was at anchor. Do we recall that the the bandmaster was in Royal Artillery? Guess this sort of stuff should not be on W & W

  466. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Jack. Had a phone call from Len (Blondie) Nicholls from his home in Troon Scotland wishing me all the best for my future ailment. I told him you are on our DCLI website on a regular basis and he sends his best regards to you and all on the website who knew him in Minden and Plymouth. Will see you at our Branch Mtg. DCLI Association on Tuesday evening.

    Swanny.

  467. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    All. On the trip aboard Empire Clyde, it was apparently the worst trip she ever recorded; it took if I remember correctly 10 days? Under normal weather conditions it took 7 days to Bermuda, I don’t think that the general public would understand the weather conditions on that voyage, By what I can understand 85% of troops on that ship were cast as violently very sick for most of the voyage.

    I have been to sea in very bad weather on fishing boats and one of the very few who was never sea sick, but I remember big hard men – i.e. Alan Mitchell, a PTI and county rugby player lying on our deck like someone dying! People can’t imagine those conditions if they haven’t witnessed it at first hand, so lets give credit to all that travelled on that horrendous journey to their fortitude. And when you look back we had to Parade the day after we disembarked in Bermuda. Just imagine if like our predecessors you had to fight a war in that quick a time of landing ashore?

  468. Editor says:

    UNDERSCORED TITLINGS

    Just a brief reminder – for those of you who are not aware. Whenever you view a bolded underscored title – such as above – move your mouse over the text. If it flashes a ‘link’ it means that the text is ‘hotlinked’ to another site. A ‘double’ left hand mouse click (unless you have changed your settings) will open that fresh website in another pane (view).

    Saves a lot of trouble.

  469. JT says:

    Re picture of officers and an NCO in Land Rover. I believe the NCO is Tug Wilson. Was he promoted to WO11 after 1955?

    ED: Interesting observation – but I think not – JT. I’ve compared the lhs facial profile of the CSM in the Land Rover to that of the frontal aspect of Sgnt Tug Wilson – 3rd seated 2nd row from rhs in the ‘A” Company group photo and I feel that Wilson’s eyes are closer together than the CSM. Plus the fact that C/Sgnt Latimer would logically have been senior to Wilson and Latimer was in the Peppercorn pix 1956 – still as a C/Sgnt.

    Thanks for the thought anyway.

  470. JT says:

    Argyles? new one on me. Don’t remember them. Were they heading for Brit Guyana?

    ED: 0230 JT – Up for a piss again?

    The Band of the Argyles were headed elsewhere in the WI – but played regularly in the Mess/Cafe on the Clyde. I only caught a few bars at a time between chunders over the side – in one door and out t’other. They probably disembarked at Hamilton to support the DCLI Band – as part of the early Pathe clip shows the Bandmasters conversing.

  471. Jack Madron says:

    Just had a look at photos sent in by Fraser Pakes. Don’t remember any of the officers or the WO. I would say he was a CSM. Badge of rank on his right wrist but wearing sash and beret. I can’t ever remember Harold Royffe wearing beret, only peak cap and never a sash. If wrong, somebody will correct me, I’m sure.

    Does anybody know what Coy Dick Burwood was in, in Minden? Don’t recognise his face either.

    ED: Jack, the photo referred to is “A” Company, Bermuda, with Major AJ Marsh CO to the rear and is a follow up response to my search for additional photos of the Major – to support the recent contact with the Marsh Family. If you follow the facial profile of the earlier referred Pathe News clip of 1956, you’ll see ’tis the same CSM dressing the ranks, as the fellow in the still photo. My guess is that whomsoever this chappie is – he followed Jan Passmore after 1955.

    PS: Pathe News Clip of the Clyde is a find indeed! I have recognised Ted Davis RIP in one close up together with my back next to Dutch Hoon in the front rank alongside Jock Massie CSM at the flag raising. Ted Davis and I were almost the same height which invariably placed us close together in dressed ranks on parade. I shall study the clip further. I guess you all noted the Argyle and Sutherland Highlanders walking the gangway. Never saw much of ’em after – probably went ashore for a scotch.

    A further search of Pathe for Princess Margaret 1955 – and any variables – produces naught, although there’s a welter of old memorabilia on Pathe – including Blackpool and the FA Cup!

    PPS: Writing of HRH Princess Maggie, there is a fine original photo of HRH (somewhere in an old kitbag, attic or long forgotten album) – of a poor copy of a news copy print which I have now published on Supplementary – which shows a ‘full frontal’ of Latimer, myself and other blokes in the front rank.

    PPPS: Credit to Swanny and Nobby for the Dick Burwood material. Swanny scanned after receipt by Nobby. Maybe a bit of prompting by Nobby – who will have Dick’s email address – will get some input from the London LI Branch – after all there’s a lot of hot air being expelled (so we’re told) by ‘some’ London W&W contributors – who shall remain nameless.

  472. Jack Madron says:

    Hi John.
    Found the Pathe Newsreel with Empire Clyde but haven’t managed to down load or anything else yet. Must ask my grandchildren to show me how to do it. I noticed that the Clyde was painted white with a black streak the length of her hull. She must have had a few coats of paint in her time.

  473. JT says:

    Managed to download the Newsreel. Mute. grainy but short clips of E Clyde coming in (looking a bit scruffy) Troops waving, disembarking, then parade through town (must have been next day). Band and interestingly marching into camp and raising DCLI Flag.
    Great

  474. JT says:

    Don’t think I’d like to go back to Catterick either

  475. JT says:

    Ed

    If you Google Pathe News then get into Pathe News then enter Empire Clyde Bermuda there are several clips of arrival…guys going down gang plank etc. Unfortunately I cannot get them to enlarge on my Apple laptop for some reason might be better on a PC.

    ED: OK JT – Can’t work out if you’re referring to ‘stills’ or movies. One can ‘order’ into the ‘shopping basket’ a FREE low resolution movie of the event, but you have to follow the Pathe prompts and complete an order to then download the 2.00 minute movie. A high resolution version is GBP500 so we’ll have to make do with the Free version – but you can ‘pause’ the screening at any time.

  476. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    I think you’re right in not going back to Bermuda. I don’t think it’s the same as you remember it. I wouldn’t go back to Jamaica, even if I could afford it. Having said that, I would go back to Minden if I had the chance. Some pleasant memories from there.

  477. Jack Madron says:

    Hi all.
    Have been reading your comments about Bermuda with interest. Can’t comment myself as I was never stationed there but have always got the impression that the inhabitants thought themselves a cut above every one else. I mean, the white lot.

    To my knowledge, only two soldiers died in Jamaica. A Sgt from Antitank platoon, killed in a road accident and a private who died in hospital. From B Coy I believe. Just wondering what sort of state their graves are in. Better than your CO’s, I bet.

  478. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    ED and JT. On the Bermuda Rifles!! They were always arrogant, when we used to train them at Warwick every year most of their ranks used to sneer at us and look down their noses at us – answer IGNORANCE!!!

    On the other hand The Bermuda Militia Artillery – the black Bermudians – were always respectable towards us when doing their training. To think if I had stayed there I would have had to be one of them!!! I don’t think they or I would have have got on, not with my Celtic Temperament. I would have been transported to Colchester.

    Consolation Prize I could have ended up an RP.

  479. JT says:

    ED

    How about a name and shame in the local Bermuda rag? Let’s you and the lads start writing letters to the editor. What do you think?

    ED: On balance – such a proposal would have merit – given that the individual writers felt strongly enough about an issue to enter print. I for one have moved on, based largely on the cretinous, ignorant representation of the News media in Hamilton. For over 2 years I have sought responses to historical DCLI matters that are not even acknowledged and on the one occasion that the Press felt that an historical article “Bermuda that Was” (or some crappy title) – my text was so maligned, warped and fucked up by some half assed fuckwit of a junior reporter – that I hung my head with shame at being included.

    Further the jerks who ‘run’ (if that’s the operative word) The Bermuda Regiment (which I would not use as a shield in a shit fight) are blithely unaware of the meritorious history of one of their former CO’s. – sufficient to maintain a decent burial plot on an island the size of a postage stamp. In essence if one were to bend over to tie a shoelace, the fuckers would probably whitewash your ass.

    Bermuda ain’t what it used to be (IMHO) – JT got that right. My intelligence is to stay away, swallow one’s pride, bask in some delightful memories and let the bleks take over. Violence, murder, drugs and mayhem reign supreme, and following my investigations last year as to whether to include Bermuda in a proposed UK trip – I was advised by one very astute webmaster of association to remember her as she used to be.

  480. John says:

    The latest from OZ is a theory to save the world from methane (farts) – by eating only kangaroos which being non ruminants do not fart as much. When will the Greens get to other farting species? Like our spaniel?

    When will they get to me ?

  481. Bunty says:

    JT
    You – like Ed should watch your step as well. You were only a substantive Cpl and lost your 3rd stripe when you gave up the DCLI job to get back for demob after 3 years. We know you stayed on another 3 years – did you forget to confirm your demob date when you got back to Blighty

  482. JT says:

    Frankly I think Bunty and her whole tribe are clinically insane. Where is this place?

    As Bill Bryson said “many generations of profoundly unbiblical sex”. Think they are all related to the Royal Family?

  483. Bunty says:

    Daddy has given Beryl 2 weeks jankers. Got to lift 10 acres of spuds. Catweasel up for Court Martial. He is our gamekeeper and while he was awol with Beryl the word got to Daddy that the folks he calls the “scum” from the village council houses have been eating pheasant and chips every night.

    Daddy has locked himself in his room with those photos he collected of sailors. Don’t ask. Sometimes I think we are not very normal.

  484. JT says:

    Above was from me – I’m sure J & S will agree.

  485. JT says:

    Ed,

    Your recent rants about the Bermudians. When we were there the ones I met were always banging on about their fear of an “uprising” guess by whom? There was trouble in Brit Guyana, Belize wasn’t so stable nor Jamaica,

    Thats why the W Indies Garrison was in the region.

    Now the rich whites in Bermuda, (they are all rich really) bolstered by off shore banking fiddlers and other crooks couldn’t give a flying fuck about us lot.

    Bermuda Regiment – shower of posers. Their CO must be an complete arsehole to ignore Maj March’s grave after you made the effort to remind them. The site is probably marked for yet another golf course.

  486. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    All. Now looked at You Tube and go to Pete Goss Launch “Spirit of Mystery” journey of seven Newlyn men 154 years ago in 37 ft Lugger.

    Had a phone call yesterday from a surgeon in Truro, I have to go to Freedomfields Hospital in Plymouth for another deep scan, as the one I had in PZ. didn’t reveal sufficient evidence of matter in hand? I will then have to undergo minor OP to investigate further? After that he said I will have to undergo major surgery which he said is a big Op? They will be sending details etc in few days time,

    Swanny.

    ED: Thanks for update ‘Ole Mate – we’re all with you in this. Chin Up!!

    PS: Thanks also Swanny for scans from Dick Burwood London LI Branch. All now doctored and published under “Dick Burwood Greetings” on Supplementary.

  487. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    JT, This boat you are referring to is brand new – built in Cornwall and named (Spirit of Mystery) – after a fishing Lugger which left Newlyn in the 18th century for Australia, with I believe 6 local fishermen looking for a new life in the mining of gold in South Australia where hundreds left Cornwall for at that time.

    This new replica of the original is far more updated and habitable than the Mystery, she is being sailed by Pete Goss a renowned sailor who has made many trips on global crossings not all successful? She is leaving Newlyn in the Autumn for the trip to OZ.

  488. Editor says:

    1DCLI Bermuda 1956

    Enter “DCLI” into the British Pathe Search Engine and process

    I’m indebted to Fraser Pakes (Co Clerk 1956/1957) for this reference {February 2008} to British Pathe News. The short Review Clip covers Harold MacMillan’s meeting with Canadian PM. St Laurent in Bermuda with the DCLI Band and “A” Company Honour Guard present at the Airport.

    If you are quick on the eye you might recognise some faces in the front rank – but I must confess – none spring readily to my eyes. It is refreshing however to note the rifles at the trail and 140 paces per minute (or more). The lads are wearing the Seahorse shoulder flash – after our time (1955).

    The Pathe Clip is FREE – but requires some entry processing to receive.

    NB: This archival recovery is the consequence of me again contacting Fraser Pakes in the hope that he will make further 1DCLI Memorabilia contributions to our sites, particularly more depicting our CO Major AJ Marsh DSO, OBE. Recent contact from Samantha Marsh (grand daughter) and indirectly to Simon (son of Major and Mrs Marsh) establishes a link to the Marsh Family that we have been searching for. Should any of you still have old photos that show the Major, please forward ’em to me asap. Tempus Fugit!

  489. Jack Madron says:

    Not me John. Fine little craft but not big enough for me. To tempt me onto the big ocean the ship would have to be twice the size of the Empire Clyde.

    Still remember that last trip.

  490. JT says:

    Jack & Swanny,

    See in the paper that some folks are setting sail for Oz from Newlyn in a Cornish Lugger. Not you lot trying to escape is it?

    Ed watch out they’ll be knocking at your door asking for a billet

  491. Red Devil says:

    Allie Gator.
    Hey you, with the face like a warthog’s backside. How dare you give Rooney one of your viruses. He and his team mates only came out your way to show you how to play football. You ungrateful fat blob.

  492. Lt Col Trumpeter - Buller says:

    Uganda. Sounds about right. Officers Mess (White) usual piss up. Ditto Sgts Mess (White).
    Stumble out Independence day (late) morning – surrounded by drunk bloody Generals chewing bones. Rest of Askaris buggered off into the bush.

    We just had time to fold up the old flag and run for it before we were put on the lunch menu. Ungrateful sods

  493. Bunty says:

    That Uganda Corps lot sound a bit like the Queens Regiment at Guildford in 1952. What a shower!

  494. Ex Cpl Nkruma Uganda Corps says:

    Dear General

    Thank you for de kind words. Like de photo. I am wegitarian now you hask. I got to remember that you were a Private in my platoon before your lot ate de boys day of Independence and all of you got to be Generals.

    PS: My missis has put a spell on you. She powafull juju

  495. Allie Gator says:

    (Ex) Cpl Nkruma @ Tesco’s

    Your coz Bongo! – man – wasse tasty – speshully some bits! Huccum yu dere yu fuckpig. I gotta deal for youse – canned Long Pig. I nose yu gott plenny blek wogs dere into fles.

    Hope yo ain’t on de fres fude counta or handing fres meat – yore skin woz evill man! – and yore bref – lak a hyener!

    Idi – Your ‘Ole Boss!

    PS: Don yu cum bak shithead!

  496. Bunty says:

    Beryl and Catweasel are back – she’s obviously been knocking him about. Poor old sod.

  497. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny.
    Re military cutbacks. Brilliant.

  498. Jack Madron says:

    PS: Ed.
    Is there something I can do about this URL thing? Or should I just ignore it?

    ED: Jack, as stated – business as usual, I’ll take care of any editorial problems!!

  499. Jack Madron says:

    Thanks Ed. Thats a big help. Still think it’ll take some time for it all to sink in though.

    By the way, you’re not changing your name to Noah, are you? I get no trouble with sleeping – like a log every night. My mother used to say, I’d sleep through hell and high water.

    Good old Mousehole saying.

    ED: OK Jack, business as usual, no need to alter a damn thing. See also my recent post to DCLI blog regarding Major Marsh.

  500. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Ed.
    What is a URL reference? I don’t think I’ll ever get to understand this modern technology. Is it something that I am doing wrong or is it something that just happened? Still, old dog new tricks syndrome I suppose.

    ED: Jack, “URL” – Universal Resource Locator – is simply the unique ID for each web page out there in cyberspace. When you type it into a communique on the internet, your Browser will ‘hotlink’ it (usually) – which then means that a ‘mouseover’ or double left click – will open the link. WordPress is (probably) not keen that this should happen to unscanned and unedited references – hence your ‘comment’ is parked in Akismet until I vet the content. In Brisbane, we are 9+ hours on Zulu, which means that often I am asleep when you post – hence again, the delay in releasing the comment. Not that I sleep that much! – but between Bunty, Fluffy and now – Idi – there’s plenty to do, plus the fact that I’m building an ocean kayak in my workshop with some fairly intricate woodwork – so ‘Tempus Fugit’!

  501. Lt Col Trumpeter Buller ex KAR says:

    Dear Common other ranks

    I commanded 3rd KAR (Kings African Rifles) and that rascal Allie Gator etc was then a Pte in B Coy. Always a damned nuisance for eating bits of his comrades when they were drunk on that filthy stuff they imbibed. When on Independence we handed over he suddenly became a Major in the newly formed Uganda thingies – having boiled all possible rivals the night before. Ghastly fellow.

  502. Ex Cpl Nkruma Uganda Corps says:

    Dear Gen Allie Gator.

    It is loverly to see you are still here. I wonder if your remember my cousin Pte Bongo some years ago. He worked in the officers mess and you ate him on Independence Day.

    Best wishes

    PS: I am now a superviser at Tescos in Plymouth

  503. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Just answered your query about Henderson, but blog has gone AWOL again. Probably turn up again in the near future.

  504. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I found it last night on YAHOO! News. Try politics.co.uk

    I see in todays paper, that Boris Johnson is related to the Royal House of Windsor by an illegitimate ancestor. What’s news? We’ve known for years that the whole lot are nothing but a load of b******s.

    ED: Jack – recovered from Spam filter – fairly sure its the URL reference that 252’s you!

  505. JT says:

    Jack

    Pensioners tax has just helped to fund 600 hangers on – Ministers, Advisors, MP’s (plus wives) etc to China for Olympics at a cost of £3500 each.

    This Henderson. Where was this published Jack?. I want him to be my pen friend.

  506. Jack Madron says:

    Pensioners should clean the streets to earn extra cash, says Gordon Henderson, Conservative candidate for Sittingbourne & Sheppey seat. What planet are these ignorant bastards from?

    A better idea would be, to bring these idle scumballs back from their extended holidays and give them brooms and shovels and shove them onto the streets. Less hard hats and luminous jackets, then maybe the traffic will get them. I hope.

  507. Bunty says:

    Jack

    Just love outfit. ‘Tickly the diving boots. Yum Yum!

  508. JT says:

    Blimey

    A Brig General with a bone through his nose. That’s class.

  509. Allie (Idi/Alfred) Gator (Brig.Gen Uganda Corps) says:

    DE KING OF SCOTLAND

    Hi Ed – how yu bin? I bin in touch wid yore distant blek lovemore couzens in Zim – they sez ‘how the Ole Whitey in OZ?”

    Wat all dis crap den – summan in Scotland taking de piss outa me Pommie ‘n Ozzie mates. Gimme dere names an I’ll chop dere fuckin heads orf. I go’ all my shit from der Mudda Cuntry, wich I preshate – so no snivelling shit yu nashunal mutthas!

    We don’ tak any crap in dis cuntry – from blek or whi’ – ‘cluding fuckin old WO11 sheilas!

    All de bes

    Alf aka Idi

  510. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    We used to have the Boys’ Brigade, Fire Brigade, St John’s Ambulance Brigade. Now all we’ve got is the PC Brigade. How in hell did we ever survive? As kids, we swam in the sea, climbed trees, played conkers and went out fishing in rowing boats, without lifejackets. Now you can’t move unless you have a hard hat, orange jacket and bloody diving boots.

    In spite of all this, there’s more accidents in the work place now than ever. God help us all.

  511. JT says:

    Still with us Billy Boy ?

  512. Jack Madron says:

    I’ve noticed that Audrey has been promoted from push bike (in 1947) to driving the mobile library. Now that’s what I call getting modernised.

    On a different tack (nautical talk Bunty). How many of those public school types, who infest Rock, are descended from immigrants? Norman barons etc.

    PS: I bet Bunty likes to be talked to nautical. Swanny, you’re from sea faring folk. I reckon you’re in there, mate.

  513. John says:

    In 1954
    There was no great offense so far as we were aware the use of slang words to describe nationalities or races
    Limeys (American for Brits)
    Kippers (Canadian for Brits)
    Jerries
    Krauts
    Jocks
    Micks
    Taffies
    Geordies
    Wogs
    Dagoes
    Chilicrackers
    Chinks
    Japs
    Frogs
    Russkies

    Now we can be put in prison.

    Wots it all about ?

  514. Bunty says:

    Just remember in the so called Suez crisis 1956 ( I got the medal) me and my gels got a grip of those pansy French paras when we were on town patrol.

    Kicked a few Wog arses as well when they needed it. (scuse my French)

  515. Bunty says:

    Thats bollocks JT you lot are always going on about other topics.

    I do hope this is not a sex discrimination thingy

  516. JT says:

    Bunty this is supposed to be a sort of military old comrades blog.

    Do we really need this sort of contribution ?

    We know Swanny has a bit of a thing for you but Jack gets really scared

  517. JT says:

    Swanny

    Er – Do we get the same anti English thing with the Cornish against the Grockles? Mind you I would encourage stoning those posh public school boys who infect Rock every year. Get Jack to get his fishing folk family to take them out to sea and walk the plank.

  518. Bunty says:

    All and sundry

    Daddy thinks she has pissed off with his gamekeeper that idiot Catweasel. Hope she put him through the sheep dip first – yuk. God what a pair they would make.

    I will keep you in touch as the story breaks. Normally the village post office would be abuzz with gossip but of course they have just closed it down. We get most of local news since then from Audrey who drives the mobile Library (once a fortnight) or the Bin men (ditto)

  519. Bunty says:

    Beryl has gone awol

  520. JT says:

    Cricket… as soon as they tale off their fancy baseball caps do you notice how they pinch up their hair coz it has that spikey gel look.

    Prats

  521. JT says:

    Talking about blood lines. My ancestors came from North Yorkshire (Viking Country)

    My Great GGGGGG Uncle Eric Blood Axe was steward of the Rape and Pillaging Veterans Club in Otley. If that (Yorkshire) Captain of England Cricket Team had cried on TV in his day they would have had his head on a pike. Once again lets stop the buggers playing at all never mind abroad.

  522. JT says:

    Swanny

    There are lots of stories about English residents being bullied in Scotland. We are going to get the same treatment in some areas of England soon if we don’t already.

    I think is is a fairly recent thing this anti English with the Scots. There has always been banter I guess but this is getting really nasty. I don’t think a Scottish copper gets ill treated by colleagues in the Met do you?

  523. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All, Did anyone read the news about woman crew member pissed out of her skull!!! My boy Donald is the OLD BILL at Aberdeen Airport and help arrest her, held up the flight for several hours. As I have told Derek since that TWAT Salmon SNP the feeling of anti English is very strong!!! That is the reason Donald has transferred back to Hampshire Police starting in September.

    He told us of the incident first hand before the media told the news, Don’s comment was that she was English?? not British – as was before these Nationalists took over in Scotland!!! This really upsets me and I suppose Derek’s wife, as we have very close relationship with the Scots because of our bloodline.

    I have been to Scotland so many times in the past and always been treated so well by Scottish soldiers who I served with and the public at large, this is the ugly face of Nationalism, with the state of immigrants taking over England this has been shown by some as to having no respect for our Crown and Constitution, we seem to be looked at as if we are the colonialists and not them.

  524. JT says:

    1947 …Those big lusty Derbyhire Peak District village school girls …. er think I’ll go to bed now.

  525. JT says:

    Hi Ed

    Yup still awake but fading fast.

  526. JT says:

    Good old Jack unbeatable master of Pun Fun

  527. JT says:

    Flashback

    Memories?

    Sterndale Moor Derbyshire (look it up Google.) 1947 – JT on bike ..winter in village.. meets Audrey on bike (same age) near Coop (the only shop). We kissed and JT worries for months whether she would have a baby. Looked for swelling on school bus every morning for months.

    Bit different nowadays ain’t it?

    ED: Were you going to fly the coop JT?

  528. JT says:

    Ed
    OK fair cop re name forgetting

    Signed (???????)

    PS: Have you tried the cheap red from Chile? Has built in amnesia!

    ED: Hi JT – still awake so late? (2146 Zulu)

  529. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Your comment on that part of the Bren gun, I found very uplifting. Just one little thing, I’ve never been any good at heights, so please, no comments about steeples.

  530. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Don’t worry about it. I talk to myself quite often. I’ll only start to worry when I start answering myself. God knows what will happen if I disagree with what I say.

  531. Jack Madron says:

    Rev. Maltravers.
    About ropes. I knew the word Bondage was bound to crop up sometime. Unlike Swanny with Bunty, I won’t string you along, I’ve been happily tied up for a long long time. Still, knot to worry.
    Cord-ially,
    Jack.

  532. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All, Just been on the phone to Jim Kelly who lives in St Cleer, Liskeard. He asked to be remembered to JT, and anyone that knew him in Bermuda. Jim played football for the Coy and was an excellent footballer. I contact him via his son on the PC, and told him all about the banter etc that we all enjoy. Jim is a ardent RBL member and cleans the War Memorial in Liskeard every week,as we are always saying these are the jobs that the YOBS should be doing. More chance of that than kipping with HRH! Swanny.

  533. John says:

    Sorry Jack
    Relax – no its not you writing to yourself.

  534. John says:

    Sorry Ed

    Done it again I’ve got Jack writing to himself

  535. Jack (JT) says:

    Jack
    It came to me in a dream when I was naming the parts (change from dreaming about my kit shortages and bloody CQMS Latimore)

    Anyway get to the Butt and “what the fuck is this thing”? Oh its a Jack Handle.

  536. Jack (JT) says:

    Jack,
    That Bren. The little handle (grip) on the underside of the Butt was for when it was used mounted for Anti Aircraft fire. I know it has taken a long time to follow up on your remark. but it just feels like yesterday don’t it?

    If you remember your remark thats good isn’t it ED?

    ED: Even better when you remember your name!!

  537. Jack (JT) says:

    Jack,
    “Mutiny on the Bunty” Brilliant

  538. Rev. Maltravers (Fluffy) says:

    Dear Jack

    Forgive the intrusion but I cannot help noticing your frequent reference to ropes. Does your interest extend to binding with ropes? or to be honest – Bondage? Please let me know if I can be of any assistance. In strictest confidence of course.

    Kindest regards
    Your Fluffy
    PS: Do you have pictures?

  539. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Swanny.
    I must ask you to refrain from all this flirting with this ex WO2 WRAC. I do think that you could be stirring it with the Ed. If you persist in this flirtation, I’ll have to report you to Capt Bligh for trying to incite mutiny on the Bunty. The penalty is 14 days in the coal hole with a Land Army girl. (Beryl?)

  540. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    ED. Now had phone call from John Griffin, they have now got back from weekend in Breen. He said he had phoned you and you gave him most of the news etc. Also I omitted to say Keith had a bash up his cars ass!! Guess what, a white van bumped him while he was stationary, he was not a happy bunny!!! Everyone in the UK loves white van drivers – like a hole in the head!!

    PS: good response from Bunty – you love her really Derek!

  541. Bunty says:

    Swanneee
    How ah love ya
    How ah love ya etc

    Thing is as you know, I do this nude bungy jumping and this the season for competitions. As you would imagine because of my former Army rank and distinguished service record I am team Capt. Hon Treasurer and Safety officer.

    Anyhow this will amuse you. Seeking revenge on Beryl (ex Land Army) for hacking into my computer I took her along to a ‘Stretch’ (that’s what we call a B Jumping match). Having made sure Beryl had a few jars (well a lot of jars really) I persuaded her to have a go…..laugh ?

    Just before the drop she began to struggle but went over. This is the revenge bit. Before she toppled over (was she pushed tee hee) I produced my garden shears from behind my back and showed them to her…..”Noooooooooooooooooooooo….

    God I thought I had a few maturity lines but her wrinkles were historic. Afterwards when I told Daddy (ex Commander RN) he said the Beryls wrinkles reminded him of the seabed off the Needles.

    “Gotcha you old bugger” I said “how would you know about her wrinkles” He pretended to faint as usual when he gets caught out. That ‘s what he did at his Court Martial in Gib following that thing with the Stoker Mechanic.

    By the way your Ed should remember that I am Ex WO11 in the WRAC not a bloody corporal. You might have a word – bit of respect might be in order. Ozzi Git!

  542. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All. Went to our local RBL club last night as normal Sat night and all that. Nobby the one with the big Mo Bike JT. He was telling about pulling birds power – how he used to go to Cable and Wireless and Kindley USAF base with mail etc and meet lots of lovely girls!! Also he used to race his Mo. Bike against the local plod Mo.Cycle man and race one another. He had Triumph 500 twin – Nobby said those were the days. Also race with Stratocruiser down the runway on the adjacent road before takeoff!! he said he had many a bollocking off the Old Bill for that exercise!!.

    ED, Keith rang me a few minutes ago, he’s been down in Charmouth for a week and spent a evening with a Bermudian couple he knows. He sends all his best wishes, he said they were discussing and said that Keith could have been in their family? He said they thought that he was boyfriend to my old flame Joan Leighton.

    Thats all the news for now, Swanny.

    PS: Haven’t heard from Bunty on line. Hope she’s OK.

    ED: Ker-rist Swanny – don’t wish that bird on us!

  543. Ted 'Mo' Jesus Bear, Harare Treasury Guards says:

    HARARE ZERO PATROL

    ‘Sall right for you buggers in Blighty, moaning about the MPs and chanting dirty Rugby ditties – me! – someone has to clean up all these bloody zeroes that are now floating around the ether. Robert specially requested me ‘cos he knows what its like to be smothered for years under the burkhas. That’s where he studied for economic management and wise fiscal policy making on the run!

    My task is to capture and detain all the zeroes off the altered banknotes – ‘cos Bob reckons in a few months he’ll need ’em again.

    Meanwhile – I met this lovely bird named Akismet in Bob’s coal shed – any relation to your’s Ed?

  544. Jack Madron says:

    Must be catching. I’ve now got JTitis. Answered Ed about E Petition, clicked on submit and there it was – gone. Never mind, it’ll probably show up tomorrow or Monday.

    ED: Spammed again Jack – now released from custody on a good behaviour bond. But – reading your latest ditty – Mmmm!! 19 again indeed!!

    PS: The spamming 252 charge was probably on account of a ‘foreign’ URL that the WordPress server doesn’t recognise! All suspect emails are captured in my Akismet filter (no rude remarks Ted Bear!)

  545. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Ed.
    Got an email on Wed from BritishLIregts@aol.com – so signed straight away. Seem to be signing petitions nearly every day. Went on a protest march this afternoon against the closure of our local post office. About 300 people took part. About a mile into Penzance. Bloody knackered afterwards. Can’t do 140 a min anymore.

    ED: Goodonyer Jack!

  546. Jack Madron says:

    Hi John.
    Another song. Cant let the rugby type have everything. Tune. Jingle Bells.
    Eyes right. Foreskin tight. Bollocks to the front.
    We are the boys who make no noise, we’re always chasing c**t.
    We’re the heroes of the night.
    For we rather f**k than fight.
    We’re the boys of the DCLI.

    Memories. Staggering back to camp after a night on Captain Morgans and Red Stripe.
    How did we ever survive?

  547. Editor says:

    E PETITION

    For a Military Hospital – now numbering 41,000 signatures @ 2300 hrs Saturday 2nd August.

    Hope you have all registered? See earlier blog comment.

    Carpe Diem!

  548. JT says:

    I’ve just had a flash back! Can I get help?

    That ginger haired Naafi Manager (civvy member of Sgts Mess) took a swing at me on some Mess night piss up. Can’t remember why – think I must have called him a queer (as one does – or did ) when pissed.

    I have been suppressing this damaging memory and it came back to me with the memory of playing footsie with the daughter of that fat bookie in my beach photo. She was a very mature 15 going on 25 at the time (just legal) and appears in the dance picture on the site in which I look absolutely the bees knees in my white No 3 dress.

    Jack, yes 19 is about right.

  549. JT says:

    Swanny

    I hope you don’t allow your son Don to look at this site.

  550. JT says:

    Bawwy

    You know the next question re pulling Murray’s bird and you know it will be crude so we might as well get it over. Did you shag her or not? probably not given the 50’s probably he didn’t either. BUT did you get to snog her ?

    Tee hee I did. Ed if you think this is too personal just edit. By the way did you? I know she came to to Prospect sometimes.

    Mind you Murray was a big lad. But I had 3 stripes.

  551. JT says:

    Jack

    Your lyrics were so romantic. Thank you for that. Sensitive still. I wept, dunno about the others.

  552. Jack Madron says:

    PS: John, If you’re still 19, so am I.

  553. JT says:

    Barry, I know because I sat with you on at least one occasion and you/we were chatting up that pretty girl who was going out with the RASC driver Cpl Murray, she worked at the bank.

  554. Jack Madron says:

    They say that this Minden’s a wonderful place.
    But the organisation’s a f***ing disgrace.
    There’s Sgts and Cpls and L/Cpls too.
    They stand around all day,with f***all to do.
    They stand on the square and holler and shout.
    They shout about things they know f***all about.
    But for all that we do here, we might as well be.
    Shovelling up shit, on the Isle of Capri.
    To the tune of Mountains of Mourne.
    Sung with feeling.

  555. JT says:

    Jack

    Don’t know mate, can’t remember? Which 2 bottle day was it I wonder.

    By the way rumour has it that you are now corresponding with Fluffy privately. That’s what Bunty says anyway. But she might be stirring it again. How would she know?

  556. Jack Madron says:

    Hi john.
    Thank you for calling me an artistic musician. All the years of trying to be an entertainer, I’ve been called many things but never a musician.

    Did you have a good rest, the other afternoon? After your two bottles of red?

  557. JT says:

    Good man Swanny thanks for the invite. Is this the Nobby with the big army motor bike? What a bird puller that must have been. Nearly as good as Barry posing in the land rover with the top down parked on Front Street .

  558. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    JT, Providing everything goes OK for me – you and your good lady would be welcome to stay with us anytime.

    ED, now finish watching the Rugby? N.Zealand 34 Australia 10. I was hoping that the Wallabies would do the same as last week but The All Blacks were awesome today. Now had my daily phone call from Nobby what a great mate!!
    Swanny.

  559. JT says:

    Ed,
    I am not entirely sure that you should encourage our lads to look at this sort of stuff. It may be OK for Swanny as a Rugby type but think of poor Jack coming from simple fisher folk, an artistic musician and machine gunner – we must be careful.

    ED: No wucking furries JT, I’m sure that Jack will handle this with great aplomb – probably even knows a Cornish language version!

  560. JT says:

    Jack, Swanny and Barry

    I feel that would like to come down to Cornwall, maybe stay in Pz and meet up with you guys soon. So long as you don’t claim any back pay.

    Swanny pays for the first round because of his Coal Store hard lying allowance (still owed by War Office.. now defunct)

    ED: Some Rogues Gallery potential here?

  561. JT says:

    To be honest I am impressed that I remember anyone’s name. Just come in pissed at midnight.

    “She was on the bridge at midnight squeezing blackheads from her crutch”

    Ed – it’s a rugby song (Swanny will know this) delete if you deem inappropriate. I will not be offended

    ED: For anyone keen enough to view the entire ‘song’ try – “She was on the bridge at midnight” at your own risk!

  562. JT says:

    Jack so sorry I missed you. Were you 20 – coz you were in Minden and of course Bill was a lot older with his front map pocket.

    Barry were you a regular? – as you started in KOYLI

  563. JT says:

    Dear Swanny, Derek, Barry, Billy Boy

    Fuck it. That’s all I feel like saying today. Bless us all. We are all still 19 years old on this blog.

    ED: Don’t hold back JT! Speak as you feel. Was it a good Red?

  564. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    All, I saw close pal of Jacks – they served together in Support Coy. Tony Downing, I saw his wife and he was waiting in his car. First time I have seen him since I left Newlyn 6 years back. He was looking much better apart from difficulty walking – he was on an oxygen mask last time I saw him and very poorly, nice to see him looking so much better.

    I told him about our DCLI web site and Jack was on it on regular basis. He said he would like to be remembered to all who knew him in the Regt. who served in Minden and Jamaica.

    Again to all my friends on web thanks for all your kind thoughts on my behalf, I had the scan on Tuesday last should hear about results in near future, I will keep you posted.

    Swanny.

  565. John says:

    Ed

    Fuck it – just did a long blog and because just had a couple of bottles of red lunchtime don’t have the energy to remember what I was wingeing about. Something about energy prices and politicians. I just deleted it in error. I’ll have nap and get back to you.

    Swanny… thinking about you

  566. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny.
    Stay away from that Chinese sex doctor. He thinks faces and ferts look alike.

  567. Editor says:

    NEW E PETITION

    Just been notified of a new E Petition to Downing Street that requires our support for a dedicated UK Military Hospital for our injured troops and veterans.

    To give you some background, 2 Para have already sent back over 50 casualties to the UK from their current tour alone. Selly Oak, the only military dedicated ward in UK, cannot accommodate anywhere near this number, so when all of the casualties from other battle groups are added to the figure, how is ONE ward in an NHS hospital going to cope?

    In truth it cannot! The individual troops are sent home to recover, relying on NHS and the visiting services available, which themselves are over committed.

    Please subscribe now! Title is hotlinked. After signing you will receive an email to confirm.

    60,000+ registered by 2000 hours 5th August – come on cheps – more needed – tell all your families, mates, neighbours, girlfriends.

    Tempus Fugit

    PS: Note the narrow time frame for such an important issue – makes one wonder about the goings on in Grated Britain! Perhaps minarets are more important?

    PPS: See BBC News Cornwall regarding current 3 Commando Brigade Royal Marines about to embark to Afghanistan. The above E Petition is most appropriate – but why the hell does it take this kind of appeal to get the Pollies of their arses? If Wanker Brown can promise billions of GBP to Palestine and Lebanon – why not some vital and far more deserving home service too?

  568. John says:

    Best of luck Swanny. We are all with you as the guys have said.

  569. Jack Madron says:

    Thank you Derek.
    I appreciate that very much.

    ED: Jack is referring to the inclusion of David Madron’s name on the 1DCLI Memorabilia “Memoriale” listing that I (sadly) add to quite frequently. You’ll note that there is an additional “RIP Honours (pictorial) List” on 1DCLI Supplementary (started April 2008 on the site opening). Should anybody have a name and a photo of a DCLI loved one that they wish published – please contact me with details and a head/shoulders .jpeg.

  570. Editor says:

    NEW WEBSITE

    Above titling is hotlinked to Frank C. Everards new Vets website that invites contributions from all with military experiences.

    Frank covers Normandy and later. Well worth a browse.

  571. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    George is in both photos.

    ED: Thanks Jack. I’ve also included David’s name on Memoriale – 1DCLI Memorabilia

  572. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny.
    As Ed has stated, we’re all with you mate.
    I wish you all the best.
    Jack.

  573. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Derek.
    Thanks for putting the Reg Norris photos on the new site. Thanks also to Swanny for sending them to you. The photo of the 42nd Intake. Bodmin 1957. 1st Left, back row is my brother David Madron and the Sgt is George Allsop. My brother joined 4/4/57 till 2/4/59. Unfortunately, David died on the 20th Dec 2004. He was three years younger than me.

    ED: Thanks Jack. Would you kindly recheck the above referred captions – is it George Allsop in both photos?

  574. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    JT. On the local news about the curfew in Redruth, all went OK, Let’s hope we could have the same curfews in all our towns and villages!! and mete out appropriate laws for offences caused by these YOBBOS. Bring back the BIRCH!
    Swanny.
    PS. There was still some of the YOBS mothers protesting to the media “not my kids they are angels” – one with big bottle of vodka in her hand!!

  575. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    ED, Thanks for phone call this morning Derek, it made my day. I was feeling bit down before your phone call. Just after your phone call, had a visit by Reg Norris and I downloaded photos of his brother Frank (RIP) and Reg and Bert Sowden (RIP) in 42nd Intake, which to my surprise Derek you did poste haste!! Will put your name forward for the Olympic Games!!! I really appreciate all your help with putting photos etc on our website.

    All, I explained to Derek that I go for CT Scan tomorrow in PZ hospital, but will not get results till next Friday he told me last week, they diagnosed a cancer in my aorta area and also retake an endoscopy. Will keep you posted on future outcome.
    Swanny.

    ED: I know that all the lads are behind you ‘Ole Mate – in wishing you a successful outcome for any treatment that your medics might recommend after your scan. We are all hoping and praying for you. All the best.

  576. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Bet the green haired ones were from Moss Side Manchester. We’ve got them in one part of Penzance as well. Nothing but trouble. I think they’re learning to be future MPs.

    ED: Back from suspension Jack – Dunno what it is that the Spam filter picks up – might be that dirty word “MPs”

  577. John says:

    Eds a bit slow off the mark re Ozzie fashion comment.

    ED: Speechless in fact!

  578. John says:

    Jack

    Saw group of youfs protesting in Redruth on the news. (Some had green hair). The curfew starts today in Redruth. Looking at that lot I reckon you should use some of that Newlyn rope down in Cornwall before they start breeding in numbers.

  579. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    As I’ve said before. There’s plenty of rope in Newlyn.

  580. John says:

    Jack
    Thats OK then, a burk not bleck and not very liberal so he wont be canvassing to release all the Mozzies presently in Jail coz they are not getting their human rights. Like the other Liberal, lefty, women with facial hair and strong knickers much darned and men who wear stained Y fronts, and sandals with socks.

    Sorry Ed didn’t mean Ozzie fashion.

    If he was a bit more to the right he could join us and vote that they all get strung up without delay.

  581. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    No, he wasn’t blek, as you say. To make matters worse, he’s local, not very liberal and sure as hell, doesn’t know the meaning of democracy. He showed up yesterday to ask whether the post office prop wanted him to start a petition?

    Typical MP. Only two weeks late. Prat.

  582. Editor says:

    OLD MATES

    Gidday Cheps!

    Spoke to Johnny Griffin in Brissol t’other day – we chat on and off every month or so. He’s well and enjoying a scotch most evenings and being a “Good Cowboy” in a community fund raising enterprise. He hopes to visit Dahn Under in 2009 – I shall have to stock up on the booze!

    Bill – noted a LI Message – posted today – from Walter (Hoppy) Hopton – KSLI 1951 Hong Kong – then Korea 1952. One of yours? He’d love to make contact. I’ve directed him towards Chapter One.

    Carpe Diem!

  583. Jack Madron says:

    Hi everybody.
    Thought I’d done something wrong and jammed the whole works. Can still clear a jam in a Vickers but these keyboard things got me completely flummoxed.

    In our local PO this afternoon (which they’re going to close) when the local MP walked in. Didn’t want to start WW3 so I paid for my purchase and left. Well, you can’t beat any sense into these thick burks, can you?

    ED: Was he blek?

  584. John says:

    Swanny

    Dead right. re Pollytshuns. Bastards

    I dont like to be more than 10 minutes ambulance from my hospital – coz I am a nervous Nellie. Even though my hospital kills more people from MRSA than the Blitz.

    I see David Cameron chained his bike to a pole 3 feet high – local lads just lift it off the pole and fuck off. Course ‘ees an Eton man. Bright as paint.

    Hi Jack – don’t fret we are still with you.

  585. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All, I’m here Jack!!

    Took my car for annual service today at Chacewater. Had a courtesy car, for few hours while service taking place. Dori and I went in Camborne and Redruth wasting time while this was taking place. Small world, met ex DCLI mate while shopping in Tescos had bit yarn for few mins, as we down this end usually meet several ex DUKES – as said before “BROBBER ANNSUM DOWN WESS”.

    Go tomorrow to see Specialist and his team, and another letter yesterday to see Radiologist next Tuesday for scans etc.

    Read in our local paper today that they are going again to axe services in our local hospital and refer patients to Truro – 28 miles up the road from Pz. We had a protest march couple of years back with over 20 thousand on it but to no avail, seems like our country is gone mad! Nutters in charge of the madhouse! Politicians of all parties are only interested in lining their own pockets, Greed factor. Swanny.

  586. Jack Madron says:

    Hello?
    Anybody at home?

    Bloody Bermuda Triangle, again. I suppose.

  587. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    You forgot the English cricket team getting their butts kicked by the South Africans.

  588. John says:

    Few snippets of Monday cheer from our wonderful press
    (the Fifth Columnists)

    “House prices in free fall”
    “Thousands of repossessions likely”
    “Up to 2 million may be unemployed”
    “Heath service blocks pain killers for elderly, too expensive”
    “Flu Pandemic inevitable millions will die”
    “Knife killing culture may take 2 decades to resolve”
    “Government broke”
    “Army training reduced. Can’t afford the fuel”

    Good “innit

  589. JT says:

    I mean our troops in Afghanistan. Not the Affy troops who spend most of their time collecting bribes and buggering small boys.

  590. JT says:

    Brown today promises Millions to help the Palestinians. I think he has finally flipped. At the G8 he seemed to promise TRILLIONS to help just about anyone in Africa. But they can’t afford the new spec armoured “snatch” Landrovers for Afghanistan troops they also announce today

    Mad as fucking hatters.

    ED: BROWN’S PLEDGE

  591. JT says:

    Think our bankers, City spivs and politicians should all go to ZIM. They sure seem to have buggered us.

    Oh well – Guess its back to rationing, blackout (power cuts), hot water bottles, Malt and OJ for the kids, powdered milk, powdered potatoes, darning socks, food parcels from OZ – (Ed?)

    Sounds like when we came in don’t it ?

  592. Editor says:

    MUGABE’S 100 BILLION DOLLAR BILL

    Hope for us yet cheps – the brilliant pathfinder has conquered inflation -!!

    “Conductor – a single to the City please” – “Thank you Sir – that’ll be 200 billion whykickamoocows” – “Do you have anything smaller?”

    Fucking clown – hasn’t he discovered – yet – the decimal point and the ‘new’ dollar? How many blek Zimbabweans can count beyond 10? (Oh! – maybe the male of the species – they can count to 11)

    Wonder how long it’ll be until the moronic wankers who support this fucking crazy dickhead will seek refugee status in Grated Britain and Dahn Under – to bludge off our societies – and import their cretinous aids ridden ‘gansta’ tubercular offspring into our communities; – religious crap – murderous narrow minded attitudes – machete solutions – and all? And probably – in our enlightened free societies – become politicians themselves in 3 generations to then make more idiotic decisions.

    That’s the Master Plan – smother ‘Ole Whitey, populate the globe with cretins – steal, rape and plunder the last 2 centuries of progress – and then all survivors – will wallow in the shit that’s left behind. After that the other shithead in Iran will nuke what’s left! Enoch Powell where are you now?

    Maybe even the bewigged arseholes who sit on Zimbabwe’s High Court benches and the so-called ‘leaders’ of the Zimbabwe banking system – will head the exodus queue – so that in turn the fuckwit politicians in the West can turn all sympathetic and let the pricks in! I’ll wager that none of c**ts will apply to go to Russia or China! – and I’ll bet that the Frogs won’t let ’em in! Neither will the bludgers want to go to Afghanistan or Pakistan – no dole, free housing or free medical support there.

    Talk about all pigs being equal – except that some pigs are more equal than others! George Orwell got that right!

    NEVER MIND – YOU CRETINS – JUST BUILD ME ANOTHER PALACE -!! – Check out the site updates for a laugh!! – Pity it’s so damn serious.

  593. JT says:

    Mind you I did upset his receptionist one day (she wears a Burkha – this in London) by knocking on her head and asked “is there anyone home?” P’raps she was his wife. This is a slight exaggeration (she just wears the heejy jab thing).

  594. JT says:

    Bill and Swanny

    The average MO would look at your groin area. Paint your balls with a purple liquid and send you back to duty. “March out laddie” “Talk to the Cpl”

    Mind you I guess there is an age factor. My challenge is to keep my GP awake during the six minutes allowed to explain my multi multi problems and latest symptoms before he drops off. I often wonder if he is just watching Naughty Nurses on that f**king TV screen while I am talking.

  595. wg52neg says:

    Swanny,

    All the best for next Saturday – will be thinking about you. I went for one of these scans just a few weeks ago – in my case, they found what they called ‘Furring up of the arteries’ in the back of the neck. I call it a bloody pain in the neck. It makes me dizzy if I look up – so the Doc said “Don’t look up then”

    Bloody fool, at five foot and a little bit – I have to look up to everybody. Ah well – carry on taking the tablets.

    All will be well Swanny.
    Bill

  596. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All,
    Now had letter to see Specialist at Penzance Hospital next Saturday for scan etc. Sorry to bore you all with my problems – but the saying is your friends are the biggest help in your hour of need!!

    Again thank you all for your kind thoughts,

    Swanny.

  597. JT says:

    She was called Natalie from Orange Connecticut. Red pedal pushers with white polka dots.

    We built a little driftwood fire on the beach. At sunrise she rode pillion side saddle on my trusty little Norman motor bike.

  598. Beryl says:

    It’s the Commander here. Normally I would not be addressing ratings directly. In my day or certainly in my father’s days in the RN most of you would have been flogged at the gangway on a daily basis. Pater did like that sort if thing.

    I digress. Beryl is assisting. Kindly refrain from encouraging my daughter to indulge in this obsession with contacting lower ranks.

  599. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Can’t speak for rifle company bods, but sections from the four platoons of S Coy spent time in Belize. Guarding the airport, I believe, from invasion from Guatemala. At the time, I think they were trying to claim Brit Honduras, as it was then. Didn’t go there but all my mates did.

    Re your Elbow Beach episode. I refrain from making any remarks.

    ED: Jack – that’s why it was called Elbow Beach.

  600. John says:

    Ed give Bill a bollocking!

    Er – can you get a WO11 on a 252? – better be careful

  601. John says:

    Bloody hell Billy boy, sorry my silly stuff got in the way. Better you keep in touch every day mate. Please

  602. Bunty says:

    Jt
    for Christ’s sake did you EVER get your end away in Bermuda? You seem to spend a lot of time moaning about the lack of it. There was our Swanny bangin’ away blind in that dark coal store while you were trying to grope schoolgirls with iron knickers on the posh beaches.

  603. wg52neg says:

    Hi Guys,

    Sorry I been out of touch – not AWOL, just up to my neck in problems – and after a mini stroke recently – was just getting over it, then felt funny last week and the MO thinks I have had another minor one and they are still trying to get me on the right balance of treatment.

    Tell you – my kitchen table looks like a bloody snooker table when I put out mine and Nancy’s tablets for the day and, we have to pot ’em all.

    I am not too happy as they are suggesting that it might be an idea to put Nancy in a nursing home on a more permanent basis because of the pressure I am under and just in case anything happens to me.
    Don’t like that idea at all -so I have some battling to do with them.

    Anyway keep at it you guys you are doing a great job and we need to laugh – too bloody old to cry.

    Will try not to stay away too long this time

    Bill

  604. JT says:

    I see Forces injuries compensation has doubled and they are going to give married quarters heat and light. Steady on. Will my council tax go up?

    By the way my right testicle swells up a lot and ‘urts. -could it be due to that Yankee College girl who made a sudden movement to avoid intimacy on Elbow Beach? If so can I also get up to half a million?

    Only sympathetic replies please.

  605. JT says:

    Jack

    You Jamaica lot used very bad language I notice.

    By the way were there ANY survivors from Belize? or did the troopship HMT Wotsername forget to pick ’em up

  606. John says:

    Oil prices per barrel yesterday had the biggest drop in one day for 20 years. Did our meja rejoice? Not likely we don’t want any GOOD news do we?

    Wankers

  607. JT says:

    Swanny

    We had abnormal cells at the Catterick mental hospital. I used to do Guard Commander sometimes…see my memoirs.

  608. Jack Madron says:

    A little ditty that nearly got me put on a fizzer the day before I left Jamaica by that prat of a Sgt who I mentioned before.
    Roll on the day, Roll on the hour.
    When I can leave this f**king shower.
    No one will be more pleased than I.
    To leave the 1st DCLI.
    Roll on the day, Roll on the hour.
    When I can leave this f**king shower.

  609. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All, Thanks for all your comments on my health etc. I really appreciate our good friendships and your company on OUR blog site. My daughter rang my doctor this morning and he told her about Medical Report etc.

    I should have CT Scan in a week or ten days and see the Surgeon and two consultants MTD to say about (Abnormal Cells)?

    In the meantime SOLDIER on. Again thanks all of you for your kind thoughts on my behalf.

    Swanny.

  610. Bunty says:

    In the meantime you don’t want to even imagine what her “pleasures of the country” entail.

    Get well Swanny old son

  611. Bunty says:

    Oh NOoooooooooo.

    I thought the other day my keyboard was sticky.

    Sorry chaps I’ll deal with this.

  612. Beryl says:

    Hi

    As you know I am ex Land Army, and “spinster of this Parish “as they say. Used to farming and mucky things. Looking for a fit ex serviceman (twixt 75 and 90) to join me in the pleasures of the Countryside with occasional trips to the Abattoirs. I love shooting things and digging holes.

  613. Beryl says:

    Now here is a surprise for you. The Commander (Bunty’s Daddy) and me have cracked her password. Thats what we have been doing in his bedroom. It was reely reely difficult – her date of birth. Stupid cow. So we know exactly what she has been telling you lot. The Commander is f**king mad I can tell you.

    Cheer up Swanny.

    Get lost Bunty

  614. Jack Madron says:

    Hi Swanny.
    Just to say you’ll be ok. That Mr Cox is a special specialist, I can tell you from experience with him. He’s one of the best.
    Chin up, Mate.

  615. JT says:

    It’s in the lap of the gods. When I had a heart attack 3 years ago it was only that fact that I was 10 minutes ambulance drive to the hospital which saved me. 10 minutes later I was a goner But here I am 3 years later still writing to you lot, My dear comrades.

  616. JT says:

    Swanny

    We will just hope and pray that you will be OK. You know that.

    ED: Hear! Hear! Swanny. I join JT and the lads in wishing you the best and hopefully a successful conclusion. We need your blogs ‘Ole Mate – and the many more mischievous stories yet to come!

  617. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All, Just had phone call from my doctor at 1900 hrs, not good news!! He said he rang me because if the specialist rang me it would be more of shock, he apparently will ring me tomorrow to arrange a CT Scan. When they did the endoscopy they found something untoward – as the results have shown?

    I will be seeing a Mr Cox a specialist in that field shortly so let’s hope they can do something. I must still carry on with the medication they prescribed for me and hope to get the right result.

    Swanny.

    PS: I could have the scan done in PZ Hospital but if they are busy I will have to go to Truro.

  618. JT says:

    But probably wrong.

    ED: Yep!

  619. JT says:

    The man sitting next to Burt Love unless my eyes deceive is a L/Cpl. I am almost certain he became a Sgt and I THINK his name was Carling. Had a dog with him most of the time.

    ED: If you are referring to the Special Guard Pix. There are 2 lance jacks on either side of Bert Love. Don Puckey on Bert’s right – Terry Nicholls on Bert’s left. Neither L/Cpls went on to participate in the Special Guard (so far as I can recall). Don made full corporal at some stage – not sure about Terry.

    CORRECTION: L/Cpl Terry Nicholls is pictured with the Special Guard at Front Street on “A” Company website. On further recollection there must have been an NCO to mount the 2 Guardsmen on each 1/2 hour stag

  620. Jack Madron says:

    Barry.
    As nobody else has named any train songs, we’ll bring it to a close. Between us two, we’ve named 29 songs. Not bad for a couple of old timers.

  621. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    If you’re looking at the pix of Special Guard 1954. The L/Cpl next to Bert Love isn’t Carling. He’s in (a) pix, farther on in the website – of 2 platoon, sitting next to Lt Kent.

    ED: That’s Terry Nicholls in the Special Guard pix.

    Jack – you have correctly identified Sergeant Carling 2 Platoon

  622. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I only did three years with the colours and four years with the reserves. One year A reserve. Three on B reserve. From what I can remember, we got paid quarterly. Don’t know how much after all this time. Were we all classed as Z reserves?

  623. JT says:

    All the toing and froing Jamaica and Bermuda by BOAC. Must have cost a fortune.

  624. JT says:

    Carling

    But – is he in a picture showing 1 stripe?

    ED: NO!

  625. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Sgt Carling was a full corporal in B Coy in Minden in 1952. Don’t know when he got his third stripe but he was a Sgt in Jamaica before posting to Bermuda. I was in his platoon in B Coy, before being posted to S Coy in Minden.

  626. JT says:

    Z Reservists

    “Down among the Z Men”?

    Ex National Servicemen 2 weeks per year. I don’t think the scheme lasted long. Jack like me would do so many years with colours and I think in your case 7 in the reserve.

  627. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny.
    I reckon you’re right about Cpl Young being acting platoon Sgt for a short time at least. Coy Orderly Sgts were Full Corporals doing that duty for a week at a time.

    You’ve got a better memory than me. The only officers I can remember in S Coy, are Maj Mason, Coy Commander and our platoon commander, Lt Peter Rowe. The rest after all this time, I haven’t a clue.

  628. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    JT, Ken Young was a cpl and acted as 3pl Sgt before Charles Seaborne?? Sgt Fred Thomas came out on the Ship, was 4pl Sgt from the onset! I get asked about how come a Cpl became a Pl Sgt? I don’t know but he was our acting SGT! Can’t think how long he did the job for – too young and naive in them days.

    I think Derek will endorse what I have said, We had 3 Cpls – Young, Pope, Knight in 3 Platoon. “A”COY (BERMUDA) 28-2-1954, C.Commander Maj GTG Williams. 2I/C Maj.H.F.Y.Gibson (up until 24th June), CSM WO2 A.B.Massie, Company Quartermaster – Sgt.Palmer.
    No 1PL 2Lt P.L.C.Middleton—Sgt Love.
    No 2Pl 2Lt. G.W.Kent.—–Sgt. Allsopp.
    No.3 Pl. 2Lt. F. Drake.–Pl. Sgt. Cpl. Young.
    No.4 Pl.2Lt.M.B.Rutter—Pl. Sgt. Thomas.
    Admin.Platoon Sgt. Seabourne.

    I have now copied this out of ” One And All ” Journal, November, 1954, VolumeX1X No. 2. Hope this clarifies the matter.

    Swanny.

  629. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    The photo of (the lads) at Kindley Airforce Base circa 1954. Suggest a new caption for it.
    “What Do We DO Now”? Can’t help laughing, every time I see it. Poor lost souls.

    Sorry. But it just strikes me funny.

    ED: “Who pinched that Canberra bomber!”

  630. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Can’t help you on that one. I didn’t do any TA. I was in the Reserve for four years. Only had to Stand By once, that was for the Suez do but never heard any more about it.

    Swanny should know.

  631. JT says:

    Did you guys know anyone who had to do 2 weeks training (Reserve) after NAT service. They had to keep their kit. How long was this commitment for?

    ED: In my case 5 or 7 years “with the colours” – 5 Glosters (I think) and I attended many TA Camps around Devon, Cornwall and Wiltshire and one meritorious ‘initiative’ trip to London’s West End to see Alma Cogan, Frankie Howerd and Alec Guiness on ‘half a crown’ and a Mars bar. I’m not sure how serious the attachment to the ‘Reserves’ was though in terms of ‘officialdom’ as I told the prick of an Adjutant what I thought of him at the end of an Ilfracombe bash and roared off into the sunset on my Vincent – never to be seen of again – at further TA Meetings etc. I turned my kit in at Gloucester Barracks – gave ’em the finger and fucked off! Slope arms – quick march – what a fucking joke!

  632. JT says:

    Note I wrote “that Carling”

  633. JT says:

    My brain hurts. Ed can you link the Python clip?

    ED: Yer Tiz JT

  634. JT says:

    Swanny

    I just don’t remember a Sgt called Young. (Is he in pix?) For some weeks after landing the only DCLI single Sgts in the mess were Charlie and Pedlar, The others were married and the wives came on the ship and they moved directly into M Quarters.

    Fred Thomas and Littlejohn came later. Bert Love also I think. But there were 4 platoons so I assume there must have been 4 platoon Sgts from the outset. That Carling – started as a L/Cpl and was promoted later – see picture.

    There seems to have been a lot of movement to and fro Jamaica Bermuda. Must have been lot of work for me. No wonder I paid you all that extra money.

    ED: Dunno about Ken Young but Fred Thomas was a Malayan Emergency (SLI) Vet and to my recollection was with us from February 1954.

    ED: I dinna think yer right laddie! Carling was always a Sgnt as I recall. Geoff Cherry (MT) was the only Corporal made up to Sergeant in our time.

  635. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    JT, I think they were all regular soldiers? They were not in 3 Platoon. As I have said before, Ken Young was our first Sgt, then Charlie Seaborne. Ken had served in Korea with KSLI and returned to OX and Bucks and then DCLI with Joe Knight, Trevor Pope, they all went to Jamaica after a short while and then Cpl Dave Besley as our Cpl – he was also a Korean vet but in DLI. Dave was a great bloke and he mixed in well with our Platoon, also a great pal to me. He was regular and married man but his wife didn’t come out to Bermuda – staying in Bridgewater, can’t remember when he came home – before or after me.

  636. Jack Madron says:

    Again, John.
    You ask about Korean vets in Jamaica? I can only remember one. He was a Sgt who joined our platoon a few weeks before I left. As the Germans would say. “Eine Kleina Shisson Hausen”. (Not sure of spelling).
    And he was little.

    The B*****d didn’t like me from day one. I think I might have signed on again if it wasn’t for him.

  637. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    We’ve traced our family tree back to 1700. Most were fishermen in Mousehole and quite a few were lost at sea. Like mining, quarrying and lots of other jobs, they were very dangerous in those days.

  638. JT says:

    Ed

    I think you mentioned Paddington which triggered anther fleeting memory. It must have been early 1956. I was at the time in civvies sitting on a train in Paddington. I was heading for Reading where I was stationed – and train was about to pull out.

    “Sarge – Sarge” I heard and about 4 lads from A Coy in BD clattered up to the open window. They had arrived on the old Strato Cruiser and were heading home for demob. Didn’t have more than a minute or so till my train pulled out. Often later I tried to remember their names.

    No Swanny they were not claiming back pay – I don’t think

  639. JT says:

    Swanny

    I cannot remember the Korean war vets. I assume they were regulars. Did they come on the Empire Clyde or later. Were they ex KSLI? and so Bills outfit? I wonder if they were transferred to DCLI as some kind of compensation.

    Jack Ed and Bill?

  640. JT says:

    Jack

    Yes that anniversary was really strange. I think you mentioned earlier that your family were fisher folk as well.

  641. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    All, I can just picture Derek and Co in the “Hatchet” in Bristol in them days. Enter John Griffin, Ted Davies (RIP), Bill Edwards all in cocked hats saying all aboard Jim Lad we’re bound for South Austrlia where the Gold is – and any of you SWABS want to go home SHIT LUCK.

    I with few mates used to go in the Hatchet when we were training at Cribbs Causeway, still had sawdust on the floor and spittoons, those were the days lads, OO-ARR-OO-ARRGH. I enjoyed going to Bristol in those days. You always had vibes of the seafarers in the olden days. What a history that City has. It must have been the most nautical place in the world.

  642. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Liked the photos of the old timers. Your jesting “might” be nearer the truth than we think.

    In 1828 on the 18th May a John Madron was born in Mousehole. (My G.G Uncle). He was captain of the SS Cardiff, lost with all hands in a bad storm in 1882 off the coast of Spain. My birth date – 18th May 1934. Strange or not?

  643. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    I think the judge had a go at him for drinking that brand of beer not the amount.
    Sorry, we can’t use pistols. Somebody used up all the ammo on land crabs. When is dawn?

    ED: Jack – a Judge! – able to differentiate between beers! They’re still back in the mead days!

    PS: Dawn is when Pirate Swanson rolls up the driveway.

  644. Jack Madron says:

    Hey Swanny.
    Didn’t we look hard cases back in 1850? I wonder what JT and Ed looked like then? Powdered wigs. Lace cuffs. Knee breeches?

    ED: Nuff ‘o that you Wurzels – pistols at dawn?

  645. Jack Madron says:

    Derek.
    You got some boozy lots down in Oz. According to Yahoo News, some chap was had up on his 7th drink driving charge. Apparently, he spent A$1000 (£487) a week on Melbourne Bitter. The judge had a go at him for drinking (all) that beer.

    What do you drink?

    ED: Beer, lager, guiness, rum, scotch, gin, red wine, white wine, chianti, drambuie, frangelico, aquavite, sherry, port! – BUT only occasionally when I get thirsty. Would hate you to get the impression that we’re a load of tipplers ;)) Not really into grog!

  646. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny.
    Aberdeen 0 Man Utd 2. Rooney and Carrick.

  647. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Jack, Donald phoned last Sunday. He was on duty at Aberdeen FC last Saturday. Had to stop all Man. Utd team with his team of Police officers and search as is procedure at all airports in UK now.

    He spoke to Wayne Rooney and introduced him to little boy that is very sick, and got Wayne to sign a football shirt for him, also most of Utd team signed the shirt. Donald remarked that he didn’t realise he was that much bigger he was to most of the team! Also had good chat to Paul Scholes – he is better man than me – as Chelsea supporters he and I normally give that lot some verbal!

    HA HA, Man U play them because of Fergies time with Aberdeen and play each other on regular basis each year.

  648. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Have you seen the new photo of the two evacuees from St Davids Island? Must be from there. No self respecting Jock would be seen wearing shirts with Chelski FC logo’s on.

    The one with the full beard looks as if he’s had to much hooch. Probably been celebrating. Maybe a birthday or something.

  649. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    All, Jim Dennison used to sing Korean dirty songs!! One went like this

    I’ve got a blob right on my knob and like a fool I paid 10 bob,
    Here am I in old warcree blobbing with siff an gunnery,
    Singing Rum and Coco Cala
    Working for the yankee dollar etc

    Forgot most of the words now – sounded good in those days?

    As I said before most of the Korean vets were posted to Jamaica – bigger nick than we had in Bermuda. They were only in Bermuda for short time and always causing trouble down town, we didn’t realise at the time that most had stress from the war. Jim Dennison was a great friend to me, he would sometimes tell me horrific stories and he had bad nightmares. He spent time in Netley Hospital before joining DCLI. Now in modern warfare we see it on TV etc about Iraq etc on daily basis and the public know what our modern forces have to put up with!

  650. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny.
    That photo. They weren’t real Jocks. The logo’s on their shirts gave them away.

  651. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny. 1-30, you dirty stop out. You’re not young anymore you know! How many Cornish songs are doing the rounds nowadays? I only knew three. The White Rose. Camborne Hill and Lamorna.

  652. Jack Madron says:

    What’s a disco? In answer to Ed’s questions on crap. Shit happens.

    I see the Poet Laureate is alive and doing well.

    ED: Is he a poitt?

  653. JT says:

    Notice Swanny emphasized “Black Velvet” he can’t get em out of his mind.

    ED: 73 and still swanning his songs!

  654. JT says:

    Ed

    Well he did put that full stop in just in time

    ED: Bullshit – who does the editing around here?

  655. JT says:

    The above only has relevance to a certain DCLI person.

    ED: Guess who had a birthday bash!

  656. JT says:

    There was a young girl of Mousehole
    Who danced for the lads round a pole
    For a couple of shilling
    She was perfectly willing
    To something else on the coal

  657. JT says:

    Swanny

    Do you mean Disco Crap like Jack and his band?

    ED: Is this crap – Jack? Or is the disco crap – Jack? Or Jack – is your band crap – Jack? OR Jack – is Black Velvet crap – Jack? OR Jack – what is crap – Jack? OR – maybe its not crap Jack? – Jack? Maybe you’re still taken aback with all this crap – Jack?

  658. JT says:

    Jack

    Yes they look like tough buoys. Bet they smoke Capstan full strength

  659. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    JT, I had very good birthday night John. At our Legion we had a Irish duo father and daughter, name of “Black Velvet” – brilliant singing Irish Folk music and also Cornish songs etc. They live near the Lizard in Cornwall and are a big hit down here, none of that disco crap.

    Like Jack and his Band they (Black Velvet) always had big following down west!

    Didn’t get in till 1-30.

  660. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I think you had better set another course or you might run on the rocks. You’re sailing pretty close to the wind. You know!
    Those Newlyn lot know all about keel hauling. Of course, we Mousehole people are a very friendly lot.

  661. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I think you could be right about those Newlyn fisher folk. Some even think they’re proper pirates, hence the parrot on the shoulder. I’m glad I was born two miles from Newlyn.

  662. JT says:

    I was taken aback Jack about that St Ives lugger. Thought it was a smack – Jack

  663. JT says:

    Swanny

    Were you 3 sheets to the wind on your birthday?

  664. JT says:

    Jack

    Now don’t get crabby or Bunty will give you a fishing smack

  665. JT says:

    No garlic of course

  666. JT says:

    This knife epidemic in London.

    When I were a lad the only people who used knives in fighting according to Biggles and Worrals, Dick Barton Special Agent et al – where Dagoes who were deckhands on scruffy tramp steamers.
    One Eye
    Beard Stubble
    Garlic

    Have things changed without me noticing? Mind you the physical description does match those fisher folk from Newlyn.

  667. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    I think you’ll find that Swanny is wearing a LI badge because he hadn’t yet joined the Regiment. I have a photo of our training platoon, Bodmin 1952, Some of us are wearing DCLI badges, the rest have LI badges. Reason, Regular and NS.

    JT.
    Your postcard, could be me sitting on the cart. Don’t remember having such a bushy beard though. Can tell you that one of the boats is a St-Ives lugger. 55-ss on her sail.

    ED: JT will probably think that you are a BoatSpotter too Jack!

  668. JT says:

    Big Whinge coming up folks

    How the f**k did we get into a situation in which the Russians could cut of our gas supplies if we upset them? Lunacy. Our privatized utility suppliers are making huge profits but have managed to increase prices by about 30%. Huge bonuses for directors. Greedy crooked speculators and banks may have put us into recession?

    The big wigs concerned are being give obscene bonuses instead of being put in prison. Our politicians are now disgraced. Not one has been prosecuted. But they are after prosecuting some poor bugger who fiddles his benefits.

    The EU is the biggest pig trough in the World. Organic foods are a huge con – pay double for “organic beans” from Egypt – just think about that little item. (Shit happens there a lot Ed)

    If we can’t beat ’em how do we join?

  669. JT says:

    Trains – we seem to be stuck in a TENDER trap

  670. Jack Madron says:

    Well done Barry. You’ve named eight that I didn’t have. Most of mine are Country numbers.

    “Last Train To San Fernando” is from either Trinidad or Barbados, originally. I won’t name any more yet. You, or somebody else might name some more. Liked your selection on You Tube. Bring back a lot of memories.

    ED: Leave some space for JT to jump on the wagon and create a fresh platform for comment.

  671. Barry Cornish says:

    John, I must admit that I have always had a ‘thing’ about steam trains. I was lucky enough to go to school by train, first on the St. Ives to St. Erth Branch line and then on the main line to Hayle, where the trains were hauled by many memorable engines, although the famous ‘King’ class were too heavy to cross the Tamar Bridge, so we did not get them in Cornwall.

    In those days Cornish Motor Registration letters were either AF, CV or RL. My first (Excelsior) motor cycle was CV 4667!

    I really enjoyed the music of the 40’s and 50’s and can still remember many of the words of those songs. I wonder how many people will be able to say that about today’s songs in 50 years’ time!

  672. Barry Cornish says:

    PS. Jack, I must not forget – Slow Train – (Flanders & Swann) which mentions the St. Erth to St.Ives Branch!

  673. JT says:

    Vans didn’t count either but needs must or whatever the saying is?

    When the devil drives

  674. JT says:

    Barry were you a train spotter? If so you can “come out” now. Jack and Ed feel a lot better now they have. I collected car number plates for a time in the war until there were too many.

    Mind you in my part of Derbyshire we only had about one car a week. usually the same one – Post office van. Military vehicles didn’t count.

    ED: Steering us in another direction?

  675. JT says:

    Hi Barry

    You are a real music fan aren’t you ? I remember all your choices for You Tube 50’s favourites

  676. Barry Cornish says:

    Jack, here are a few train songs for your list-
    Chatanooga Cho Cho.
    Tuxedo Junction.
    Coronation Scot.
    The Train Song. (Peggy Lee)
    Blue Train. (Johnny Cash)
    The Railroad Runs Through The Middle Of The House.
    The Runaway Train Came Down The Track And She Blew.
    Take The ‘A’ Train.

  677. Barry Cornish says:

    Happy Birthday, Swanny and many happy returns of the day.

  678. Jack Madron says:

    Happy birthday, Swanny. Hope you have lots more.

  679. JT says:

    Friends of the Earth should all be made to eat a lot of it. Some clever bird (looked about 14) was on TV today saying they were against GM Crops. Food scientist said that in the face of massive starvation regardless of climate change but also world population growth – it is only GM Crops that will alleviate starvation.

    The young woman says without irony that because we don’t know the long term effects of GM crops on people we should not plant them “a recent survey says”. Conclusion let millions die until we find out. Also against Nuclear Power, Coal Power, Oil Power.

    Likes wind farms. Doesn’t like Tidal wave power because it damages wild birds and things

  680. JT says:

    Swanny

    Hope you have a very Happy Birthday

  681. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All, My Birthday today – 73 and never broken a cup – but 2 million plates!

    JT found out that lovely black (light skinned girl) her name was Louise Dowlins? Noticed it when I was downloading Terry Simons’ photos on scanner to Derek, she still looks YUMMY! Will think about all on site tonight when I’m having a few beers! Thought of you today JT when I watched Springboks beat the All Blacks, brilliant game.

    ED: Happy Birthday ‘Ole Mate – Many to come in the future – Happy Blogging

    PS: Many of Terry’s photos now uploaded to Supplementary Pages.

  682. Jack Madron says:

    All.
    How many song titles do you know that includes trains or about railways? From any part of the world. I’ll start you off.
    Rock Island Line.
    Last Train to SanFernando.
    I’ll Walk The Line.

  683. JT says:

    Swanny
    Bill

    Help – they have gone barmy again

  684. JT says:

    Any points not covered ?

    No Ed where are whales weighed?

    ED: At the whale weigh station ;))

  685. JT says:

    I am chuffed to leave this topic. I was getting up a head of steam.

    ED: I see you got the point JT, but there are still many sleepers looking for a connection but we shall guard ourselves and flag our language accordingly.

  686. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    Can’t follow that. Think I’ll shunt myself into a siding and signal my retirement from this play on words.

    ED: Agreed – we’ll gauge where to buffer all this and rearrange the timetable

  687. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    The only badges I have are, DCLI lapel badge. A Manchester United badge and another badge presented to me by US Commander at St Mawgan Airforce Base after a gig our band did for them a few years ago. The badge is crossed flags, Stars and Stripes and Cornish Flag.

    I don’t have an anorak. Never collected train numbers. Only saying this to stop anybody heading up the wrong track.

    ED: Don’t want any of ’em getting their lines crossed either! But no doubt we’ll have to cross that bridge before JT blows the whistle on us! Might be some time though before he runs out of steam – although no doubt he’ll continue to rail about us, but that’s fare (sic). Then again – he might come up with another train of thought, but agreed, we’ll cover our tracks – Jack.

    PS: By the way JT – where are whales weighed?

  688. JT says:

    Jack and Ed

    Do you have lots of badges on your anoraks ?

  689. JT says:

    Jack

    Thanks but no, it’ll send me off the rails and get me in trouble with the old boiler.

  690. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Why don’t you join us old buffers? You don’t need any train-ing. If you get on the right track you can end up loco just like us. Of course, you could end up like Gen Custer and the LMS. He hated red enjuns.

    They can get worse.

  691. JT says:

    Here we go Jack and Ed are coming out. Train Spotter foamers

  692. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    That’s not the site I mean. Did you put the o as in zero? The site we have is not shared with other groups. Try Cornwall 0 Gauge Group. Allthough, I put in Cornwall 0 Gauge Guild and seem to get it OK.

    ED: OK Jack – gottit thanks – most impressive.

  693. Bunty says:

    I have changed the password on my lap top so Beryl and Daddy can’t get in. Daddy thinks he is a hacker because he could do Morse code during the war. He taps dot dot dot dash dash dash dot dot dot on his bedroom floor and Beryl rushes upstairs and locks the door. Don’t know what they are up to.

  694. Bunty says:

    I think Beryl is going through another sex change

  695. Bunty says:

    Damn right he does – and that 7 o clock shadow – Yummee says Beryl.

    Don’t know why she gets so excited – (she) being as queer as a fiddlers bitch

  696. John says:

    Jack

    There were deductions for example Voluntary Allotments where an amount each week was sent your mum, or a Saving account. There were compulsory deductions for as you say barrack room damages or supporting the mother of your illegitimate child. “brown skinned gal stay home and mind babee”

    Don’t remember what they were called. Let’s ask Bill he was a big wheel in RAPC. and has the hat to prove it doesn’t he Bunty ?

  697. Jack Madron says:

    Back to army pay. What was the word given to the deductions every week from our pay? Apparently for barrack room damage etc. Probably something simple but I’m damned if I can remember what it was.

  698. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    Thank you for those railway clips. What majestic beasts those steam loco’s were. No character in these modern day paraffin cans. Our model railway group has a site on the web, showing models we’ve built in 7mm to the foot scale. A photo of my model of King Richard the Third, 6015 is also there. Cornwall ‘0’ Gauge Guild should find it if you want to take a look. I was never a railway buff, just a keen modeller.

    ED: Bodmin & District MRC – Jack is this the one?

  699. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    ED,JT,
    Still cant get over how I thought I had that sort of money? Saturdays Roy and I would go down town, first thing the ” Buckeroo” I would have hamburger, fries and all the works!! Roy Westbrook would have T Bone steak and all the works, go to the cinema, and after go on the piss all night!! can’t think how much that lot must have cost? ED, can you enlighten me??

    Swanny.

    ED: Mate – I’d only be guessing at costs in 1954/1955. I recall a dish at the Buckaroo – “Being a Pig at the Buckaroo” for which one paid – I think “1 shilling and sixpence” in Funny Money – and if you scoffed the lot (Yuk) in 60 seconds flat – you got your money back. Dutch was a champ at this scarf and barf shit. I also recall that a gallon of black rum with the tar sealed top was 1 shilling. Seems very cheap now that I write it. Maybe wishful thoughts. But then Mate – Rosie flashed her tits for a shilling also – so a question of value – not cost – maybe!!

  700. DCLI REUNION 22nd JUNE 2008

    I have today received from Keith Mannings his video of the gathering above which concludes with an exclusive personal (for me) tour of the old Bodmin Victoria Barracks and shots of Swanny, Doris and their parrot. Keith – well done – excellent photography on a windy occasion and many special thanks for including me and having all the lads in the Association group send a greeting.

    The lead in video footage of Bodmin Rail Station, the Township – and The Keep – and the Museum – brings back many fond and clear memories of life as a rookie soldier in those awesomely cold days of November 1953.

    It means a great deal to me here in OZ to feel included to this degree – I only wish that I could have joined you – maybe 2009.

    Audrey and I pass on our regards and best wishes to you all.

    Tempus Fugit!

  701. Editor says:

    Reflections of the ’40’s

    And the Lickey Incline on the LNER

    Maybe Jack at least, will nod his head in fond memories.

    Today I visited our Brisbane CBD via our ultra modern QR electric rail system and while waiting on the platform I reflected on what was (to me) the glorious days of steam on the GWR – mainly at Bristol Temple Meads station – and Paddington.

    Gone forever the noise and stink of the coal fired famous steam engines, hissing and puffing into the platforms, sending plumes of black and white smoke and ashes too – into the blackened roofs of the station. Gone forever the opportunity to peer from the window and see the sea at Teignmouth (hotlink) and getting ash in your eye in so doing.

    Today we accept as the norm, the clinical concrete and steel platforms, the absence of porters and their luggage trolleys and the silent approach and departure of the lookalike trains. No more plummy announcements ‘over the bridge to Blackpool’. Even the passengers today seem (to me) to lack character.

    Oh for the days of trainspotting at Southall – where the mighty Kings roared through!

    Ripping through Dawlish

    The Horfield Bank – where I lived nearby as a teenager and through which the 1DCLI passed en route to Liverpool 19th February 1954

  702. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Wasn’t the Ovaltinies on Radio Luxemburg? That ex RASC bod seems to think they were late ’30s.

  703. John says:

    Jack

    Roy Rogers and Trigger?

    ED: Hey Ho Silver – Kimosabe!

  704. John says:

    My Oh My! – Boys – what a long day we have had. Time for us Ovaltinies to put our jim jams on.

    Hush Hush whisper who dares, Christopher Robin is saying his prayers

    Smarmy Posh little bastard.

  705. Jack Madron says:

    Hey all.
    Noticed my last blog about Dolly Parton? Followed by Swanny, with a different subject. He opened with, “I boobed”. Coincidence?

    Yes John, I’ve seen the photo. Was Albert the Bermuda answer to Roy Rogers? A four legged friend. A four legged friend. He’ll never let you down. Or was that Gene Autrey?

  706. JT says:

    Not Albert and the Lion

  707. JT says:

    Jack

    Have you seen the photos of Albert and the horse ?

  708. JT says:

    All

    I cannot imagine pay parade for you lot had £5 notes. Swanny was obviously living the high life.

  709. JT says:

    Swanny

    Its alright you saying ” JT must know” I will consult my solicitor and plead insanity. Just pay the dosh back laddie and let’s put it behind us.

  710. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    All, I’ve boobed somewhere I thought with overseas allowance our money was £3 odd plus our pay?? Don’t know how I thought that was our pay, not British Pounds but Bermuda currency?? I was sure our pay was as I said? Must be going senile or something!! But JT must know he paid us. If I got it wrong but I thought that was our money we were paid??

    JT – was a Bermudian £5 reddy orange in colour? Any way I am not paying anything BACK!

  711. Jack Madron says:

    Dolly Parton was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter in London last weekend. She was asked if she ever considered going into politics. “Hell no” she said, “There is enough tits in the Whitehouse already”. My wife and daughter saw her show in Cardiff last Friday. Verdict. Absolutely brilliant.

  712. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Was this chap Albert and Swanny the Steptoe and Son of Bermuda? I can just picture them going around Hamilton, shouting “Buccas, Buccas”. Still can’t get over this £5-55 a week.

    PS. Have scrapped the time machine.

  713. JT says:

    Mentioning laundry reminded me of something. There was an RASC WO11 who was in charge of (??? lots of things). One day he with me went to Hamilton in one of the RASC Trucks. I was going to collect a film from the Cinema Company, he was going to collect the garrison laundry from a place at the scruffy end of Front Street. (Takes a WO11 you see)

    He let me drive. Maybe he couldn’t. I was sitting in the cab waiting for him to come out of the laundry and started fiddling with the cap in the centre of the steering wheel. It wasn’t the horn and it was loose. I prized it off and in the well which was revealed was a scrap of paper. I got it out and it said
    “Put it back nosy fucker”

    Brilliant …

  714. JT says:

    I reckon Swanny got his extra money selling stuff to his drinking pal Albert for his scrap collecting rag and bone business.

    Much demand for coal was there Swanny?

  715. Bunty says:

    Jack

    Knew you would pick up the cheek bit

  716. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I was tempted to put that on the end of my blog, but thought I’d leave it to Ed. You beat him to it.
    Still trying to imagine Swanny and that ossifer dancing cheek to cheek.

  717. Jack Madron says:

    £5-55 a week? For a buckshee private? Derek, I’m like you. I want the money that’s owing to me.

  718. Bunty says:

    Don’t know about a Sea Horse Div Sign. You should have had Scull and Crossbones on a black flag

  719. Bunty says:

    Well I must say you Bermuda A Coy lot sound very dodgy indeed.
    Bribery, Drunkeness, Sexual promiscuity, Incompetence (Pay bloke). You should all be in Parliament

  720. JT says:

    These old payslips are worrying. Everyone should swallow them – keep the dentures in and chew well first though. (Health and Safety Regulations)

  721. John says:

    Swanny

    We are rumbled. Where shall we go and who is paying the fares? Remember Ronnie Biggs – poor fucker is still inside

  722. John says:

    Ed

    Re Favouritism Swanny

    Dont forget the Stickman bit. He only stood guard once when his hossifer pal didn’t like his aftershave when they rubbed cheeks. But with his pay he could afford a batman

    Jack will now pick up something about cheeks just watch.

  723. John says:

    Lets ask Bill

  724. John says:

    Mind you if Swanny was a regular – £2.90 plus local overseas allowance? Better get on Jacks Time Machine and have look.

    ED: Swanny was NS.

  725. John says:

    Ed

    OOPS – Er Yes I am a bit worried about Swanny’s pay. I think I only got £6.50 as a regular Sgt.

    Was this hard lying allowance Swanny? Lumps of coal ? Or were you blackmailing me about seeing me with that secretary?

  726. John says:

    But Time machines are a bit tricky. In the above example I would not later have met wife No 2 . Jack lets not do time machines.

  727. John says:

    Time machine

    Take me back to the days before an army dance in 1956 . I would not go. Then I wouldn’t have met my first wife (18 year old Nurse). Then I would would still have my photos taken in Bermuda

  728. John says:

    Jack

    Re your barium meal experience. Before Ed beats me to it. Shit Happened

  729. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Sorry you lot!!

    I have a few pictures taken in civvies, if it wasn’t for Terry Simons I wouldn’t have had any pictures at all??

    I didn’t have a camera in Bermuda so thanks to Terry

    For JT – after being paid our £5-55 a week , firstly buy fags, blanco, washing kit etc at the NAAFI, then Roy Westbrook my closest mate would hit Hamilton etc and after one night on the piss be waiting for PAYDAY again, just enough left for NAAFI breaks etc for ensuing week, consolation prize black rum in the mess with just a smidgen of coke – as coke was I think 2 bob a bottle (Goldust). Head like a bucket – but another consolation I will put a couple of pics of me in civvies,

    Swanny.

    PS: I think I am being set up by Bunty – she only wants to see my film star looks dressed in civvies?

    ED: Well Fuck Me!! Swanny on £5-55, coal shed opportunities, pasties and cakes from Gwen and Jan. Talk about favouritism. My best pay recorded was on 13th April 1955 – £3.13 – so how come you got that much Swanny? and here’s me a fucking corporal! Officers signature “P. Mitchell” I’ll demand some answers – let’s see – a deficit of at least £2.40 odd per week for how long – compound interest over 53 years – should be millions – enough to buy a brewery!

    Where’s that fucking Pay Sergeant?

  730. Jack Madron says:

    I know it’s comic book stuff, but what would you all do if you had a time machine? I know what I’d do. I would go back to school and learn to bloody spell properly.

  731. Bunty says:

    All

    This RASC Laundry bod. Take no notice these wallahs were always moaning and were mostly queers.

  732. Ex S/Sgt White RASC says:

    Dear Blog

    I have not been contributing for some time but you might recollect I was senior NCO of 45 Field Laundry in BAOR. we specialised in stains. The mention of drawers cellular alerted me. These garments presented us with almost as many problems as sheets cotton.

    Drawers Woollen (the so called long johns) could be boiled for a long time but drawers cellular were not suitable for boiling for a long time They assumed peculiar shapes similar to the example worn by your colleague Swanny in the picture

    Must close now nurse is bringing the Ovaltine. By the way I was an Ovaltini from 1937

  733. Jack Madron says:

    Got it John.
    He’s wearing your grandad’s potty as well.

    I had a very embarrassing accident many years ago, caused by barium meal. Had stomach trouble and went to Penzance hospital for X Rays. Completed OK and set off for home. It wasn’t that far so I walked. About three or four hundred yards from home, I was taken by this horrible pain in the stomach. I thought I’d better get home quick. Never made it. Absolutely plastered, even my shoes were full. Wife rolled up with laughter. Trouble turned out to be duodenal ulcer, probably caused by all that good army living, a few years before.

  734. Bunty says:

    JT

    Crikey I see what you mean. It’s the picture with Swanny wearing his Tin Hat.

  735. JT says:

    Jack

    Quite right lets moan a lot (Its being so cheerful as keeps me going)

    Re Swannie’s dress sense. Well I didn’t mention it before (politeness) but there is a photo of him and others on a barrack block verandah in which he appears to be wearing very strange underpants or some very saggy garment. Might be the famous army drawers cellular! – but if so he must have got someone else’s laundry back.

    Have a look

  736. JT says:

    Swanny

    Sorry you had a rough time with the endscopy. If thats the tube down the throat you’re a better man than me Gunga Din. When they tried with me I couldn’t swallow the camera thing and they had to give up when I grasped the Doc round the neck. (he was a chillycracker) Thought I was going to have another heart attack.

    So they later did a barium meal stomach x ray and found nowt. Not sure they were sure what they were looking for.

    Something to do with reflux.

  737. Jack Madron says:

    Swanny. Just read your report. Like Victor Meldrew, if there’s something to moan about, you go ahead and have a bloody good moan. I know I do. It may not alter things but I feel a lot better afterwards.

    Every thing will be ok, keep up the old banter, mate. Look on here every day to see what wit is flying about.

  738. Jack Madron says:

    A query for any A Coy Bermuda. Did Swanny have any civvy clothes in Bermuda? It seems that all the photos show him wearing some part of uniform. Even the one with his mates on leave at Ports Island, he’s in KD and beret. Worn improperly, I might add.

    Maybe his civvies were too soiled with coal dust to wear in a photo. Oh, there is one with him in bathing costume. But does that count?

  739. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    Hi All,
    Had my Endoscopy done yesterday!! Victor Medrew syndrome again? Went to Pz. Hospital at 12am, saw the nurse who took all my particulars etc, – waited for 1hr then went had blood pressure etc more questions about my med. history!! Finally saw the Senior Person who did the Endoscopy and after 15 mins with this camera down my stomach and her taking – not 1 biopsy as usual – I had it 5 times! Not very pleasant, then I had to lie down for half hour before I was released, got home 5-45 I hadn’t had food or drink since 10-30 previous evening, go back in 8-10 weeks time to have same procedure! I went to doctors this morning and have to take these stomach capsules till next Hospital Appointment so lets hope its all worth the effort!!

    Derek – after doctors this morning I went to Terry Simons’ house to try and help him scan his photos of Bermuda? I couldn’t use his as it was so different and older than my get up? I took his album home here and with Doris’ help scanned photos with her holding the album while I scanned!! The pics are as they were in the album, they haven’t turned out to badly, you will have to rectify? They are ones that are not already on site so see what you can do with them.

    Swanny.

    PS I will send them few at a time.

    ED: Thanks Swanny – good effort – will doctor ’em into shape and publish soon

  740. Jack Madron says:

    Derek.
    Although I served in Germany and Jamaica, Harold was RSM in both places. I, like lots of others, never got to know him at all. The very devil himself when on duty – but off duty, haven’t a clue what he was like.

    A few years ago, I was having a chat with CSM Claude Marsdon and he asked if I remembered the enforced route march the battalion did from Kingston, up into the mountains to Newcastle, in full battle order. Supposed to have been an atom bomb attack on Kingston. I told him I’d never forget it, what with blisters and dying of thirst. He laughed and said that he and Harold didn’t get thirsty ’cause they kept going into boozers for a beer when no one was looking. Higher ranks got away with murder. It would be interesting to find out about the man.

    My memory of him is, slim, tanned, tattooed, shaven headed and even the devil would have jumped if he bellowed. Looking back, I don’t think we hated him we just feared him.

  741. Editor says:

    RELECTIONS OF THE DCLI PAST

    Recent chit chat about CSM’s, RSM’s and Colour Sergeants and the banter that has emerged about Jan Passmore, brings my focus to another great character of the Regiment in the ’50’s – our feared and revered RSM, Harold Royffe.

    Sadly there are only 2 Google references that I can muster and both refer to OUR 1DCLI “A” Coy and Memorabilia sites. Nothing on the Light Infantry pages – not a bloody mention. Nothing that I can find anyway!

    RSM Royffe was unquestionably a fearsome person, but as I have mentioned before, he was highly considerate to myself and others (as rookie soldiers) when we buggared up our greatcoat dress on 12 hour Picket Guard at Crownhill in February 1954. He could have charged the entire Guard for poor turnout, instead he pointed out our obvious oversight in not allowing sufficient adjustment to our belts and the blancoing on the inside – when adjusted over the greatcoat.

    I had almost no experiences with the RSM – once only that I recall doing drill on the Empire Clyde and being told not to chuck our rifles over the side into the heaving Atlantic and then once more in Bermuda when he turned up sometime in 1954 for an NCO’s cadre and when Don Puckey was his batman for a month.

    Sadly, there is little history about this man, no photos, no memorabilia and no obituary.

    Let’s GOYA cheps – and uncover summat about Harold. I have vague recollections of a LI Guestbook message from one of his daughters (I think). Have any of you – or your Association Member contacts – or officialdom at the Museum – any photos or better still, a family contact in the UK? I feel that Harold deserves some recognition for turning – and keeping – the Regiment one of the finest Light Infantry regiments of its era.

    Carpe Diem!

  742. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    Are you saying that only eunuchs can join bands? (no privates). Chuckle. A bit slow on the uptake nowadays, I’m afraid, but I bet JT will come up with some piss taking.

    Some time ago, you asked me whether I didn’t sleep. Don’t you? Don’t know what the time lapse is between us, but you seem to be on quite often. Not complaining, mind you.

    ED: 9 hours on Greenwich – having a morning piss! Can’t resist seeing whats happening in the Empire of Grated Britain!

  743. Jack Madron says:

    Thank you Bill.
    Wasn’t thinking so much about other Regts or Corps, only LI bands. I suppose, thinking about it, a band is a sort of Coy with NCO’s the same as other Coys.

    The reason I asked in the first place was because I can only remember one Cpl in the DCLI band from Germany and Jamaica. There were others of course, must have been but can’t recall them. Also remember individuals being addressed as Bandsman A or Bugler B.

    Again Bill, thanks for the info.

  744. Bill Griffiths says:

    Hi Jack,

    They were technically Privates but known as Bandsmen or Buglers. After Cpl. – Sgts, Colour Sgts or Staff Sgts depending on Regt or Corps.

    WO2 (could be CSM, SQMS, ORQMS – again depending on Regt or Corps. – ie CSM is Company Sgt Major, SQMS is Staff Quarter Master Sgt etc. I think during the war there was even a WO3, not quite sure.

    Glad you are all keeping up the banter.

    Bill

  745. Jack Madron says:

    Am I right in saying, there were no privates in the band or bugles? Weren’t they classed as bandsmen and buglers? After cpls, how did ranks go?

    Maybe Bill can help us on this enquiry. Being an ex (musician?) my next promotion will either be to harpist or banjo shovel. Don’t fancy either really, prefer a guitar.

    ED: Mmm – some wonderfully wicked piss taking opportunities here Jack!

  746. Jack Madron says:

    Derek.
    Really dig your sense of humour. Great. Very interesting piece about RSMs in British Army. So, no Sgts in the Poncy Pony Club then? I mean, Cavalry.

    Arch Old Major On Porn.

  747. JT says:

    “Staff Corporal in Household” Fancypants” Cavalry

  748. Jack Madron says:

    Hi all.
    Some time back, I had some trouble with some blogs disappearing into space, never to be seen again. Well, yesterday at 11-44 am I had the same thing happen. After lunch I rewrote roughly what I’d said in first blog and sent it off OK. Time, 12-50 pm. Switched on just now and low and behold, the blog that vanished yesterday has reappeared. Hence the two similar comments. Most baffling.

    What with trying to remember what happened 50 odd years ago and trying to figure out this computer thing, if marbles aren’t already gone they soon will be. Still – helps keep the old grey matter ticking over, what’s left of it.

    ED: No mystery really Jack – you were ‘blackballed’ by the Spam filters – and are parked in limbo until the Editor vets the content and decides whether to place you on a 252, run you into the nick, or promote you to Colour Sergeant! ;))

    PS: Just checked a possible reason for the ‘blackball’ – ‘corporal john madron’ anagrams to ‘Arch old major on porn.’

    PS2: ‘medium machine gun madron ‘ anagrams to ‘I’m humane, commanding rude.’

    Shit Happens!

  749. JT says:

    Bill

    What do you think ?

  750. JT says:

    Swanny

    I can understand the meaning of “Staff” in the way you describe it. But I think the rank Staff Sgt might be different. It is an actual military rank within an actual unit such as S/Sgt In Education Corps or in an RAOC unit?

    Ask Donald

    ED: Staff Sergeant in the Corps is equivalent to Colour Sergeant in the Infantry – i.e. above Sergeant and below WO2.

  751. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    All,
    My son Donald was WO1 Chief Clerk in 2 LI and also Staff Warrant Officer as he transferred to Adjutants General Corps on loan service to be Chief Administrator to Royal Brunei Army for 5 years. His last posting was as Chief Administrator at Royal Engineers Depot in Chatham directly under LT General Royal Engineers.

    I think the “Staff” comes from being directly under control from MOD?

    Swanny.

  752. JT says:

    Jack

    Rank badges as you describe. C’Sgt rank equivalent to Staff Sgt in all other Corps except Household Cavalry who I think do not have Sgts at all but Corporal of Horse etc.

    Can’t remember (details) re other Cavalry Regts and RTR

  753. Editor says:

    The REGIMENTAL SERGEANT MAJOR Appointment of the British Army

    Now that we’ve established that memories fade away, the referred article under the hotlinked titling above sheds some clarity over the recent exchanges.

    There is no doubt that as late as October 26th 1955 Jan Passmore was “A” Company CSM, likely carrying the (substantive) rank of WO2. It is also clear that at some later stage (presumably on the promotion of Harold Royffe, the one and only 1DCLI RSM at that time) that Jan Passmore was promoted to WO1 and appointed to the position of RSM which he evidently carried through to those later times when the Regiment merged with the SLI.

    According to the Obituary that follows, Jan was appointed RSM at some time while the Regiment was in the Caribbean, which date is unknown, but after we (the Clyde buccaneering bloggers) returned to Blighty in mid/late 1955 and presumably before the Regiment shipped back in 1957 at the end of the tour. (Fraser Pakes was Company Clerk after our time and might – in due course – enlighten us, given that he hasn’t lost his marbles! ). Gwen Passmore doesn’t appear to be able to assist. Harold Royffe is unfortunately I believe, across the River Styx and therefore unable to help us either.

    Note that RSM’s wore Sam Brownes and not sashes.

    Given also, that Jack hasn’t lost his marbles ;)) – it might be possible that Jan (as an acting RSM) was in Bodmin in July 1955 – for whatever reason (probably his RSM’s Course) – and returned to Bermuda after a short time.

    Footnote: OBITUARY: RSM Jan Passmore MBE

    Passmore, William John (Jan), Captain (QM), MBE

    DCLI – enlisted shortly after end of WW2 – . Joined 1 DCLI from the Infantry Training Centre as a Corporal. – Served with 1 DCLI in Cyprus, promoted Sgt. – went onto serve in British and Italian Somaliland, promoted Sgt. Major. – Posted to 1 KSLI.

    Served with 1KSLI in Korea and returned to 1 DCLI in the West Indies, promoted to RSM.

    RSM of 1 DCLI in Osnabruck and first RSM of 1 SCLI Osnabruck and Plymouth.

    Commissioned as Quartermaster, 1st April 1961, posted to 8DLI (TA), appointed MBE. Promoted Captain (QM), 18th March 1965, retired 29th May 1970, died 10th Feb 2000 after a long illness.

    (These Obituary details supplied by Major W.H. White DL of LI Cornwall Office) Copied with thanks to the Webmaster (Keith Scudamore) of the British Light Infantry websites.

  754. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    We had a C/Sgt Freddy Fearless in S Coy in Jamaica. He was CQMS. Am I right in saying that C/Sgts had a crown just above their three stripes? WO’s wore the crown just above the cuffs of their tunics.

    Gwen told me this afternoon that Capt Hodder, who was Adjutant, presented Jan with officers sword which was engraved with DCLI. He passed it on to a nephew who became an officer. Not in LI.
    Jan also went on a Quartermasters course in 1961 and passed with flying colours. Clever man.

  755. JT says:

    See J Passmore obituary SCLI site. Answers to some of the questions

  756. JT says:

    Jack

    Yep

    Google SCLI Osnabruck. Loads of pictures inc Maj Williams. Mentions Jan Passmore as RSM. Capt Hodder (your old mate) Capt QM Royffe

  757. JT says:

    Jack

    re CSM Massie

    Agreed. But I am not sure that he would have been C/Sgt I think this infantry rank is a job in itself. I think (but not sure) that the route to CSM would be direct from Sgt.

    Like I said Jan was mentioned on the SCLI web site both as RSM and later Capt. I will check again

  758. Jack Madron says:

    Just aggravating.

    Jock Massie must have been C/Sgt at some time or other. Think about it.

  759. Jack Madron says:

    Was Jan Passmore RSM with the DCLI in Osnabruck? My brother joined the battalion in Osnabruck in 1957 as DCLI. Regiments didn’t amalgamate until 6th Oct 1959. Unfortunately he passed away three years ago, so I can’t ask him about it.

    John.
    You mentioned your pay clerk, or your interpreter as you called him. Jan was transferred to DLI TA in the early 60’s and the only trouble was those Durham coalminers couldn’t understand his Cornish accent and he couldn’t understand them. What a great chap he was.

  760. Jack Madron says:

    I don’t know a lot about military rankings but isn’t it posible that Jock Massie’s rank was C/Sgt but was acting CSM? After all, I was acting unpaid L/Cpl for a time, then paid. Same with second stripe.

  761. JT says:

    Jock had a bit of a go at me within a couple of days after landing because I was wearing my beret RAC style. (Like you did Swanny but YOU seemed to get away with it)

    He nicked my pay clerk the same day. Said I didn’t need one, bloody cheek. This pay clerk was my interpreter – he was Cornish. Also he apparently had done it before (paid people) – which I had not.

    No wonder the poor squaddies had to nick tips from restaurant tables.

  762. JT says:

    First reference about Jan being RSM I saw on SCLI website Osnabruck.

    Be nice to get a picture of him on our site

  763. JT says:

    A Coy

    Jock Massie was not C/Sgt. Swanny you are right he was CSM before landing from Troopship. That I do remember.

    As for “A” Coy lads picking up tips in restaurant. That must have been when I forgot to pay them (or needed their money for some other project. e.g trip to New York ?)

    Shit happens as Ed would say.

  764. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    ED, You and I know Jock was CSM and where Gwen got that he was C/Sgt – I don’t know. Only C/Sgts we had were Pedler Palmer and Latimore in Bermuda. I think you got promoted just before I came home May or June 1955, I don’t think you got your 2nd tape till after I left, Bill just got L/Cpl when I left also?

    I am almost sure Jan didn’t come back to Blighty till my second year in TA. Only thing I know is that Jan was RSM in SCLI in Osnabruck because I have heard Rex Brain say he served with Jan.

    Swanny.

    PS: JT I know how you felt about your Bermudian girlfriend, been there!!!

    Memories–Memories!!!!.

  765. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    I was only a naughty boy the night before demob. Then I don’t think I was naughty, just sticking up for my mate Bob Barrett. We had been out in Bodmin having a few beers and got back to the Depot after lights out. Bob was sitting on his bed, singing and trying to take his shoes off when this two bit L/Cpl came in and started to have a go at him. Having one tape more than him, I set to and had a right go at him. Well, Bob was only a private and I didn’t know if he was charged, whether that would affect his demob or not. Mates have to stick together. Don’t they?

  766. Jack Madron says:

    Hi all.
    Just spent an hour and a half chatting with Gwen Passmore. Still no wiser about the whereabouts of Jan at the beginning of July 1955. Her memory is like all of ours. Somethings OK, other things a blank. I know the feeling.

    Did find out a couple of interesting things, firstly, Jan went to Bermuda more than once. He and Gwen flew to Bermuda with band and bugles for some special occasion, then returned to Jamaica. Then posted to Bermuda to take over from Jock Massie, who she said was colour sgt there. (Don’t know any dates.) One thing I did find out, which makes the plot more puzzling, is on the 22nd July 55, Jan had TABT jabs, 1cc. This was either before going to, or in Bermuda, not clear which.

    Secondly, (no names, no pack drill), she and Jan came out of a cinema one night and went for a meal in some little restaurant when Jan said, “What are they up to”. Four members of “A” Coy were going round picking up the tips left on the tables. Seems they didn’t have enough money to pay for their meals. Jan sent them packing.
    Only way to sort this, is to look up records, if there are any kept.

  767. JT says:

    I don’t remember Mr Royffe AT ALL. Think de Rum and Coca cola was really taking effect by summer 1955.

    Wonder you guys got paid at all. By then though I had it down to about 3 hours a week. I had discovered some bird in HQ who had a lever operated adding machine and let me use it. (She was the girl whose birthday party we went to after the Princess M Parade.) Big and lovely girl
    Sigh…..

  768. JT says:

    Jack

    Seems like both you and Derek were naughty just before posting home.

    As a professional Stickman Swanny remained immaculate of course (and also had pasties regularly with Gwen and Jan Passmore)

  769. JT says:

    Well I’m buggered if I can remember. In summer 1955 I was still getting over losing my girl. I couldn’t have given a f**k who was Sgt Major

    And now we are on the subject of memory lane who was a Capt Collins? (came from Jamaica) after I came back from New York, meeting my girlfriend (and even there I didn’t get a shag), he was given a desk behind mine in my little pay office. Was he put there just to spy on me? It sure cut down my swimming time in the afternoons. I was knackered by 3pm when he shoved off.

  770. Jack Madron says:

    Hi all.
    Wasn’t Adjutant, RSM, CSM etc, the title of jobs, not ranks? The Adjutant in Minden was Capt Tanner who was also Adjutant in Jamaica but had the rank of Major.

    Sgt Majors ranks were WO1s and WO2s, I believe. Getting more puzzling by the minute. I’ll contact Gwen about the postings of Jan, from 54 to 57. Must try and sort this out some how. July4th 1955, my demob date. Definitely on COs Orders and sure it was Jan who marched me into his office.

  771. Jack Madron says:

    All.
    Maybe I’m on the wrong tack again, but isn’t RSM, like Adjutant and CSMs the title of the job? I thought the actual rank was WO1 or WO2.

    Like Adjutant, in Minden, it was Capt Tanner, in Jamaica, same person but promoted to Major. I’ll enquire about our other queries about Jan, with Gwen as soon as I can. Even got myself pondering over things now.

  772. Swanny (Swanson) says:

    ED, You put photo I sent presenting Maj Toots (Williams) with farewell gift on behalf of “A” Coy and Jock Massie was in that Photo? When did Maj Marsh take command date?

    Jack could be right that Jan took RSM in Jamaica when Harold Royffe came to Bermuda to take first NCO’s Cadre and our mate Don Puckey was RSM’s Batman to Harold Royffe for duration of Cadre!!

    After that Don got his first stripe?

    Swanny.

    PS: Keith rang at weekend and said he had posted DVD for you Derek of Open Day by snailmail.

    ED: Thanks Swanny. Let’s examine the facts as we know ’em.

    1.) Jan Passmore was our CSM in Bermuda and succeeded CSM Jock Massie – we believe in early 1955.

    2.) Jan was in Bermuda for most of 1955 – to the best of our recollection – and definitely there when YOU left in June (?) and when I left in late October. After that – dunno – but not relevant to this foraging expedition.

    3.) You have also mentioned your personal connection with Jan and Gwen which must have occurred early in 1955 (?), obviously while you were there and he was in MQ.

    4.) Jack identifies being on a 252 from Jan at Bodmin on his (Jack’s) Birthday 4th July 1955

    5.) I cannot recall a replacement for Jan during (say) July 55 – however – how could Jan be in both places with a senior promotion to RSM and then back in Bermuda as a CSM – doesn’t make sense!

    6.) If indeed he was in Bodmin in July 1955 (say – on a Course) – presumably for a very short time, if at all (sorry Jack) – why would he be on Duty at Bodmin Depot?

    7.) Why don’t you or Jack contact Gwen Passmore and ask her? (Come to that – why not get some photos from her!)

    8.) I firmly believe that Major Marsh relieved Toots Williams in late 1954. I’m sure that Toots’ diaries will inform us. Can you ask him? Don’t you meet him at Assn Meetings?

    NB: Throughout 1954 – mainly into summer KD – and later most definitely – winter BD, we mounted a Special Guard (I as a private soldier) at the House of Representatives on Front Street and I’m pretty sure that while we laboured under Sgnt Bert Love’s directions, that Jan Passmore was never present during those commitments, only Jock Massie. Ergo – Jan arrived at least in early 1955 when I was (then) at least a Lance Jack. Seems to me that Gwen Passmore might be willing to solve most questions.

  773. JT says:

    Re Africans

    If we think some are naive in believing they are bulletproof just look at the crap our leaders expect us to believe.

  774. JT says:

    In UK bigamy is illegal. But guess what? – many Muslims get themselves 4 wives and claim benefit for each of them.

    AND WE LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT

    But on the other hand we lock up pensioners who do cannot pay their Council Tax and poor fuckers who cannot pay their parking fines.

    ED: Animal Farm – All pigs are equal – except that some pigs are more equal than others – George Orwell!

  775. Jack Madron says:

    Ed.
    Capt Peters- Dickie! I know the name but can’t remember whether he was in Minden or Jamaica or possibly both.

    Back to Jan. I do remember him as acting RSM on at least one occasion in Jamaica, possibly two or three times. I take it that was the time/s that Harold was giving you chaps a social call.

    I get so frustrated when I can recall some things as if it were yesterday and other things are a complete blank. Still, such is life.

    ED: Thanks Jack. It appears at least that PD was in the WI somewhere.

  776. Ted 'Mo' Bear. Sudan Desert Patrol says:

    BACK ON BURKHA PATROL – Ran out of Palaces to inspect for Meglo Robert – all 12 of ’em shipshape and Brissol fashion and the Roller ticking over well; and Grace has plenty of shoes and handbags. “Fuck the blek peasants – let ’em starve”.

    RE: JT’s report on the latest Muslim racket. Rubber fucking boots for the dogs! You’re kidding. I’ve got to wear a biohazard suit under these burkhas. You can’t imagine the yuck and hairy stuff lurking under here!

    Think I’ll request a transfer to Bermuda – seems a nice quiet place – coal shed duty would be good!

  777. Editor says:

    Capt. Peters-Dickie

    See most recent post on DCLI Page from Gordon (Archie) Vaughan inquiring about the hossifer above. Archie served in KSLI Kenya and assisted our inquiries over the death of the KSLI Boss in the Aberdare forest in 1955.

    Maybe PD served in Jamaica? – Any clues Jack? (our lone Jamaica representative) (Lt.) PD was at Bodmin Depot in 1953-1954.

    Would be good to encourage Archie aboard the W&W scandal rag!

  778. JT says:

    Jack, Well give em credit for fitness.

    There is no way that I could kneel with my nose touching the carpet with my bay window.

  779. Jack Madron says:

    John.
    Quite right too. You never know what our four legged friends may pick up on their paws. When kneeling towards the bingo hall their noses are touching the carpet (not the dogs noses) and you never know what lergy they’ve got.

  780. John says:

    More from Looneyland Sunday Times

    When required to enter Muslim homes police sniffer dogs must wear “rubber soled bootees” or Muslim may be offended. You couldn’t make it up could you?

    Stop the World I want to get Off

  781. Jack Madron says: